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Hated For Not Having A Male Child: What Will You Do?

Hated for not having a male child?

By GIDEON OPARINDE[tomgidops@yahoo.com]

Sunday, September 6, 2009

•Oluwakemi

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/wiveslive/2009/sept/06/wiveslive-06-09-2009-001.htm

This was an unusual gathering. Moladun wondered why all her in-laws were visiting them this Sunday. It was Uncle Jide that first arrived. Not quite long after that, her husband’s immediate sister, Mummy Mofe came in.

Then grandpa and grandma arrived. Ha! Something bad is in the air. But what could it be? She wondered. Her husband of ten years, Dayo, looking a bit worried was around, so also were her four daughters. She had just spoken to her parents an hour ago, so what could it be?

It was when grandpa started talking and Uncle Jide contributing to what he was saying that it dawned on her. One of Dayo’s numerous mistresses had given birth to a baby boy! His family had come to appeal to her.

The issue of a male child had been a running battle between her and her mother-in-law. Mama had threatened to marry another woman for Dayo so that he would have a male child, as if it is the woman’s fault for not producing the required baby boy. Many a times, Mama had even suggested that packing out of her matrimonial home could be an option if she fails to give her a grandson. Now, she has finally achieved her aim. How would you react to this kind of threat if you were in Moladun’s shoes?

OLUWAKEMI A.

To the best of my knowledge, in-laws should be advised to stay clear of their children’s homes. Most times, in-laws are the major cause of problems young couples encounter. Once you have given your child out in marriage, the next thing I expect is they keep praying for them, seeking their joy, happiness and not looking for their downfall.

CHINAZA IKECHUKWU

I have found out that everything that happens positively abroad goes the opposite direction here in Africa, Nigeria to be precise. Abroad, nobody takes the issue of male or female child personal. But here, it has become an issue of open debate and an area of great attention. I can say categorically that there are great women worldwide that are more recognized than men; they have significant impacts in the society than men.

It is in Nigeria that a woman is always in hot soup when she is unable to give birth to 11 or 12 children, when she could not give birth a year after her wedding, or when she could not have a male child; as if the female child is not equally good. What of people who don’t even have any?

If there are no female, how would this mother-in-law emerge, or where would the father-in-law get a wife? Whoever is sad that her child has no male child should adopt one, at least if that would make her happy.

MODUPE A.

In the African setup, a male child is well recognized because he is the shield of the Family. He is the heir of the family; the one that will continue the family’s lineage after the father might have passed on. But what some families/men fail to realize is that we are now in a generation where women are of great value in the society. We have female pastors, lawyers, and doctors etc.

In old age as well, women are the ones that take care of their parents most. Besides, scientifically, it is the man that determines the sex of a child and not the woman. So, women should not be blamed for this.

Also, we need to understand that in this 20th century, civilization has been the order of the day, different things happen day in day out. We have women with compound names. We have women who still answer the names of their father after their husband’s names. In such instance, the name of the man will be totally blotted off.

However, if all my children are female, first, I will have to thank God for giving them to me. I will accept them as gift from God because Psalm 127:3 says Children are the heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward. Secondly, I will train them in the way of the Lord, give them well and sound education.

As they grow, I will teach them sex education, the type of friends they keep both in schools, church, at home and make sure they are not wayward.

Finally, I will commit them into God’s hand because without God, they cannot achieve anything in life and be useful to their generation.

SAIDAT HASSAN

For God’s sake, do such evil people still live in our midst? I wonder the planets they come from. At times I wonder why wicked people should still remain on earth.

If they want male children at all cost, they should tell their son to find solution to himself because men are sex determinant when it comes to having babies. Such wicked mothers-in-laws have forgotten they will face God’s judgment when or before they die. My advice is that we should please fear God and stay away from evil. Let us not think we would live forever on earth. Where do they want these poor girls to go just because they couldn’t have a male child?

OMOBOLANLE OLATOYE

Generally speaking, if all my children are female and there is so much pressure from my in-laws, I will first explain to them that it is not the fault of the woman having only female offspring.

God and the man are the main determinants on having a male or female child. The man donates the “Y” chromosomes, which are responsible for the male child, while the woman donates only the “X” chromosome. The woman is not to blame. More so, children are gifts from God. God made both male and female. That is the fact they have to understand.

MRS. ABDULFATAI

To start with, I have three questions for these so-called in-laws: First question, which of these children is not a child? Two, which of the children can they create? Third, which of these children can they predict would expand their family tentacles and what is the assurance that the wife they are agitating for would give them a male child? If they can give answers to these three questions, especially the last one, then they should move on with their plans.

They should leave me and my children alone, I believe we will be fine; I will take care of my children and would ensure they have a bright future.

ENIGBOKAN BOLA

I’m not God, I cannot force myself do what is beyond me. If my mother-in-law wants a male child, there are things she could do on our behalf. She can help us pray to God, and not resort to threatening me. After marriage, in-laws should have limited control over their children’s affairs. These are the major crisis in most homes today. Finally, if there were love between couples, they would not allow intruders into their family.

MRS. JOSEPH

Well, responsible mothers-in-law should be source of joy to their daughters-in-law. No wonder some spinsters don’t pray to have mothers-in-law. They have learnt from others’ nightmare. Hmm, Wives and mothers!

