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Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians?

Nigerian Marrying Their Own Kind

Okay i wouldn't say this is a problem but i just want u guy's opinion. Well i have been in the states now for about 10 years with my family and i am at that point in my life when i need to settle down and stuff.

The problem is that my parents will not support me marrying a foreigner, it has to be a nigerian girl. Well i really don't have a problem with that but my deal is why do our parents have close minds about their kids marrying outside of the race or even ethnic grp and must i say that it is a tall task for me now the fact being that there are no Nigerian girls where am at and I haven't been in nigeria in 10 years.

I mean are Nigerian girls any different from othe races, shouldn't it all be about who you fall in love with?

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69 answers

Go and find out where those who married before you are. . .

love ko, liebe ni

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Sorry to say,

If ths would be a oyinbo forum they would call this marry under themselves "racist thread".

For myself this is racical behave.

I love somebody for hisself but not for his culture or anything like dat.

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@poster

Look, you are not marrying YOUR PARENTS. You are marrying someone you love, at the end of the day they are going to die and your happiness is what matters the most. This is almost the equivalent of a forced marriage. This is where you have to man up son and step to your parents. The bible says that "for this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

I would love to marry a naija girl but am not attracted to anyone of them here.

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the fact which most people dont understand about this issue is that , marriage to an outsider cant be compaired to a marriage to your own nature because, there will be a problem with understanding,culture and the most of all endurance which determines a long lasting marriage , chao

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naija people are making not to be proud of my race because all them negros is marying aa's.

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I don't think I am following you on this last entry of yours.  What are you trying to tell us here?  Is there anywhere in this world the "women" do not complain about their "men"?  I think you need to start looking in your "yard" first before you make generalizations of what you have not "yet" experienced.

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Great , deep, bitter,honet and fun answers.

Today is saturday! Guess what ? I am enjoying with my babe oga so I am very busy to answer, I ll answer frow my home tomorrow or monday.

Have a nice weekend all !

Hugs

Simone

PS:almondjoy: Glorious is not the bottow line of the discussion, I just give you instance. (about this issue I have ready a lot of sistahs complaining about "you nigerians" performance, here in Nairaland, sex topic and in the live). That why I concluded it and I made generalization, there are a lot of Tabu in Africa continent in general, people dont talk, you dont find information because it might "corrupt children mind" so whats the resuld ? pregnangy when is teenager, Aids and other diseasses, prejudice, sexual problems, etc,

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Almondjoy, its just the talk of a woman scorned, if you take a look at the "why Nigerian men are attracted to Caribbean women" thread, you will see the result of men scorned, lol

At the end of the day, we tend to view the world through our own experiences, but then new experiences come along all the time and give us an opportunity to put things into perspective, if we take them up ofcourse.

As far as the absence of heavenly feelings, most Nigerian women would leave before four years if  an heavenly feeling was so important. Besides she didn't leave because of lack of heavenly feeling, but because he wouldn't make her his wife.

Its just the hurt talking. I would be hurt if I were her, I would feel betrayed.

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@SimiBrazil, sorry to hear about your situation, four years is far too long to be in a relationship for marriage/commitment to be out of the question, based upon something you can't change and he knew of all along.

I must ask you, do you think he already had someone else who he plans to marry? I don't see too many men investing four years in a woman they refuse to marry.

There are plenty of Nigerian men who are flexible when it comes to marriage, so try not to let this experience taint them in your eyes. There must have been something good about him if you stayed so long and was willing to marry him.

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That sounds dangerous. What if he agrees that he indeed doesn't love you that much, and asks for a break-up?

Dear, the worst truth is better than the sweety lie. I am strong I can support.

almondjoy

He was my first and last nigerian, never more honey and I am not looking for anyone, when we look we dont find and it is something that just happen when we dont expect.

