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A Married Man-can't Help But Cheat On His Wife?

The quote above was what a male friend recently told me.

Its a sad but true situation. Alot of young women go out with married men nowadays, its even now a 'normal trend'.

But why is it normal? What's normal about lying, cheating and taking what isn't rightfully yours?

What is right about a girl spreading her legs for a married man, all for financial benefits? In that situation, what makes her different from a prostitute? Is it caused by the level of poverty or is it just plain moral decadence?

What is right about a man forgetting about an oath he took before God and man (Remember, God takes oaths seriously) and exposing his innocent wife to dangers inherent with extra-marital affairs? What is moral about refusing to pay his child's school fees while spoiling one(or more) useless girl with the latest nokia phone!

And these married men, they become virtual 'mumus' in the hands of these small girls. A normal no-nonsense married man on a good day, would smile like the fool he is, as his girlfriend 'playfully' knocks him on the head and follows it with a 'loving?' slap, something he could never tolerate with his wife.

The main reasons I have been able to reach are that;

1. Some women(though not all) sometimes let themselves go once they are married. They become unattractive and no longer care about their appearance. They also refuse to be adventurous in bed, as their children take the place of their husbands. Ladies, it doesnt have to be like that. You can be beautiful, attractive AND married! One day, those children will leave and all u have left is - U and ur Husband! You are going to be in that marriage, an average of 50 years. U dont have to to look like what a cat vomitted and run from your class reunion year after year. It doesn't require money so much as it requires planning. Planning time, money, kids, updating urself, creating time for u and him to have great sex and other stuff that make married couples tick.

And P-L-E-A-S-E guys, enough with the stories of cheating because of protuding bellies and tied wrappers across flabby bosoms. You know you can restore your wife back to her great self if u really want to! U can still court her like u did when u were dating, u can still be attracted to her like when u first laid eyes on her. U can still be proud to say 'that's my woman' , anytime anyday. You can stop her from sliding into the comfort of monotony and wrapper tying. U dont have to laden her with so many kids, and the few that come dont have to be in quick succession like goats.

God bless the faithful man who loves, keeps and cherishes his wife. God bless the woman who treats her man like her MAN and keeps him satisfied that he doesnt have to look elsewhere!

And for those of you, who delight in getting into married people's life, I have nothing to say to u. I can only preach that u change your ways.

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56 answers

What I found is that when

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Very good post, This is an issue I worry about.

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that is eveil in the sight of God.

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The answers have been so interesting and enlightening. And somewhere along the line, monogamy and polygamy popped up too.

Well, my views are that the bible shouldn't be used as an example, like Abraham had two wives. Because, that was the old testament. We are in a new covenant with God and that is why u and I can go straight to him in prayers unlike then, when u had to ALWAYS go through a priest.

We (especially penticostals) believe that Christ's coming has given us a new covenant with God. Hence, we speak in tongues and we can enter God's presence anytime of the month and not bother about uncleaniless of the body( a result of our monthly periods) and unclean foods like ham etc.

If u want to follow the ways of the old testament, can u handle it, if u were to be tested(liked ur mentor, Abraham) to sacrifice ur only son? That incident happened in the old testament, my dear. And if u shud try doin that now, to sacrifice a human, well, connect the dots!

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Wow, amazing opening post!! 5 stars!!

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what else is monogamy? Where you born with the natural urge to seek a soul mate? It's a social constraint whether you agree with it orn ot

There is fiction in every household whether monogamous or polygamous. have you surveyed all polygamous households?

who knows.

you are right. cancer and lupus are due to sex. I mean there is no sex going on in monogamous relationships. Did central africans have sex with primates to contract AIDS? please you support monogamy due to societal values and not because it's the ideal relationship.

umm there are things called condoms, diaphragms etc. the last time i checked many men go through many sexual partners before settling on a wife (monogamous household aren't safe from std's either).

yeah, you sure have been to every polygamous home and there aren't monogamous homes where the couple can't stand each other. No one in their right sense would tell a man or woman what marital lifestyle they should choose. Not everyone is built to be monogamous. Deal with it

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@Topic.

Who says a man cant help but cheat on his wifee? That musta been a lame-man vagabond's mind set principle or law.

Its very posible as that is what it shld be.

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@bawomolo

i disagree with you that monagamy is a social constraint placed on human beings. There are various reasons why the bible advised one man one woman. Can you tell me if there exist  peace in any polygamous house?