ONENYERE G.

Let’s take it from this angle; I don’t think there’s any woman that would not want to have a male child. No woman dislikes a good thing for herself and her family. But if it is not forth coming, the wife should not be victimized. The mother-in-law should have been her support whenever she is troubled about this, not to be a torn in the flesh.

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26 answers

I know don't know what the fuss is about with Men always wanting a male child, there is no guarantee that the male child will turn out to be what you want and also its the Lord that provides.

Just be glad with whatever God gives you (boy or girl), there are people out that will take either.

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left to some husbands they wouldnt really bother about having a boy or girl, it's the so called "elders" and in-laws who start the pressuring

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Men that make noise abt issues like this need to be flogged.

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who the hell cares if the baby is a boy or girl. be happy you have one

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Most African men favor having a male child over a female. Its really a sick trait that need to be change.Count Ur blessings whether male or female.

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Will you be any more troubled if you have no male child?

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Now, some doctors believe that the acidity of a woman v.a.g.i.n.a plays a big role in determining the sex of a baby as the Y spermatozoa hates an acidic environment being more fragile and all. The women who give birth to all girls have been known to have be more acidic than their female counterparts. These women are adviced to douche or be on a diet that will lead to a less acidic vjay. Now, whether this is just bull or a fact is yet to be proven.

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In the s.p.e.r.m, the weaker Y spermatozoa swims faster than the X spermatozoa, hence the X outlives the Y. Having sex the same day one ovulates or within 3 days AFTER ovulation will increase the chances of having a male baby cos the faster Y spermatozoa gets to the egg first. One must ensure dt sex is not had few days BEFORE ovulation cos the Y dies out been more fragile leaving the X to fertilize your egg when u ovulate later. Hope this makes sense.

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Nothing. What is there to do? For the sake of my sanity I will not be popping out babies, that I know I don't want or have the resources to provide for them, just for the sake of producing a boy. Yeah, all men desire a boy just for the sake of saying that have someone that looks like them. But at the end of day a healthy, thriving child should be most desired even if it's not a boy.

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No one is against the child born out of wedlock. What the people are against is  some people in 2010 still thinking not having a son makes you a lesser man and going ahead to have a child outside marriage cos of that

I remember a man (supposedly educated) who had 3 daughters with his wife, then went outside cos he was looking for a son. unfortunately for him, his mistress only gave him another 2 girls

Then his wife conceived again and gave him a son and the foolish man said to the wife; 'why did you allow me to go outside when you know you can give me a son? you should have given me a son 1st'

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Why can't she give him a son? i will advice her to stop having sex with her husband for 6 months after which she will have a son is easy. What is even the prove that the outside wife's son is his? she might just get the son from another man and give to him.

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But what the woman did to the man was evil and nobody will find it funny.

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Jennykadry now what is not for real here.

It is indeed painful and mean for the in-laws to encourage him to have a male child outside and that is what makes a few women go outside to bring children for their husbands, when there is no issue or no male child.

But that aside. Does a child not have a right to his father, his name, his family.

Even if the woman rejects what difference does it make. This child is the first male chid and accepted by the husband and his family.

The woman accepting the child would only bring harmony in the home on the long run and make the children grow up to love each other.

If I were in the same situation I would not let my hurt get in the way of depriving my kids a brother or my husband a on.

I have seen cases like this were women accepted the children outside and showed them love and helped make something out of them. these children grew to love their step mums so much and would move the world for them.

Do you know the faith of that child tomorrow. He may be a pillar to his siblings and family. The case of the stone the builders rejected.

I have also seen cases where the child was rejected by the step mum and these children when the grew up were only targeted at destroying the woman and her siblings.

Do you know what a child is? An innocent human being that also has fundamental human rights.

You need to have an overall view of the situation.

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They have rights in the US so it will even be better for them here. In Nigeria they don't have rights. You break down my door then you will really pay the consequences. I don't care where you are in this world. The most abusive people are usually the biggest wussies. In laws are no exception. I might have been gone from Nigeria for a while but I still know what's up. A teacher hit me once and he paid for it and yes it was in Nigeria. How much more when my family knows where they live. My home is my sanctuary and my children and I will live in peace. If you come to cause trouble I will not rest until you burn.

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Its like you've been out of naija for a while. Dem go scatter that your door with 5 thugs and 3 kidnappers and show you pepper. There is no 911 or 999 in Nigeria.

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Aloy you seem to live in fantasy land. What in laws? If they have free access to my house to sit on my couch and disrespect me then what you are talking about will make sense. I don't know why you think that anybody could just walk into anybody's home and be allowed to act like they are in a cave. It will never happen in our home

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Better watch your back after that because your inlaws will eat you alive. Is it worth the stress?

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Please can someone explain to me how this was wicked?

I mean the man had a child outside and that was not ideal but at the end of the day that child is his flesh and blood and has a right to his father.

The in-laws came to appeal to her. What is wrong with that.

Children are never to blame. If the woman loves her husband and her own kids would she deprive them of the joy of a son/ brother?

Is that boy not a brother to her kids. She should accept the child even if she is not happy with the situation.

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Where are you gonna live after taking that chunk?

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In my house. where else

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I doubt that any in laws will walk into someones home if they know that she just might jump up and take a chunk of their Bottom.

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