I have ready all comments and your comment make me think you are unsafe because foreign woman is too much also you are lazy because you dont want much brainwork (I am so sorry for my nigerians sistah, I understand why a lot of them doenst know what Glorious mean (smile) .I am giving a instance) As everything is ready and easy you dont care about her wish and please her because as she was tauch to be quiet and never complain is comfortable for you.

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I have ready others testimonials concerning the same subject and the worries of others women is the fact they are white.

I am african-brazilian and I am black, my picture is here and you can see.

Because the slavery I lost my roots, conection and name but I am sure I come from some country in Africa

It can be Nigeria, Ghana, Angola, I dont have idea

I have already said it, I am african too

But no way, because I was not raised there so I dont know how to make fufu, I never will kill any animal to eat or other reason, I dont eat all kinds of meat, I like to work and study and I like to have maid in the house

Thats it

Nice to meet you guys!

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I am the first born in my family, and I live in Nigeria. I would happily marry an Arab is we were 'in love', and nothing will happen. A family friend's daughter in the US just got married to a very white American guy. And she was also the first born in her family. Nothing happened. Culture is merely a suggestion. It's just a lame excuse.

Let me put it this way: why should you want to marry a man who loves his culture more than he loves you? That love is too weak, too pathetic to be taken seriously. If you can accept him despite his culture, why can't he accept you?

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We Nigerians are too into our Culture, It takes a lot for one tribe to marry another tribe.

Our parents think they will feel more comfortable and easy to related to an inlaw of the same culture.

My mom told me the reason she wants me to marry from same tribe is that its easy to know what

family she is from. The only difference i see in Nigeria culture is the different language, we are still

all discipline in our ways, but then again, every tribe thinks they are the best. I would marry

any Nigeria girl who is open to marrying from other tribe as well. I never really thought of marrying a non-Nigeria.

My uncle is married to a Ghanian and they are doing very well.

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simbrazil, stop wasting yourself on a man that doesn't appreciate you enough to throw aside silly traditions. Dump him immediately, please. He's just taking advantage of you to get free sex. If he wanted to marry you, he would.

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u stil wonder why a lot of nigeria girls get used and dumped easily my nigerian guys.Nigeria girls in the diaspora are pressured to marry from their tribes .They tend to force themselves on guyz (and guy take advantage ), A lot of nigerian ladies talk to me a lot about this.AND unfortunately, most african ladies are scared of nigerian guys because of this trend, marry who u love ,  but marrying from another culture aint that easy either, THE BALL IS IN UR COURT

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Hmm, a hard choice, but ultimately one you must make.

My girlfriend is white, my family are not too keen on me marrying outside my cultural background, but they are NOT against it. And, if they were, it'd make absolutely no difference to me. She's still my choice, we have so much in common, we both mirror each other's personalities. And, we love each other.

So, the final decision is yours, it all depends on who makes you happy.

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olalunke

i have been in america for the past 12 years, and i am still very differnt from american girls, both black and white. Do wha tworks for u, but i definately know that african american or even carribbean men might not be the smartest choice.

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Parents always want their kids to marry nigerians cos of the culture differences.

You know Nigerians and indeed Africans take pride in our culture, so an average nigerian parent would want their kids to marry a nigerian. Especially our mothers!

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You use to hear people saying there is no place like home. Since there is no place like home they have to marry naija also.

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At poser:

Oga, just pray and do what God tell ya. True parents are almsot always right, and most times have the best for you in mind, but when it comes to marriage, you need LOVE and COMPATIBILITY. As u dont dey america since, to find straight up naija girl who doesnt want just ur cash go hard, and as u noted, naija chicks for here are hard and are somehow somehow i think,

so my broda, tink long term, before u marry, make sure that she's willing to work everything out with ya, incase u need to move back home and stuff, just make sure na correct oyigbo chick. Believe me sha o, some oyigbo chicks CORRECT!!

but ya, u n o fit find anyone for here on nairaland eh lol, i believe hotangel and others are available lol

all the best my man.