Does a polygamist love all is wives equally? does he treat all his kids equally? Aside these, is there love in a polygamous house between the kids?

Most of the terminal diseases in existence today is as a result of sex. And women bear the brunt of it most. For instance cervical cancer is caused by a viruse which can be gotten from a man who has had so many different sexual partners. Tell me how can the women in a polygamous house escape sexually transmitted disease once someone in the house in infected?

In a polygamous home, the house is a battle ground and the kids bear the brunt the most. Hell No no one in his or her right senses will support polygamy.

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Monogamy is a social constraint humans have placed on themselves . Some people are just not equipped to deal with the one-man one-woman ideal. What exactly is wrong with bigamy/polygamy/polyandry besides the religion stigma against them. People should think deeply before taking a marriage vow.

what's the point of marriage if the mothers raise the girls while the fathers raise the boys. Why not have single parent households where a woman raises her daughters while the men get custody of their sons. This doesn't make sense if marriage is supposed to be an equal-partnership.

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@OP

Everyone in society has a blame in the problem, with the man and gf involved taking the lion share.

Society, and parents in particular, need to curb the excesses of guys as early as possible. The single guy is given free reign to pursue as many ladies as he wants (in series or parallel), and he is then expected to become faithful overnight when married.

Same with the issue of women and sexuality. Under the guise of religion and morality, women are forbidden from exploring sex, and expected to overnight become dynamos in bed. They should at least be allowed to learn the 'theoretical' aspects, even if you will save the lab sessions till after the nuptial knot has been tied. It is difficult for the average woman, who lacks prior sexual experience, to live up to the expectation of a man who has spent the better part of his youth sleeping with various women. Men want to eat their cake and have it, and sadly, society harbors their greed.

Personally I am not sure that things are getting better, as it seems instead of men getting restrained from extra-marital affairs, more married women are joining the fray.

OT

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No Matter how much we are against cheating on one's spouse, i think it is something that will never stop.

As long as a married man is willing to spend on the young ladies compared to the younger guys, the babes will always allow the men to slap dem booties.

As long as there are more men that ladies, there will be cheating.

Is it rght to cheat? not at all, Can it b stopped? i dont think so.

We have a culture that seems to make a man feel good by the number of women he has been with.

Take a case of a father, he will beat the daughter when men come seeing he at home and will be the one encouraging the boys to lay the girls, that is how backward the mentality of Nigeria is.

A culture that will tell a man to go and find another wife all cos the wife he has at home is not gving him a male child.

Time to change all that.

marry your best friend and someone you cant live without.

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this is an interesting thread!

well i would like to shed more light to this. i am not in anyway encouraging a married man to cheat on his wife but at times we women are the ones behind our woes!

some women are very ugly character wise. They make the home front for the man a battle zone. And from what i have learnt, men cherish peace, respect and happiness, once these are missing, they seek them outside.

And if they can find these outside then the wifey at home becomes a goner. You would wonder why a married man dates another person that is not half as beautiful and polished as his wife and the reason is not far fetched. check out the wife's character.

This does not apply to all men, some men are just unfaithful and can never put their thing in the right place.

we the married women should also work on ourselves. A man loves to be treated like a king, respected, and supported.

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I am glad we are having this conversation.

It is boards like this that rasie the tough questions, get the good back and forth and from there the conversations move over to real life.

I cant tell you how many times I have taken something that I read here and talked about it with others.  It can start to make people see things from a different view.

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we need re-orientation on extra marital sex cus it seems its wen a man is satisfied & idle dat e commits adultery d most

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It was a general statement regarding how upbringing effects how some people view sexual relationships. It's not about you

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Black Americans have their own issues btw. Most are raised with church values which is why they have sex young yet refuse to use contraceptives cos then they'd really have to accept that they are fornicating. In their minds being prepared with protection of any sort means you're accepting what you're about to do but they rather be in denial and call it "heat opf the moment" hence the numerous children by teenagers

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I dont believe I said you should care.

