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Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage?

What's this with Nigerian women in high places especially from the south-east that they decide to bear their father's name alongside their husband's: Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke etc,  What for

We have the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel; US Secretary of State (past and present): Condoleezza Rice and Hilary Clinton, to mention a few. They are still who they are bearing their husbands name,  I'm sick of all this!!! Someone please help!

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149 answers

my point is its nobody's business unless you're a scammer up to your usual tricks.

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its a mark of honour for a woman to keep bearing his father's name because most successful women attribute their success to their parents hence the need to bear their names even after marriage. Their husbands are just inheriting the success set by the ladies parents....

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^^^

Wow! so much anger . . .

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can I ever stop being my father's child? No . can I stop being a man's wife?

and there's actually a group in Africa where the husband adopts the wife's name after marriage.

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Changing or not your name to your husband's depends on several factors. But what is sure today is that we (africans) have diluted some of our culture with western concepts. Back in the days at least many african cultures women kept their fathers name even though they were identified "wife of X". And this had nothing to do with inferiority/superiority complex or not untying the knot with her family. My mother and (all her sisters) kept the same name on the official documents that she had before she got married, but was known, called and referred to as "Mrs X". Only a few years ago did she had my father's name to hers because she was getting a new passport and it was easier that way, administrative-wise. I know many other women from many other different places in Africa who do the same thing: only Add their husband surnames to theirs. So I'm not sure how it is specifically for nigerian women.

I am getting married soon I am just adding my husband's name to mine (my current family name will become my middle name). I feel that I still need to be able to be traced back to my ancestors for 1 even though I "merging" with another lineage, and also I have a tone official documents/records that would need changed. It's easier if it's all traceable (especially those of us living in the West where having your name spelled right is already a challenge, imagine changing/adding to it).

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reasons-if d woman was from an influential family b4 she got married,she prolly wount want 2 change her maiden name,however she'll attach it with her husbands surname so dat people will still reckon with her n doors will be opened compared 2 if she left her maiden name (which people might not really know)

reason 2- if her name was in important documents like cheque book,certificates,bank account name n official letters dropping of maiden name will be cumbersome n stressful e.g going 2 dis office n dat office,signing here n there,filling of oe form 2 another

reason 3-if d woman is a public figure e.g writer,actress or presenter changing her maiden name will be difficult because she has made a brand name 4 her self e.g joke sylvia (nollywood actress who's married 2 olu jacobs) or stella aboderin damascus (who added her maiden name 2 her husbands name,omotola jolade ekeinde etc,so it has nabsolutely nothing 2 do with submission.at least i know of some women who come from influential families n chose 2 drop their maiden names because dey obeyed their husband in d early period of marriage but are so arrogant n rude 2 their husbands.in essence.dropping or not dropping ur name has nothing 2 do with a woman totally leaving her biological family.me 4 instance cant drop my name i can only add my husbands name cos i'm d only issue of my parents if i decide 2 drop it dat lineage or family name will die a silent death so myself n my kids will bear my maiden name.my husband has already agreed 2 dat e.g my name is kikelomo,surname- babalola husbands surname jonah so i decided 2 shorten it to kikelomo babs jonah but people fondly call me KBJ. my 1st kids name is tosin babs jonah or TBJ.dats how far i want my maiden name 2 go.

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how can i open a subject. Like the one above (why do, )? i need help.

Messi worldbest.for more info.breakingnewsgb.blogspot.com

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Firstly, I want to congratulate all the proud Nigerian ladies/women in this forum. No Nigerian or African lady is inferior to anyone. Be you an American, Arabian, European, Australian, Indian, Chinese, Russian lady, Nigerian women are proud to bear their husband's name. They neither 'fuss' about it or are been 'forced' to do so. Good Nigerian men respect and love their wives, who have no problem bearing his name. It's our identity and we're proud of it.

