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Am I Having An Affair With This Smart Girl?

I've married for 8 years.  My wife and I have a general marriage life.  Everything is so fine till recently,

I met a lady in my working place.  My boss teamed us up for a project.  At first, I just thought she is a diligent, independent, and smart girl.  She is quite attractive, honestly, and is still single.  Well, I only take her as a good and close working buddy.  We often share lunch time talking about the project because there is really many details to work on.  The official meeting hours are not enough, and we both think discussing it outside the office hour is a good idea.  Somehow, we start to chat something beside the project because we agree both of us are quite team players and would like to know each other more.  We become close friends.  So far, it is good and my wife knows my special colleague as well.  Recently, I don't remember when and how we start the topic, that we start to talk about sex.  I suddenly find that we both have good preference on sex, and this topic really make us hot.  Real hot.  We really want to have sex with each other at those moments; however, we both stopped, which is good because I'm in a marriage.  Well, my wife never would like to talk about sex with me for those years even I've tried very hard to do that, then I give up.  Now there is a close working partner would like to share this Intimate thoughts with me and at that time, even we did not really physically in touch with each other, the emotional and psychological connection is just perfect for both of us,  that feels really really good.  We both want to talk about it again and again to satisfy our imagination, say, fantasy.  It's really magical, indeed.

I don't know how to define this kind of relationship with this girl.  Am I having an affair with her?  Am I cheating on my wife?  Is there any implicit problem in my marriage that I keep indulging myself in this mental closeness with this girl?  What should I do?

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38 answers

@poster,

please are you looking for a reason to cheat on your wife?Its not worth it at all, you re only exposing yourself to the temptation of infidelity and you re seeing it coming.flee from it as you ve not indulged your self in any form of sex with your co worker. make your wife comfortable to talk about sex with you and be more disciplined not to keep talking about sex with your co worker.If you fall into the temptation with her and your wife finds out,you ve betrayed whatever trust she had for you and it is the worst thing that can happen to your marriage.being a man is about self discipline and being able to lay the cards on the table as they are. I wish you good luck,

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@poster, Yes dude! u're cheating with time

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If you knew you liked talking about sex, why did you not marry a woman who liked it too?

You married your wife for some other reasons you perceived good at that time e.g good girl-never been touched and you suddenly want her to start to talk about sex?

How do you expect a woman whose way of life has been different to suddenly wake up one morning and start to do strange things just because her husbands wants it? If she eventually would get to do it, it will require some patience on the side of the man and that is difficult to find!

My point; do not marry one thing and desire another thereby making your wife's life miserable. Marry what you desire and be ready to face the consequence.

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Flee from all apperances of Evil!!!

Desist from seeing this girl in private and all discussions must be limited to your project!!!

See the limits of your discussion with her and all will be well.

If u love your wife, protect your marriage!!!

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Well to some people what is the difference between planain chips and kpekere? PACKAGING. So although your wife might have everything this girl has the packaging is different. Honestly u need 2 leave this girl alone ai'nt u never heard of this: DO NOT MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE. It might turn around later to haunt u and u also need 2 start looking for ways to get ur wife 2 talk sex with u else, Ur marriage might collapse

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You are definitely cheating on her, emotionally , it's actually worse than you cheating on her physically IMO.

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u and dis girl need distance and soon

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You are treading on a wrong part. Just discuss your project issue and leave the rest. If you are having problems with your wife call her and sit with her one on one. Have a heart to heart talk and then seek counsel.

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i have found out that most married couples think an affair only happens when there is sexual intimacy involved. hell no!!!! an affair happens once there is some other person you share emotions with, apart from your partner

you are kind of attached to this female colleague of yours emotionally and do you want to tell me you have not thought of doing it with her. i am sure you take extra care dressing up in the morning just because of her,

stop meeting with her for lunch and cut all the emotional talks with her before it leads to something you cannot handle,

get your wife interested in talking about sex with you. i used to be in your wives shoes but my husband pulled me out of my shell. if i don't talk about my sexual life with my husband then who do i discuss it with?

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Hmm! This sounds so Dr Philish. So what is it about this lady that your wife does not have? After talking about sex, you will get to experiment  with this new buddy, and  you are going to feel the same way. Over excited  when see you bosoms,  U feel them and get bored later. Its all the same. I think men are biologicall inferior when it comes to sex. Talking about sex  makes no difference, because the bottom line is  to sleep with this lady and you going to regret after 15 minute of ecstasy and loss of memory.