Just letting you know that they're full fo poo and people shouldnt take their fake compliments seriously

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They're pathetic is all

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i understand this explanation but what i ask too is that the women they are going outside to meet are they not nigerians demselves? i mean you say the wife is frigid and stuffs and you go out and meet women too, the same nigerian girls they yab and say are frigid. somehow these men manage to find the freaky ones. i think a cheat will give any reason for cheating. some just want some new booty something to experiment with apart from the normal wife (who might even be good in bed). i mean is this not the same nairaland i read something like ''how can i be eating one type of soup everyday?''

i mean this thing dey pain meeeeeeeeeee. i knew of a lovely couple we all stayed in d same compound in naija. the wife ws beautiful,modern high fly sort of chick with a wonderful disposition.And she had a kid, but if u see her like who never born. she had a good job they had a perfect life sort of.well i aint in their bedroom so i cant say anything der. but this guy was cheating.cheating and i wonder y in the name of God will someone do this. it is just in his blood.

it is getting better. slowly and gradually. women are becoming sharper and the average nigerian man is having a change of heart. it gives me hope.

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No the reason they dont use protection is because they were not taught about protection only abstince.

Also teenagers always believe that it cant happen to them.

But this board is not about black americans but Nigerians.

I will be the first to say that black americans have a lot of poo that they need to deal with. And I do my best to head those issue on from the front not the back.

The best defense is a great offense. I try to equip my children with all the necessary resources that they need. Including other adults that they can talk to about stuff they are not comfortable talking to me about.

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Seen

What we are saying is men need to hold their side tight, but women have a moral obligation to stop snatching married men from their wives. . . Even if you're the most morally upright man on earth today, a woman will go and wear jazz on her waist and claim u from your wife, will u clap for such women?

I cant blame people like sistawoman and DeReloaded who may or may not be nigerians, they're probably not very used to jazz but i have seen jazz in action and as much as i dont believe in it, i saw the reality of it, LIVE!!!

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Men need to have self control in d field of seduction

whit i am a human is wat matters, the modify box disappeared early dis afternoon

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How old is the husband sef?

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Im sure most of the guys on this board are younger than your husband. It's all pretense

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@Dreloaded n sista-nice conversation. But u gotta realize that the men are'nt entirely to blame. Yes,some men go ballistic when their partners try to discuss their sex lives,but some(like yours truly)dont mind at all. In fact they'd be more than happy to discuss how they can please each other better,except the women disagree. I once dated a girl who absolutely refused to talk about sex with me. She thought it was dirty talk,n talkin about it somehow made her loose. I mean,how hypocritical is that? It wasnt like i wasnt already having sex with her. Nigerian women in general view talking about sex as a taboo. If their partners suggested a more creative sexual position,the majority of them would b like,tufiakwa,God forbid bad thing etc,so why should we bother to ask? Thankfully,my gf isnt like that. Even though she's very opinionated and even a bit of a feminist,sex was the one thing she couldnt talk about. At first she was so embarassed n it was very very awkward,but at least,she was willing to try. So ladies,try n understand us. We understand the 'nigerian mentality' nd all,but sometimes it can b very frustrating for us.

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the truth is most of them are frigid

sistawoman ur husband told u the whole truth

JJYOU ur also right

they want a freak in the bed but would raise hell if she should come in the form of a wife

they are simply confused

why pay for 2 when u can get the 2 in 1?

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If there are open conversations about sex and sexuality then showing what you learned is not a problem.

How about poping in a blue film with your husband to enjoy?

According to him thou this younger generation of men are far better at understanding this then his or his parents or his grandparents.

If the generations are pregressing as they move along then the women have to keep up.

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and Im telling you why it's not possible for some of them. What

's the point of "learning how to play" when she cant show what she learned?

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no matter d arguement we all pose for defense, there isno way a man can luv 2 women equally so they serve diffrent purposes to suit his diverse needs

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But is that not what i covered in my opening post?

You are saying the very same thing that hubby and I talked about.

You asked me how can a virgan know how to play very well, and I told you how.

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this is a serious issue that requires serious thought from every one.Most of the times,ladies seduced men to have sex with them or how can you explain a situation whereby a lady would be parading herself in front of you at a joint as if she is contesting for miss beauty peagent?a perfect and complete man cannot help but look at her uncontrollably.ladies please help us,men are not angels!

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I have no business with the Qu'ran. Point remains there are many passages In The New Testament about one man, one wife. If you wanna be in denial, that's your business. Just stop lying.

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These other women are not to blame.  They did not make the commitment in front of God, family and friends to honor your wife and lay with only her.  The husband took this oath.  It is the husbands responsibilty to tell these women "GET BEHIND ME SATAN" and keep it moving.