Secondly, for the ladies who think a man needs her wife to bear his name for his lack of confidence or the likes of those comments, I think you should examine your thinking faculties. That logic makes no sense. If you are married to a man of low esteem and you think you are of a high esteem. Then, your suggestion is that you go your way and he go his own way. Why not remain single then if you feel he's not man enough. If you bear his name, does it add anything to him? If he has not built a reputation, are you not to do that with him as his wife? Your father's name belongs to your mother and not to you.

Ok. Your father has a reputation and your husband has none. Your mother stood by your father, bore his name and together they made a reputation. But you're not ready for that. You prefer to hang on to your father's name, cos you know your husband can never be as successful as he is. What an insult on the man who paid your bride-prize.

You see, it's very easy to tell who's not minding his business than who is. There are topical issues that requires a collective redress. Like the climate change. Whose business is it? If you have nothing to contribute to society, then go to sleep!!! And for those who think this is an over-generalization. It is not. There is a wave, you don't wait till it consumes you before you act. And the only way to equip the young minds against such ills is to tell the truth, not by hiding the facts.

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Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage?

baseless generalisation

There are millions of women in Nigeria and only a handful of them do this. This is a misleading topic, probably invented to try and get more women to think along those lines.

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Go for that english class madame, and then come back ok

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^^^^^

what da hell, if you are going to write a long essay why make make the font bold and big

it is disturbing

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Sorry madame. You might be the one in need of that little lesson. You cant be "fussed" to change a name. You can however make a "fuss" about changing a name. Neither applies to the nigerian woman changing her name after marriage.

So please dont talk about stuff you dont know. I dont care where you come from, but you need to have been to all corners of nigeria before running off at the mouth about what nigerian women are "fussed" to do or what we "fuss" about or not!

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Am not about to deliver a English lesson here but

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fussed

i never said "into" i said fussed to

Next time read clearly and understand before you eagerly reply

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there is a difference between fussed and forced my dear.

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@rosabella i think this is an open forum 4 everybody 2 reply. For ure info am a nigerian by marrige if u had read other comments off the origenal poster u would understand my reply. Btw how old r u adults dnt communicate by insult. More so am tired off some Nigerian men bashing my sisters.

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@topic i put my husband name first and my fathers name second and am not a Nigerian so ure post doesn't make any sence

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actually i think Nigerian women are one of those that can be fussed to change their names, other nationalities don't even bother

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No one is using the bible to justify culture or anything like that. In the bible, men were refereed to based on their father's name (eg Ahimaaz son of Zadok) or their origin (eg Jesus of Nazareth) or what they are known for ( eg their profession or skills). These served as surnames. So, the argument that 'there is no surname in the bible' does not hold water. Surnames were not used, especially for women, because women belonged to their husbands and so they were either addressed as 'married to' or 'betrothed to'.

Talking about cultures. In the bible, for instance, women were not counted during census (like the feeding of the five thousand). Also, a woman's witness was not regarded in the courts. But all these have changed, but they are in the bible.

Let's face the African reality. Unlike the west with so much interracial mixing, we value 'honorable' family ties and norms. It is dis-honorable for a woman to leave her husband's name for that of her father. Marriage goes beyond friendship or lovemaking. It is an-irrevocable bond 'for better for worse'. I guess most women who think of bearing their father's name are trying to 'play safe'. They're just inviting the devil to do the rest, and soon, they'll find a reason to break-up.

It is important that we teach the younger generation what is honorable and what is not. We must be able to pick the good traits in our culture like this one (for married women to bear their husband's name) and leave out the bad ones (like killing of twins and the likes). Africa has come of age to know what good lies within her palms. We should not strip ourselves of all we are!!!

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Noone said you have to throw culture away, but people should stop hiding behind the bible and God in order not to cjange the status quo. Also, culture is made for people and we do and have adjusted what we carry with us as "culture" over the years. I feel I can also have my own practices within my home and family according to what the individuals involved require and deem appropriate.

My guess is that many men are opposed to the idea because their ego wouldn't be able to stand it. Its more about how they feel their position is in the family and moreso how (subconsciously) he feels the woman belongs TO him rather than WITH him.

