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Is It Okay To Read Your Wife's E-Mails?

my wife refuse to give me her e-mail password, is she up to something?

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[quote author=Hon. Prof. link=topic=92221.msg1996735#msg1996735 date=1204026021

Well it's lack of trust and bad upbringing that makes a guy want to do such things.

Nice one Akinalabi and 4Peace, Omo luabi Ni Yin.

If You do, You want to die of heart attack.

[quote][/quote]

demanding of your wife email will be rising unhealthy dust

and even when you have access to it

don't you that you suspect everything

it is dangerous

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What somze's posts have shown is that there is a difference between the way the internet is used by the older generation. My parents don't use it the way I do. Their private conversations are likely to he carried out over the phone and they would expect that nobody will listen in. likely, his aunt and uncle similarily have aspects of their life that are off-limits to him. of course, by virtue of this, it's not surprising he knows nothing about it.

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Why on Earth will any reasonable man want to check His wifes' Bag?

Why on Earth will any reasonable man want to check His wifes' Pocket?

Why on Earth will any reasonable man want to check His wifes' Emails?

Why on Earth will any reasonable man want to read His wifes' Letter(s) when she is not there?

Well it's lack of trust and bad upbringing that makes a guy wanna do such things.

Nice one Akinalabi and 4Peace, Omo luabi Ni Yin.

If U do, You want to die of heart attack.

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There's nothing wrong with reading ur wife' s emails, however, the question i would ask is does she have urs? Cos if she doesnt, then u have no right asking for hers, marriage is give and take!

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Hmm, the only time you refuse to give up information is when you have something to hide!

Haha - so I guess when the police come to my house and for no reason want to search it, I should allow them, because by NOT doing so, it would mean I have something to hide.

Perhaps my wife is hiding something in that dress of hers, I guess the police may want her to remove it. Maybe she's so devious she will hide it (whatever it is) in her body. They better perform a cavity search just to be sure.

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For ALL who care to listen or shd I say read, there is no privacy in marriage. All you ve is respect, love and care. The two shall become 1 is not that the 2 shall remain 2 otherwise u are laying a foundation 4 disaster.

@ Almond ( i am sorry if i spelt you name wrongly), i guess you may be writing 4m experience may be pesonal or not, but pls stop driving this talk of go and marry 1st and come back and answer the question. Just os u might ve witnessed a bad experience does not mean that it is right to keep things separate 4m your husband. A lot of ppl contributing tothis thread may also be married and ve their experinces. Ur single or maybe multiple experiences is not a law.

Pls be open in your marriage, it only breeds trust and love. None man or woman will snoop around an open wife or husband. Ppl only snoop around when they dont ve enough information to make a judgement. The purpose of guvung out d password is not 4 him to read ur mails looking 4 something fishy but maybe to check if there are important mails that may need attending to.

Anyone that remains any individual in marriage shd be check out what is going wrong, cos all is not well.

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Why should she? I remember recently, I had a similar problem with my BF over my phone, I refused to give him my phone cos he used to reading my text, but i just told myself that we have to stop reading each other's text and that got him very angry, anyway i think we are all entitled to our privacy or what do u think?

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@ almondjoy

I have come to realise you are just a jobless fool seeking for a cheap recognition.

You seem to be confused in your attack. Gigolo, 419 etc.

It is high time you got a brain , slut.

I was straight to the point and told you that a good samaritan(very generous with your stinking body) like you can never be found anywhere. I pity you and those that patronise you. Above all , I pity your hubby for having a disaster like you in his house. Anyway, you have already told us how much he doesn't love you anymore and wants you out.

No wonder you want all nairalanders to start hiding things from their spouse. You are a real shame to womanhood

Remember that your post fool, asking what to do.

Bury your shame and be open . I can teach you what it means tobe decent and dignified.I learnt that a lot from my wife through her behaviour.

I still suggest you leave your joblessness and be meaningful to your self.

Everyone knows that you are not only slow and backward in your thinking, but wayward in all its ramification

Real pity, I repeat, real pity.

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Kind of interesting to read.

@ Mama almondjoy. This is for you . Old fool

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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He he he he he he he he he! You are such a baby!

