«Home

How Hard Is It To Remain In Marriage?

Can someone please help me explain this mystery. How is it possible, that a Man/Woman would live with the same partner for years in marriage, they would bear kids, those kids themselves would grow into adult and then get married, thats normal in life, but come to think of the part that remains a mystery to me, maybe its because am not married yet, but i have this gurl i love with my whole heart, her name starts with a G, never mind, back to the point, my question is this, especially to the married fellas out here is this, what is the secret or recipe to a good and everlasting marriage, cos the rate of divorce these days is alarming and the excuses given for such, sometimes are funny, how can one love a lady/guy till death do them part? i have concluded that marriage is for the serious minded people, who are ready for it and it does not depend on age or social status, but on love. Can some of ya fellas who got experience in this and who are married, give us a good recipe to a healthy marriage?

Avatar
Newbie
100 answers

this s a very beautiful tread. it is hard to stay/sustain a marriage because we made it so. most times, during courtship we tend to pretend a lot! change d way we eat, talk, walk, view life etc u hear 'i don't do this, eat dat, go to such places' etc etc. we knowingly or otherwise tailor ourselves to who we think ll suit our partners forgettin dat we can't sustain such pretence for long(after marriage). others see marriage as an end! after d weddin day, they re like 'i ve achieved my purpose, i can now rest' n al d respect, love care is thrown out of d window! i m not saying it's easy but if we re sincere, know wat thru love is, we would want to get married! God Bless!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Thanks, its good to know you are married and happy at it, I wish every married woman on nairaland is as happy in marriage as you, if not more. How long have you been married?

Olofinjeje: I hope you are doing great?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marrage is sweet my brother.

It is like a Journey which you can deside to get to your destination no matter the pot holes and seen of accident on the way.

Marrage is quite enjoyable, you can make your marrage what you want it to be, by the help of the holy spirit.

I am a woman, I enjoyed my marrage even when I was pregnant and while nursing my babies.

Good enough you have not signed the dotted line, you can pray to get your missing bone. Ones that is done, make up your mind not to fail in the journey of marrage and you will see things just working to your advantage.

All you need do is to respect each other and each others openion, admire each other no matter what and also be tolerance.

Remember she is not perfect so don't expect too much from her. You can make it.[color=#006600][/color]

0
Avatar
Newbie

olofinjeje: I am fine, i hope life is treating you well and your Husband is cooperating! lol, don't mind me, so whats new with you? I really pity some women each time, i see whats going on behind their noses, its almost accepted world wide that a man can cheat(sleep with another Woman outside of his matrimonial home) everybody sees it differently, and the talk is that, its a man's nature, but they fail to realize that what is bad is bad, no matter how hard you try to give it a good name, it still remains bad, cos there is never a good way of doing the wrong thing. Why is it that when a woman cheats on her husband, everybody cries foul as if she just committed a crime that has never been committed before? What is good for the man is also good for the woman.

olofinjeje Stay Strong, i dey by your side.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Martin007

I totally agree with you-society ,upbringing and religion are the silent(not always)pressure points that force most of us women to stay married.

I can tell you that just about every married woman I have spoken to complains about the same thing-the reality is that IT IS A MAN"S WORLD.

Lets say I have a friend in her 40s and the complaints are the same as when she was in her 30s.I know a woman whose husband died (extremely respected and very educated world celebrated man) about 2 years ago-upon his death she discovered that the "cousins" that had been visiting were his children-everyone in the family knew but not the woman.

Now during this marriage of over 55 years-he refused to let her learn Yoruba,he isolated her from her family and he insisted that she remain a housewife and mother-she endured-he died and left all his money to a trust (not to his grown children or the new children).This woman is over 70 years old!!!

Another woman berates her husband for coming home after 4.30am in this dangerous Lagos,reminding him that the children at home are beginning to believe that all fathers go out at 10pm and return late and sleep in late every Saturday and Sunday morning-His response I left other married men at the venue ,so what is your problem!!!!(In short she should not nag and be thankful that he even comes home)Trust me he is considered a good husband and their's a "good marriage"

Granted women do contribute to marriage breakups but its the man that determines the real harmony.

Marriage is so hard oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martin007 I hope you are well?

0
Avatar
Newbie

In this time and age, i can see from all corners that its hard to remain in Marriage, so many things are not going on well, look at the economy, social life, religion, i mean Naija factor? Sometimes i don't blame those who get married to others cos of their wealth, but there are real dangers in such marriages. I wonder how many women on here or in Nigeria remain in Marriage, because of what their "church, "society", "family" would say if they decide to leave, or how many women are staying put in a marriage that is a crisis and outside the home they wear make up as if all is well. Would you stay in an abusive Marriage just because of your Kids? To all those whose marriages are on "icebergs" i pray God will restore such homes. I think women deserve better treatment from we(men) and vice - versa.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Its good to have you back oh, i have missed you and your comments? so how is your family? hope you guys are doing great.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Martin007

I am back or at least have been for a while -been very busy.