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the easiest answer 2 dis question is, they want 2 keep their nigerian culture in the family

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You know, I'm new here but I'm sure a lot of people reading this will rip me a new one for what I'm about to say,

Honey, it's your life whether your parents like it or not. In the end, your happiness is what matters and not what your parents think, besides, that's the risk they take when they brought you tho the states. It drives me absolutely nuts when parents raise you the "American Way" (ex: speak proper english, not too much exposure to African life) and then when it comes to marriage time, they want to tell you to 'go with your own kind". Why? Nigerians are no different from the other people in the world and yes we have our culture but if you find someone who truly cares about you, they will want to learn and embrace what your culture is.

That's my two cents, Hope I didnt step on any toes.

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@Gnature

thanks my brother,

u are really right and i will start searching for one

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Bros Atlanta96,

I wouldn't advise you to bring a woman you met in naija to live with you (& marry) here in the states. Why not try and get one that is already here ? There are lots of single nigerian ladies around, you just have to be patient to find one that you find compatible.

Bringing someone from naija is too risky, the woman you meet and fall in love with is often not the real person, but her representative. Once you bring her here, then you'll see her true colors.

In my opinion, I think you have a better chance of seeing a woman for who she really is when she is based here in the states, rather than bringing her from back home.

Either way, stay blessed.

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you want her living in america with you and still acting like the docile wife you "bought" from your village? im sure when you came to america you changed a bit just to be able to adjust to way of life here. allow women some of the priviledge of some change too.

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MY THAT IS THE PROBLEM AM FACING NOW,

OUR NIGERIAN GIRLS IN AMERICA ARE NOTING TO

WRITE HOME ABOUT AND GOING BACK TO NIGERIA TO

LOOK FOR A WIFE. IS LIKE A MATCH BETWEEN

NIGERIA AND CAMEROON, THEY WILL ALWAYS LOVE U

BUT BRING THEM HERE ,

THEY CHANGE OVERNIGHT

WELL SUCH IS LIFE,

PRAY HARD OOOOOOOOOO

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@ morayo, nice post. really true talk there o.

@lanegra

you referred to christianity as a 'religion our slavemasters gave us'. i must say that is not true in the least. christianity originated from the middle east, not from europeans. i'm african, but i must say i find my identity not in being african, but in being a son of GOD and in knowing that i am placed here by divine order for a purpose. i'd suggest that you try to find your identity in christ, and stop seeing christianity the way you see it; which is just a misconception. the truest sense of self-worth and identity is to be found in christ and i really do hope you find it.

there is this very special passage - Acts.17; 26-28 - He determined the exact place where we should live; there is no accident in the life of any person. in him we live, move and have our being.

all the best.

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1. He/she understands your accent.