Sorry oh--not butting into your "personal or marital" life.

The fact that we disagree does not mean I do not respect your "views"--it is just a debate where things are seen differently. No one is disrespecting anyone's views here ok? So grow up!

Yes, I have answered my husband's phone because he asked me to. Without his consent--the phone ringing in my presence is only a "bloody nuisance" disturbing my quiet time! I quietly ask him to "silence" it! Or move it elsewhere. I have never asked "who is that". I have never felt threatened in my home. Like I said--every problem has a solution. I don't even know where mine is most of the time--the battery dies when I eventually find it. I am really not a phone person-so how can I keep up with another's?. Nairaland is more like it!

As for the laundry thing--I go through the contents of his pocket but dump them in a pile somewhere to be sorted out later by him--so they are not ruined. I DO NOT LOOK!---Like I said--who cares? His address book is constantly at the head of our bed--I have never opened it one day to see what is inside--Don't care about that! Not really interested in the contents. I am above that Nigerian home video detective rubbish! My only concerns is that he pays the bills and does his duty to his family. If I am involved fine---if not fine too! I can entertain myself--thank you! What he chooses to do in his own spare time is his business. Just like what I chose to do with my own spare time is my business--then we have "our" time--which is "our business"--- So "everyone has privacy to operate"!!!

By being gainfully employed, I mean you must have a lot of spare time on your hands to bother what your spouse is doing in e-mails or chat rooms! Usually that is a sign of control and most guys feel the need to have their egos stroked. Wanting to make sure the wives' world centre around them and them alone. Women who do that too, are attention seeking and insecure. I am not. I may like to entertain myself as you see on Nairaland but not attention-seeking in the least. Since I do better entertaining myself. So let's get that aspect straight. I like to have a good time always--with or without people. These debates are just that!-- Cheap Self Entertainment--on my spare time!

It all boils down to too control much I say. I am just not used to being controlled so it will not start with my e-mails. Just ma opinion darling! You say potato, I say tomato!

Duty calls!--someone needs some stuff! My pleasure always!

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oh almond almond almond!!

@frankie and somze

almond's is likened to quick sand in a way- the moment and the mour u try in be like her to insult or she swallows yu the mur--- but i like it tho, kind of an intrestin xter tho

@ almond munmiii , u dnt av to remind us in ur posts al d time, ow old u are for us to knw ow old u re not o! u can get ff d fence, we don c u o ma!

in as much as i agree wif u in some light, i also dnt agree wif some. ofcourse na, se na me, wu has so much job responsibilities at home and at work, will even dream of a wifes passwrd.even thouh iam a network security analyst and hav all the wiawitall to hack any mail i want, yet it doesnt cross my mind, cos its not a priority for me, i aint married yet- but i ve been livin in wif my gal for a while now, infact my fone is filled is wif lots of stuff from gals evrywia and she enjoys readin dem all d time and we av a gud laff ova dem, i av access to her own too, but i dnt even boda to check it or even hav a laff ova her numero toasters and all. we re all human madam almond, pple like us are rare and we re not expected to believe everyone will change to our style of livin just becos it seems straight and logical in a way.

most of the time, my gal frends in d past, even my present gal, all seem to always think i dnt love em enuf, just becos i dnt do d random jelous thingi, dey tend to believ becos i am attracted to ladies all d time, i dnt care about dem- so u c mummy almond, i ve come to realise ehn! to balance my way of life- attimes i just go thru dia sms's just to fulfill all righteousness, even at dat its still evident to her dat iam just pretendin.

itumo?

is dat, i dnt c anytin wrong wit yu givin ur man ur passwrd, hes not even suposed to ask be4 yu giv im- just becos i wldnt ask doesnt mean ur partner wnt ask-so i make it readily available and it kinda brings d relatnship closer and all.at d same time, just becos iam d way iam doesnt mean evry oda person shld be d same way, and the funny tin in all dis is- the lady folks are mur prone to snoop and ask for passwrds from d man.

mama almond, women like yu re very rare-infact very very- the lots of women hia wu readily say NOOOOOOOOOO to dis are those wu want to hide their e-mail passwrds from dia guys and expect to hav full access to dia man's e-mail and bank account existence- e no pure o! wia is d fairness in it all

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@ Bay1970,

No wonder na 1970 dem born you, the next thing be say you wan know the colour of the pant she dey wear everyday

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If your wife is up tp something, definitely she would be smart enough to give you her password, block off some email IDs, open a new acount and divert all 'such' emails to the new box. Instead of going through all these hurdles, if she's up to something, she could verbally alert her fans that you've now become a nosy husband so that they stop writing 'such' mails.

