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Am I Doing The Right Being A Single Mum?!

hey guys, am really depressed rite now,afta 4 yrs in a relationshp wit this guy and a baby, i realise that it is nt as rosy as i tot,we keep having probs weneva we discuss mariage cos both families are though christians, from different denominations - am catholic and he is anglican.

i tot d wedding is supposed to be in the girl's church and i was even ready to leave the catholic church for him, move in with him to a real slum and b with him wiaeva, accept terrible condition of life with him, even afta all i went thru when i was pregnant (he used it as a weapon against me, he would threaten to leave at any slitest provocation,he insulted my parents cos he knew they just wantd to cover up the shame of my not being marrid, and worstt of all he just disapeared when i was 4mnths gone and reapeared when the baby was born)

wen he came bak and i asked for an apology, he was lyk "4get bout wateva happend tis in d past, can u prove i did it anyway" i trid to let things go cos of my daughter, i didnt want a brokn home for her so we got bak to lovin each oda bt till today,his fam havnt shown any suport, they dnt even come to see the baby and wen he comes to discuss mariage with my folks they dnt come arnd, if i confrnt him wit it of nything at all he goes off n lets me know that i am now a tokunbo chic and he was doing me a favour by marring me in d 1st place, at 1st, he realy killed my self esteem

tins now am tird of everything and i nid a breath of fresh air, so i told him off, rather rudely as i have a really bad temper sumtyms, nw i feel guilty bout it all, dnt know if am doing the rite thing, and wat bout my girl, she's going to have to grow up witout daddy always been arnd for her, and plus i feel pity for the guy and i think that mite be all i've ever felt for him - pity

guys pls wat do u tink?

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5 answers

What am saying is that everybody deserves to be happy.

If you are in a relationship and you are not happy, then leave if you have tried all to work it out and its not happening.

If you dont, u are laying a very bad foundation for that child - and just causing the child to be messed up emotionally.

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The advice from Siena is really good.

From vast experience, I would also tell you never marry anyone out

of pity - eventually when the pity goes and is not repalced by love,

you'll feel trapped in that union.

Also a guy who disappears when you are 4 months pregnant and appears

after the baby is born is irresponsible and scared of responsibilty. You can be

sure that in the long run, he will not stand by you to take care of your kids. He'll

always be on the look out for a fresh relationship with less responsibility. You are

better off without him, just trust God for the right man.

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I don't fancy people who make choices and later seek other's approval.

@ poster

From your post I can easily deduce you are afraid of being left alone with no support. You don't have to. it's better being off alone than to be with an Naughty Person because everyday that passes, your self-esteem and your child's psychological growth are put at risk. As a mother you ought to make your child grow up in an enviroment with good examples of life.

This said, sit down amd think of the type of image you are giving your child.

I know you are very worried of your child's future and for this reason, every human being with his senses in the right place, would advice you to leave as soon as you can. A mother suffering from low-esteem is the worst that can ever happen to a child.

Sorry to say this, but that is the truth!

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@Poster

It is very wrong to want a man out of pity for him or want him just because he is the father of your girl - you did not mention anything thing like love for him, which is the real thing people get married for. Remember marriage is a life long affair, ask yourself, do you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? There is nothing wrong in raising your daughter as a single Mum if you dont see eye to eye with the Dad, and if you dont see yourself having a blissful marriage with him.

Well, it seems he is not realy in love with you either - according to you, he thinks he will be doing you a favour by getting married to you in the first case- where do people get married just because they want to favour each other? that to me is very silly to say.

Seems he doesnt love you- you dont seem to love him, its good you have a daughter - focus on taking care of your daughter, and if you think he is having a real change of heart and you realy want him in your life forever, then - thread carefully, but for now, I'll advise you let him be - leave him alone.

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@ Amie: Forget that guy! He sounds like a typical Nigerian man, that just loves to dominate, that's something you could well do without!

The fact that you're a single mother doesn't mean you're bad, neither does it mean your child would be any less loved. Just maintain contact with your ex, for the childs sake, and let them get to know each other.

But as far as getting married to the guy, please, don't! I can't see it working out, a guy that can disrespect your parents will disrespect you too, over the slightest issue. He sounds like the sort that'll provoke you into an arguement, just so he can put you down. It'll always be about him, I'm afraid.

Move on with your life, you'll find someone who'll treat you with the respect you deserve, it doesn't matter that you're a single mother, this isn't 1975, things have moved on, snd single parents are pretty common, and don't make you a pariah.

Depression is a serious affliction, please, see a doctor, who may either refer you fro counselling, or prescribe some medication for you short term.

I wish you the best of luck.

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