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Do You Have A Step Mum?

since i was born i never met my mum, as i was told she and my dad brock up when i was about 2 month? and so i grew up with my step mum. life was up and down, so shits i dont like to remeber happen to me, which made me feel like killing myself then. but now thank God i have leant to forgive and we live together with no problems.

so share you step mum saga here with us

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Not all step-mothers are bad but tales of the bad ones usually outweigh the good. A woman who has the fear of God in her and truly loves her husband would not go on hurting her step kids either openly or secretly, especially if she has kids of her own. Also, law of karma applies.

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btw why so many threads on stepmum and none on stepdad.

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i remember this thread.

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Believe me, not all step mums are wicked. i av an experience of one who is more like an angel. if u are not told that she is not our ma, u wont believe. I love her and will do anything for her. She is extremely nice, loving and sweet. i wish u can meet her, even nicer than my dad. sorry fellas with bad step mum, i wont trade mine for anything. I thank God for her every day and will always love her. I cant stop loving her. She is toooooooooooooooooo good. u need to meet her and get jealous.

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never had a step mum but had a step dad,not nice at all.

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Though i have a step mum. But i believe my life playlet was meant to go along that path so i see the postive side to having one. I do not go beyond my boundries and every ill feelings i learnt to subdue. All the same i'll not give my kids a step mum. Note we can not determine our family but we can influence same.

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we were all grown up before she came,my daddys wife like i pref to call her thinks im crazy and capable of killing anyone who cross my path,as a result of my ability to put up a good front she is afraid of me.ME SELF DEY FEAR SHA

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teddyface it's good to hear u've learnt to forgive. thats the crux of the whole thing.never had d xperience but knows whay it feels like.have friends with suck sperience.

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How i wish twas like dat with my family maybe it culd av been different.

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Yeah Stepmumss, We are just lucky our dad had enough money and resources for everyone of us

i cant even imagine otherwise, as for me, one woman and one woman alone!

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Thank God for his mercies.

Never had one, and never will have one.

Bless God.

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My step mum is white so I have no problems with her. She doesnt do juju, doesn't give my dad wahala and stays away from my mum.

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what about when the kids are the bad ones check this article.

The wicked stepdaughter  [url][/url]http://www.slate.com/id/2188512/?GT1=38001

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I hv a step mum. My mum had seven of us before she died then my Dad got married to another woman. Meeeeeeeeeen! Its not easy but I thank God for HIS grace. My dad used wisdom and it helped to an extent. All my siblings are grown now so we don't bother about the step mum a'home but always wished our mum was there for us. The diff is very clear! I pray that my children will never have any cause to live with a step-mum.

TEENA, wow my situation is the same with urs. i think u r a wonderful lady n i would like to get to know u hopefully when i come to naija we can hang out--- email me @ chupeco@yahoo.com

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I didn't have a stepmom,but i am a stepmom and am not evil.My husband's first wife died when their son was about 4yrs

old.I met him like a year after when my first son was 5yrs old,it was the boy's idea that his dad should marry me because

he wanted a mummy like other kids.We have been so close that nobody knows that he is my stepson.He only got to find out

that am not his birth mother this year after my husband's co-worker's wife told him.He is 12yrs now and we are a happy family

BTW i have 3 boys of my own and there is no division in the house.Sometimes i blame the men for allowing their wife to mistreat

their children.To all of that had bad experience because of your stepmom,i will say don't allow it to affect your future forget the

past and move on with a positive attitude towards every human being you meet.It could happen to anyone but lets pray that

those women will have a change of heart.

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There is a possibility that my son will meet and spend time living with his step mother this summer during a visit to his Dad's. After reading about all of these wicked, jealous, mean spirited women, I am almost afraid to send him. I don't know her. I only know of her from his Dad's sister, who does not think too highly of her. My son is 13, but even at his age, I see that some of your step mothers did not care. They were still mean. She has no birth children of her own, and my son is the only son of his father. I think I had better go to God in prayer about this because I don't want any problems for him. (my son). His Dad assures me that the lady is looking forward to having him visit.

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Thats true Ndipe, not all step mums are bad. My mother is a step mum and i dont think she was a wicked person but then again, i probably saw things through my own biased eyes. . . .

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I repeat, Not all step moms are bad!. In some rare instances, there are some who have the future of their step child on the same basis as their own child.

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i hav a step mum but, i don' hav to do anything or talk to her because i see her like a monster in my family and she does these thing that really make's me sick. i think all step mum are the  same,  i want to use these opportunity to tell every body that have step mum to be carefull to all these step mum. i blame my dad for taking a second wife i don't see any good reason that made him to go for another woman , my mum is a very good for my dad and the family , everybody dislike the second wife because their marriage is not approve by family members.

