Am in luv with an Igbo guy and he his promising to marry me.what should i do?
Um, 1st question: Ethnic identity. Where are you from?
2nd question: What part of Igbo land is he from? In some parts of Alaigbo, some folks are dead-set against their kids marrying from outside their clan, especially if he is the first son.
3rd question: How much do both of you love each other? How well do both of you "know" each other? Am talking of in-depth knowledge of character, what each person stands for, values you both cherish (not body parts o!) & what he is capable of doing & how secure he makes you feel in your relationship. Can he change his mind on a whim? Can you cope with pressure? etc.
4th question: Do you get along with his family? What do they think of you?
5th question: What does he think about your own tribe? Does he make sweeping generalisations about them? Or does he realise that the good, the bad & the ugly exist in every tribe, including his own?
6th question: How close are you to your parents? If you disagree with them on any issue, do you have a way of bringing them round to your line of thinking?
7th question: How secure & solid is your relationship with him? Does he talk & act as if he is commited to you? Mind you, what a man does, is more important than what he says o! Is he stable & man enough to take his own decisions & stick by them, come what may? What about your own feelings for him? Is it strong enough to withstand any storm? Do you feel that ten, twenty, thirty years down the road, you would still be as deeply in love with him as you are now? Do you think he to would feel the same way?
8th question: Have you sat down to discuss how you will raise your kids? Will they be trained to be bi-lingual i.e. fluent in both your own language & his own language? Or mono-lingual i.e. fluent in only his own language?
9th question: How much of his culture do you know? Can you speak his language? Are you willing to learn it, if you do not understand it? Are you comfortable with learning & participating in his cultural events?
10th question: Have you seen good examples of inter-ethnic marriages first-hand, that you can draw from?
Once you can answer these questions, you will be able to handle the issue.
Inter-ethnic marraige is not a bed of roses, neither is it a bed of thorns. Marriage is hard work. People have been known to go into it & make a success of it. At the end of the day, it all boils down to maturity level & what you feel is the best option for you. And how strong both of you feel about each other, as well.