2. He/she knows that when you suffix every sentence with 'now', its not a command, e.g. "Come let's go now, "

3. When you guys go out, he/she pays and doesn't expect a refund of exactly half!

4. He/she understands why you have to send money home - he/she is probably doing the samething!

5. He/she doesn't see your kid sister staying in your house as an inconvenience/ cramping his/her style.

6. He/she doesn't think you should put your parents in a home.

7. He/she eats 'Gbegiri and Amala' and doesn't think it's 'yucky' or 'spicy'. In a nutshell, loves your cooking.

8. He/she gets your jokes.

9. The way he/she licks his ten fingers 'because that Ogbono soup with Iyan hit da spot, Oh Yes!!!

10. He/she has got their education or something going on.

11. He/she loves his/her kid and takes care of him.

12. He/she can have a bus load of conversation without him/her saying much 'because his/her momma taught him/her that.

13. He loves to see you shake that Bottom to Sir Shina Peters, the original "Back That Bottom Up" master.

14. He will settle an argument and say sorry while maintaining his man status.

15. I am IN charge but he is THE charge, we understand that.

16. He knows where he is from. Living in NY does not mean you are from NY.

17. He thinks you're so pretty without makeup.

18. He calls you native endearing names like "Nne" or "Omo"

19. He has respect [not to be confused with obedience] for his elders ? important.

20. The way he gets embarrased and says "I beg e" when you compliment him.

21. The way he says "I love you baby" ? may be very fake yet sounds so TRUE!

22. The way he eats meat with his bare hands? for some reason it is sexy to me.

23. The way he calls you his wife in front of all his friends.

24. The way he says "Shey you get am" when he thinks you are not paying attention, but you really are.

25. The way he knows that it is you calling and answers the phone "Hey Baby! " without looking at the caller ID.

26. The way Naija men look when they are all decked out in native? there is nothing sexier than a dark chocolate man in lace o!

27. Pronounces your name like say na im born you.

28. The way he flows from Ebonics to Pidgin English to Akata with ease.

29. He is just at home at your office picnic as he is at the Naija reunion.

30. The very satisfied look on his face after eating one of your meals and the way he glares at you while picking his teeth with the tooth pick, and you both know that you are his next "meal".

31. He appreciates the art of yanshrolling when he sees one!

32. Keeps yo from doing wahala by buying a stickshift vehicle he knows you can't drive!

33. He saves you money on groceries a la "limited diet". Just cook the stew and he'll figure the rest? Eba, Amala, Fufu or even plain old White Bread!

34. No need for bosom implants to impress am!

35. No need to go kill himself trying to maintain a six pack. He knows u know big belle is sexy inside Agbada!

36. He knows to allow you like three hours to get ready for a party!

37. He will not complain when you waka with headful of rollers inside house but quick to let you know that aint nothing sexy about that when you want to go outside.

39. His lunch (Rice, Beans, Dodo, complete with carefully selected assorted meat) wey you pack for am na something u know sey im no go wait to "Palam"(gobble up!) when him reach work

40. He thinks the small gap between your front teeth are actually sexy!!!!

by the way, these are not my words

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Mamaosisi you don talk am finish! These certainly are words of the wise.

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Mohammed Ali said that?

I can't believe it,I liked him.

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I must say, it's hard for black Americans who want to connect with their "roots" and already feel alienated by American society, but are once again alienated by other people of African descent or who are African by birthplace. I mean I'm American and my boyfriend is Nigerian--I don't see what's wrong with that. :/

I feel as if we African-Americans just don't fit in anywhere. I mean, think about it. We don't fit in with this American society that sterotypes us (and every other ethnic group), profiles us, rejects us, etc. And we African-Americans don't even fit in with other African-Americans! If you're too light, you're not right. If you're too dark, you're not right. If you're too preppy, you're not right. If you're too "gangsta"/hip-hop, you're not right. I

mean there are just so many divisions within this "African-American" community that we really don't fit in anywhere, or even have any place to "come home" to. I'm really looking forward to taking a DNA test to trace my roots back to Africa just so I can actually have a place to call home. Just so I can have a true identity.

I mean I know I sound a little "woe is me", or "woe is us", but it's true man! It's a sad case of identity theft that has happened to us African-Americans, and most of us are confused and know not where we come from, have no culture to identify with, etc. All we have are our family get togethers and our churches, our "Christianity", lol. That's how we African-Americans get together. With the religion our slavemasters gave us. I'm a Christian by the way so that's not a slam on Christianity lol.

But enough of my rambling. I just wanted to address what someone on this post said about "coming home" to your own people, and how I feel it's just not fair for black Americans who really have no "home" to go to, or anywhere where we are not alienated.

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Your advice may work in the Islands but not amongst Nigerians.

We are into inlaws.

There is a bond between a Nigerian woman and her son that cannot be broken even by death,I have brothers so I know.

Aisha should work at having her man convince his parents that she is good for him,any attempt to say they don't matter will eventually backfire and he will resent her for distancing his parents from him.

