«Home

An Arranged Marriage: Is It Right?

Arranged marriages are very tough to deal with and you have to stand up to you, your parents and give out your rights. You DON'T have to get an arranged marriage but the only reason why you are getting an arranged marriage is because you want to respect your family.

Don't just respect your family, respect you instincts and yourself. Don't let anyone take over you. You have a brain.

Lots of children that are only about 12-16 years old have to go through an arranged marriage. It is ver tough and hard to go through. You have rights and you only marry for love. Remember, love is only the true thing in life. It keeps you living.

Marry someone YOU love. Don't let anyone else get in the way. That is just my opinion. What do you think about an arranged marriage?? How would you feel if this happened to you and you had to make the decision to stand up to your rights our just bare with it?? What would your deicision be to you and your family?

Avatar
Newbie
41 answers

vanitty makes a valid point there esp. in trying to explain the difference between arranged/ "forced"

0
Avatar
Newbie

It is arranged because they didn’t meet the regular way couples do. The parent “picked” the spouse however the marriage was performed with the full and free consent of both couples; they may choose to marry one another. They always have the choice to opt out.

If a muslim lady or gentleman cannot say NO, then it is forced. No two ways about it.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Maybe I am confusing the two,

But if both are willing, then how is that arranged?

It's same as a regular proposal, only with representatives from each side.

Muslims do arranged marriage most of the time.

Do the kids ever know till it's the last minute?

Do have the personal right to ever say no?

0
Avatar
Newbie

^ Toyin

I think you are confusing the two.

The definition you just gave is for forced.

In a true arranged marriage both couples have to be willing and can always say no.

In the situation when after they say No, the parents insist then it becomes forced. Do you get it now?

You cannot equate “arranged” with “forced”

They are very different from each other.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It's obvious you don't.

Forced marriage or arranged marriage, they're both on the same playground.

Neither side has the [i]consent [/i]to marry another. . . .

In arranged marriage, both people concerned may have knowledge of what is to happen, but CANNOT say "nay".

Forced marriage may be a result of a consequence (such as pregnancy), therefore the "dude" has no choice but to marry her, could only happen in third-world country or if the guy has any sense of responsibility.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Arranged marriage . . . there is no right or wrong in this.

Forced marriage is very wrong though.

We all marry for different reasons, some for love, some for security e.t.c so who is to say a couple in an arranged marriage is not satisfied in it.

There is nothing bad in arranged marriage as long as there is consent from both people involved.

0
Avatar
Newbie

people against arranged marriages, and recommending that the individual choose their partner, implicitly assume that the individual knows what is best for him/her. Unfortunately it is not always the case. The same parents, whom some of you feel shouldn't have a say in the choice of the spouse, will be the first people the aggrieved party will run to when things go south.

Arranged marriages is suited to some, and not suited to others. Stop making sweeping statements like all humans are same and sane.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Poster, are you mad?

What kinda question is this? Who likes living without a personal right?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Yes arranged marriage is RIGHT!

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Lindoblong, you are good with insults, isn't it?

since your brain is oblong, try straightening it out. Are you so daft that you think you have heard from MOST of the women in arranged marriages?

These silly people just open their gullets and spill rubbish. The only women who come out to say such are the ones whose arranged marriages were wrong in the first place. The world has not heard anything from 99% of the people in arranged marriages; yet it suits idiots to make claims based on the handful of people who come out to speak about their bad experiences.

Daftness magnified

0
Avatar
Newbie

@dudu-dumbass

next time you want to spell my name then spell right!

and okay I will explain

most of the women who have said that they were in arranged marriages said that they weren't truely happy within their marriages and that they regretted it, and that's simply why I stated what I had stated.

@Ivvie

how is what I stated a fairytale?

so now you're trying to say that my way of thinking is simply based on movies and hollywood, I don't think so

It's my opinion and I have the right to think what I think and if yall gotta problem with it then get over it and just move on with it.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@topic

theres nothing wrong with arranged marriages if the guy/girl has a choice of rejecting or choosing the matches the family come up with

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ lindabolong. you have yet to tell us how you arrived at the conclusion below.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@dudu-bobo

Ok first of all what the does media have to do with anything, so don't go and start bashing my opinons just because you don't agree with them.

Everyone one is entitled to their own opinion so I was just simply answering the question from my point of view, if you don't like it then simply get over it.