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There is no surname in the bible and bearing your husband's name has to do with the culture. So should we throw our culture away?.

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Kennyaribs, what you have written is not even biblical. The bible says the man should leave his fathers house to come to the woman, not that the woman has now come to him. African men stay in their fathers house, there is no basis in the bible for it. its a culture of the people and has nothing to do with the bible at all.

Just face facts, and stop trying to make God's word back you up on something we have come up with ourselves.

The truth is, there is no mention in the bible of surnames either for men or women (married or otherwise). Its a culture which human beings have come up with ourselves.

Have you ever heard of a surname in the bible?

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I dont know why ladies like kulyie want to wrong the right? Can a woman say i've found my lost rib? A rib was taken out of Adam to create Eve, his wife. He called her ''woman'' meaning ''from man''. So a man finds his lost rib, the name (last name) of the woman will authomatically come from the husbands'. Therefore, she is no longer addressed as 'Miss' but 'Mrs'- stating she's now married to Mr, (last name of the husband) and not that of her fathers'. Note: A woman who bears her father's name as Mrs, is only saying she's married to her father.

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Agitator, I already said the hyphenated name will also be passed on to the children.

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The most important thing is that you have a name which i think everybody is entitled 2 for a married woman to bear her fathers name the husband must have approved it and they should have reasons for doing that. So the poster should stop bugging himself over some peoples decision over their lives. Moreover what of situations whereby the woman bears her husbands name and the children changes their names not bearing either the father nor the mothers name does it make them worst people cos whether you bear your fathers or husbands name doesnt make her a better person or a bad person. Mr poster man what do you want in a woman ? Is it the name or , The world is thinking better than that , Africa espacially Nigeria is has moved on.

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The tread is now recycling. To solve this once & 4all, a man should let his wife bear his last name if he wants to keep the tradition/ or religion, OR allow his wife to bear her father's name indicating that she married him into her family as it is practised in India where the woman pays the "groom's price".

Be African or other race, is left for u to choose!

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All these men citing the bible and tradition dont even realise that both oppose eachother directly when it comes to marraige.

The Bible states very cleary that the MAN is to LEAVE his mother and father and cleave to his wife.

Tradition says the EXACT OPPOSITE, that the man should, stay put in his fathers household and it is the WOMAN who leaves her own family to come to him. The man NEVER leaves his fathers combound, he is expected rather to prepare a place in his fathers compound for his wife and children.

Now you tell me how you can satisfy one without contravening the other?

Both are very clear on what is expacted and both oppose eachother.

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I'm so slow!! 4got my pic was in my profile. . . .ARGHH!!

Not anymore sha.

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All those men shouting submission are the same ones who expect their wives to shoulder responsibilities that used to be just for men in those days. If you want the woman to act like 'our mothers' then please act like your fathers. Make sure you can pay the rent without her contributions, pay school fees promptly and take care of feeding the family by yourself. Then you can come and play lord of the manor and rule over your wife and ask for submission like she is your servant. But if you want a partner to contribute to building your home, expect that she may have some desires that may be different from yours. Not every wman wants to retain her fathers name and not every man cares what his wife answers. Leave it to individual couples to decide and stop taking panadol for other peoples headaches.

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@Knight, the double barrelled name will be passed on to my children.

If keeping your own fathers name is so important to you, why do you think nothing of another mans name simply dying out?

What is wrong with a woman trying to do for her own father what you wish to do for your own? A hyphenated name still represents the names of both fathers, what can be more fair than that?

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@londoner

the name's still going to 'die out' since your ( and sis') children will bear their fathers' name. So taking the name for preservation?, hmmmmn, no point to it.

@poster

Name is a decision couple z gonna have to make. together!!!

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i have heard of people talking about equality between the man and woman, that is not true, i am the head of my home. my wife is not a slave, and me being the head does not make me a dictator, but the buck stops on my table;- no argument about that.

