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Are Women In Nigeria Supposed To Expect And Accept Cheating Husbands?

When I was in Naija last, there was a constant statement said to me: "All men cheat".

My cousins told me,

My friends told me,

The mother of the guy who wanted to be in a relationship with me,

The son of the mother mentioned above,

So as a woman married to a man in Nigeria, is she to accept and expect her husband to cheat?

If so, how does she deal with it?

Is the answer the same for a Nigerian man not living in Naija?

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98 answers

Communication is very important in every relationship. When a marriage or relationship lacks dz, wall go open and lizards go enter.

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I disagree. A man who cheats IS a lesser man. My respect for a cheat drops a whole lot. I would respect a man that can control his manliness and not stick it in another woman no matter what issues he is having in his marriage.

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At times what you see as acceptance is more a woman redifining the relationship she has with the husband. It might be that he is a good provider and father so she understands that she does not have a husband but is happy to be a co-parent with him to her children.

Some allow it and some dont, most do for financial reasons others because of their perception about how they will be viewed by society as an unmarried person especially when they have young children.

I watch the different generations and some of our parents are smart and make this work for them while still being seen as married. The ones with financial means will build a house for themselves and slowly move in with no quarrel (after a fight between the wives which they engineered) especially when the children are grown. The reality is that she is no longer his wife but he visits once in a while and she feeds him like she does all her visitors and sends him on his way.

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The foundation of a good relationship is trust if you go into a marriage expecting him to cheat then their is obviously no trust this creates room for insecurities, jealousy,possessiveness and low self esteem. You can't expect a man to cheat because not all men cheat its just not worth it.

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A woman is an adult and can chose to accept or disallow, she has a mind

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Well said, and also, some of the women has no career, no business, so they rather stick it out, cos of money

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@poster, i think this cheating of a thing is all over the globe.

to ur question; majority of de Nigerian women are afraid of separation, because, how many men in Nigeria will marry a divorce woman. millions of single ladies out there our hunting for husband and you expect her to divorce the one she've got? isn't she aware that some men (aprt frm musilims) in Nigeria still marries 2-3-4 wives n the ladies are gladly sharing the man

hey! but mind u, we still have cheating WIVES

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Majority of Nigerian women and men actually believe a man is created to cheat. I have heard some women say they don't care what they husbands do outside the home as long as they don't bring it home. Some even make sound so romantic and loving that they husbands respect and love them by hiding their cheating from them.

This is all wrong and abnormal.

The only reasons I believe a woman would expect her husband to cheat is if

1) She has accepted the lie that men are created to be promiscuous

2) She was dating married men before marriage, and as such expects same to happen to her

3) She knowingly decides to marry a 'he-goat'

4) She too is messed

There could be other better reasons but whatever the reason, it is wrong to expect such from your husband.

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No one should have to.

We all human with feelings and emotions.

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Women shouldn't accept it but some women just try to make their marriage work.

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Another reason i will think more than twice about marrying a Nigerian man. First of all, it is not a woman's job to make sure that her husband doesn't cheat. She is not his mother, her only job is to do her part as a wife, mother and human begin. If an idiotic man is going to cheat he will cheat no matter whether his wife is a freak in bed. And women are as likely to cheat as men but society makes it seem okay for men but not for women. Before getting married, i will definitely let me husband know that if he ever cheats he is putting his joystick, life and money in danger. Because i will divorce him so fast and will damn sure be paid for putting up with his nonsense.

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suricattca i can't send you email. please can you contact with me?

Nie iem czy tu mozna prv wysylac skontaktuj sie na hotmail.adres w profilu

Leilah with polish girls.

JustGood its not about accepting because cheating is not acceptable. I said  i forgivedi didnt say accept. Big difference

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It's not okay to put up with someone cheating on you. It's a sign of disrespect.

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Most women in Nigeria live for thier children actually.

You see them later in thier lives galivanting from London to NewYork to Canada on holidays or to take care of thier grandchildren, very ready to leave the husband at home with the house help,to do as he pleases. Unfortunately for him

even the house girl would not have him in his state.Some men come up with all kinds of ailment in old age either due to old age or careless living when they were younger and expect the wife to sit down and be packing poo and urine.

