«Home

Why Did This Nigerian Kill His Wife?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Why did this Nigerian kill his wife?

TUNDE FAGBENLE, tundefagbenle@aol.com

The ultimate horror of spousal abuse was brought home to me a couple of weeks ago when I received a call from a very dear cousin of mine, Bose.

http://odili.net/news/source/2010/jul/11/829.html

"Broda Tunde," she had begun on the phone, trying to find the right word with which to start. Then choosing to deliver it as coldly as it deserves she broke it, "Toyin ti ku o." Toyin is dead.

Was it not but a week or so earlier that the same Bose called and passed the phone over to someone to 'shock me?' Someone who turned out to be this same Toyin, my cousin's bosom friend, who I hadn't heard from in over 20 years?

Toyin was visiting Nigeria from the United States where, apparently, she had relocated that long ago; she had left her teaching job at a Federal Government College in Nigeria and had got married. She was "home" on one of such regular visits to her loving mother; visits by which her family and friends in Nigeria were able to gauge how "successful and rich" America and marriage had turned her.

"Toyin, dead?" I repeated in disbelief. "Impossible. Here in Nigeria or is she back in the States? Of what?" Many questions.

From what Bose gathered through a caller, Toyin was murdered by her husband and within days of her return to the States from that trip. Bose would be heading for Toyin's mum's place to console her, she said - if consolation were possible of a mother in that calamity.

But now more detail is out and on the Internet, Juliet, the English name Toyin apparently had come to be more known by, was clubbed to death with a baseball bat by her husband of 18 years! The tragic incident happened at the couple's home at 8615 Villa Largo Drive, Tampa, Florida. From a story posted on a Nigerian newsgroup email, Juliet whose age is put at 53 was married to Olufemi Oladapo Ademoye, 52, a successful pharmacist and popular restaurateur in Tampa, Florida, USA, and the couple has an only child by the marriage. Olufemi Ademoye, according to the report, was taken into police custody on June 16, 2010 charged with second-degree murder of his wife and mother of his son.

According to the story, Ademoye was enraged by his "discovery" of his wife's infidelity through some of her emails, which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him. Of course, this story is strongly refuted by Toyin's friends and family who insist it is baseless.

The phenomenon of spousal murder is certainly not one limited to any ethnic group, nationality, or race. It is a human phenomenon and a human tragedy. Wives kill husbands (perhaps more than) husbands kill wives. In most of the instances, infidelity on the part of one or the other is at the root. But essentially it is the crass inability of one or the other to control their basest animalistic urge that result in the loss of clearer reasoning and end in such violent releases.

Men (African men?) hate for their manhood or manliness to be ridiculed, and for many there cannot be greater ridicule than infidelity of their women (sometimes even of their concubines!), especially one done carelessly and with utter disdain - in comes the likes of the banished Deji of Akure, Oluwadare Adesina!

Women know this, and some would readily taunt their husbands with it (even without truly having engaged in one) as their own "get back" in moments of hot verbal exchange of insults and abuse; anything just to "hurt" the men as much as they are hurt. And so death may come visiting even the innocent.

In Nigeria the women are either conditioned to accepting their men's insane flaunt of their "tigritude", or are completely helpless about it in a male-chauvinistic condoning society, but once outside these shores, they find freedom and are quick to "teach" their men a lesson or two in the aphorism "what a man can do, a woman can do better!" - this, to the chagrin of the Nigerian man.

But, at the bottom of it all, is the question of what, truly, is the nature of Man, as in Human Beings - for, make no mistake about it, women have similar emotional and sexual urges as men do. Evolution and the process of socialisation and acculturation are what modify and continue to modify human relationships and tendencies. This topic cannot be exhausted in an article such as this of limited space. But there are wild women just as there are wild men.

Last week when my family went visiting the engaging family of Ola and Lola (Soyinka) in Abuja, the discussion dwelled on this issue of man-woman relationship and what nature imposes that Man "disposes". What, for instance, is the concept of "infidelity" and "cheating" to a Nigerian (nay, African) man as opposed to the Western or Caucasian man? Where does the concept of "cheating" come into a marriage when the man is allowed, even encouraged, to have more than one wife? Why, for instance, would an Eskimo (reportedly) consider "gifting" a visiting friend his wife for the night as a mark of love or appreciation for the friend?