I was just trying to state a few simples example of what happens in a[i] failed[/i] arranged marriage and[i] yes[/i] in some of  instances what I stated are true.

So my whole main point was that arranged marriage to me is wrong and that you shouldn't try to control other people's destiny and future.

0
Avatar
Newbie

who created that order?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Arranged marriage is bang right out of order, simple as that!

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Topic,

I would not agree to an arrange marriage but just the other day I went to a hair salon and there was this magazine which states about the difference between arrange marriage and the ones with the free will marriage and they showed a statistic chart stating that there were more divorce couples on the free will marriage compared to those arrange marriage so does it mean that the free will marriage is bad?

0
Avatar
Newbie

How do know this? You think what you read in your media is always correct because you think the media knows what's going on in everyone's mind and life?

Who decides the measure of every individual's happiness?

You should only speak for yourself and not start making assumptions that every other person who says something that does not fit your expectation has to be making such things up.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I personally think that arranged marriages are just wrong because it's not even based on true love; half of the time they don't even know a single thing about each and they just don't work.

And also the other thing that I just absolutely hate is when they try to arrange these types of marriages at birth or even before the child is actually born.

Even if the marriage lasts or if they've been together for a while, they're never really happy in the end anyway and if they say that they are then most of the time they're just trying to put a front up or mask their true feelings.

I believe that we as humans should just let things run on it's natural course and let God deal with all of it and stop trying to control our futures because it's really not even up to us.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Sometimes they work, other times, they dont.

Different strokes for different folks.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I'm in between they aren't for me and they can work out just fine for some people but I'm not big on anyone getting married under 21.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Unfortunately arranged marriage is here to stay, parents will always choose for their son/daughter. I think its so wrong. We should be able to make our own choice good or bad.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It depends on if the paries involved dont mind it some guys abroad these days send messages to mama to look for a good girl and contact her family on his behalf and if the chic doesnt mind she will accept to be his bride in some arranged marriages the couple are given time to meet and know each other but one cant realy count on that though. The only problem I have is with forced marriages where parents just look for a man and insist on their daughter marrying a total stranger she feels nothing for and she definately doesnt want to marry and vice versa.

Arrangee wedding is not wrong as long as one is not forced into it and the people involved know what they are getting into needs patience and lots of patience to get used to one another's faults.

0
Avatar
Newbie

yes a mother can , but that doesn't mean we should have to marry

0
Avatar
Newbie

if its works out , yea

if its doesnt, no

aftermath counts,

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Topic,

Lets all ask ourself. The name might be old but how is "arranged marriage" different from your friend hooking you up with someone else? I wouldnt kick against it if its my culture because the decision was made by someone else with a clear mind.

You meet someone, you like some feature about that person (eyes, butt, bosoms, height, etc etc) those things will instantly override your judgement/sanity and there is possibility of throwing caution into the wind. Things happens very quickly, 3 months down the road, girl is pregnant, guy is nowhere to be found and to make matter worse girl found out guy is married with 2 other children outside the wedlock. Now what?

However, if its arranged, its usually by people with your interest at heart, they can judge the 2 people and see if they'll match and go for it. Thats why divorce rate is low. whenever there is a problem, the family steps in. Everybody gets back in line because the family is involved. Rather than go to a therapist and pay $200/hr and talk to someone who knows nothin about u.

You go to dating site and they have something like xteristics match. Well thats what people who arranged marriage will do before they match people. Arranged marriage usually do a better job is not matching people of divergent xter (introvert vs extrovert etc). So when you kick against arrange marriage, but you're more than willing to let your friend set you up when he was drunk at a party or go to dating site and trying to sort out through the maze yourself.

And you call that smart?

0
Avatar
Newbie

In todays world the both the man being arranged a wife and the arranged wife better submit for AIDS test before anything O.

There are very few Saint Ngozikas and Saint Chukwuemeka out there.

I have heard some horror stories about these"innocent untouched girls"

The more reason why no one should coerce another into marrying anyone.

o dikwa very risky.

0
Avatar
Newbie

coming from the north there are alot of arranged marriages.

My cousin had an arranged marriage, all he had to do was place an order as i like to put it.

he said he wnated his wife to be tall slim, have a big Bottom, and have very long hair, preferably fulani.

And that was what he go, a beautiful fulani girl that now has three beautiful kids for him and is living the fabulous life of a KEPT woman.