Where are all the girls that accompanied him to Abuja,Paris and London on business trips and stayed in 5 star hotels that the wife never experienced?

The poor woman sits in her matrimonial home, takes all that she needs to take and like many people have already said, moves on when the time comes.

So you see, Nigerian women are not as silly as we think!

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Hey Polish girls, can I ask you who these men were cheating with? were they polish or Nigerian??

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absolutely daft.

you are not married and he's cheating but you are willing to accept it. You'll then talk later about how your husband is cheating. Most women who have cheating husbands knew their husbands would most likely cheat on them but they dont care at the time. I know someone who met a guy while he was dating another girl. he succeeded in taking the guy away from the girl and they got married. of course, the guy cheated regularly on her after marriage and she's now alone. I wonder if she needed a soothsayer to tell her that the guy would be that way.

Pemkad, please spare us the sad stories after you get married

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/Ok time for me.

Someone said that man is cheating when woman is not taking her "responcibilities" ha ha ha. My BF cheated on me first time after few onths being together. Fine i forgived and what now? After one year he left the house for 3 months and jumped to bed other girl. Did i took all my responsibilities? Im sure i did. What i did wrong? Hmmm nothing. And stil he couldnt keep his d. inside his pants.

I know lot of people i know lot of cultures. But motly i hear that nigerians are cheaters to be honest? There is no one on this world who could prove me that im wrong.

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Soul,

I agree. It is good to have a back up plan and for women to not too long of a break from working. Something else I have noticed recently is this tendency for Nigerian men to have their girlfriend move in and for him to pay all the bills. I think this is not a good set up because from the get go, it's created a situation where she's dependent on him. She never learns how to first fend for herself, so it things take a turn once they get married, it's extremely hard to leave. I can't imagine living with this type of fear of being thrown out. Now I understand what the situation is. In Nigeria, it's not as though women can call up the police for them to intervene when her husband is trying to kick her out.

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@ pemkad

pls, i want to talk with u in chat

prosze skontaktuj sie ze mna na chacie, moj YIM znajdziesz w moim profilu, prosze

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that's why it's encouraged for women to be financially stable on their own so that if any unforseen wahala should happen, then she doesn't get thrown out into the street like a nobody. i see this happening a lot, especially when the woman is so dependent on the man for support. he then sees it fit to throw her out on her own knowing she can't fend for herself. hence women should always have a back up plan whether the marriage is good or not. it's just being smart.

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Most of the Nigerian women I know are totally against divorcing their husband under any circumstances. I think this sets up a situation where he takes her for granted. I read post after post where men happily say they would throw their wife out over the littlest of offenses. Throwing a wife out is pretty rare in the US.

I say if Nigerian women want change, it won't be given to them. And sometimes the change could mean being willing to be alone rather than put up with a cheating man. I don't know any woman married to a cheating man I know of who is happy. If anything, women in this situation may come across as submissive, but in their actions are miserable. It's really the husband's way of controlling her. The other side of this is it seems to be very acceptable for some single Nigerian women to date married men with hopes of snagging him. I know Nigerians who don't think twice if their best friend or relative is engaged in this. This is the other side of the equation. My perspective on this is I am an African-American woman married to a Nigerian man.

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soul and bebelove, right!

NEVER!!! if he cheats, get whatever you can from the marriage and move on.

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One problem with women is that when they’re in love, they don’t car to look dipper, they get carried away by the fantasies. Some am more concerned about his riches and not his character. When you fall in love with a guy who has a record for womanizing, then expect cheating in your marriage; you simply can’t expect him to change over night.

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you probably saw the signals that the guy will cheat you later but you will ignore those signals because you love him and you 'love is blind'.

If your love makes you marry a man that's gonna cheat you, that love should make you accept his cheating ways. More often than not, these things are easy to see before marriage but the 'locers' dont care at the time.

