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Should We Continue Paying Bride Price?

Over the years, it has been a tradition, that whenever a man wants to marry, then bride price must be paid. In other countries, especially in Asia, and previously in Europe, it was the other way. The family of the girl had to pay dowry.

Dowry is what the family of the girl pays to the family of the man, while bride price is what the man pays to the family of the girl.

In India, dowry has been misused, to the extent that the family of the man demand a lot. Sometimes the girl is even killed if the dowry is not enough. In Africa, bride price has been commercialised. A highly educated girl commands more. In the past, it was a girl who was of good virtue and a hard working virgin who commanded a high price. Where do we get hardworking virgins today?

I believe both bride price and dowry have outlived their useulness. We cannot talk about sex equality and still contonue with these practises.

These practises must stop, and the sooner the better

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78 answers

Bride price is highly essential, just that is been abused by many families

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Tradition has many good and bad things. Some are best left out

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so traditionally and culture wise, u were told that ur husband will serve u too? i like to know what tribe that is

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Na lie! Who told you I won't be a good wife? You are misunderstanding the point being made, Bride price is a matter of keeping tradtion n culture alive, I will serve my husband and treat him how he should be treated, that won't be a problem because he better be doing the same for me!

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westernization and modernization won't allow us hear word again.

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Culture can be outdated

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If yopu have that kind of money, Lipukas have very many candidates. Come and choose. Only remember, you keep on paying for the rest of your life

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Change must come, whether good or bad

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Some customs are outr of date

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Africas do not pay dowry. This is for Asians

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Even here in Kenya, some parents demand a lot, as much as 1 million naira! This does not include other thjings. And the wedding cost will be borne by the bridegromm's family

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My silly sister paid her own bride price. Can you imagine?

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where dem take get that gold kin in this day and age? why don't u stop reading story books and look at the real world around. nonsense! ! !

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Please, let’s not go down the road of other uncivilised Africans who believe that to do away with everything traditional means that they are being civilised and modern and being modern means go follow, follow oyibo.

If we all go down the route of doing oyibo wedding, wearing oyibo cloth, eating oyibo food the world will be a less interesting place.

So let us keep our culture/traditions irrespective of what other primitive Africans who believe that abandoning their culture and aping oyibo means they have somehow become enlighten when in fact they have become slaves.

So many African countries abandoning of culture is what has given the world the common perception that Africans have nothing to offer apart from lions, wildebeest, HIV, starving people and rhythm/music. In fact even the music aspect is being taking away from Africa, for they have subverted it into world music. Whilst Asians, Arabs, Oriental’s etc are held up as people with great cultures, Africa apart from Nigeria offers nothing.

Let us keep our bride price, traditional wedding, foods, clothing, language polygamy and other traditional beliefs in fact the more enlighten one becomes the more one realise the importance of cultural relevance.

I am not advocating we abandon new things but only that in the process of doing so we should not abandon what is ours.

In Palestine, a suitor has to provide twenty five thousand pounds worth of gold to the women before her parents accept him and some of us here cry blood for a goat and want to abandon culture.

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why not? you think say na free our parent bring us up. they spent millions of pounds, and for the guys opposing i fear una oooo! soup wey sweet na money kill am. lol

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People should understand things were alot easier those days compared to nowadays like we av more virgins those days than this days. I dont undermine the fact that bride price should not be paid but what should be considered is life after paying the bride price plenty of our young men are scared because of bride price, dont change the tradition then we will continue to have countless numbers of unmarried ladies

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its part of our culture,but I think in the nearest future we ll outgrow it naturally cos i can say it authoritatively that there are parts of western states that take as little as 100 naira just to prove to their in-laws to be that they came to beg to marry the girl

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why can't we be like the indians and adopt the dowry system? it's time for these girls to pay through their nose for a husband too

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With the affirmative action talk and the call for women empowerment (as though they are oppressed), I really think we need to revise our cultural practices. The payment of a fee before marriage should be stopped.