Maybe you're a secretive husband, but likes to know all. Why not let the sleeping dog lie!

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i think u are bein 2 nosy. u just need 2 mind ur own damn business .read ur mails and forget about ur wife,s.

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It's not ok. It's the epitome of lack of trust in your relationship and lack of confidence on your part, that is, if you're treating her right the thought of her cheating on you won't pop up.

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Well i dont see anything wrong in giving ur spouse ur password, if u are have nothing to hide, i have my husband's password and so does he, i might not even open his box in a year, so it's not all about lack of trust, but the level of trust.

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I can't really figure out anything bad in reading your legally married wife's mail,

Since you guys don't hide anything for each other.

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somze,I have never said a man cannot read his wife's email.

who am I to make such a decree?

I have only maintained that she should be allowed to make the choice of saying yes or no when he asks.

and secondly, that a man who demands the contents of his wife's email is a control freak.

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@ almondjoy

Like I said earlier , I pity you. If you like go down and get more of my posts.They are all very interesting.

What you lost in your stupidity, you greatly gained in your foolishness. You can go and lift more of my past posts. Mind you I can trace you and hack your systems before finishing you off.

I am into a lucrative Information Technology now after leaving my contract job.

I have come to realise that all you have in your brain can be written on a piece of stamp.

You are too senseless, talks too much and seems to be a kind of cheap woman.

That you dont have a good marriage does not mean other does not have one. Besides fool like you can never have a good one until you get a brain.

And for your info. My wife knows howmuch I earn and even discourages me from unnecessary

expenses.

Dont get too comfortable because you are swimming with a shark.

Old bloody fool.

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I see nothing wrong in a man reading his wife's emails so also the woman reading the man's email if both claim they love each other.

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I only hope all the female 'advocates of privacy and respect ' extend the same to their husbands.

a sneaky voice tells me that women also keep tabs on their husbands - they just choose not to be open about it.

( a 'monitoring' rather than a 'control' thing)

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chei almond,you hold this frankie man for work no be small.

abeg pity am

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inbox does not mean anything i can read it but what matters to most is her sent ites to know the read she gave to those that mail her,sharing password is part of trust i dont see anything bad in it reading my wife email.

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My sister,don't be shocked.

I have heard all sorts here on nairaland.

I believe in a woman respecting and loving her man

I also believe the man owes her the same.

That's what love is.

It's demeaning to treat a woman like a child and no woman should settle for a pediatric treatment.

A man demanding your email is way out there.What for?

It doesn't sound right by any stretch.

Igbos say when you make yourself a banana,you shall surely be licked.

The ladies ought to respect themselves,then they'll be respected.

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Thank you nwando--it is all about control not out of concern or love.

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I just cant stop laughing. I didnt realise some men still think like somze.

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how can u ask your wife for her password?, what happened to trust?

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The truth is that who insists on finding a quarrel will eventually make one up when he does not find one. I am a man and i know there is totally nothing to be gained in reading your spouses emails. The key word is trust. If you trust her, you should probably be able to ask her whatever you think you'll see in those emails. Another point is "what is the aim of having her password?"[/b]There is no need doing all the James bond. Okay, if you really find out she was cheating through her emails, what next? Will you feel pleased with yourself and go to the bank? Of course not, you will still feel just as bad as if you had walked in and found them doing it on your matrimonial bed.

Another poster had already said that "there are some things that are honestly not relevant to your marriage" not because they don't concern your husband, but because they concern other people. For instance, a patient confiding in a doctor or a psychiatrist does not expect him/her to go home and use his problems as pillow talk. There are actually laws prohibiting that!!!! [b]Till you die, there will always be things that your husband will not know about your family, take it or leave it.