If a man or woman does not accept this basic fact in a marriage then no work done, it is all in futility.

the world is evolving and if a couple feel easy with the wife bearing her father's name with the man's no sweat BUT it is not the woman's right and should be done only with mutual discussion and consent.

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Your primary responsibility is your primary responsibility. Be it delegated to a housemaid, your husband or whoever; as a married woman you MUST know it's your primary responsibility. You must know this.

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If you're a married woman (with kids) and your primary responsibility is not the upbringing of your children, then you've failed!!!

If each one of us can invest some of our time in addressing even the least of societal ills, then we'll be making the world a better place for generations yet unborn. Think about this.

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It's not your perogative to choose any primary responsibilities for anyone.

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Lol, I just dont get some people's logic. You are busy trying to ensure your own fathers name lives on, but you want a hand in killing off the name of another man. Who told you your fathers name is more important than my own fathers name?

It's such tripe, they do all this because they have very fragile egos, how many of them stop their own sisters who are themselves married and bear another mans name from meddling in their own family's affairs? How many woman who bear the husbands name are in the same breath and by that same "tradition" disenfranchised or dis inherited along with the children of the marraige whenever it suits the husband or those who are related to the husband by blood, even those who no longer share the last name?

African men, when will you stop changing the goal posts to suit whatever situation you find yourselves in?

Many Nigerian men, respect their own bloodline above anyone who bears their name through marriage, lets be honest. They want you to bear their name because of the bible (which by the way makes no mention of taking the name), but have no intention of leaving father and mother and cleaving to the wife, which the bible clearly states in black and white, for that though they come up with all kind of "modern day" excuses.

The bible puts the onus on leaving your own parents in order to marry  on YOU.

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some have been in the type of work that made thier names to be popular before they got married. Even after marriage, they need to attach it to their husband's 4 recogntn.

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i love how some people say a woman should drop her fathers name when she moves out of his home. when she moves in with her husband she should take his name. what happens inbetween. the girl moves out at 18 doesnt get married till 25, what is her name durring those 7 years? its up to the couple to decide what to do with the name, noone elses.

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It's so unfortunate! May God save us.

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Those women that do it have perceived gains from those names e.g O, o-Bello.

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lesbians and gays! That's why the world is going crazy!

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My last name is a part who I AM. So I apologies for not eliminating it.

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Young ladies, try to get married (if you can). Pray for a good husband who'll love and take care of you, and you'll get one. Get wedded and live with him and possibly bear him children (if you both desire). Respect and submit to your husband in everything (including bearing his name), he's what you've got. Build a family and leave your father's alone. And when you have kids, devote a good chunk of your time in their upbringing. Teach them to know what is right and wrong. And when they grow up, they'll honor and care for you as long as you live. A woman get's fulfillment in being a woman.

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We are in the 21st century, and women have equal rights as men. So if they decide to keep their father's name so be it.

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Some men have impressed me on this thread. As for me i intend to keep my father's name and it has nothing to do with selfishness, submission or the like. Each to their own.

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Everything is an individual choice. I didnt change my name for about 3 years afetr I got married and when I did, i just added my husbands name. Since he didnt mind and I like it, we are both okay. The two names are too long so I didnt double barrel them just kept my fathers name as my middle name. It works for us, we both have similar views on may things and I guess thats why we married each other. Do what works for you, Marry whom you both have similar views and outlook to life with and Stop taking panadol for other peoples headaches.

Some women even retain thier husbands name when divorced fro the man even if they hate him and everything he stands for so bearing a name or not doesnt make any difference.

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Abeg.

When she dies they can put 'nee blah blah' on the obituary. She should bear my name!

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@tanimz, If it has nothing to do with submission then, she should marry her father and bear his name.

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This has nothing to do with submission or religion.

Women should have the freedom to chose their names, whether Nigerian or not.

Using your father's name is just a way of holding on to your family.

Afterall, there are still rich women-Cecilia Ibru, for example that is using her husbands name and not confoined with her fathers.

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