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they say its our culture

so we are stuck with it

too bad

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in europe when the dowry was still used the brides family gifted the groom linens and cookwhere and money for the home and the groom or his family provided the bride with a dower a gift of money or land. here the groom exchanges a goat/chickens and/or money and/or food for his bride and nothing is given in return by the bride or her family. i have seen a few bride lists and some are quite insulting as far as what the daughter is "worth"

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Abeg scrap am. Why I go continue to dey pay money in this bad economy for a wife that isn't even guaranteed to last a lifetime.

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@Topic

Paying of pride price is okay since the main reason why it was started in the first place was for the intending husband to show his seriousness e.g in the bible, Isaac (i think) was made to work for years to earn his wife or wives rather (Rachel and Rebecca).The thing is, in African cultures, we have turned it into another thing entirely.There are some cultures that will demand payment for the pot she broke when she was 8 years old.The mother will tell you of her clothes that got burnt sometime ago and you must pay for it.The father will tell you that she spoilt his bicycle during her teenage years.And if the lady happens to have a B.SC or worse, a masters degree, you are in for it.I don't want to be too blunt here but the worst i have seen in this category comes from the eastern part of Nigeria (most especially Owerri).To posters that might want to attack me, well. . .i am also part of the east too (Dad is Efik and Mom is from Ibusa . . .both deceased. . .RIP).So i know what i am talking about.If you happen to be a rich guy, it's worse coz the richer you are, the more bills you have to pay.Even the lady i want to marry is Efik and already they are telling me that her father will give me his list, mother will give me her list, brothers will give me their list, relations nko?Make i no begin talk too much.The main traditional marriage,church wedding and reception is not included.It's all good anyways but to some people, this seems like an outright sale of their daughters and that's why you see some immature guys treating their wives like sh*t coz they are more or less "acquired property" (let the truth be told as it is).

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That makes sense to you?? You don't like bearing my surname so I have to pay your dad for it??

Could you be any more ridiculous??

And you know what would be really symbolic?? Rejecting monetary offers on your daughter's head and saying 'Sorry mister, could you please not try to by off my daughter for £500. Why don't you just respect the fact that I spent my life raising her by loving her back'??

Then I'll accept that you're not selling your daughter. . .

This is the slave trade all over again.

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yes bride price is ok,it depends on ur pocket.abeg keep igbos out of this

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UBIAM is not good at all. See these boys are already plotting to run to ala Yoruba for wives. Ewuuuuu. Anyway goodluck to you all. I rather like that. It is a good idea if you are too stingy and unable to play the intricate game associated with marriage rites in ala Igbo and Ndi ofe mmiri.

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It is biblical but some tribe take personal such as there sources of income

so they pray they give birth to a female child.

(Indigbo qwennu) they know what I mean

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Big "Yes"

you better pay cuz if its were some tribe,surely when you die,she aint gonna mourn you.,,perhaps,it is the most thing in a marriage that God made as a responsibility for a man to do,,

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I'd rather pay as custom but I think I'll appreciate and respect my wife more if I didn't pay! Guess I'll feel like I owe her!

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Quite rightly symbolic.

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Why all the noise if we should continue to pay bride price/dowry or not.Where i come from i mean south west generally, the bride's father is given the bride price and instantly ,right there and on the spot[pls permit my english],he returns the money telling the grooom that he is not selling his daughter cos no amount of money could quantify the love,care and resources he has spent on his daughter.So the money authomatically goes back to the groom no  matter the amount.

So presenting the dowry is just a formalty.

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If you are really interested in the girl, wont you pay the bride price twice huh ?

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Dowry is very important especially in nigeria. Dowry is the main marriage, if a man fails to pay dowry and something happens along the line; he he he, na d woman go suffer o. Cos, no property for her,

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You really want to know what's biting my Bottom??

The fact that people will justify such a silly thing as selling your daughters with the same excuse that was used to support hanging of 'witches', vigilante style murdering of 'adulterers', killing of twins and even slave trade. . . 'It's our tradition'

It's your tradition to have men pay before they can marry their patners??