I have a friend who constantly cheated on his wife. But she saw the kind of guy he was before they got married. She actually met him and snatched him from another girl he was dating at the time. Now, the marriage is completely chaotic and she has packed out. You reap what you sow. [/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

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I am tired of all this cheating of a thing, almost all of them cheat .I caught somebody i so much respect cheating on her wife .I t's painful . Let just pray for them 'cause almost all of them have that chaeting nature

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Not all Nigerian men do cheat, however, the statement that all men do cheat is being said anywhere in da world, the americans says, men are dogs, and that means all men do cheat, sad though, but i think more women have come to term with it, that all men will cheat, but not all men cheats, pray to get one that wont cheat on you, i so much blv that more attention has to be paid to why men do cheat

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Hnmmm,

I this post don show how some ppl go be when thay marry o. Make una shine eyes well o!

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@whitelexi- How dare you come inside this house and comment on women failing in their responsibilities? how many of you men leave up to theirs. infact, to be honest and from a womans point of view, if our husbands showed us that they were hardcore sex maniac like everyother man out there, we wont be in this ordeal all in the name of for better or worse. Its very sad that marriage of nowadays is better of described best as slavery and i understand why the level of divorce is on the increase.

Girls keep your home but dont listen to these sex addicts and their convenient excuse about failing in your responsibilities. you give them what they want and the still go out there. my advice,as long as they have their condoms, let them go out there and Bleep the world.

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Nuf read on this. Marriage ain't a bed of roses, it's full of ups and downs. It takes the grace of God, strong will and a very high sense of self control for both parties (men and women alike) to keep their heads high in the stormy waves of life.

That said, when either of the partners in a marriage cheats - the words cheat, infidelity, etc are with us because they are a part of what we see and hear in our everyday life, I suggest the grieving partner should forgive the weak one in love. This takes the grace of God, but it's just my suggestion for a way forward when any such thing happen anywhere. The option of divorce separation and all the other ''foolish'' acts only makes matters worst.

Couples should know when not to wash their dirty linen in public. Stay indoors, sit your wife/husband down and talk matters out. Hopefully God will see you through.

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People cheats for different reasons, both men and women. But if your man cheats on you there are two ways to go about it that will not break your heart: you either divorce him and leave him to enjoy his lustful and unsatify sexual life, or you get yourself a lover boy also period. women should never allow this old Fashion way of marriage where women are always to be the one to receive all kinds of dirty characters from their men, THE WORLD HAS CHANGED,Don't Die in silence cos of a useless marriage thats leading you to nowhere else than to your early GRAVE.

Divorce him or get yourself a more Young, handsome and sexier man.

May GOD Bless Your Romance and love life and give you women a man like ABRAHAM but then you wopmen should be like SARAH

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@Blackgirl   You are at reality.com.  But if you are really faced with such situation, please don't quit if despite all odds he's responsible.  But if in the first place he's irresponsible & no iota of love from him, then open the door into new life.  U r OK!

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Women in Naija have been thaught to accept the fact that their husbands will definitely cheat on them.

who wants to marry a divorced woman? and what is the reason for your divorce woman? you caught ur husband cheating? ah! dont say it loud, people will laugh at you! was he fending for you and ur kids? yes? was he sleeping at home regularly? yes? then what else do you want? you should be grateful! many women would die to be in your position! how could you think of divorce just because your husbacn cheated on you! you must be crazy!

when the men were boys, they overhead this lecture, and so they became programmed to believe it.

i always say that if i get married and my husband cheats on me to my face, i'm leaving. i still say it cos even though it will be hard i'll do it. if a man will cheat since he has been programmed to see it as normal, the least he can do is be discreet.