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Give me a break.  First off, I bet YOU didnt have a convo with your own mother about sex, talkless of Naija women doing such so dont even start that. You have a long way to go in understanding Naija mentality, sistawoman. Marrying a Naija man doesnt mean you know anything about the mindset. Even on the so called "liberal NL", most of the Naija women that talk about such things freely are looked down upon by the dudes. They pretend to be ok with it, cool with it but they say crap behind your back, sometimes straight to face if there's ever an arguement in the future.

You really think when you start your raunchy threads, people arent talking poo about you? I assure you, they are and while they pat you on the back with "I love how sista just says it like it blah blah", the same people will use that VERY reason to never marry a black american. Better dont let these snakes fool you.

Many times you see them mention how Jamo girls and such are great in bed blah blah while Naija women are like fish, how many Nigerians do you know that are actually MARRIED to these women? They play the field with these girls then go to bush to find a naive naija chick.

Just recently jenni was talking about how an acquaintance of hers couldnt bring up bedroom tricks to her husband cos she did it once and the husband went into a rage demanding to know where she learnt it from, why does she know such things, blah blah blah and she begged him and since then it's been quiet missionary. These same dude will look for some hooker from the universities, complaining that the wife is "frigid"

You have a lot to learn.

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Everyone is saying naija men are evil, have u not seen girls that hang around sports clubs, hotels, and areas that these big men are likely to go to with their friends to unwind? I remember when i was in naija, how i used to go out in the evenings with my elder uncles and u just see these girls throwing themselves at their feet and seeking attention in many many ways even when they could see the ring he was wearing. He always advised me never to allow such people ruin my marriage in future.

I think u cannot overly blame men, some have strong will, others dont. . .  But it is the women who knowingly lead these men to the slaughter house and destroy homes just for their selfish reasons.

I suggest u buy a bible and a qur'an as well, read both from cover to cover and then return and argue your point

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I suggest you buy a new Bible.

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By talking to thier friends about sex. By hearing other people talk about sex. By reading books about sex. By having conversations with thier moms about sex. By watching Indecency films.

If she wants to know how to play well then she should do her research.

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Rofl, Ironically these are ALWAYS the men looking for underaged virgin wives. So how exactly is a virgin wife "supposed to know how to play well"

Imbeciles.

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Dont know about the people you know but such doesnt work in my family.

a man that wants to cheat shouldnt get married, simple and if women still intend on marrying such men, na their own wahala be that

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You have a point, there are women who are even more daring ( i guess they believe what is good for the rooster is good for the Hen) but i stilll insist that there are more men at it than women, it is oh so glaring.

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Our opening poster sounds idealistic. Its obvious she is not married. When she grows up she will understand these issues better.

In the meantime try and concentrate on issues of love and loving and leave the heavier stuff alone.

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No buddy, me still thinks you find more nigerian men at it.

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most nigerian women are as bad as the nigerian men. i know you all dont go about admitting to sleeping around but truth be told the whole society is at it and it is obscene.

if you think majority of the emergency contractors in nigeria are getting contracts because they speak good english or come from a well connected husband or family think again.

the sad fact is the maried women are worse than single women not even religion imune most from their insatiable quest for money and the "good" things of life.

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@ Ben2001

Yes o, dose small girls need serious talkin to, unfortunately the man money sweet pass im tin, I doubt dey go listen to a word we say!!

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@ poster,

It is extremely sad and sistawoman, your hubby is right when he said looking for a married man in Nigeria without a girlfriend is looking for a needle in haystack. The sad part is that it is okay most times for the man to cheat but 99% of these men cant stand it when another man layng their wives. If you want to see the true anger of a nigerian man then lay with his wife , God help you if you see the next day.

What happens to the saying

"treat others the same way you want them to treat you"? Do men think they are superior beings or are they just loose? Are they that weak when it comes to controlling their urges? Me thinks they should use their so called manly strength in controlling themselves, we are humans, we have the power to control ourselves.

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A Married Man-can't Help But Cheat On His Wife?

he the happen

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@topic,

dont lay d blame solely on Naija husbands o,some ladies within few months of marriage & u ask ur self is dis d woman i married.some bloat faster than a balloon,stop putting on those sexy clothes & start tying wrapper,infact u begin 2 ask urself as a husband,were is dat sexy gal i married?so u see the ladies contribute to dis trend, transforming themselves from the honey (d husband married) to mama bomboy.

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