And talking of wild women, one should pray never to encounter some really outrageously wild ones that would put one's better principles in jeopardy as happened recently to a good friend of mine in Ibadan. This friend, Jide, is a successful businessman, married to a German, and his business straddles both countries - Nigeria and Germany.

Whilst driving himself one evening in Ibadan, another car drove roughly past and overtook him. And, as is wont to happen, an exchange ensued between Jide and the other driver. Both men came out. Jide wondered what manner of man would drive thus. While the men did their out-staring and out-shouting game, the woman in the other car (who turned out to be the wife) came out in fury at Jide's "audacity" to confront her husband, and without hesitation gave Jide a nasty (dirty, as we would say) slap. "Don't you know you are talking to a Commissioner?" Apparently the husband is a Commissioner of something or another in the state.

Now, what would one do in that circumstance? Rub the cheek and let the "spirit of God" sway against the devil? Lock both husband and wife until a policeman can show up? Or do the instinctive - tear both wife and husband to shreds? Indeed kill or die if need be? It is an encounter one should pray never to be caught in, for how could one know how one would react?

But, back to the murder that started this piece. There can be no justification for taking someone else's life, and temporary insanity on account of adultery or dehumanizing insult cannot be excuse enough.

This Ademoye guy has "killed" three lives - his wife's, his son's, and his own. He certainly faces possibly life imprisonment. It is a shame that an otherwise glorious life would end thus, but his deed does not belong among civilized people. Nothing will bring back Juliet.

Goodnight Toyin.

Avatar
Newbie
41 answers

It's still a shocking story whenever severe domestic abuse (murder) is reported. Nigerian or otherwise.

0
Avatar
Newbie

What's the story here? As tragic as it is, these 'marital' murders happen a lot and there is no evidence that Nigerians are more likely to be involved in it.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Na wa o. . . . . .But the woman asked for trouble sha. . . .

She put the man in a NOTHING TO LOSE situation and when a man's got nothing to lose. . . . .He's murderous.

This man is the Naija version of RAOUL MOAT!!!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^

the story is real o.   the man thought his wife's head was a baseball.   

i hope his jail has a baseball league

0
Avatar
Newbie

Is this story true though or someone's selfish wet dream to pluck nonsense from the air?

0
Avatar
Newbie

LOL I was ROTFLMAO @ that.

I'd have felt sorry for him, but that lie [with no remorse] just did it!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ok, let us call it instantaneous madness. All I am saying is that this man is not inherently evil, he committed the murder by mistake.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Right. . . . so we can clearly rule out any religious intervention in this case.

The man had his ego crushed. Simple.

BTW: His accusation has not been proven. The police need to look into his financial history. He might have killed her for [IMO]:

1. He wanted to marry another person, but didnt want to spend money on divorce cases.

2. He was indebted, her insurance could have dug him out of his hole.

Too much TruTv, I know.

Like I said before, most Nigerians in a certain area knows each other very well, see each other as family and tend to respect themselves. Well, atleast in my area.

0
Avatar
Newbie

this man doesn't know how to lie seriously. she had heart attack with blood all over the place, a bloody bat and bruises/blow on her body?. he thought this people were this incompetent?

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Topic

Why did this man kill his wife??

Isnt it obvious?? He realised after 18 years that his wife was a s,

0
Avatar
Newbie

momentary madness for where? he repeatedly hit his wife with a bat to the moment of complete death. no pulse, no heart beat and youre trying to say that was just momentary madness?

Emeka, is momentary madness a ust a fancy word youre trying to use to cover this mans act or what?

0
Avatar
Newbie

you can still have PS without sending your pics, however, assuming that was the case here(unclothed pic involved), its still not reason enough to murder her. is it acceptable?, hell no, does it warrant murder? hell no. there are options to infidelity

0
Avatar
Newbie

Isn't that the function of digital cameras in cell phones and notebooks?

0
Avatar
Newbie

phone se/x thats all. at least the stranger didnt see her unclothedness. still not enough reason to take her life

0
Avatar
Newbie

What if he caught her having phone se/x with the stranger?

0
Avatar
Newbie

if he caught her redhanded on top of a man, then one might argue it was in heat of the "moment" however, that wasnt the case here. and he probably hit her before the this final straw

0
Avatar
Newbie

Not so these days my sister. Many open legs in the US belong to Nigerian women. If you doubt me, become an owambe regular and report your findings after 3 months.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Nigerian men on the other hand. . . . .polygamous attitude follows them everywhere.

