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Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse?

Whatever name you may want to call me, you may be justified.

I got involved in an extra affair and the truth is that i feel guilty every time I remember my action.

Must i tell my spouse what I have done? Howdo I save myself from all the consequences that may follow my confession?

Pls, advice me.

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88 answers

This is a tough one....You might want to ask yourself why exactly you want to confess. If its because you feel guilty and you feel fessing up will make YOU feel better? then don't cos again you are being selfish and in trying to lighten your burden will only hurt your partner and nothing more. If however you feel sorry and want to change your ways and you need your partner's help and support then you can go ahead but remember there are consequences for your action...

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i have not read any responses yet, but i need more details on the cheating. was it a one time thing, or is it an affair? are you telling her/him (don't know if you are a guy or girl yet) because you feel guilty, or for another reason? if it's just to relieve your guilt and it's a one time thing that you swear you will never do again, i think i would advise you to keep it to yourself UNLESS there is a way that he/she might find out from the outside. if it's an affair, then you must confess because some decisions about whether or not to stay in the marriage need to be made, and your spouse needs complete information.

that's my advice in a nutshell. i'll go back and read and see if you provided more details.

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pls dont,but dont do that again.it might be temptation but confess your sin to GOD for forgiveness.also your husband might also commit such offence before.so pls stop it and do not try it again.

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TO U ALL NAIRALANDERS

SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL WHO HAD TAKEN TIME OUT TO GIVE VALUABLE ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT POSTED IN THIS THREAD.

U HAVE HELPED ME IN GIVING RIGHT AND UNCOMPROMISING ADVICE/COUNSEL TO A FELLOW IN NEED.

THE ISSUE IS RESOLVED BUT IN A WAY WE MAY ALL BE EXPECTING.

THE HUBBY FOUND OUT WITH EVIDENTS TOO. CONFRONTED THE WIFEY. SHE WAS NOT SOBER AND THE MARRIAGE IS IN SERIOUS STORM NOW. IN FACT THE LADY HAD MOVED OUT OF THE MATRIMONIAL HOME AFTER THE HUBBY DISCOVERED HER "SHOWS"

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the truth is that as far as its a woman whether you tell her or not ur in soup BUT its safest you tell her and whatever rubbish she says; understand that she is angry and apologise<no matter what!> u provoked her remember. Not telling her would harden ur conscience which u should try to avoid at all cost.

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if u are a woman,and you love your marriage,better keep your mouth shut.if u are a catholic,confess your sins to the priest and ask God for forgiveness of sin.pray seriously with psalms 51 with a broken heart,i bet you,you will be happy again.

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What the mind does not know, the heart does not grieve about.

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U dont need to tell him or her any thing simply because if u do and u think dat is all.you dont know whom ur partner might discuss the issue with.and he or she can be mislead and react in a negetive ways to u.so keep it with u and pray for forgiveness of sin,because is only God that can 4give us our sins and makesure you don't do that again.thanks

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you need to way ur option, the most important thing is to forgive yourself for disappointing yourself. You may tell your spouse and still continue so the most important thing is to work on yourself first. telling may cause more problem but if he/she will findout it is better to come from u.

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@ poster.

from experience, if you are a lady and u r certain he'll never find out, then stay mute, pls. personally, i always thot i cld handle such news (partner cheating) until i heard the news, FROM HER! anyway d rest na story. . . but if u're a guy, maybe u can consider telling her, nature's made it such that ladies forgive better without much damages after that day,i now wonder how they do it

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The fact that we decide that we would keep mum on issues we are involved in or even lie about them is a sure sign that we originally were ready to engage in such areas and have the ready excuse when challenged. The mindset is already prepared so what stops us from repeating it over again?

I say let's be plain truthful and have a clear conscience in the life we decide to live.

Wishing you well - Teemy

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OYesooooo you have to.

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No matter what is it that you have done wrong let it dye down in you and buried it instantly dont ever discuss it with anybody cause our mind is not easy to read and our mind is more deeper than heaven and we dont no who truely love us just allow the issue to die in you no matter how bad the issue was and vow within you that nothing like that will ever happen again and beg for forgiveness of sin from the lord

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Poster, i like your attitude and courage. You seem to be a really nice guy. Don't tell your wife and don't do it again.

