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He Is Not Attractive. What Can I Do?

hi everyone. i must say thanks for all your replies though i havent read a lot of them. and sorry that i have not been here for some days now. that is because of a terrible incidence that happened the same day i put up this topic. the guy in question actually told me he was travelling to ibadan on official assignment that day hence i wanted to get ur views on my predicament b4 he returns the next day. but unfortunately he had a fatal accident with his car and died hrs later in the hospital he was rushded to. i was shocked when i heard this news later that day ( tuesday 14th) i didnt know wat to think. someone who just asked me for marriage the week b4! though we were never close, but i feel pity for him. i dont even know wat i feel now. i guess im just dazed. wat if i had loved him and agreed, then i would have been really heart broken. well, i guess the rest is now history.

@seun, im really surprised to see this on the front page

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62 answers

@postor! this is realy super story in the making. please write the script and we would direct and produce it.

Cheers.

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I believe u should know what u want in a man,marriage isn't something u go into due to despiration so as not to get out due to frustration.Make a precise decision and remember the combination of parents determine their offspring's looks.

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sorry dears sis,

ugliness is only physical i've come to know true beauty lies on the inside.

some very handsome men are beasts in d way they treat their women. you might have an angel in disguise please don't

lose him. pray for the grace to love him. How pretty are you self? nor take your hand troway better thing.

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this is intresting,but please how ugly is he,his he as ugly as an orangotan if not why worry.anyway if u are looking at beauty it is one of those things but not paramount to a successive marriage.anyway dont u think its better for you at least those gals will look twice before chasing your husband and your husband too will look twice before chasing gals.thats by the way  thou just hear from God but if your heart is not down with it pls flee from marrying him so that you can be happy in life and your children will not be ugly especially if he has a dorminant gene for ugliness but dont forget looks is not all to a happy marriage why dont u just try and forget his looks and for more positive attitude of his which other handsome men will not give u

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looks are very deceptive.

maximize the period of your friendship to look out for more solid traits.

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Ezioko? Ewooooo! Eh?!

@poster, you must've been let down a helluva lot of times to be seriously considering settling with someone you can't stand the sight of, much less kiss.

I don't envy you.

You gotta ask yourself whether you can do it for life, cos if you can't fancy the look of that face then that's a life sentence darl.

My uncle used to tell me: "make sure you marry a pretty woman cos when she upsets you, just look at her face and you'll forgive her.

If you marry an ugly woman and she upsets you, you'll never forgive yourself!"

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if you want to marry him do so,

if you don't want to, say no but do what YOU want to do

thsi is not the place to be seeking advice about who to marry

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hey! ive been reading a lot about marriage, divorce and remarriage and no im not considering any of the above but just a word of warning

marriage is a lifetime commitment, we should be well prepared before going into it as there is no exit sign, well maybe for me. If you marry someone becos he is the only person available and because of disappointments, the this is just telling you that you are obviously getting into it for the wrong reasons. Dont worry about it, just dump it all on God he already knows the end from the beginning and he knows what suits u. Do not MANAGE at all. Just so you know if you marry someone on the sole reason that they are beautiful/ugly or whatever, this will fade and you might find out you liked nothing about them in the first place. Meanwhile, love does not grow, if you dont like someone from word go, well u might like them later on but if u dont love someone from the onset, what guarantee or assurance have u got that you will love them in 10years time? A word they say is enough for the wife. A broken engagement is always better than a broken marriage.

May God lead you to make the right decision. Amen

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@Poster,

Don't decieve yourself by hoping people will talk you into forgetting about his ugliness,It will never Go.

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@ Poster: why don't you create ur own husband by giving birth to it? Anonymous sperm donors abound with excellent facial and bodily qualities guaranteed!

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the best you can do to yourself is to look beyong the physical components the guy carries that makes you believe he is urgly, for your information there is no urgly guy, there are only urgly ladies, change your focus and u will see what d guy really carries.

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if u have any affection 4him go ahead but if u dont have any try and put a stop. iwill advice to stick to dat guy becos oko won lode. yes, true love is very scarce, any oppourtunity ggrab it. just try and create some love 4 dis guy cos something tells me 4rm insside dat d guy is ur husband.