Here is an economic equation for you?

Talking sex + having sex == disaster, divorce, heartbreak, loss of job, legal fees,debts,family disunity, shame, custody battle etc

with your wife , Talking sex + having sex oops making love ==  disaster, divorce, heartbreak, loss of job, legal fees,debts,family disunity, shame, custody battle etc HAPPINESS.

I believe that humans should  not self destruct or engage in anything that does not add value. What does it profit a man if he talks about sex with a stranger and loses his livelyhood. Why don't you read EVE by James Hardley Chase

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I think ilovepeda's been banned long ago and she aint coming back.

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I hope you've not done it yet?

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ilovepda

cut ur "spermy" dick off n uil hv piss in ur fake marriage, 4 real

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dont!! dont even think of it

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soundz like they spend a lot of tym together

STOP IT

both of you will lose control before u no it

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Take your destiny in your own hands. There are some things you dont discuss or seek advice from general public, this is inclusive. An average human beings are pretenders, they say something and practice another things. To me, the issue of sex partners and being faithful is a self decision which you dont put in public debate. An average public will never support cheating or being unfaithful, but they may be in the middle of such scenarios. You cant get a good advice here, where you can get an advice is from a close friend or confidant. If you need my public advice anyway, and I hasten to add that I dont care whose ox is gored. If you like the girl, and your sex appeal click very well, take your destiny in your own hands my brother. But remember, next time, you dont seek this type of advice from public, they wont give you the kind of advice that the ear does not want to hear, but the kind that will drum a good music into the ear. Enough word is good for the wise one.

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Let us focus on the story because even if not real to the originator, it is real to some men.

Deep in the originator's mind, this deal is 95% done. Fornication abi na adultery is a difficult sin to run away from. It is far easier to reject egunje than to reject "free" promising hot sex for a gu y. Believe or not, most gu ys will grab free hot sex anyday if not for the laws forbiding it or consequencies that might follow. From my expereince, this he/she  gu y has gone too far and only the grace of God can save him/her from falling flat on his/her face. I remember what one of my clients told me : He could not concentrate for days because he chatted with a hot Niaja babe on the nternet and the babe after describing her equally hot room mate passionately urged him to come from obodo oyinbo to visit them. This  line, and pardon my Agengule text here for a moment "You go gree fu*k us?" which the girl asked him, gave him an Intimate Attention for months. Na so some bobos be.

You see, gu ys are very funny creatures and small thing, dey don derail. This he/she gu y is already gone, except of course by the grace of God. But he seems to be orbiting away from God with an Escape Velocity. Only heavy fasting and prayer warriors' involvement than solve this problem or a drastic physical action like resignation from the company and fleeing town one time.

One person in this forum said it nicely, "Flee from Fornication" It didn't say walk away or turn away. Before the body go fall, the mind don over fall since.

Wettin that he/she gu y wan talk about sex with a single and perhaps sex starved spinster for biko nu?

Is it after 8 years that he discovered that his wife cannot talk about sex openly

Does this he/she think that this hot babe will be as hot in 8 years?

Make una forget matter, water don pass garri already.  Person wey the gods wan kill dem go first make am mad, no be so?

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O.K, well I for one didn't mean to be hateful or anything. I just don't like be taken for a fool. So if that is not the case, I am willing to hear an explanation or whatever. That is, if the person in question is interested in giving one.

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Pls my brother call your co-worker and tell her your problem in your marriage and your fillings for her.

Tell her that you want her to help you out because you don't want to cheat your wife.

Tell her that any time you are using your[b] Dick[/b] to think instead of your brain you want her to tap your[b] brain[/b] because u don't want to offend GOD from her side is that clear sir. BELIEVE ME SHE IS YOUR BEST TEACHER  AT THIS MOMENT

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I'm ignoring all the jokes to answer the author of this post with hope that he's not playing with my mind.

I think I understand that after 8 years of marriage, u kinda wanna try something u don't get to do in your marriage( in this case that will be talking about sex with ur wife) however, it's a huge risk if not a mistake. It's a risk because u are neglecting 8 years of marriage for something that will fetch u about 10% happiness while ur wife provides the 90%. It's a huge risk because if u go for it, it could potentially ruin ur marriage which u might not see at this current time. This whole situation is considered a temptation. It is easier to avoid temptation that to overcome it. Well, some how u couldn't avoid it and now she's working with u, all u gotta do is to overcome it.

