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Traditional Marriage Issues?

Hey all,

Is traditional marriage a do-or-die affair in African culture?I'm considering doing the court and church wedding thing only and leave out the traditional wahala (for personal reasons best known to me).Is it possible for me to do this or. . .? For the record, I'm Efik and engaged to someone from Akwa Ibom.

Your responses (and advice) are welcome.

Thanks.

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46 answers

what if a girl grew up in a motherless babies home without parents,who would you seek their consent for the marriage?

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Traditional Marriage is the most important. All other ones come after it, including church.

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, i personally think that T.Ms,church weddings are not compulsory, for me,i strongly feel that being joined legally under the law of the land is the most important,acceptable and secured way to go,

come to think of it would'nt one's parents have given their consent/blessings b4 doing either one or all of the marriages

so what's the biggie in just choosing one of the 3 as against doing all 3

it is ok if u can afford the 3 oh,but if u really dont want to its up to u, ur spouse(most importantly) and the family of u both, becos the wedding is just 4 a day and is also really just for people to come and eat free food and make merry and snap pictures in probably their new dresses,but the marriage is 4 a life time,

to cut the long story just,we all are just beingtoo sentimental about the whole T.M thing!!!

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it all depends on wat u mean by traditional marriage,doing a trad. marr. could mean staying a parlour to receive d bride price n handing d girl over(like i did) or carrying canopies u dress to killl,invite lots of ppl to eat n drink cos dey r not meant to be thre.

botom line is whicheva way its still a trad marriage small n big scale,but its important 4 d girls ppl to hand her over.

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Tm is the real marriage.

We only go to church to bless the marriage.

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Pls u jst ve 2 do it for bring the family close nd 4 fateful relatnship. U can jst invite ur parent and his parent and 3 each from both of u jst lik Introduction. Its not conponsry to make noise pls hide ur head espectially in that ur village. wishing u gud luck

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Pls my advice 2 d poster is dat he shld embrace them but on a very low key dat his pocket will accommodate. What matters is life after any weddin and not the colour of weddin. Pls use ur wisdom

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but the problem is how do you control the greed factor in TM ? For example I know someone in the USA where both the man and woman reside was quoted $50 thousand dollars to pay as bride price by the people back home. That is just plain greedy rubbish

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@zeedee,no shakes.Just make sure u invite us sha!

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Tm is very important no matter what you do, Please do it.

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Wow I'm shocked by the responses. I go marry oyibo.

No shyt.

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Bros T.M is the most important wedding you will ever do.reason being dat it brings the two families together ,it is part of our culture .

infact if you do T.m you fit no do church or court but as per xtianity your church go crucify you so you no get choice but to do the two.

meanwhile there are ways to do this things and it doesnt cost much.

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Thr r ways whrby cost is cut in TM,thz wht scares ppl away frm it.If u'l jst tel us why u aint comfy doin it,i'm sure thr'l b ppl who'l help u out wt ideas on hw 2negotiate d aspect.TRADMARRIAGE is a Must in d African culture

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for sure it's important. as africans we have our on thing. for instance a white guy comes to marry u, u do the church thing and court thing, which automatically is the whites' culture, then tell me wat have u got to show u have a origin and a background. tell me?

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WHAT WE REFER TO AS TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS PARENTS CONSENT. IT IS A MUST. THE BIBLE STATED IT SO. CHECK OUT ALL MARRIAGES IN THE BIBLE: THEY ALL INVOLVED FAMILY TRADITIONS. IT NOW DEPEND ON HOW U WANT TO ARRANGE UR OWN BUT U JUST AV TO SEEK UR PARENTS-IN-LAW CONSENT AND THEY WILL DECIDE HOW U SEEK IT. IT MIGHT BE IN FORM OF ELABORATE TRADITIONAL WEDDING. MARRIAGE IN CHURCH IS NOT COMPULSORY AS U CAN INVITE A PRIEST TO UR TRADITIONAL WEDDING TO BLESS UR WEDDING. THEN PROCEED TO THE REGISTRY TO REGISTER UR MARRIAGE WITH THE GOVERNMENT.

I WISH U LUCK

IN CONCLUSION TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS A MUST.

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Taditional wedding is an african culture and therefore should not be ignored by anybody, u can only run away from it if u feel u don't have the money to carry it. BUt if the pay is there, shikina, u do it n carry on.

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@mccloud24, I don't feel traditional marriage is so important. My advice is this discuss with your wife and In laws. Find out from them what they want from you. If they both feel that Traditional Marriage is necessary the u can go ahead with it.

Most important thing to note is this: Marriage is not an everyday occasion for me, its a once in a lifetime matter so pls do what you and ur bride would love to do.