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I think the 'take home' lesson from this is that you as a person, if you are in a position to do so, you should prevent other kids from ending up with 'Step Moms'.

Some people have suffered the problems of broken marriages but wthen grow up and end up having broken marriages themselves. We simply can't take the 'crap' our partners give us and prefer to separate forgetting that that singular action will affect the children for life.

I know some people are just so difficult to live with, I mean some are devil incarnate, take the case of one of my friends. Her husband was a proper 'esu laalu'. When pregnant, he will push her down the staircase and I am talking of a slight woman who was about 45Kg when she got married, she was so slim while the husband is 6 ft tall. This man beats her up regularly and doesn't pay a farthing for family upkeep. You think that's bad? Oh no, that's not all. They lost 2 boys due to his wahala, one was a couple of weeks old and the other one was about 4 yrs old when he died. The father could not care less. When he is angry, he will hurt everyone around him especially his wife but as soon as his anger cools, he will blame the devil for it and start shedding crocodile tears that he didn't actually mean any harm.

And that's not all, this man keeps a horde of girlfrieds outside home and maintains a high profile in his church! You know how we Nigerians serve God don't you? Anyway,after a while, this my friend starting falling ill needlessly and losing weight. To cut long story short, her doctor asked her to do another test since everything else failed - malaria, typhoid, etc and she was diagnosed with HIV.

As for me, long before this, I had told this friend to leave this man. Her only reply was that the man will not allow her take her children (she had 2 young ones now) and they will simply suffer and probably die if she left them with the man. When we learnt she had HIV, we were completely taken aback. And guess what, the man had known for a while that he had HIV and had been taken treatment for his condition and yet never used protection with his wife at home. YOu still think the person you are living with is bad? You can always swap with this one!

5 years on, this friend still says she doesn't regret not leaving this man. Her kids are doing well and she says the man is less vicious to her now. Perhaps age is telling on him or he is simply getting too old to constantly beat her up. One day, I hope I can indeed pen down this woman's full story but me thinks she should be given an award for her love for her children. Her life is not important to her as she thinks she has made a great mistake with her life but she doesn't want her children to end up in any bad way. Me? I have not set eyes on that man for almost 10 years now. Just can't stand him and his hypocricy, what if he puts an infected needle on the chair one is to sit on?

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some men are married to one wife or is it one wive/s now it is like they are married to 7 women. there is more to this nastiness called step families. anywaay sha people should stop marrying more than one wife and women should stop marrying and folowing men already with wife and kids. the pain they cause is too much

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Gbam!!!!!! Nothing more to add.

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Gosh!

i think im the only lucky chap who has a step mum(not step winch) LOL!

Mum and dad separated a long time. Lived with mum not with Dad so i didnt see all these stuffs all u peeps are talking about.

Whenever i enter my fathers house, its always an heroic welcome.

Just like the heir apparent entering a kingdom.

Mine(step mum) is wonderful, born again xtian and she gives me plenty good advices.

Sorry to hear people had step winches. . .na so life be

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It's not just polygamy or divorce that brings about stepmoms. My loving mother(God rest her soul) died in the sosoliso plane crash of dec 10/05 and i havnt got ova it yet. Reading all these sad stories, am close to tears. people really opened up here. I have a prospective step-mom. and av been praying lik crazy she'd be a 'wondaful substitute';  not even 4 us gals who are all grown up but for ma two littl 4yr old bros who mom n dad adopted as babies. And for my dad too.

I never believed that one day,i'd be talkin bout a stepmom! We've often asked pop if he must remarry, but its true that widowers can't endure like widows. women are really strong.i'm relying on God's promise that whatever we ask,we shall receive. And so av prayed for sb who'd be a true companion to pop, a true friend to us gals and a loving mom to the boyz. Hope i'd be among the lucky minority.

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all those advocating polygamy should better take note.

when a man keeps acquiring women like underwear.

The children are the real victims in this communal lifestyle.

One man one wife,less trouble

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well, i never had a step mum but my husband has and always tells me, life would have been more better for him than this if not for his step mum.

The woman almost kill him, everyone knows she is a witch, killed her own children when she could not lay hand on the other children after killing the ones she can, before the mother and the siblings knew christ.

its a long story i do feel for him, and always beg me and tell me that i should please no matter what, make sure this marriage never fails because he cant expose his kids to what he passed thru.

going back to the question of what u can do to win your father back, i think u should not waste ur time with that, the best thing u can do for yourself is to forgive him, assume he his not existing and look for a way of building yourself, and teach your siblings how to catch fish, dont feed them fish, teach them how to catch it too, so that u guys can be something out of nothing and share ur testimony with others.

