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Do Married Men Really Feel This Way Or Is It Just Me?

My wife dated several men before we met and eventually got married- she told me about most of these men and I thought it didnt matter, now however Im finding it very difficult to cope with these facts- I often imgine her making love to different men and its really draining the respect I should have for her

Is this something other married men also feel? or is there something terribly wrong with me?

I really i'm not happy about these thoughts but how to I get them out of my mind? Need some advice please

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23 answers

I know that it is too late to say this but this one of the reasons God said it is good for us to not have intimacy before marriage.

Fornication can come and bite you in the butt in your future. When two people enter a marriage as virgins, they are exclusively each others with no taint or baggage from the past - beautiful isn't it? God's plans are always the best!

What you are feeling is very normal. I am unmarried and I hear many of my guy friends also feeling turned off about their girlfriends' past (even when they try and fight those feelings) and I can only imagine how much more painful it will be for it to be a wife.

Being that you were not innocent yourself, you have no choice but to try and forgive and forget.

Ask God to forgive both of your sins and try and work it out with your wife. Those boyfriends were in the past and now she is with you. As long as she is being a faithful wife and a good mother - you have no case against her.

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my friend,i don't think your constantly remembering her past is out of the line. men. males, whether they're human or other animals are very protective of the opposite sex in their lives. my problem with all of these, and by the way, i have been very happily married for 14yrs, is why your wife decided to tell you all of her past sexual life? what's the benefit here and how's that going to help your marriage? i also can tell that you're not very close to your wife. i'm not sure where you're, but here in the US, counselling would have been appropriate. your thinkings about her past will definitly affect how you treat her and her respond to that. the last thing a wife who knows that her husband loves her very much would do is thinking about her past. i spend so many quality time with my wife,take her to unsuspecting crazy places and do funny things with her in these places. yes, she may asked, with love, where you learnt all the things you're doing with her, but will appriciate all the energy you're investing in her too. try it,some people will think she's going crazy with her love for you,her husband and her past will just be that, PAST

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she doesnt need to say anything, on their first encounter of sex, the husband would know if the wife is a virgin or not. but what gets me angry is the hypocritical nature of men. 99% of them have had premarital sex yet they expect to marry virgins, bloody hypocrites!

only expect to marry a virgin if ur a virgin urself. period.

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don't really have the time to read through but @poster,yes nothing is wrong with you,the image will keep raging in your mind because she told you.Some of those past events are rather not talked about during marriage,you will live with it for the rest of the marriage or to be save from the nightmare leave the marriage cause you will never be happy no matter what people say here on NL.Remember the story of Mary and Joseph in the bible,it took the intervention of GOD for Joseph to stay with Mary.

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Never a question that you never wanted an answer to.

So it is you and you alone.

Deal with it before your home is scattered

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Another 'outed' hypocrite bites the dust.

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Thanx Ifyalways- thanks so much, you're a star

I would advise some of you  to visit this site and see how civilized people post

I have found the answers I need from this other site and can see that many other people feel this way so now I know there's nothing abnormal with me so I'd just need to work at clearing these thoughts

Thanks again Ifyalways

I dont need anymore advice - so if you're posting anything else on this thread, you're simply jobless and wasting your time

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@ujujoan

i almost started on your case till i saw the OPs post about the specifics of knacking the different bootay sizes. . .i woulda felt soooo silly in the end. . .

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Ewwww! He's a perv too . .

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Lair!

It wouldnt 'bother' you so much if you weren't trying to justify your philandering!

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@swoosh

. . . also does your wife know about your past escapades and recently nursed fantasies

(i.e. the above past escapades and recently nursed fantasies excerpt from http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-105339.864.html#msg6252117 )

Or is this a double standard game you're playing here uh?

Pinocchio! Pfft!!

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Bros u don't need the load. Is she still dating them? Love her cos she is now ur wife. Suppose she never told u? Would that have made u better? I think u ar just fuming over ur vain imagination. She is ur wife now. We all have our pasts. Let ur past as a family be in d past. Love her and pls respect her.

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http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280920

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@swoosh

Does your wife share your ogling passion in the below link too (i.e.  " . . . this is about celebrating our well endowed Nigerian Women" )

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=105339.msg6277954#msg6277954

Shameless Pot-calling-Kettle-black timewaster

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Stop asking her about her ex's and stop troubling yourself. If she is faithful, that's all you need.

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These are only helpful posts so far.

I know its wrong to be having those thoughts and I dont let my wife know about them. I realize its wrong and im battling to get rid of them- so what I need is advice  - and from married people (especially men)- not the single ladies who are probably just worried that they will find themselves in similar situation or the single guys who dont know what it means to call a woman your wife (im not talking about a girlfriend here)

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You know when we want to do something "wrong", we have to look for a reason to justify what we are doing or about to do. Beware that you don`t fall into temptation. On the one hand it is not wise for a wife to talk about her past to her husband on the other hand, she wanted to be honest to you. Why are you now betraying that trust. Look at it this way, she knows and appreciates what she has in you. Do you realise that many women enter a marriage naive but then in the marriage they go astray and get carried away.She belongs to you now what more do you want.

You cannot stop thinking about it but you certainly can tell yourself that it is normal that when you meet a woman she has had a past.

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Ok granted - its me. So what do I need to do?

I need advice not just blame

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- were you virgin when you met her?!

- she did told you about all these men before you guys got married, so complaining now wouldnt be fair.

as much as it may be difficult to accept, you can just picture yourself with all the cuties you had before you met your wife. i dont think there is anything wrong with you but, depending on how long you guys have been married, the thoughts of wifey with other men should have faded in your mind by now.

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i want to know to.

more reason why, certain personal issues should be kept in the cupboard as long as it doesnt/wouldnt disrupt the function of the marriage/relationshipi in the present/future

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