Congratulations in advance,

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@ H202

No!, you cannot do without it, in the Bible there was only one marriage, when Jacob ws given his wife by his inlaw, there was no church or court wedding,

Bible also recognises parental blessings and consent, so u must carry the families along,

white wedding though colourful is a borrowed culture, the real wedding is the traditional.

most churches cannot wed you without you having done the traditional, but can overlook the court if you are a good christian.

when your father in the presence of all and sundry blesses you and hands you over to the man, I tell you God has equally blessed the union

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While nobody forces you to take any of the forms of marriage, remember that "marriage ceremony" is really not for you and your spouse. It is the process in which you inform the society and the community permits you to take a mate and accept your sexual association as legal. While many people will disagree, technically, you marry for the society else the people will frown at your relatonship as adultery.

Which one you choose depends on the community you live and operate in? If you and you spouse were already in the western world, I'll say court or church wedding. But if you are an Igbo person and do a church or court wedding alone and live among them, be rest assured that you do not want any publicly acknowledged relationship between the two families in future. Also anytime you come in contact with your inlaws family they will take the time to embarrase and remind you that you have not completed the traditional marriage. Not just you but your sons will often be chided that his mother was not properly married. There is even a derogatory Igbo proverb that says that only a son whose mother's TM was not properly done will not understand a proverb or an idiom. These are the social controls that were used before the white men to enforce proper marriage, while the legal system adds to them, it has not diminished them. I do not know how the cultural control is in Efik or Akwa Ibom.

If you have personal conflicts in your extended family or your mate's, I suggest you discuss with her parents and provide police men for the TM ceremony, if not police men find some bouncers who will be heavily dressed in black to put off trouble makers. That will cost money of course.

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people should always give sound advice whenever possible. we have kinds of marriages in Nigeria,traditional,Church and Court. All are recognized by the law,and all are valid.one isn't greater than the other.BUT for legal issues, like wills.inheritance, etc you need a Court wedding.

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It's not a do-or-die affair. You can do without.

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From the comments here, it seems TM is the only recognized marriage.

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Trust me, this isn't a case of me running from culture.

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I'm definitely not running from anything.Let me just say there are a some obstacles that might make the TM thingy difficult (issues that have been going on since i was a kid).I really want to do the TM thing but if some negativity comes into play. . . . . . . (i'm lost for words)

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The only authority that recognizes marriage in Nigeria is still the law courts/registry. Let the church and all the others talk all they want. Traditional marriage no be by force. If you enter registry, u don marry be that. No one can change that.

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Traditional marriage is not a do or die affair. But for u to have considered doing the church and court wedding, i think u shld put the personal reasons aside cos most people may not understand and do the tradional rites as well.

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From what I know, a good deal of churches, families, and people tend to not recognize the union if the TM hasn't been done.

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i know the court wedding required a TM when i went

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Personally, if it has nothing to do with gods n demons, no problem.

As a matter of fact, its a colorful thing, n if ur family, his family n he himself dont mind, dont make it a big deal go right ahead and dance ur way tru.

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yea traditional wedding is very important, and is more important than the others, i also agree with abn, if you dont want the part aspect, u can just quietly give the family their requirements, but if they insist you do a TM party, there is this new method now where the couple will go to church first i mean after giving them their requirement, you go to church, then the wedding party will be the TM party though i dnt like it that way but is what is on now every thing is done the same day.

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though its necessary but i u have good reasons for not wanting to, then the most important is for u to convince your husband to be and ur family while he tries his best to convince his family. once there is an understanding then i think there should be no problem.

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IF NOT FOR ANYTHING IS OUR CULTURE AND TRADITION AND WHO SHOULDNT THROW IT AWAY.AFRICANS MUST LEARN TO PUT OUR CULTURE FIRST,BEFORE THE WESTERN CULTURE.

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Kind regards,

Tope for:

NaijaSquare.com

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traditional marriage is very important not only in african setting , so my brother if no get money just relax with court marriage when get money u do all u dey hear me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

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It seems you don't even know the essence of traditional marriage. TM for short, is an occasion to bring the families of the couple together. This is the main importance so it should not be a big deal but right now, so many absurdities come in place.

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@ AkO. Yes some churches require that you settle any issue you have traditonally before having the church wedding done.

This will prevent certain problem that may arise in the future (if there will be any).

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well i dont know your reasons but traditional wedding is a must in african setting because this is where you settle the bride price and do other traditions rites attached to that occassion so therefore i doubt if you can skip it maybe you can only delay it infact i had a friend who did just white wedding and court yet the family of the lady didnt recognise that their daughter was married until he fulfilled the tradition rites.

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Traditional marriage is not compulsory, it depends on the people involved. You can choose not to have a party only make sure you give the family all their requirements in terms of bride price and other stuff. This can be done quietly. The party is what makes it too expensive. I am from the south east and i know it is not compulsory where i come from. I dont know about other places. I will suggest you make proper enquiry from the good elders not the greedy ones.

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Trado is very imp, its even more imp.than d church, since we r africans,

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l hope you are not running from certain responsibilties?

As africans TM is very important.

Some churches even require that you settle all TM issues first before you take your bride to church.

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If both of you don't want but your families insist, I think you should just do it for peace sake.

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NL people. . .i still dey wait una ooo!

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The people you consider to be your family probably

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