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Childness In One's Marriage, What If Your Hubby Brought In A 2nd Wife?

Over the weekend, I read the biography of Ferdinand Oyono. He is a famous writer of Cameroonian ancestry who came from a polygamous home. His mother was a devout catholic, and upon learning that her husband (Oyono's father, a polygamist) was marrying a 2nd wife, promptly divorced him. I don't know when this incident took place, but might have been in the 30's or 40's. And during that time, you can imagine that divorce was met with condemnation, so for a lady to have resolutely rejected polygamy in an African culture, where multiple marriages is sanctioned, her decision to end her marriage could be considered a rarity.

Over to another tragic love story about Camara Laye when his wife, Marie, upon being released from jail divorced him because he had married a second wife. Her decision was justified because she was Roman Catholic. Her husband's excuse of being prompted to bring in a second wife, on account of his ill health (and even the woman admitted so in an interview that her husband was in poor health), the welfare of their children, the last born being 5 months old when the mother embarked on that ill-fated trip to Conarky from Dakar to visit her father) fell on deaf ears. Seun argued with me that the woman had options, that was why she left the marriage. Granted this was in the 70's but women's status in the society was stifled by our culture, sexism and a reluctance to compete with men, for fear of being branded a "stubborn woman"

In today's age, women have acquired visibility in the society. Some of them have traversed into men's domain and have been successful in that regard. Some major corporations in the country are run by female CEO's. This advancement is not just limited to the western world, but has spread to Africa. Sirleaf Johnson broke grounds when she became the first woman president in Liberia, the first of its kind in Africa, when even the USA, reknowned for its women's rights have not produced a female president (Is Hillary running in 2008)? So, this brings me to this question, why is it in today's age, there are quite a number of woman, including those who regard themselves as Christians would subject themselves to this arrangement? Ok, pardon me for a second, I lived in Nigeria, and I know of some people who practised polygamy, while attending Christian services. At that time, it never dawned on me that it was wrong, because my culture had completely taken over my psyche. As I have grown older, and gotten involved in Christianity and have been exposed to stories of women divorcing their polygamous husband, because of their religion, I would think that others in the same boat would adamantly reject it.

So, I was surprised to read this interviews of women, on NigeriaWorld, who, when asked if they would accept a rival as a second wife, confessed rather reluctantly, that they would accept the situation. The topic was about chiildlessness in the marriage, and while one of them told the reporter that she would pray over it, her answer was no different from the rest of her contemporaries who admitted a reluctance in accepting the situation. One even told the reporter (one might consider her proposal a brazen act, since childlessness in our society is usually regarded as a woman's fault) that she would make sure that it wasnt her fault, but in the end, it boild down to an acceptance.

Earlier on when I posted my short story titled "Double Tragedy" which gave one an insight into the plight of widows in Nigeria, one of the respondents, wondered why any woman would willingly accept to be a slave in their marriage. I thought times have changed back home, apparently, there are some women back home who are still stuck in the past.

You can access the interview on this link.

http://odili.net/news/source/2006/dec/2/315.html

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9 answers

Old topics that are still relevant to the Nigerian society. I commend who ever dug it up. Instead of starting another duplicate thread.

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juts realized this is an old topic. You people sef. stop bumping!

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AJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

I have missed you so much. You nor even ask of me. You bad ooo!

@ Topic

Why have you concluded the woman must be the one to be at fault?

I hope say una also know na man dey choose the sex. Before una bring the topic:

"She nor born male child, make the man marry another woman?"

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@topic,too bad,i just have to go.i wud feel bad but yet i just have to go and wish them well.

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There is no scarcity of husbands in Nigeria. For every 10 women that are born, 11 men are born. Grrr.

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2nd husband? When young and not too young spinsters are still looking for (1st) husband, what chances does an already married lady (ith or without kid) have to get hooked to another man in a serious and meaningful relationship? It does happen occasionally though, but (African) women are so, so unfortunate in this aspect. Otherwise, do me I do you, man no dey vex, I beg!

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Wh can't she just take a second husband? Afterall what's good for the goose is good for the husband?

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Must we copy the white mans culture?

If my wife could not give me children, I will try my best to see that it happens. If after that nothing happens, I will take a second wife.

You may ask me why? The answer is "I love kids so much"

If it was my fault and my wife wants children o her own, she can divorce me and marry another husband.

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yea seriously I dont understand some "Christians", not sure how a so called Christian can accept/create a polygamous home.

I mean how desperate must you be to stay with someone that suddenly places you as being "second best" in his or "her" life. Dont understand it.

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