My friend, weigh the pros and cons before u make your decision because u know what's best for u. Here lies the option of good and bad but the choice is yours!

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Cant u guyz do mathematics ?! If he is wondering if "She should tell his wife he is having an affair with her" then and now he is close to having an affair with another "Her" it could be explianed like this.

He is gay and the female partner in the first case and the masculine partner in this case

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I think Ilovepda is a huge fake. I mean look at the similarities of the stories, stuff to do with sex and unfaithfulness in marriage, and then posing as a male and female in both instances. We have been decieved. yeye pesin. i no no whether to call u man or woman sef.

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He/she posted as a woman in this thread, and now he or she is posting as a man. I think he/she is a woman.

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@ bettyboop, i dont get u? i'm confused.

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Ilovepda

please tell me are you male or female? i was reading one post of yours from earlier this year, and like here again i am confused are you pulling the wool over our eyes?

I was going to reply but thought i ask first save wasting my time if you are doing this for fun , forgive me if i am wrong. below is what i mean

[Should I Tell His Wife That He Is Having An Affair With Me? ]

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Umm, good looks, an interest in him, interest in similar activities, a coworker, should I go on?

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for the sake of your marriage and reputation i mean what has she got that your wife hasnt dont even think of it

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thatz right u better flee and flee quick, the worst thing u'll do is to cheat on your beloved wifey

try to stop sex talks with the girl because the more you talk about sex the more you both wanna feel it and if you do you won't like the outcome

please for the sake of love (your wife's love) and for te good of everyone

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My own opinion is this - if you are going to do it, just make sure that nobody discovers it. I'm not saying that you should do it, but if you do do it any anybody knows about it, your marriage will suffer. It is better to cheat and not let anybody know than to cheat and break someones heart.

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if you give in and have sex with her or start a sexuall relationship with her, it will be fun yea but how long will it last a week? a month? and then what if your wife finds out you break her heart she gets a divorce all for some fantasy .its never worth it talk to wife and let her know how much you would like to talk about sex and better stop talking sex with that girl before you start having sex with her

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Well CONSULTANt has advised u better pls. My marriage will be 10 this June, full of ups and downs due to unwarranted extra marital affairs I found myself in, carelessly. It was really troublous for us to sort it out, but my wife really tried, by standing by me to make sure that I forget about what happened in time.

In fact am planning to buy her a JEEP for our wedding anniversary in June. Pls open up to your wife, plead with her prayerfully, while letting her realise her worth to you. All will be well. As for your colleagu, pls be careful, cos mine also was like your story

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Oh dear. There is fire on the mountain. Please, this friendship has to go on a break today!

It won't help. You can only tell her when you have stopped talking to the girl for a complete month. The way she will react as a typical Nigerian woman will only push you closer to the girl. Please don't tell her.

What you need to figure out is how to get her interested in sex talk. Tell us about your wife. Is she beautiful? Is she old? Is she smart? Is she a stay-at-home mom, a businesswoman or an office worker herself? Is she the church-going type that thinks that sex is dirty, unspiritual, and only suitable for making babies?

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Yea thats the truth, Stop talking to her rite now unless it becomes big trouble.

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But you have to stop talking with the girl while we figure out what to do. Help!

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You need to realize that after being married for a while , the grass starts to look greener on the other side. Marriage takes work to keep the flames glowing. Go home to your wife, invest the time you spend with this girl spicing up your relationship with your wife. Make her understand that there are areas of your marriage in which you are unfulfilled. She might not be as adventurous as you sexually, but i'm sure you can reach a compromise that will work for both of you. Please don't cheat on your wife, remember the vows that you made and take them seriously.

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Just like Seun said, you're really close to cheat on your wife and complicate your marriage. I'm not saying you must stick to your marriage, but now is the time to evaluate the whole situation based on the facts and what will make you happy in life. Remember you have to focus on long term benefit rather than a short term gain of screwing this co-worker. It's not advisable to do a one-time with a co-worker.

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You are very close to cheating on your wife. You need to figure out a way to get your wife interested in talking about sex, or else there will be big problems. This is a case of "unmet needs", the leading cause of marital infidelity. Calabarman, Cimonjorr, aqua, masters of seduction, please jump in and help this marriage! The clock has started ticking on it. Oh dear.

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