I need some input on whether the way I am feeling about my husband now is normal, or if I am simply overreacting. This might be a little long, so please bear with me.
A bit of background - I live int he United States and have lived here for a long time. I am a professional, earn a good income, own a home, work pretty hard, etc. I met my husband on one of my trips to Nigeria-- he is a medical doctor and was doing okay at home when I met him. We dated, largely long distance, as I was here and he was in Nigeria. We eventually got married, and he has now joined me in the U.S. We have been married for a little bit over a year and half now. Since he has come, he has not been able to work as he is preparing for different medical examinations. So i have been the one working and taking care of us, while he takes his exams. I pay the mortgage (i owned the house before he came, so no wahala there), I pay for two cars (mine and his), our health insurance, car insurance, feeding, everything.
The problem is that I sometimes feel completely unappreciated by my husband. I hold a pretty time consuming and stressful job, but I feel like he expects me to work, pay the bills, take care of us, and still do everything domestic that a "typical housewife" would do. He helps out less and less around the house. Because he is "so busy studying" he spends very little time with me. Sometimes I even go to work and come back and he does not even have 20 minutes to sit with me and ask "how was your day?" "how was work?" When I try to talk about it, it is like all i do is complain and he is not responsive.
I think he is disrespectful to me sometimes in the things he says-- sometimes he tries to compare me to the wives of other men who are more domestic, but forgetting that those other women also do not work the kind of job i do and are not the ones supporting thier homes. I feel like my emotional tank is getting drier everyday with him, and recently, all we seem to do is argue. Like today, we went to church and came back, and he locked himself up studying. He has not even said one word to me all day. It's like he is always upset with me, for what I do not know. Also, he never is able to see where he has done anything wrong. Whenever we have arguments and we try to resolve them, I always begin by apologizing even if I do not really believe I have done something wrong. i apologize to him for the fact that I offended him. Getting him to say sorry to me or any form of apology is like pulling teeth. I can count on one hand the number of times he had apologized for anything. As far as he is concerned, I am the one who is always wrong. Moreover, he gets offended too easily. he is many years older than me, but, honestly, I don't see him acting any more matured than me. When he tells me that I caused an argument, I apoloigize, but then I tell him, even if I was doing something wrong, as the man and the elder one, you should not have responded in kind.
Recently, I asked him to help me do something with my car and he said he had no time. I told him that his time is more flexible than mine since I have to actually be in an office every morning,s o it might be easier for him to do it. He does not. He got offended and said i was saying he had nothing doing. I never said he had nothing doing, I know he is working hard for his exams. What I meant was that he has a better ability to flexible with his time - I don't. It's like he thinks because he is studying, my work is not as important as his.
I understand that this is a time of sacrifice for me and I do not mind supporting us until he gets on his feet. I have absolutely no problems with that-- i knew that coming into the marriage. I also know that i am not perfect and, yes, I admit, I am not the most domestic woman out there. But I try, I make the effort. What i want in return is to be appreciated, for me to feel like he really cares about me, that he is there for me emotionally, that he does not take me for granted.
He is a private person and would be offended if i went talking to others about my issues with him. But when I try to talk to him, all i get is more blame back, the conversation may end up in an argument which makes matters worse. And, another thing, when we have an argument, he won't speak to me for days, I am not used to that. SOmetimes when we argue, he tells me if i am tired of carrying the load i should just let him know now so that he can go back because he had a good job in Nigeria.
Most importantly, I am beginning to feel like my love for him is going away. I used to be madly in love with him, when we met and married. Not so much anymore. And, the scary thing is, I am beginning to miss being single! I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but I would be lying if I said I don't feel down and alone. What should I do? Any input is appreciated.