I've been married for 4 years now and i can't count the number of times and number of women i've been with. how do i begin to confess to my wife?

(abeg, don't eat me raw for being truthful)

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The first thing is to find out the underlying reason for the adultery. There is always some level of dissatisfaction that makes a man or woman to seek for validation outside of the marriage.

For women, it is usually when the man is not a good breadwinner, for men the reasons are varied.

The issue is really not about confessing or not confessing rather it is about finding the root cause and dealing with it, if not the adultery will rear up its head again sooner or later.

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My 2c:

No matter how you may try to paint it - she/he does have a right to know. Relationships are built on trust and honesty. Unless yours wasn't.

Best to face it now, that to keep it for later.

In either case, hope you have learnt your lesson. All the best.

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I think its beta to tell if you are a man, but you might make the story up to look as if you didnt mean to cheat on her.

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Pweety4me

NOT A RESEARCH, BUT A LIVE ISSUE THAT NEED URGENT ATTENTION

a confused mind and do not know what to do

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well if u are a man ,show her how sorry you are and promise her to start to wash her pants

but

if you are a woman na two things involve

first of all go and buy BOY 2 MEN RECORD ( END OF THE ROAD )

Secondly just leave a note and waka

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

mumu in 3 D

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^So were u just carrying out research or wat?

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THANKS FOR ALL THE SINCERE ADVICES OF NL.

JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT : Most people who end up in affairs don't set out to have one. Infidelity usually begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity.

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Is shedding of blood  involved?

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The truth we all know could be a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but it is more bitter if an issue of the past is later found out to be the cause of destruction of a well planned life. Handling an issue like this could be very tricky but the truth of the matter is the truth must be told and in a not too far future. It lies as a basis for the rest of your lives together

You more than anyone else know your spouse and you do love him/her enough to have let this trouble you. One thing is you will be the one to bear the joy/sorrow of telling or not and vice versa. I would recommend you see the man/woman of God over your lives so together you can lay down the cards(especially if you are unsure of the outcome). Avoid a bad day and let your spouse know you have a confession to make and you are sorry for it before spilling the beans. I recommend an STD test ready(just in case).

Nothing covers something as powerful as the truth but yet it most be handled with care. I believe you will never let the past circumstances that led to the 'incident' happen again. I also know this is a lesson for all nairalanders that nothing goes for free. I also recommend and will join you in prayers for I believe the Almighty will not forsake you as you make critical decisions in your life  and the truth shall set you free. Let's hear how it goes.

Wishing you well - Teemy

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if your in Nigeria, why cant u kuku marry a 2nd or 3rd wife?

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Is nt just about what come's out of it, bt also how U dont go back 2D act again,You hv taken D 1st bold step by opening up here, it ll nt B easy 4him 2forgive U if U confess 2him. But also beta, making him understand U hv wronged him and need his forgiveness(once U can speak out, ll ease U a little even without confessing D exact act) just let him know U feel sorry, wish U D best

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I can't go into adultery let alone confess. Confess what?

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That's it . . . she stops cheating and no one knows, no one is affected.

Ignorance is bliss . . . literally.

The HIV case is different.

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Now we're dragging this . . .

Aiite, he's only affected emoionally if he knows and physically if he catches sumn

But till then nuffin.

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Keep your cakehole shut (sorry for the word but I hate cheaters) and you will not have to do a whole lot more than live with the guilt, which lets face it, is

your cross to bear! You screwed up, now deal with the guilt!

OR

What I would personally do is SAY IT. I wouldn't be able to even look at that person in their eyes, or do normal

activities with them without that been at the back of my mind.

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I wount want my spouse to tell. I will rather not know than to know. i forgive him everyday anyway, of things i know and things i dont know but men i dont wanna know cause it will be difficult to trust again.

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1. Stop the droppings 1st (thats if u cant handle it)

2. Face your spouse apologize to him/her before you even let him/her know what u did

3. Stay a lil far away though, LOL

i believe if ur spouse i humane and luvs u truly she/she will forgive u. cheeers!

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Actually, the partner IS affected. They just don't know it yet.

What you just said is like saying that if someone has HIV / AIDS,  then the virus doesn't affect them until they go for a doctor's appointment.