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encourage him to get online resources/cds on speaking better englsh

thats a start

encourage not denigrate

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carry am go panel beater workshop

they know wat to do

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Love is the ultimate.

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Well, we learn every day.

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I think we are in the same shoes but mine is that the guy is goodlooking and a little loaded but did not go to school.

I am used to seeing him around because we work in the building but different companies.

He makes grammatical errors sometimes and I quickly spot them out being a graduate of English but I find it difficult to correct him most times.

I need help too, what do I do?

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@Poster

Learn to love the inner person in him, and not the face. If you make him beautiful or handsome now, you will be the one

complaining later that women are chasing him, or he is chasing women.

Love what you have.

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let me tell you one thing, is either u accept him the way he his and love or you reject the proposal. marriage is a long term relationship which do not expire. if you love him,the way he his, you will work on him and the handsomeness in him will surely come out.

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Love is the most vital part of a marriage in fact it is the bedrock. I advise you develop friendship with him 1st before considering marriage. About ugliness: there are so many 'ugly' people out there who are pleasant with proper grooming & basic hygene e.g. Hair, nails, teeth(dentist for scaling and polishing of teeth to remove plaque,brushing teeth regularly-at least twice daily), regular bath, roll-on, body spray, perfume, good dress sense etc

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u will be marveled that with time, u wont see him as being ugly

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no word yet from poster?, This story was made up. anyway have fun deliberating on a "tales by nairaland"

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Dis reminds me of a lady who i was with one day where she works and a coleaque of hers came in adn they were talking about an ex coleaque who was disturbing her to marry her in her old work place, this lady was telling her friend how ugly the guy was and all that and that he even had a tribal mark and that was why she could not marry him, another friend came in and met them on the topic and now informed them that the guy has made it now o infact he is a big boy now and married with kids, and has a very big 4 3bed flat somewhere in Lagos where he lives with his family.

Come and see the look on anty Shade's face, she was shocked she couldnt hide her regret and accidentally said wao! how she wish she considered him then but for his ugly looks and tribal marks. The worst is that she eventually married a not too handsome man who also had tribal mark but she only married him when she realised no better person was coming and she was around 39, meanwhile the previous tribal mark man had left the company for another job where he became a big guy and she had to make do with another tribal jobless man. Life.

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I think marriage shouldn't be all abt attractiveness if you know what I mean. I'll tell u something my mom always tells me. No matter how ugly a man is, it's inside that counts. Better u marry a man who's not that hot and who'll look very attractive to you down the road cos of his virtues than a man who's an extremely hot SOB that you'll later hate.

As long as you're not embarassed to be seen by his side, then you're good to go.

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@ Negro_Ntns / @ Poster

Lady,

I think you’ll do him the HEIGHT of injustice if your marry him – (Because you want to be married), but if another guy comes along that you’re really attracted to  before your wedding day, I bet (99%) you’re let this guy go.  Even if he’s good in bed, but for the fact that you can’t stay in bed 24 * 7, what are you going to do when you’re not in bed?  also, I believe having sex and making love are to different extremes, and if you really love a guy you’re make love to him as a wife (That’s not to say you wouldn't have sex) but it really takes a level of physical chemistry to want a guy in a certain way to make love, ELSE, it’ll only be a better of time and you’re start going out of you’re matrimonial home to fine the one who you’re really attracted to physically.  

If you find him attractive, but he needs to improve in his addressing style that’s different, but if you don’t that him attractive THAT’S WHERE THE PROBLEM LAIDS.

A guy can wear jeans, a t-shirt and trainers and really look sexy, and a guy can wear a suit and look terrible, it’s not really about his addressing; the true question is IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT HIS PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES THAT TURNS YOU ON TO WANT HIM? If not let him go because with time you would not really be able to support and love him in the way that someone who finds him physically attractive and loves him would (And that’s where the injustice comes in).  Physical looks is a small % in marriage, but there should be enough for establish a chemistry.  There are so many more important attributes that you need to weigh up.

Pray about your choice,

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I think this topic should be put to rest because the poster is not even responding.

