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How Necessary Are Big Weddings?

How Do You Agree On Views Of Weddings?

Ok how important do you think it is to compromise when it comes to weddings?

Someone wants a big ceremony, another wants a simple one.

Where is the meeting point and do you think its possible to reach a compromise?

This is becoming more common now in Nigeria as much as it is in abroad.

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117 answers

sometimes it depends on d home u come from n d perspective ur inlaws av with big or small weddings.most times its usually d grroms family (here in naija) dat foot 70 or 80 percent of d bills 4 weddings n d remaning 20 percent to d brides family n probably d bride herself.dis big n small wedding issue caused a big cintroversy between my cousin (our family) n her husbands side.d bride's mother my aunt wanted a big classy wedding dat will be d talk of town while d husbands family wanted a low key wedding not because dey couldn't afford a big wedding but because dey r quiet people who dont want 2 be noticed or like noise.my aunty eventually had her way but my cousins family were not really pleased but dey had 2 take it like dat since d bride is d owner of d day "wedding day". as 4 couple gettin married as far as naija is concerned dey dont really av a say cos its d parents/family dat will foot d bill.like d adage says he who pays d piper dictates d tune,except if d couple choose 2 foot d bills demselves

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Good topic, wedding preparation and all that is not an easy one at all, but too great minds think a like. Mine was a wonderful wedding. Simple and cute, lasted from 9.30 to 2.00 including church, snapping of pictures and reception. It was beautiful and simple lots of protocol boycotted. One thing is that we planned it within our resources, we didn't involve our families who would have made it more difficult, we had only one source of contact, the cake, food music, decoration, hall, food every thing at a place and of course, the church was near by the hall.

We invited just a bout 100 persons though the people that came were more than that but not too much. No need of sending bus to the village to transport the entire village after all, they were there during the trad, every body was given same treat and they were very comfortable,

There is beauty in simplicity, believe it. Just make sure every body you invited was well taken care of not inviting the whole world that will vex for you for not providing food for them. More over, if you want a simple wedding, just be time conscious, don't do it into the evening that will save you a lot. If you don't plan well, you will end up sending so much over nothing and plan on time, don't give contract to people are very far away from where you are. If you can avoid some family folks that will bring their friends who are in to this or that to ruin your wedding, just do it your own way.

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the road ahead is all that matters

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Thank you jare. All these big wedding can be really annoying!

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There are few good women in Nigeria who will be the first to say "waste 2m on wedding?make we go buy car" .Sadly this are few and honestly I think the majority of women insisting on big wedding are giving the man a wrong impression of their future together.

The once in a life time thing to be is rather a lame reason.How many times in your life will you have your first child?Should you bring CNN to your labour room because of that?

Think of the money you save and spent it wisely for the future.

Women need to grow up and accept reality .

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Big or mega wedding's celebration is a waste of resources.

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people tend to forget the importance of marriage, most think a successful marriage is determine by big ceremony forgetting that life after marriage is what counts. what's the point of having big ceremony after one or two month both couple goes their separate ways.

i must confess our ladies have this problem of big ceremony, so guys don't let your woman drain your pocket if not she will leave you for a heavier pocket.

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money dey waste.Make they go buy car or make they go buy land or make they start making blocks.

This big wedding nah just to create job for people who no want do better thing .

To give money to wedding planner make e tell you which colour you go wear ,Nigerians fit.Give money to relatives make they buy medicine ,they no fit.

Nah wa for Nigerians.

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Who said only igbo girls like big weddings? Na wa ooo

I don't see the need to have over a hundred people at my wedding sha. If you show up uninvited that means you're gonna stand because there would be no place for you to sit. It is not a bbq!

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Another thing that amazes me is that it causes tension too.

So often on one hand you have the girl wanting and insisting on big wedding and the man just getting annoyed and just going along with it.

This creates tension because the man starts feeling that how the marriage starts is how it will always be for the rest of their lives.

Best quote i seen was from a girl was this "i want to marry a man with as simple arrangement,stress and spending .Just a happy day for the 2 of us because thats how i want the rest of our lives to be".

Thats a quote from a Igbo girl for all of you who think that Igbo girls will only have big marriages!