    I personally have a great dislike for this argument because it's extremely one-sided.  This is because of so many things. Such as friends, relatives, neighbours. And every single one of those people will  lose respect for you and your spouse one way or the other once they get wind of it.  Cheating doesn't just affect the cheater, it affects the person who was cheated on because you expose her to such comments like

" Maybe she's not good enough in bed" and so on.

    Just by a few persons knowing that you have cheated on your significant other , you put your whole marriage under a microscope. And if that person is unfortunate enough to hear it from others then you are in for double trouble because not only do they get to hear the facts, they also hear the other person's opinion. And God help you if the person telling them doesn't like you.

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LOL, the "irrational decisions" were made when the spouse CHEATED. the decision that the spouse that was cheated on will make are called CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTION (which are things that we must ALL live by).

dont believe the hype here, you almost wanna make it sound like the cheater is doing the cheated a favor?!

i hope your wife reads this so she knows where to stand if she ever cheats on you. IMAGINE: the baby aint yours, the gardener did it but SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH! what you dont know wont hurt you so go on loving that b a s t a r d child until you realize 20yrs down the line that he aint yours!

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if u know she is goin to find out, den d best option is to tell her n face d consequences but if otherwise u can just make it seem like a bad dream n say nothin bout it.

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what's if the partner catches an STD thanks to infidelity? isn't that a rational excuse for divorce?

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it is better vomited out. A man guilt ridden is like a dying man which does not comfort but how he can be rescucitated back to life. Face d consequence and keep ur home. Scandal is like smoke and cannot be kept. revive ur lost integrity.

God bless.

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I appreciate ur courage to express it out, because there are pple dying in silence dungeon of guilt. I wil want to say dt d problem is oe third 1/3 solved. Pray abt it and confess to God, ds wil be two-third 2/3 solved. then I pray God wil help you ds last stage u need divine favour and grace. Be brave and tell ur spouse, plead with him/her, promise dt u ve realised and wil change. Then was ur ways, God will unite heart back with ur spouse and pray to god renew ur spouse love in both of ur heart. I really feel 4ur home. Is better heard from u than heard unexpectedly from elsewhere. Ur home is already on d ocean of this challenge, se to d fact that d ship does not sink.

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Being mad at the partner is an emotion . . . ending the marriage if she won't continue with the cheating is quite irrational, especially when she sincerely loves him.

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haha. I feel u, but is being mad at a cheating partner really an irrational decision?

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The simple truth is . . . telling him/her will cause the partner to make irrational decisions through emotions.

This is a simple case of Stirring unnecessary trouble V Going on with the marriage

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Check

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=406390.msg5616740#msg5616740

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What she don't know don't hurt,

Tell her and she will NEVER let you forget it,

Move on, dont tell her and dont make it a habit, if there is something that is sure, a cheating spouse always ends up getting caught if they dont desist from the act. And then it would be worse.

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every marriage counselor you go to, even sites on-line discussing this tell you to immediately own up and take responsibility. the longer you wait the worse it is in the long run

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see my dear i will give you my sincere advice, if you are a woman do not consider letting another ear hear it talk less of your husband, ask for forgiveness from your GOD and cut off from the circle of people that are invovled in the affair in the slightest manner and dont do it again and if you are a guy equally dont tell, just let be, pamper your wife and dont just do it again

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then if you aint ready for marriage then DONT GET MARRIED, as simple as that!

if you have an earthquake in your pant every time you see a fine babe and cant control yourself then MARRIAGE AINT FOR YOU. accept it and live with it until you are ready.

is that what your pastor tells you to do?! is that what you understood when reading your bible?!

if i follow what you are saying then let all christians follow what THEY like in their bibles and leave what they dont like out and call it STUPIDITY.

he has already killed himself with his/her own dikc/toto, the mouth aint going to do any more damage. LOL!

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@OP

Wrong move, amico. . .Wrong move

They say what you dont know cant kill you

If you confess, expect if to come up in one of your quarrels. . .

IF she's a bad wife (assuming you're male), she'd make you feel guilty for the rest of your life

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If ur chances of her finding out is zero,

Forget about telling your spouse,

If she no hear her mind no go spoil, but the moment u tell her, u will surely pay for your sins one way or the other

and if you really feel guilty to confess go look for Rev Father to confess your sins,

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