The other thing his parents may not like about this girl would be if the relationship seems to have no serious future,by that I mean if they are just boyfriend and girlfriend,sleeping together with no plans of marriage,cohabiting,children out of wedlock,history of divorce on the girls side.There are many cultures that are still frowned at by our parents and I just mentioned a few.

Bottom line parents want the best for their children,sometimes of course they are overprotective,of course if we hear from this young mans parents,the story may be a little different.

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@Ayeisha I read your post and left with mixed emotions. First let me congratulate you on your posture regarding this dilemma, it really takes discipline on one's behalf to exhibit this level of maturity.

I have had very similar derrogatory remarks made to me by a memeber of this forum. You see, likewise I am a West Indian. It still baffles me as to how can an African resort to using the word "slave" in such a hated manner.

I am assuming from what you wrote that your relationship isn't affected by your significant other parents ignorance. Also you are from the islands ( not sure which one) and from what I have experienced, we are not very must into in-laws. As long as both parties involved are happy, then the parents opinions aren't really important.

From my obervation over the years, I can proudly say that West Indian parents, even if they are not in favour of whom their children wed, always show a level of repsect for that person, especially where marriage and children are concerned.

Well dearie, best wishes to you, and I hope your in-laws do come round. And if they don't, why the bother? Am sure after you guys wed, you will both be living in YOUR OWN home, drive YOUR CAR, pay YOUR BILLS etc.

All the best,

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@Spoilt, once again girl, you rock!!!!

I wouldn't have said it better.

Well thank God that we are free to marry whomever we please. Island people have grown beyond this type of mediocre thinking.

Just curious though, I wonder what if my great-grandparents had prohibited my Carib grandfather from marrying my Irish grandmother. Hmmmmmmmm, I wonder. Then again, to each its own.

One thing I do know, I shall marry whomever I LOVE, be it Black, White, Yellow, Pink , Love knows no boundary. I'd rather be happily married to a man my parents disapproved, then to be dying of grief with one they favoured.

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Hello I am new to this site although I have browsed through here a few times to read some of your discussions.

I'll admit that I have always been interested in Nigerian culture. I enjoy watching Nigerian movies, music videos, and concerts because your people reminds me so much of my own. The body language, the dancing, the socializing and the many of the values remind me alot of my own culture.

I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.

My mother told me that a few years ago, a Nigerian man called her a slave child. I find it hard to not believe that many Nigerians including my mate's parents may share this view. Am I mistaken when I say that my ancestors are your ancestors? Mothers, Fathers, Children, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, Brothers, and Grandparents were all separated during the slave trade. Some were stolen and some got left behind. Interestingly enough, the same "Slave Children" fought for equality and freedom through the Rebellions that went on in the America's and the Carribean Islands. They gave their lives to free the black man from bondage makiing it possible for Nigerians and other Africans to go to the appropriate embassies, get their visas, come to the U.S, Britain, France, Holland etc,

Here in the United States I meet tons of African people working, opening businesses, attending colleges and universities, and sending money back home to their families. Seems like everyone wants to have their own American dream. The problem is, many Africans don't consider people like me to be sisters and brothers. Slave children like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, and Marcus Garvey risked their lives so that the whole black race would no longer be looked at as inferior. They risked their lives so that the KKK and racist whites here in American would stop murdering black people simply because of the color of our skin.

The slave child is the reason why any African person has the priviledge and the liberty to migrate or even travel to the America's and Europe. I believe we all deserve a bit more respect. It's a shame that I am judged by my Love's parents simply because I am not Nigerian. I am very hurt, and angry. Can some please explain the logic behind this to me. ?I know more about Nigerian than he does. When I ask him a question about Nigeria he never knows. His parents did not even teach him Ibo. They did a very bad job of teaching him his culture and now they expect him to leave me for a Nigerian woman. Wow!

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@ audience,we have digressed here a little on someones story of her parents refusing her to marry someone of a different tribe.