No wonder marital abuse is so rampant in Africa.

It is disrespectful, uncalled for and should be phased out along with female genital mutilation.

Yeah, there might be good reasons for it, but didn't 'pro-genital mutilation' people have valid reasons too??

We need to start being independent thinkers and not just following things because some village warriors from the 1800s. . . it's flipping 2009, let's catch up with the rest of the world.

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@Madam L

I am sure the poster is yet to get a daughter and if he has, she is not yet in primary school not to talk of university.

My ribs is cracking cos i am laughing out loud.

How would a sensible person give her daughter out for free, just like a slave. What then will make the man think of, whenever he wants to misbehave.

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what is biting you in the Bottom?

calm down!!

no evil can be compared to PAYING A BRIDE PRICE.

what is the matter with you?

stop shouting hot air all over the place.

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Yeah. I agree. In my case I found out the range of my wife's bride price tallied it with my earnings and placed before her what I could pay without incurring debt. She took my offer pre-marital rites and sold it to her people. I guess mine went well. The thing is perception is not reality and some male ego go out of their way to try to impress their prospective in-laws falsely. The silent rule for such is get enough from him now that we can. It is like a ship waiting to be stranded.

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Supported, Seconded, Co-signed and Gbamed====so shall it be

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what constitutes a proper traditional send off:  ''am not even happy with my own community because the highest you pay is #1500 and a list that #60,000''  something above #1500?. The belief that a man would value a woman more if he paid some perceived extortionist bride price is not necessarily true. If any thing acrimony sets in at the outset and wrongful reminder built in the event of little misunderstandings.

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if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s),take a walk.

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Eldee,

I am for equality in this matter. My people collected #2500 and spent mant times that sending me off. So who owes who now? Forget it. No amount of anger will change this trend. Whoever genuinely complained about this? It is something people just get angry about after a few beers.

It is not always good to condemn the past and lump all forms of tradition together. You are talking about a girl someone slaved around for 25years! Whether you pay #10 or a million naira is all the same to me. Did you ever hear that someone couldn't marry due to bride price? It only happens in badly-scripted films and in beer parlour talk.

There is a very carefully planned way of ensuring that someone pays what he can afford in every community. Ask questions before you jump into conclusions or wait until you are old enough to comment on this matter.

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A traditional sendoff is telling her to bow and give her your blessing . . . not bargaining over how much the family needs to pay.

It's disrespectful . . .

I don't see why I should be arguing with you if you've got your head stuck in the past.

Just don't come here and tell the same man that paid 'compensation' to the family about gender equality.

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eldee,

No amount of abuse from you will change my views on the matter. Wait until you get a daughter and let her walk away with someone without a proper traditional send off. Men rage over this matter until it is the turn of their daughter to leave the house.

How much is enough or too much? It will still be a token even if you expend a billion naira!

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Bullshit . . . do you know where the world would be if everyone chose to stick with the crap people used to do in the name of tradition??

Why don't we keep throwing twins into forests to die?? Shouldn't you be sending your kids to farms instead of school??

I expect Nairalanders to be educated and not throw down garbage that the random bus driver would.

The Irish used to burn women they thought were witches . . . why don't they do it anymore??

Shouldn't they be preserving their own culture too??

Maybe we should just rewind 400 years to the slave trade era too . . .

We're not selling women but the brideprice increases if she's a university graduate . . . who for Bleep's sake are you kidding??

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i like the idea of paying bride price

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Yes ooo.Bride price are part of our culture so it is very important, Your question is a very funny question, is like u are asking us if we should continue to eat??

anyways in my town the bride price is about #25 or so,

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I'd rather pay as custom but I think I'll appreciate and respect my wife more if I didn't pay! Guess I'll feel like I owe her!

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i say yes.

dont lose your culture, value it.

you dont have to PAY A TON, but its always good to keep the customes going.

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