0
Avatar
Newbie

You are looking for trouble abi?. The god of the middle east do have those conditions o.

Why not divorce him instead of playing him bigtime?.

Hehehe, when last did you attend owambe?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Plz, let us know which religion a yoruba person might possibly be involved in that would demand killing a cheatibg wife?

And once again, NO RELIGION can justify the murder of A [/b]Toyin. He go suffer, he go suffer sotey he go call on him religion to end his life.

How are we so sure that he's the one not really having an affair, killing his wife and lying about "her" affair in order kolobo with his oyibo wife. Nigerian women BARELY cheat in the US.

which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him. Of course, this story is strongly refuted by Toyin's friends and family who insist it is baseless.

All we have are  the words of his mouth.

0
Avatar
Newbie

The crime has been committed.

He can hope for a lenient sentence if truely she was unfaithful.

0
Avatar
Newbie

She doesn't have to kill him. What for after all she was the player and not the playee.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I'm not excusing her. But did she kill him when she realized that she could get better "booty tap" elsewhere?

Also remember that he has not shown any evidence of her adultery, therefore he might have been mistaken.

0
Avatar
Newbie

You don't know his intention. His case is like the American doctor who killed her philandering husband by climbing him over and over again with her mercedes Benz. It may sound heinous but that momentary madness of catching him screwing his secretary even though he swore to her that he is no more doing it in order to talk her out of divorce. She went mad momentarily and realized what she did afterwards. OJ Simpson is another similar case.

0
Avatar
Newbie

You said we are not sure yet you are blaming it on his ego. I am not sure you will be shouting crucify him crucify him if this man is a relation of yours. While we condemn his act, it is necessary to relate the vices of his late wife. You cannot crucify him and excuse the evil committed by his wife. May God see him through sha.

0
Avatar
Newbie

How can you confidently claim his actions as "momentarily" when we're not even sure the length of time he knew about it to the point he killed her. His ego was playing with his mind jor

0
Avatar
Newbie

which impulse? his intentions was to kill her and that was what he set out to do and thats exactly what he did. remember, he didnt just point a gun and shoot her, he beat her mercilessly with a bat to the point of death. and probably it wasnt his first domestic encounter with her. cause, if he hits you once, there is a 99.99% he will do it again

0
Avatar
Newbie

My argument is that he acted on impulse. I am sure it wasn't his intention to kill her but that momentary madness led him into this. Let us not judge others like Christ asked us to do so we cannot be judged[ except Abacha, lol].

0
Avatar
Newbie

went through to the point of murdering her? he suspected their son wasnt theirs, and he was in a better position/place to opt for a dna test and his infidelity accuse was based on emails, no other evidence provided but went ahead and murdered her as if the beatings wasnt enough. please, this man has and will never any excuse base on this claims for murdering that woman.  if very nigerian woman murdered their cheating backside husbands, we will be running out men by now, and probably be importing men from bukina faso and equatorial guinea

0
Avatar
Newbie

Murder is excusable under certain conditions. Yes, he should have exercised self control but there is no telling how you will react under the same condition. Our mental state varies and can never be constant. It was not a premeditated murder lest I will say he is evil. He committed the murder out of anger and frustration. Judging and crucifying him is not the kindest thing to do.

0
Avatar
Newbie

He's not the first thatz been in that shoe. Simply go for a DNA test to reassure a biological status in his child's life, go for marriage counseling or divorce her.

MURDER is not excusable.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Did you care to feel for what this man went through and how vulnerable he was when he committed the crime?

0
Avatar
Newbie

so the reason for the murder was infidelity, while there was the option of DNA test and/or divorce. kai!

0
Avatar
Newbie

These men still beleives they're in Naija se. Where there's no justice. Toyins of this world have suffered.

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-467451.0.html

0
Avatar
Newbie

Dunno; the papers just reported this today. I only post what I see on the news.

0
Avatar
Newbie

You never can tell how you will react when faced with an issue like this. Lets cut this man some slack abeg. You don't know how much he invested mentally, materially and emotionally into that marriage only for him to discover that he has been played.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Emeka, wasnt this the florida man that we discussed a few wks back in the crime section? abi na new one?

0
Avatar
Newbie

how about just filing for divorce and requesting a DNA test. did the situation warrant hitting an home run?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Anywaz, it's creepy saying RIP.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Naaa, they cool if you ask me. Give either of them a chance in your heart. You will not regret it.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.