For her to have come out and say the guy is ugly, guys, forget it, the lady does not deserve that guy.

@Sky-walker ,

Man, there are ugly pple in this world, its not their fault really. Thats how they were created.

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It depends . . . @ Poster, are you attractive yourself? If not, then you shouldn't be bothered. Take myself for an example, I know I am very very ugly, so I decided to date a lady equally as ugly. Over 3 years now, we have not had any problems with our relationship. I know we were simply meant for each other.

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@ poster,

you are very lucky that you have someone proposing marriage to you even though he is ugly, believe me so many beautiful girls are out there that are not even approached by men at all , so please make up your mind yourself.

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Yes na, after we don give am advice tire, she still dey talk, una sure say she herself no ugly so?

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Most women pray hard not to marry attractive men, so that they dont loose him to those small small girls out there, you are here saying you dont like what God has given you, me I don tell you, when it is foking time, plaster his face with soap or cover his face with pillow.

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Cover his ugly face with a pillow when foking the moda foker - you dig?

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My own advice on the matter is for you not to get married to the man because you will not be happy with him. why? because you will be feeling shy going out with him. And if the man finds out that you are avoiding him he will not be happy with you.

Please do not marry him Married is forever only death can separate you. And also if you truly want happiness don't marry him.

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Na wa ooo. So its fine boy you are after now,not love? so funny!!!!

i belive you lust after fine boyz cuz i dont understand your point in trying to reject him just because he is ugly. what has ur former fine boyfriends all done for you? are u still with them?

if you want,Leave the guy and just pray that one much more uglier does not come again since i dont even understand what u call ugly.

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You said you have not said yes and said will love him with time and you call him your fiance, do you know the meaning of fiance?

Secondly, if you marry that guy there is 85% probability that you will not last with him cos you have already condemned him publicly even before saying yes and after marriage, you will see a handsome guy and wished you never went to the alter.

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My pieces of advice are these!

Dont marry cos of beauty/handsomeness!

Dont marry cos of Money!!

Dont marry cos of pity!!!

Dont marry cos of pressure!!!!

Marry cos u are unconditionally in Love

And let God direct ur path!

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So Nairaland is the ultimate human problem solution finder,can solve all human problems.@poster na face you dey use collect Akamu or na Yash?

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some girl thinking she is a woman. i say u wait grow up a little and know what marriage is all about.

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@poster, dear it is impossible to love wholeheartedly someone you are not attracted to. I will advise you let the relationship go, do not get commited due to desperation to settle down.

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if you like his personality enough to give it a go

i would suggest you have him dress decent and smell good

an ugly man with swag and personality is good

a lot of you lasses end up marrying a man who isn't good

looking anyway

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This is hard.

You've already condemned sm1 you're about to spend the rest of ur life with. Why can't u see past beauty?

And u could say "He is on the ugly side" and not presentable?

Na wa 4 u.

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If you get money - plastic surgery

If you no get money - buy him a mask

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Its tough.

What are you considering?

The ugliness or lack of love?

If its the ugliness, that ain't enough reason not to wed him.

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u better let him go now

becos once u enter into it, its 4 beta 4 worse

women like u tend to flirt later, becos u are not sat satisfied wit wat u have

Like i wld always say God's time is d best

Marriage is not a contract

u better dont rush into anytin becos u might meet ur choice later.

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if u cant stand him now, no need to convict urself

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marriage out of desperation i bet it with u it wont last but u can give it a trial

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Marriage is sometime not about what we want,but It's about the will of God for us.So my advice for you is to ask for the will of God to be done in this sitaution.I tell you this truth,If this man happen to be the rightman for you,God will turn everything around to suit you,his looks woun't matter to you anymore.

Again don't be in a rush,that you've been disappointed several time  in the past does not mean you should rush things,be patience,watch and pray more.God will make everything perfect at it's appointed time.

www.josephsonpeter.com

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Seek the face of 'GOD;

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Beauty really isn't all that. I'm sure there is more to him than his face. Anyway, if he shaves often, let him try growing his beard out a little. Also if he can try cutting his hair. Applying lotion can do some wonders too. Lastly, he should find a(n) look/outfit that complements his face and body.

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