One thing i learn about life is, u are responsible for urself, parents have influence, but u wont stand before God and being excuse, u have to stand for your self.

Get closer to God, expect the unexpected and work harder, teach ur younger ones how to catch fish so that they too can feed others and teach them how to catch fish.

Ur life is in your hand, not in your fathers hand or ur step mother

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stepmum's could be real nasty to have but i have seen some examples of perfect harmony

thank God i dont have one but if i do, i would have boiled her alive if she made life miserable for me, point blank!

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Pray hard not for your father but for yourself and sibling for better future and whenever you are in need of help, I tell you one day your father will come begging for forgiveness (am telling u this from experience) when thing goes right with you.

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Hi GREAT NAIRALAND,

I want your advice with this problem have been for a long time I don’t know what to do please I need serious person to respond to this mail is my life I want to share with you my great naira land people.

My mother is late, and I have father as if I don’t have he doesn’t take any responsibility of the family since I want young. my mother and my father both living as husband and wife when I was still young I was in primary school then,my mother own the residence where we living but nobody never no such things that the house belong to my mother,my mother was a great trader while my father was a civil servant, thing was going fine then both of them now decided to have another land which was bought in my father name after sometime my father just decided to leave my mother I went to another apartment that is closer to the land my father bought, when he was going he decided to take everyone of us to the house that he rented to the closer land apart from my mother that her left behind, after sometime my father decided to send us back to our mother that he cannot take care of the responsibility of every one of us.since then my mother have been taking care of seven child and give us a sound education with the little cash she has until 2006 December that she was dead, and my father got marry to another wife then both of them live in my father apartment while we stay in my late mother house.

My father never allow us to come in to his house when never we just think of seeing him, thinks have been add for me because I take most of the responsibility in the family and I don’t have any saving.i am working with my ND holder, currently running lasu program for my degree has part time.

What can we do to get this man from this evil woman,we pray but is not enough because we don’t have time.

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dont you just love all these polygamists and serial cheats? never stay committed to one man or one woman. where ever you see skirts jump in and for the women any easy money and easy life would do after all every little helps. dont you love these pains they cause everywhere they go?

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Step mums hmm, where do I start? for me its just one sad topic cos of the negative effects these stepmums have on the groing child. i had three of them, one left to marry another man so my brother has a step father. i think they relate quite well. my mum is also step mum to my other sibs. so the likelihood is there of her being regarded as wicked. personally i think this will be unfair considering how hard she laboured for other people's kids when their mums ran off for a while after that things had gotten rough for our old man.

but whos to blame? i think the man who goes about marrying more than one wife and in my own case hes dead and buried leaving no will so ?. keeping and living with one woman is war enuff and some of us men go ahead to add more. bone whatever the bulls**t any religion says. or is it misinterpretation of what they are trying to say?

anyways as an adult now, looking back i really do not blame the other women in my fathers life. also as a stepchild matures the earlier he is responsible for how he feels the better for him so that he is not weighed down with needless grudges and burdens.

the thing is complex and the problems, issues, pros, cons, blames and all what not are multidimensional and inexhaustible and very sad for the majority caught up in its associated negatives.

my care is for those damaged and weighed down psychologically by it. all i can say is that you should not allow it rule yur today and yur virgin tomorrow any longer. the responsibility to let go and let God is yurs. abi will yu keep on blaming yur step or yur dad( for marrying her, hence) for this and that?

truth be known, yu hold the keys to yur desitny.  

Those who know the truth

learn to love it.

Those who love the truth

learn to live it.

There is a law; irrevocably decreed in

heaven before the foundations of this world

upon which all blessings are predicated.

And when we obtain any blessing from God,

it is by obedience to that law upon which it

is predicated.

let God the all powerful creator take control.

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The result of stepmum can be view from Abraham,Sarah and Hagar experience.

kindly read Genesis 16,17vs15-27.

To every first ordained marriage there is a good convenant and that is what God eventually give

to Sarah's son Isaac,

issues of stepmum/breaking home is another big social constraint that have put African

developmental initiatives in a poor state compare to our white brothers.

I have 1 stepmum 4 her behaviour towards me and my siblings-i hand over that critical part of life to God's throne of mercy to judge.

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if ure married make ur marriage work! i dont pardone divorce, stick to hubby becuzz of ur children and pray to God for a change.

as for step mums 4get it, they see the kids as thier rival and as such dey must be dominated, and not allowed love from their fada's.

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I am happy to say I no get wicked step mom.