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not that necessary,the most important thing is that u re married,you been chosen &lawfully wedded whether big or small. it doesn't matter.marriage na marriage.make those wey dey look for big wedding they der oo,they go dey look for big wedding tym go pass them and their papa go marry them as second wife.make them no go hussle.make them dey there.

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if yhu can afford it?y not!ephisim is ma tin nd if i can afford a big wedding nuttin is gonna stop moi

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The main focus here should be the MARRIAGE(which is made up of just the two of you) and not organizing big society weddings which will only last for few hours.

Your CONCERN should be the journey ahead for the two of you and not to please the entire world or trying to make a name.

That is why we have so many broken marriages 2day

Please note:WEDDING IS JUST AN INITIATION INTO MARRIAGE.

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Good point.But even if somehow you feel sure its still a waste of money.

We have our own traditional wedding and then church wedding.But also we adopted another English man culture which is the reception.

Unlike the Englishman who a large wedding is 50 people ,ours is 500+ easily.And since we use open venues it means every privates and harry can stroll in and demand food and drink.

Another problem is some girls .They will say how much they love the man and everything and want to make things simple and easy for them and then go tell him he MUST bring 1m naira + for a wedding!

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Marriage na the only institution wey them dey issue you certificate before you actually start the learning process, spending so much money on a school you are not sure of the end product is sure an unwise move, I stand with low budget wedding ceremonies jo! I hail una!!

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A big wedding in nigerian terms may mean inviting 500 to 3000 or more people to your wedding.

In nigeria this means if you think you have 200 people coming , ther may be 500 at the end of it.

A wedding is a ceremony witnessed by a priest a best man and a bridesmaid in the most intimate setting this would ba a small wedding.

If the families of the bride and groom attend fair enough they should. I do not however see the need for a wedding to be held at every vaileble open ground or peremises with 500 to 3000 peolple being present.

If the wedding is known to the families of the couple as well as a few friends.That should be enough and honestly is there any need to show of really.Which i what a nigerian wedding really is.

why not try and keep things nice at your wedding. and a little calm. Music okay but dancer and getting people drunk at a wedding. Also ending up having to worry about paying for the wedding may not seem relative but they can be bothersome. If you spend all you have on a wedding just to entertain people who are not in either family or friends. Many people seem to come just to eat at nigerian weddings and drink of course they mostly arrive just as the food i ready to be served. then come up with ''i couldnt find the place''.

Let us keep a wedding as what it should be a joyous occasion for the couple getting married and not a finnancial dissaster for two people who are getting married.

All this being said i understand the sociological and psychological thought behind having such large weddings in Nigeria,African Society.

but we could really still try to make a wedding seem normal and within limits of reasoning considering our futures.

NO LARGE OR BIG WEDDINGS ARE NOT REALLY NECESSARY.

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Really? Word.

Well, even if that sense. I'm not sure I want a HUGE reception either. I am not big on appearances unlike the rest of my family. Knowing my luck, I'll probably elope or marry in Vegas and call it a day. Ha.

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not necessary at all!

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when Nigerians think about big weddings, they are usually talking about the reception.

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I'm not into big weddings.

I want a small one. We can have a big party afterwards but the wedding I want small and private.

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we could use more females like you.Even couples who can afford it certainly should have a life after the ceremony?Why should they come out with nothing but a few electricals and loads of plastics and nothing in the pocket?

Think girls espically!Would you rather finish your ceremony and then go look for land to build your house or take those millions and spent it in a few hours?

Don't let the wedding industry influence you.This people make money from making you think a big wedding is important.

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my fellow nairalanders wo everything is based on purse oh and also ao the forth coming husband and wife plan there wedding ohhhhhhhh no matter wat both parents says but big wedding is wahala i'll even prefer just court wedding and after that a very small party if necessary and blessing from my pastor after that make evrybody go there house make dem come chop the remaining rice after 9months.

so that they will not go and start begging after big elaborated wedding cos a story abt one of my friend wey wan wed dey don buy wdding gown already but he still need money for some other things so he went to his boss and tell him that they have bought everything remaining money for wedding gown na so his boss just enter house give him his wife's wedding gown which is not even useful for that my friend, (wat a funny act) just cut ur coat according 2 ur size jareeeeeeeee eyin temi no long thing!!!!!!!!!!!