Yes I have read all your links to date-most interesting.

MATERNITY LEAVE-NO SUCH THING !!!!!! I have enough and I believe that it is time to try to reclaim my life and BODY back.

0
Avatar
Newbie

what are the factors? Say your mind

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hey, how hard is a man's joystick

0
Avatar
Newbie

martin007 the secret of a lasting marrage is friendship and trans-parency.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Olofinjeje, where are you ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I hope you are doing great oh, its been a long time, abi u dey on vacation abi na maternity leave you dey?

0
Avatar
Newbie

How do you get to know your "TRUE LIFE PARTNER" is it gonna be God revealing it to you or by instinct?

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Raphy, I agree with you. It takes the 'GRACE OF GOD' to stay in marriage.

Nothing else except God's grace and favour will make one to find one's true "LIFE PARTNER".

And if one does , then marriage will be a ENJOYED not ENDURED.

S

0
Avatar
Newbie

I think you are right Tanna, it just have to be a decision one has to make in life, just as you decide to serve God, once you get married to a man/woman, then it should be forever, but i find alot of people not thinking about the decision of marriage before they embark on it, Na rush rush.

I wish you all the best in your relationship Tanna!

0
Avatar
Newbie

it is hard ooooooo

attimes u feel like opting out and atimes u feel like staying in forever.

MARRIAGEEEEEEE

that thing na wanted devil,dreaded angel

all one need is patience,perservance,understanding and prayers.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Thanks Olofinjeje, its nice to know you are doing great. look Marriage is very hard, i thot i was just joking or trying to find people's opinion about marriage on this thread, but it has now dawn on me that, its a life and death issue, we are talking about here. why? Well, i got home around 11:30PM yesterday, and i saw people gathered in front of my house, i thought something bad had happened or "Men of the underworld" visited my area, but it was not the case, what happened was a man caught in the act of infidelity by his own wife(This wife, has a 3year old daughter for him and also carrying an 8month old pregnancy). How it happened, i really dont know, but the tragedy of the whole thing was that, the man was admitted to the hospital because of the injury inflicted on him by his wife. Now here is the summary of the story Dem say " His wife, got to know that he was going to meet a woman at a secret hide out and so she waited until the right time before going there, on getting there, she met her husband and a strange mistress on the bed together, she got mad and started hitting the so called strange mistress, sparing her husband for the main time, the husband now helped the "mistress to escape his ragging wife. The wife in her rage, took off her clothes, leaving only a bra and undies she had on and trekked from the scene of where it all happened back home(thank God it was in the evening, everywhere was a lil bit dark), waiting for her "loving" husband to return, Poor guy, he did not know his wife had surprises waiting for him. As soon as he entered the house, his wife sprang on to him, "like a lion waiting on a prey" with a sharp razor blade to his face and she gave him some tiger-like trademark cut.(God saved his eyes from been affected).

Personally:

i dont know if this husband is gonna stop cheating on his wife, he may stop while the wound is still on him, but i dont really know what can help such a man except God! How hard is it to stop cheating in a relationship? cos i know if you start cheating your gf in a relationship, its gonna translate into marriage. what do you think Guys?

0
Avatar
Newbie

martin007

I am well .I am on holidays with the family and for the last week been stuck in a place with zero telephone signal and definitely no internet.Just returned to London and will read all outstanding responses and comments later or tomorrow.

Hope you are well -Saw your reply very longgggggggggggg but I shall read and comment.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I was just asking oh! why the sorry, u think say i get any plans? Nahhhhhhhhhhhh. Abanna thanks for the post.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Summarily, Its only hard when you're not willing, or worse still, both parties are not willing to make your marriage work.

0
Avatar
Newbie

hi,

it takes God 4 2 individuals from different families 2 come together and remain.one reason marriages dont last is because partners are willing 2 work at it during courtship but once married, ignore the relationship esp between them sometimes it could be 2 d pressures of life or entering into it in the first place 4 d wrong reasons.

i encourage all 2 work at their relationship b/c it is one beautiful gift from God 2 man and it takes a conscious hard work 2 make it work just like we hustle by all means.IT IS NOT A TRAP!!!!!!!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

I don't know what it is like to be married, but I do know it takes two to make a dream come. Marriage is hard work, couples gotta to learn to respect and trust each other at all times and communicate more with each other. Most of all to give each other space, like ME time and OUR time. A lot of couples needs to work hard at their marriage rather than take the easy way out. To all the married couples out there love the one you're with.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriages, do have its Peek and Off peek Periods, i really wanna know when is a marriage said to be at its peek period and when is it at its off peek period? I know Most marriages after the first 5yeas, start to go down the drain and i know of others that after the woman must have given birth to a couple of children and giving birth have taken a tole on the woman, the men seem to look at the grass over the fence, (is it really Greener? So it seems!!)

