Hated for not having a male child?
By GIDEON OPARINDE[firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sunday, September 6, 2009
This was an unusual gathering. Moladun wondered why all her in-laws were visiting them this Sunday. It was Uncle Jide that first arrived. Not quite long after that, her husband’s immediate sister, Mummy Mofe came in.
Then grandpa and grandma arrived. Ha! Something bad is in the air. But what could it be? She wondered. Her husband of ten years, Dayo, looking a bit worried was around, so also were her four daughters. She had just spoken to her parents an hour ago, so what could it be?
It was when grandpa started talking and Uncle Jide contributing to what he was saying that it dawned on her. One of Dayo’s numerous mistresses had given birth to a baby boy! His family had come to appeal to her.
The issue of a male child had been a running battle between her and her mother-in-law. Mama had threatened to marry another woman for Dayo so that he would have a male child, as if it is the woman’s fault for not producing the required baby boy. Many a times, Mama had even suggested that packing out of her matrimonial home could be an option if she fails to give her a grandson. Now, she has finally achieved her aim. How would you react to this kind of threat if you were in Moladun’s shoes?
To the best of my knowledge, in-laws should be advised to stay clear of their children’s homes. Most times, in-laws are the major cause of problems young couples encounter. Once you have given your child out in marriage, the next thing I expect is they keep praying for them, seeking their joy, happiness and not looking for their downfall.
I have found out that everything that happens positively abroad goes the opposite direction here in Africa, Nigeria to be precise. Abroad, nobody takes the issue of male or female child personal. But here, it has become an issue of open debate and an area of great attention. I can say categorically that there are great women worldwide that are more recognized than men; they have significant impacts in the society than men.
It is in Nigeria that a woman is always in hot soup when she is unable to give birth to 11 or 12 children, when she could not give birth a year after her wedding, or when she could not have a male child; as if the female child is not equally good. What of people who don’t even have any?
If there are no female, how would this mother-in-law emerge, or where would the father-in-law get a wife? Whoever is sad that her child has no male child should adopt one, at least if that would make her happy.
In the African setup, a male child is well recognized because he is the shield of the Family. He is the heir of the family; the one that will continue the family’s lineage after the father might have passed on. But what some families/men fail to realize is that we are now in a generation where women are of great value in the society. We have female pastors, lawyers, and doctors etc.
In old age as well, women are the ones that take care of their parents most. Besides, scientifically, it is the man that determines the sex of a child and not the woman. So, women should not be blamed for this.
Also, we need to understand that in this 20th century, civilization has been the order of the day, different things happen day in day out. We have women with compound names. We have women who still answer the names of their father after their husband’s names. In such instance, the name of the man will be totally blotted off.
However, if all my children are female, first, I will have to thank God for giving them to me. I will accept them as gift from God because Psalm 127:3 says Children are the heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward. Secondly, I will train them in the way of the Lord, give them well and sound education.
As they grow, I will teach them sex education, the type of friends they keep both in schools, church, at home and make sure they are not wayward.
Finally, I will commit them into God’s hand because without God, they cannot achieve anything in life and be useful to their generation.
For God’s sake, do such evil people still live in our midst? I wonder the planets they come from. At times I wonder why wicked people should still remain on earth.
If they want male children at all cost, they should tell their son to find solution to himself because men are sex determinant when it comes to having babies. Such wicked mothers-in-laws have forgotten they will face God’s judgment when or before they die. My advice is that we should please fear God and stay away from evil. Let us not think we would live forever on earth. Where do they want these poor girls to go just because they couldn’t have a male child?
Generally speaking, if all my children are female and there is so much pressure from my in-laws, I will first explain to them that it is not the fault of the woman having only female offspring.
God and the man are the main determinants on having a male or female child. The man donates the “Y” chromosomes, which are responsible for the male child, while the woman donates only the “X” chromosome. The woman is not to blame. More so, children are gifts from God. God made both male and female. That is the fact they have to understand.
To start with, I have three questions for these so-called in-laws: First question, which of these children is not a child? Two, which of the children can they create? Third, which of these children can they predict would expand their family tentacles and what is the assurance that the wife they are agitating for would give them a male child? If they can give answers to these three questions, especially the last one, then they should move on with their plans.
They should leave me and my children alone, I believe we will be fine; I will take care of my children and would ensure they have a bright future.
I’m not God, I cannot force myself do what is beyond me. If my mother-in-law wants a male child, there are things she could do on our behalf. She can help us pray to God, and not resort to threatening me. After marriage, in-laws should have limited control over their children’s affairs. These are the major crisis in most homes today. Finally, if there were love between couples, they would not allow intruders into their family.
Well, responsible mothers-in-law should be source of joy to their daughters-in-law. No wonder some spinsters don’t pray to have mothers-in-law. They have learnt from others’ nightmare. Hmm, Wives and mothers!
Let’s take it from this angle; I don’t think there’s any woman that would not want to have a male child. No woman dislikes a good thing for herself and her family. But if it is not forth coming, the wife should not be victimized. The mother-in-law should have been her support whenever she is troubled about this, not to be a torn in the flesh.