Never, i cant have arrangee marriage

0
Avatar
Newbie

hmmmmmmmm arrange marriage, nobody will ever live my life for me, i plan it the way i want it. ta lo fe fe omo oko

0
Avatar
Newbie

hmmmmmmmm arrange marriage, nobody will ever live my life for me, i plan it the way i want it. ta lo fe fe omo oko

0
Avatar
Newbie

ARRANGED MARRIAGES have been going on for centuries, even the english royal family do it. nothing wrong with it, i think there is nothing wrong with it at all, the only thing i dont like is if, it is forced, you can arrange a marriage but forcing someone to go through with it is a no no. i have seen one girl very happy with her marriage arranged atcually 2 girls one is Indian and the other Gambian. they happily married. Anyone can arrange a marriage and sometimes maybe an unbiased mind will do a better job that the person involved. It all boils down to the two ppl, its up to you to make it work

0
Avatar
Newbie

I as a person didn't support the idea, but if we view it from this angle "the rate of divorce is far higher in western world where you are free to choose your partner than in a place like Indian where there marriages are arranged. I have an Indian female freind, when she came to Nigeria,we talked a lot about this marriage and she told me that" love start and grows as you stay with your partner" i.e the love may not be there initially, though she reasoned with all my counter argument about this, she told me that "apart from the culture stuff of arraged marriage that they (indians) are still faithful and loyal to there spouse than the western world.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I disagree. Introducing people to each other does not qualify for "arranged marriage", this is because the 'introducer'/middleman might not have a marriage motive for introducing the two to each other and does not do more than introduction. "Arrange" in the English context means a pre-planned, organised scheme. That is, the person introduces you to the bachelor/spinster and then goes ahead to persuade you and make plans and schemes to make you marry the person. This is wrong and it is akin to forced marriage.

0
Avatar
Newbie

What is arranged marriage? And what is forced marriage?

Before you go for or against arranged marriage ask your self what is it all about? I am not the author of this "arranged marriage" but if I should be allowed to give my own definition of "arranged marriage" I will say it is a marriage that came to be as a result of another person who acts as a middle man. A marriage where someone brought the couple together and talk to them to marry each other. If I am correct in this then where do you belong? Will you go against it or for it.

If we should be sincere to ourself especially the girls. They do not agree to go out with any man at the first time of meeting, it require alot of sending of cards, flowers, gifts and (thank God for GSM) making of calls. Most of the time, it will require the girls best friend talking to her, just for two of you to be friends.

If it require someone to intervene between a girl and a boy to become freind, what is wrong if someone arrange a meeting between people that want to marry. The arrangement by that person is to create a platform for the people to meet. And personally I do not see anything wrong in that. The arrangement or bringing together of two people to get marraige does not mean that they must marry. It is only if they love each other and probably agree to that.

Who will tell me that he or she have not seen someone and admire the person and even gone to the extent of telling someone to bring you and that person together. What is the difference between someone introducing you to a handsome guy who admires you and want to marry you and the so called arranged marriage.

If you are talking of someone forcing a man or woman to marry someone, then that is a different issue. May be we may call that a forced marriage. Which I do not like at all.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It's wrong men. Totally wrong. No one can choose my husband for me because I'm the one that's going to live with him for the rest of my life, not the 'choosers/arrangers'. This is a major decision that should be down to personal choice.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Huh you are saying it as if it that easy, well sorry sister there are many young ladies and men out there who are forced to be married or something like that but the question is are you going to fall the victim? or will you prevent it,

As for the topic it is not good to allow forced married because it take two to tangle along before they can become one, Is not just want we think , to come with someone you dont know, different mentality, behaviour and so no, to become one! huh, it is not just easy my friends so let just take our time and see to our best that we choose for ourself and no one to dectate for us,

Have Fun,

0
Avatar
Newbie

NO! Who the hell is qualified to tell you who to spend the rest of your life with?

Or if you're ready?

Or if they're ready?

0
Avatar
Newbie

No I don't believe in arranged marriages I think it's wrong but the stories aren't all bad though they currently have a lower divorce rate than non arranged marriages but that may be due to the often simple and obedient nature of the people that are happy to enter these alliances, it does work well for many Asians but I think the more educated and the more so called enlightened you get the harder it becomes, but forcing mere children into such marriages I think is a horrible. There's nothing better to love and be loved no matter how you meet your spouse.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.