Laudate parents are not Omniscience but if your parents refuse you to marry someone and you insist and go ahead,I pray things work out well.It is different,however for a man.

The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man your parents said a capital NO to and you have marital problems along the line and have no one to turn to,even the man would take advantage of that and throw it in her face.

now back to the topic.

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Sometimes, ignorance can be a contributing factor to their dissent.

Would things have turned out differently if the man had been Igbo? Like I always say, I have seen people from the same town or village get married & their marriages crashed less than three years afterwards & vice versa. I have also seen Naija folks marry from a totally different country, and those marriages stood the test of time & vice versa. Every marriage has its' own issues. It is how you resolve them, that matters. Simple!

I beg I don tire for all this talk. It is the content of a person's character that matters, not the colour of his skin, the ethnicity of his background, or the otdated criteria of his people.

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@spoilt

excellent analysis !! You are so right.

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All based on YOUR CHOICE!!! No one can force you into doing anything,,,,, dat i strongly believe[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

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Dis is not a WHY its their CHOICE!!!!!

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I think the issue of marriage is too important to base it solely on where you're from. I am naija and I enjoy my experiences with men from other races and culture. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. When I decide to get married, it will have to be my decision and my parents will have to respect it because i'm the one who has to live with the person I marry. The important thing is finding a good person.

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they likes them

they thinks they drop the doe more than the nigrian men

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Your boyfriend is THE joke.

Happy for you anyway.

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Hey Dessi. You're right when you say that "easier does NOT mean BETTER". Everyone has problems and if you love someone committ to them, and communicate than superficial differences like skin color don't matter. Of course, culture might matter so be sure to communicate and ask questions. The original poster for this thread is divorced from a white woman and lots of times parents think that if the son marries a white woman then there will be divorce, ignorant children who aren't disciplined or respectful. This is the fear. The extended family (cousins, uncles etc.) might feel like the wife is "distracting" the husband and turning him "away" from them. But lots of families think this of Nigerian/same ethnicity wives too.

I don't think you'll be treated badly in Nigeria. It might be lonely at first b/c ppl might view you as a "oyinbo" (white person or foriegnor) and you prolly can't speak pidgin English which is the lengua franca in casual settings. But you'll adjust and you sound like you have a good attitude so that will help. You might want to settle in the UK though. It's English speaking, familiar to youas a European and has a large Nigerian community. The UK might be the best of both worlds.

I laughed when I read "i cannot imagine myself being with a white man anymore". The same thing happened to me when I dated a black American man. I couldn't see myself w/any of sort of man but that'll come to pass.

Good luck to you & your bf. ***If you start your own thread you'll get more (better) responses to your questions.***

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@ wenasah

I know what you mean. I enjoy the parties w/ Naija Bro. (contracted) DJs (& the Bros themselves) more than I enjoy their parties. I don't go to the holiday ones either. Sorry you had a bad time!

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@chinani

yeah, i went for the thanksgiving bash, it was not all that to me cos grind entertainment had party that nite also, there

was so much drama and me going for their event for the first time i did not get a good impression,

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chinani have you been to any naija brother event in houston?

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NRC is going to be in ATL and Dejavu is going to be in DC.you can find out more information on their site below

http://dejavunet.com/2006/. its so much fun like i said earlier and there is so much to do also,

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I think it is just in ATL ohhhhh,

The Nigerian Reunion Corporation (NRC) Presents

The 10th Annual Nigerian Reunion

NRC 2006 DECADE REUNION will take place in Atlanta Georgia at the Sheraton Hotel, Atlanta, GA from June 30th - July 4th, 2006.

For 10 Years NRC has united Nigerians and Nigerian Descendants in the Diaspora and this year's reunion promises to be Bigger and the Best Yet.

NRC is taking the reunion back to where it all started 10 years ago, ATLANTA!!!

Keep the date! Registration & Additional information coming Soon!!!

VisitNRC Online for more information.

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