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well I had one, but we were nevr too close to call for any mal treatment, I dont even know where she is, since it was money she came to look for and now my dad is retired I guess she moved on, now my parent are back together at old age, but i missed growing up with my dad and mum under d same roof. I thank God for my parent, for my mum's patience and true love for our dad, i guess he can see that now and for my dad the wisdom to be fair to children. throughtout those period of separation he kept his obligation to both parties as in finance such that we never lacked.

since i was the youngest of my mother's children i spent most of my childhood with her, but my older siblings had a taste of the step mum brohaha.

the conclusion is that no matter what the effect tells in the children and we should try to protect our offspring from goin through such. but thank God for Christ.

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No, I don't have step mom. My mom is real birth mom!

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growing up with a stepmother is usually a very nasty experience!!! the pain is usually unspoken, and buried deep within the minds of those who experience it, it makes u tough and independent early in life, but also makes u vulnerable, and unloved sometimes.

parents should take their children into cosideration before taking some decisions, because the long term effects run very deep.

i know this because i have a step mom also

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hmmm,  I wonder why stepmoms in Nigeria generally seem to be rather harsh on the stepkids, with relatively few exceptions. Must be the crabs in a barrel analogy.

I doubt if most stepmothers overseas would be as harsh to their stepfamilies. And most countries in the western world have a far higher divorce rate than Nigeria. So I'd guess there are more children raised with stepparents overseas than at home. But comparatively fewer instances of mistreatment and malice.  It might be the economy, maybe.

any instances of stepfathers? I dont have any but I know a few people who were raised by their stepdads.

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Having a step mother is not always the best but at times

they bring out the best in you by fire by force.

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had 4 step mums while growing up and to compound the whole problem lost my mum at a young age,so there were loads of verbal abuse going on and underground stuffs which my dad didnt know about,cause of the kind of person my dad was he didnt leave room for all the whole scenario where wives fight each other but psychologically it was not a good experience grown up but since he sent everyone abroad for uni education and we r all in diffrent universities things had been a lot better but on the whole ill say it wasnt a very good experience,having said that i had a good n nice step mum,and a bad one as well so u can imagine the politics that went on these days,one step mums and her junior brothers/sisters plotting and the other one doing same as well and everyone tryn to suck up to dad,pl going behind and tryna make the other children look bad est, not a good experience on the whole

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i do have one, my God! i hate her. She's the worst thing on Earth

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going through all these experiences, some good, some horrific, I am grateful to God that I have both parents happily married.

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Absolutely not but. . . . . . . . ,

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read this thread from beginning to end. May God have mercy!

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i hv a step mum, and d woman is a witch. u may be asking, how did i know dat? thou my mum and my dad are still 2gether, bt, they are not living 2gether, because of d power dat d woman is using, she is d 1 dat cause everytin. thou she is the 1st wife and she had just only1 son (she had use all her remaining one 2 pay her vows dat she made with her colleagues). we are living 2gether b/4, bt, living with her is lk, hell on earth. if u see her, u 2 u will know dat dis one is a witch, bt my prayer 4 her is dat she should repent and if she fail 2 do so, she will soon confess all her evil deeds. Just let mi add dis one to it (advise) please guys don't marry more dan one wife, pls i beg u.

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My mum and dad broke up and he took a new wife. she was wicked to the core. But now i and my sister are adults and she can do nothing now but look.[color=#006600][/color]

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I have a step-mum. My mumis the 1st wife and she came when my Dad was really made. She once was responsible for my Dad and Mum parting ways. She boasted and was reported to have said She was responsible for the seperation between my Dad and Mum and that she was only buying time to finish me and my 2 other siblings. But God is greater than anyman, HE proved himself and somehow my Mum and Dad made up. But before then, We saw hell and she would have finished us really but thanks to my paternal aunt and uncles who were sympathetic and stood as opposition. They found jaz on her with my father's name written on it.

Since my parents made-up, She had gone full blown metabolic. Though she never quarrel with my mum openly (reason many observers praise our Dad for peace despite 2 wives), we fight and are still fighting many spiritual battles. She has also descended on my Dad and made him a robot for failing to send my mum away. Unfortunately, my Father thinks she's the best. We live under the same roof but my father has abandoned us to our mother. He will spend 80% of his earnings on the other children and will not care how we survive on our part. I cannot even be sure of having an inheritance in my father as we have reliably gathered that he has willed almost all his assets to this woman's children. The story is so long and pathetic!

But God is so good, we are doing fine with little support from our mum but unfortunately my other siblings on whom my Dad had invested almost all his fortunes are gettting worse; cultism, pre-mature pregnancy etc. They are sources of unrest for both step-mum and dad right now. I really pithy them.

The lessons here is to strife hard to free our children of this experience. To me, that is one of the best gifts you can give them. It is not really easy to love my step-mum but God has been helping me and my siblings to cope fine with her.

It's one of those things. May God help us all.

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