0
Avatar
Newbie

haba Master, you think Marriage is an organisation, if you think it is, then thats a recipe for Disaster you are trying to create.

0
Avatar
Newbie

HOW HARD IS IT TO REMAIN IN MARRIAGE?

simple, the woman must know she is a woman and that the man is the head of the organisation.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Visit://anijawife.blogspot.com for more on this topic

0
Avatar
Newbie

GeeGee, how long have you been married? and what are your secrets to a successful marriage? Thanks for your post.

0
Avatar
Newbie

The divorce is climbing up everyday, i even heard that its going up in nigeria now, geezz! as a kid in naija , i never heard of divorce, it was like a taboo, guess its now conventional now, i'll blame the male ego, feminist groups , all dem "independent women" , marriage is not to be edured but to be enjoyed

0
Avatar
Newbie

the truth is there's three rings in marrage which i have gotten and same goes for the man

which u will also get and ur "girl" u so much love.the engagement ring,the wedding ring and the suffering.

when u get to that suuffering state u'll know if u truly love her or not when the sex becomes boring when she no longer excites u like she use to,when u start fighting and aguring over little things than u'll now.this journey is not for the faint hearted belive me anyway divorce is always an option its up to u as for i and my hubby we are partners and friends for life.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Olofinjeje: How are you, i hope ur doing doing, its been 2days! Just checking on you. Have a great day

0
Avatar
Newbie

mabel: Thanks for the post, you are 23 and single? Am so sorry asking you this question, but have you ever been in any relationship before? cos from what you said "IT IS BETTER 2 HAVE A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP THAN A FAILED MARRIAGE". Anyway, for those of us that aint married, its true we have to shine our eyes. But that is if we are all seeing the right thing.

0
Avatar
Newbie

MARRIAGE IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS.u have 2 make sure that the person u are committing the rest of ur life 2 deserve it

am 23 and single but feels that,pple must not fail 2 realise that success in marriage, as in any other sphere of life, does not just happen.we must make definite plans 2 succeed

the magnificant institution of marriage offers tremendous rewards if we enter into it wisely.Get 2 know the other person well because , once u get 2 the altar, it will be too late

A successful marraige involves more than just a couple's determination 2 make it work.b4 entering into a marriage, both parties must have learnd how 2 accept responsibilities.

IT IS BETTER 2 HAVE A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP THAN A FAILED MARRIAGE.

PLS SHINE UR EYES

mabel

0
Avatar
Newbie

I know you aint a ho! lol, i wish you all the best. Are you a Nigerian?

0
Avatar
Newbie

uhmmm yea sure is hard. u could see most people seperate while few remains. is not really easy. is done with concentrating and being together no matter what happens eventhough is the heaviest argument ever.

beside my ghanian guy loves me so much and i love him too till death. and we're eventhough is the heaviest argument we will be together and as he said too. he's not a player or whatever. he got sense of humor and he's fast. he took for what i am eventhough im a ho, Lol

0
Avatar
Newbie

OK Shopkraft, can we get fellas who are married for over 20years and still standing, contribute to this Thread?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hey martin007, thanks for your prayer but I'm not match to be a Deputy Speaker on a very important topic like this, I think there are people in the house that's been able to hold the homefront for 20yrs and up, maybe they can help us learn more and give us hints and tricks. I do not have enough experience or hindsights to deputize a public forum that has a potential to affecting people's lives. But I know we can learn by looking at people who's done it, maybe we'll get lucky like them.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Shopkraft: Am speechless, you have said it all and i hope, we who are not married would learn from this. Thanks alot for the Lecture on here, am think, we should make you the Deputy Speaker on this Thread. I wish your marriage all the best. When are you coming back to Nigeria? we Would love to have you back!

0
Avatar
Newbie

hmmmmm, na wa oh! this marriage thing is even more serious than i thought . . . .

0
Avatar
Newbie

During those years at OAU, I read a book called "Dreams Die First". It talks about the reality of life, that the dreamy notion of "fairytales falls off your eyes when you get into "real life scenes like boardroom politics at work, spousal betrayal, etc. Long time ago, yet seems like yesterday! No one or nothing can ever prepare you for marriage success or its failure, but the least we can do is to arm yourselft and prepare to "make it count" In response to "olofinjeje's point of view, I will like to shift, just a little bit.