oro ni yen ohhhhhhh soki lobe oge same na ni gbogbo

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My brova,

i wonder why people go borrow money to do wedding? Infact people shld learn to live thier own lives

there is a little revolution sha going on quietly and very soon, people will learn the hard way

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Statistics already show that elaborate and big weddings hardly last. Think back to back to most weddings you have witnessed in the past and  count how many of thos big ones survive their first 10 years. I think small and well controlled wedding is fantastic provided their is undying love between the couple. No un-invited party of any sort, especially those photographers and drum players. If both of you reside outside the city where u do the wedding, take off to your base as soon as possible immediately after the wedding. Save your money for your future children college education and other important expenses that come after wedding. That's what I'm going to do.

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Nigerian too like notice me

whats abt a big wedding? u do it for that 7 hrs and people notice you and talk abt it for months. after that, what else? people go abt thier business and forget abt it cos a bigger one will come up again by another different person.

Why dont u save the stress and organize a small weddding which will be attended by the very people u love n cherish most rather than having every dick, harry, nkechi, okafor and all naijas.

when will we learn to understand that we exist alone in this world and people will definitely forget you one day even though u do your best to please them.

In truth, IF U DONT LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, YOU CANNOT LOVE ANODA PERSON

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NOT NECESSARY AT ALL, for me i would prefer someting very small, stylish and unique!

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Elaborate weddings are not really necessary, the life after the wedding day ……is really what matters…it’s the main thing…

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very unnecessary. So many do it to please their folks and get their 30 seconds of fame. and then suffer the financial mess afterwards.

Please let me ask, what will u do dat day that hasn't been done b4?

And even at dat, bad belle must dey.

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I just say as long as am gonna be with ma man, i dont mind if there were just 50 people there.

There is no way of getting outta people using aso ebi etc - so i feel i would probably wait till i can spend big before i do it.

I really am not one to be pressured to do something i dont wanna do, so that means my day will be my day.

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Extremely Unnecessary! Unless you just want to feed some hungry stomachs.

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who cares moderate or loud same same

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How necessary are BIG Weddings? Well if you come from a [/b]BIG[b] Family, your people are making [/b]BIG[b] money and your Family name is [/b]BIG[b] then a [/b]BIG[b] wedding is necessary.

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There you are!

There is no way you can have 2000 people and expect the wedding to go smoothly.Many are there just to chop and will complain afterwards.

Also we Nigerians like money so wedding is just another money making machine for most.

Think about it.2 people are starting off most likely in their 20s or 30s .Why would you now keep this young couples in money problems ?

If anything this couples should have more from the wedding then they put it.After all if you love them then you should see their bank account is reading more money then when they started rather then a huge minus!

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I have a friend who after her wedding, people were still calling her and her mum

Saying foolish things, like how they didn't get some rice, chicken or some souvenirs, imagine this

Some Photographers, DJs, uninvited ones, were calling to tell them their pictures were ready

and they should send the money, they were disturbing this gal right, left and center.

I am sorry i cannot have this kind of headache, i want a big wedding but it would be controlled

to the highest level and in a closed place, no unwanted person will show up there.

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such coupls do not only start off broke which is the worst thing to do but worse they used up their family favours.After her parents have spent 2m on a wedding what are the chances of them helping them out afterwards?

Also it amazes me how after the wedding the familes and friends behave.Whether small or big they will quickly put it behind their mind and start smiling even though they might have kept so much pressure of the couple.

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Big weddings do not mean much. Just a way of drawing attention to oneself. come to think of it, what value does it really add to the lives of the couple after saturday?

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I once attended a wedding December 2006. Being an freelance expert in stage management, i could estimate how much the reception cost in lagos. When i started hitting millions, My head started spinning. I prodded further, and - you guess it, they started their honeymoon broke.

Every wedding that's large is bound to have some wolves in sheep's clothing on the invitation list. People need to see this and plan properly, rather than invite enemies.

The pressures are enormous, but at the end of the day, no one's going to be with you two 24/7 afterwards. Its your wedding.

If one can't do a financial examination and actually have something to live on after the wedding, then no one needs to tell you that there's a problem with its own set of wedding rings.