And lastly, for the simple reason that not all people are the same. Some need a greater degree of privacy than others and as respect is so important in any relationship, you must learn to respect whatever your spouse feels. Some husbands/ wives could be insensitive enough to bring up certain issues after a few drinks at a family function and then you'll know to keep your mouth shut.

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not all. there are some he may read but not all.

anyway its not my problem because am devoiced.

I do not read anyones mail so no one should read my own,

our break up had nothing to do with password. we just fell out of love.

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more like a little bit too much of the truth.

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somze its not about having it or not having it.

its about asking for it.

if my husband dose not have it then there is something wrong.

there is no trust.

I have my password saved so you only have to klick my user from my home pc.

two if yiu know someone very well it should be easy to guess the password.

my kids even have my onlinebanking pass word and my bank card pasword, because i trust them.

But there is nothing like a snopping husband.

Once when my kid was 2 years old i hrard the father asking her were i go with her , if i meet other men etc.

Well that day i told him to his face if i bbring a lover home there is nothing he can do about it apart from going.

so when you find the so called lover what next.

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i know women that do not even know the husbands bank.

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But why even ask for the password.

if it has come to that stage then who is the problem with.

i do not know why people cannot understand do not read my mails.

The same thing with letters.

it is free for me not to show my husband my letters, or to read only a part to him.

If i feel that he will go behind my back to read them, i will start hiding them

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seun

well thats a good question, but experience from my Aunt and my Uncle tells me that because they share passwords and all, there's no need for either of them to check the mails unless either party brought something up.

Openess . . . sorry for my language . . . brings trust. Trusts removes the need to constantly monitor . . . surveillance may be a better word here . . . the other party's activities. I can tell you that my uncle stays out late, travels alone and stuff but even I trust him so much that I know he will not as much as look at another woman.

Like I said any woman that has nothing to hide in her email wont make a big deal out of it and soon both parties wont even bother about emails anymore.

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[color=#990000]The bible says that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his own wife,and the two shall become one.one in everything.You can possibly read you wife's email,except you dont trust her.but where there is trust among you and no doubt in your relationship go ahead.

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@somze

True talk.

As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing like privacy between me and my wife. I will not marry a woman who does not believe in complete transparency.

@Frankies, I will like to marry a woman like your wife, a woman who has NOTHING to hide. May God not abandon me in the hands of hide-and-seek women wey don dey boku for this world. Amen.

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GBAM!

Omo, this Frankies guy dey yarn correct!

That statement is so important it needs to be re-echoed:

Don't try to negatively influence innocent youths on this site.They will learn how to hide things from their spouse thinking it is the ideal thing to do.

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There is nothing wrong in viewing your wife's mail. If she has noting to hide it should not be an issue.

My closest Aunt and her husband are like that. They share passwords, pick up each others calls and stuff. I even have all my aunts passwords. Even her internet bank account. I have her husband's business mail password.

When I get married I want to be able to share anything with my spouse. It's really not a big deal. If your wife has nothing to hide she will so easily give you her mail.

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Powerful!

@Frankies, after reading your post, I was quickly dragged out of that dark and fetid cave almondjoy was pushing me into.

A married man who believes in and practices TRANSPARENCY in his marriage! Thank you!!!

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Should partners be allowed to read each other's emails?

Sure, if they've been granted permission to do so. However, everyone has a need for some privacy in their life. For some, it could be emails, for others, it could be a diary. It could be a blog. If your partner has some part of their life they want to keep to themselves, you should respect that.

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@ Matori

Trust, my foot, look my friend, I dont trust blindly. Trust your spouse while someone else could be busy helping you to explore her body. That is bullshit.

What if you overlook all those ,believing all is well while something is really wrong somewhere?

I believe in trust in a relationship but at the same time there should be an evidence of that trust in form of transparency.

@ Almondjoy.

For god sake, what part of village are you from? you sound too backward and unenlightened. I dont know what suggested in my mail that I want to marry you. My wife worths more than 1000 of U.