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lets talk men in general whether daddy,husband or boyfriend. Lets get things straight, the woman is the last to know when a man is cheating on her. Dads can be said to be saint when they die and nobody, i mean children introduced to the family as half siblings. Mothers in Nigeria dont tell their children the whole truth especially when it has to do with family. Am sure no right thinking mother will tell the daughter to leave her husband because he's a cheat H-E-L-L-O.

do you know why? because its our culture- a way of life and can not be eradicated anytime soon. Am a realist and love to accept things that i can not change and you know what, we cannot change the culture or our men's way of live. No matter how good a wife can be, even in bed, it does not stop a man from getting extras. Remember the men folk say variety is the spice of life. I can't stick it but what do i do. You leave a man because his cheating, what guarantee do you have that the next one will not do the same. Some women are lucky though but how many------------- even the men of God do it.

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i disagree. my dad is a Nigerian and he's faithful to my mom. it doesn't matter if a guy is nigerian, American, european or Asian he's gon cheat if he wants to but dat doesn't mean all men cheat. No woman should accept cheating!!

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well you can say that all Nigerian man are cheaters even dads that will always no were they are some just no how to keep it quite than others all am saying is if you going to marry a Nigerian man be ready bcuz you can't be sure that they will be faithful to you for ever

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I think proportionwise, more Nigerian men cheat than any other nationality I have across. And I have dated many nationalities.

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The Military president of Nigeria Between 1985-1998

Ibrahim Badamosi Babaginda

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Nigerian men complains of their wives been fat,not so attractive and big bellies after some years of marriage so,they cheat on their wives especially with young ladies.HUSBAND BEWARE!!!when it comes to been out of shape with pot bellies(not even pot,tank bellies),fatty Bottom and not to good looking,its the men.its just that most women are accommodating so,that why they tolerate it all,for better for worse but,most men don't realize that.husband(s) stop cheating on your wife.what if u caught your wife cheating on you,how would you feel.TIT 4 TAT,WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE,IS ALSO GOOD FOR THE GENDER.no be only you get pretty colleague as a co-worker or a pretty secretary.their handsome managing directors too and directors too and since Ariosto is reigning,artistries too is alright.Take your wife out on dinner dates,tell her what you want,surprise and respect her and wives be submissive to Ur husband and respect your husband.STOP CHEATING,IT BREAKS YOUR MARRIAGE.A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.PALS I NEED COMMENTS ON THIS

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Are women in Nigeria supposed to Expect And Accept Cheating Husbands:

Well the word Expect is been italiced because cheating is a natural phenomenon in our generation,it should be expected, but if it then turns out to be the other way,then,good enough.

My mum once told me,While 80% of men cheat,100% of women are cheated.Cheating should be expected yet it ordinarily shouldnt be accepted by the women.

But lets face it "Its a mans' world"So to be on the safe sid eas women and in other not to have heart problems lets expect cheating but try all our best not to accept it.

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IBB is a member of nl

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There is a difference between having many wives and having a wife & (random) sexual partners.

Many wives = polygamy

Many coexistent relationships w/ changing partners = promiscuity

Yes, there is a difference. Who is IBB?

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i agree with u Chinani! Women should not expect that their spouse would dheat on them! men (n women too) should be held to the vow they took. Agreed bodi no be wood, but like someone rightful pointed out down the line we should accept the fact that cheating spouses is normal.

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Mislady, the fact that some men or should i say a large percentage of men cheat doesn't mean that your husband cheat. HE COULD BE AMONG THE FEW WHO DO NOT. Always remember this, a man is forced into such act mostly when the wife fails in her matrimonial duty at home.

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You have a very good point there kimba. Little things break marriages.

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The way to a Man's heart is through the gate of his belly!!!

You hardly find men who are well-fed at home, well-cared-for at home, loved by their wives, as in when the husband can see that "this-my-wife-really-loves-me", who can still go out sleeping around.

Its usually men, whose wives nag 24/7, whose wives have gone to bed before they come home from work, and whose wives dont wake up early in the morning to get things in order before the husband leaves home, and the poor man now has to make do at the nearest fast food joint on his way to the office, such men will definitely cheat, because, by the time the Cashier lady is smiling cheefully at around 8:30am in Mr Biggs, to this poor husband who came to get breakfast, and who didnt get to see his wife smile "good morning" to him before he left home, he'll definitely come back to the joint on his way from the office to get another smile.

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