"For better or for worse". lol

PS: An uncle of mine was supposed to give a couple to-be a large sum as a wedding gift. he gave only half, pending some "arrangements" to come through. immediately the wedding was over, he gave them the other.

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The most expensive part of a wedding is the reception and in majority of Nigerian cultures this largely falls on the bride's family simply because this part is English culture we picked up.Remember white wedding and reception is imported culture.

http://www.weddinghelpline.com/whopays.htm

As you can see most falls on the bride's family.Of course, this is certainly not a rule and applies to not all cultures

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I would say its a bloody waste of good well earned money. Nothing wrong in celebrating weddings or anything for that matter. But some people have a habit of flaunting money in the midst of poverty. So I would say moderation does make sense.

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Is it really true that in d yoruba culture, d brides' family sponsors d wedding? it's my second time of hearing that. Is it true? If true, then whats d role of d grooms' family?

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The bigger the bride's Bottom, the bigger the wedding ought to be. una get my logic?

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If you read the posts you see that the majority are aginst huge weddings but yet so few have them on a small scale.

This is largely due to outside influence and I think in a generation time when we have our daughters and sons wedding we will be more acceptable to their views and comments compared to our families of today.

So while hope might be lost for most of us but a selected few , the future looks bright as long as we carry our views to our children.

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Ooh no man, I am talking about my family, Not the woman's family ,

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You be man and you dey demand say it must be huge and they fund it because you read say nah woman's family dey pay?

Wait till you jam Igbo woman and you go know say muson center dey cost well well.

No be all cultures the woman's family funds so watch out haha.

But yes like i posted before i agree on one thing there.If the man or woman is pushing for a big wedding then they should simply fund it.Don't ask someone who does not believe in big weddings to spent its stepping on their principles.The mere fact they agreed to it despite their own wishes is enough sacrifice.

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I said it once and I will everly say it, as long as the parents are pushing me to get married, I will have to give them a list of conditions,

They are funding and it has to be a HUGE wedding, as long as one can afford it, you cant tell the person how to spend money on such a memorable event,

So book the muson center for the reception, Tafawa balewa sqr for the traditional wedding already!! I just cant wait ,

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If you look at it properly unless you are super rich then there is no way you can do it better for 3000 as you would for 50-100  people no way.

For 50 people you can provide a proper 3 course meal ,good champagne and wine,nice favours and  a smooth quiet non chaotic atmosphere in a small good looking reception.

When you have 3k people you are forced to use an open area most of the time ,serve cheap drinks,sit under a canope ,chaos galore  and i highly doubt you can provide a 3 course meal for them and more then some cheap favours.

For you to do the same quality for 50 people as you would for 3k would cost you such a fortune you must be stinking rich.

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if i may ask evryone that has contributed to this thread a simple question: what brand of phone do you use ? arent there smaller phones in the market with the same or better facilities than the one you possess? why opt for that brand? if you ask me 80 % of people that opt for below average weddings do that basically because of finance issues or they do not have friends. besides there is a level we get to in life and certain things must have their boundary.

an important point that was highlighted was that the size of the wedding does not determine the durability or how long the wedding will last, in the same way[b] the cheapness of the wedding does not guarantee that either[/b].

so if you ve got it , FLAUNT IT , except of course its a decision by the parties involved to keep it simple.

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"ANYTHING WORTH DOING ,IS WORTH DOING WELL" that's if u have money to make it elaborate as much as u want it to be on agreement of both parties, nothing wrong with it my dear, but guess sometimes people tend to impress people by going beyound their limmit and budget,even end up borrowwing to make it loud AND AT THE END WILL GO BACK HOME TO SOAK GARRI.

Me i go cut my coat according to my size., but if over to get dey worry me/my guy , hmmmmmmmmm na lagos come chop oooooooooooo.

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my two cent contribution goes like this '' Do it the way you and your partner has agreed that it should be done wether its big or small as long as you guys can afford it, but please never never you go borrowing to make it that way, cos it aint just gonna be dat way after the wedding'' A WEDDING WETHER BIG OR SMALL DOES NOT DETERMINE THAT IT WILL LAST OR NOT, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS WHAT FOLLOWS AFTER THE WEDDING,

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