Go and get a brain.I know you dont have a great relationship with your hubby and that is why you hide things a lot from him.Reconcile with your hubby. Dont try to negatively influence innocent youths on this site.They will learn how to hide things from their spouse thinking it is the ideal thing to do.

I pity you.

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too childish and immature.how on earth do u think u can get anything from that-reading texts,e-mails or picking phone calls.TRUST is always better to be built in any relationship.

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what you dont know doesnt hurt.why on earth do u need the password.why dont u let sleeping dogs lie.it is none of ur bizness.no matter wat married or not she has a rite to her privacy.pls my bro dont take any offences unless u want to break ur marriage

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I can`t remember any thread that I`ve found more educative and enlightening than this-not in a very good way though! I mean, what are people really thinking ? Anyway, I`m going to cut the chase and give the poster my humble opinion. Bay1970, it would interest you to know how somebody defined frienship. I repeat, this has to do with FRIENDSHIP, not marriage in any way. According to Aristotle, " A friend is a single soul in two bodies". Now, I will like to believe that a marriage should be an advanced form of frienship. My main advice to you is to prepare for any eventuality in what you are still calling your marrige today; you do have a union, but you don`t have a marriage. What you`ve seen on this thread is the case of majority of those that have your type of union. Whenever we are married to the wrong partner the result is what you are facing. In the grand scheme of things, e-mail address is just too minor a thing to warrant struggling over. If you find it difficult to let your wife read your mail or know your password, it simply means that, even if you are 45 years old, you are still psychologically immatured enough to enter into any marriage. So, I just want you to see her refusal as a sign of things to come. This thread has shown why divorce rates are increasing everyday; some people`s view of marriage is just too bogus. Isn`t there a difference b/w a marriage and a secret societ? It`s no marriage if it doesn`t mean a total acceptance of your partner-ugly mails in the box included.

I still want you to give her the benefit of the doubt though. Please call her and ask why her mail box should be a no-go area for her husband. What she tells you would be revealing. Good luck

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apart from the privacy ur intrudin on, u will just kill urself,

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war tactic.:

give the dog a bone to keep him busy. That way you can do what you came for.

If my husband left all his phones for me etc etc. ., i will thats for me a bone,

some people still meet in the good old way and that is through messages my word of mouth.

If am meeting my lover today at 10 we will book the next appointment b4 we part.

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I tried not to register my prescence in this tread but I got pissed off by some responses I am reading in here.

A wife hid her password from her man and you are talking about privacy?

What kind of privacy are you talking about in marriage that your man should not know?

If you dont tell such secret to your hubby, what for god sake, are you going to tell him again?

MARRIAGE IS ABOUT SHARING SECRETS AND RELATED MATTERS. If not why do you decide to be together and be strangers, yes strangers, that does not know anything about you. Funny enough , a stranger might even know more about you than your hubby.

@ Almondjoy

I wouldn't know why you decide to be the way you are but I am sure the best is better than anything you think of.

As for me, If there is anyway I can know my wife's password to her brain, she will willingly give it to me. I know her PINs,passwords and any other access sensitive issues both electronic and hard materials.Not by force , she believes you have to know and she unconciously does that. I admire her for that and it makes me to reciprocate by being all-time faithful to her

I can drop my three handsets for my wife to answer if she cares. She carelessly drops her two fones in the house anytime anyday and will be annoyed with me if she sees a missed call why the fone is near me.(Dont like answering her calls)

Above all, she is a very beautiful woman that any man will always dream of.

If you don;t have any skeleton in your cupboard, you will give your spouse any access he desires in your life. only few marriages that are secretive survive the test of time. Speaking from experience of a close one.

ANOTHER WORD FOR MARRIAGE IS TRANSPARENCY. IT WORKS LIKE A LUBRICANT.

I rest my case.

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There is no reason why anyone should read anothers emails. for christs sake can i not have a life just cos i am married? for all of u who are saying the man has every right to know, does he also have the right to know that my father has transfered an STD to my mother? huh! gimme a break! every body has a right to some privacy. its totally up to u 2 give up that right or not.

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The answer is Capital NO.

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