Viewing this with my own life experience, , it will be really hard to co-exist with a man that doesn't make my heart, (please give me the right word). My relationships with my friends taught me something.

1.) Making every encounters count for something.

2.) Being honest in little things.

3.) Pairing up to protect, support and defend each other.

4.) Give a little, take a little.

5.) And most importantly be trustworthy!

I used to be what people call the lifeline of our group. I still dont know what it was up till this day that makes my friends have such level of devotion to me back then, even now. It was such that,  if something is going on among anyone of us, and one of us doesnt show up, its usually understood by the rest of us. But for me, they'll prefer to see my "dead body" at the occassion/event and comfirm that I am really inoperable for them to be satisfied . I had some business dealings with Nigerite then and I noticed that I "did" get away with some stuff others wouldn't dare! The management, admin sales, warehouse, accounts depts all yielded to me like if I was gold. Reality, I wasn't even a diamond! But to them, it felt like so. Why? There are some things in life that doesn't come with answer. I have learnt to just accept this.

And then I came to US, met a guy, convinced me to play home and I stayed back here. My friends felt, and still feels like I betrayed them, by staying back here, I still recieve emails about petty things going on with all of them, and no matter what's going on with me, it is an unspoken, unpaid obligation they require of me to reply back (not more than 48hrs!) and give my opinion or find matching handbag that will fit a red shoe in a bargain store on surulere or preety woman's shop on Toyin st at ikeja! And yet, I am in US!

What is the meaning of all of this life history? It is the importance of "making your marriage/relationship counts for something. Being honest and reliable in little things. If you promised and give your "word" on something, do it! If your say you'll be somewhere by 4pm, be there!

Here with my "should have been husband". We are still "good friends" but we didnt make it on the home front. There are things that are better left unsaid but He is a brilliant pleasant human being in and out but for us, we just couldnt reach each other anymore. We were still nice and friendly with each other around the house but it was a sharp turnaround and from what it was during courtship. Yes the scales falls off your eyes about whom you're dealing with withing the preceeding 12months if you're lucky.Then I asked myself the BIG question, but why didnt I see it earlier? Because relationship is like a black market, you dont know whats in store for you until you open it up. What happened to all the things we'd talked and planned about in those early stage?

Things like trust, reliability, accountability, inner beauty and meeting of the minds are crucial in making marriage work. These things seemed evident while we were dating but quickly disappears on his part afterwards. And yet, I lingered, and I hoped, and prayed. Then one day, I paced alone in our big beautiful house and said to myself "so this is it?" The emptiness, the fear, the pain, the uncertainty, the loneliness! Something in me had died!! I had lost every ounce of confidence in him. Silently, for the first time in 18months, I wept.  And it was over. I called my parents, then his parents and then my friends of my intention to leave him. Two weeks later two of my friends that works with UNICEF called me from JFK airport, they had come to grieve with me. With a letter from my parents and a pic from my younger sister showing her in the gown I had made for her while in Nigeria,

she said in the pic:

"I AM IN YOUR ROOM SIS AND THERE IS NO LIGHT, SHAME ON NEPA, EVERYTHING SEEMED TO STOP RIGHT NOW IT IS DEPRESSING. BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU, SOMETHING IN ME LIGHTS UP BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER STOP, I KNOW YOU WILL ALWAYS GO ON. GO ON SIS, DON'T EVER STOP, BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL THAT I DREAMED OF WHEN THINGS DONT GO RIGHT. LOVE, KEMI.

, Today, I am still going on and can't wait to be back home in again. I also have a guy we have a son together and I can't wish for anything better. We've survived 3 years now and my feelings for him are not dead yet. He is cultured and he takes his words very seriously. Have not had any cause to question his intergrity. He left Nigeria after he heard about my break up and came here to the US but didnt contacted me until a year later. But he kept track of all my activities through my friends. He left his business in Lagos and managed his staff from the US and when he did contact me, he already knows what he wants but didnt push until we became certain we want the same thing. Our lives are not picture perfect but there are no other people either of us would rather be with. Now we are ready to come back to Nigeria, so I DID GO ON AFTERALL, and I'm still standing through HIS(GOD) grace. I wish everybody looking into this marital journey the very best of luck in the world.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I wonder where the married men in the house are? Anyway, for those who have questions about marriage or you have a problem with your Man/Woman, you can come on this thread and ask, i know Olofinjeje can help ya all out. She is the New Speaker of this Thread. Congratulations Madam, lol

0
Avatar
Newbie

So yodiyokun, you are married? i never knew, you for declare since nah! Anyway, thanks for the nice piece of Yarn, can you explain this part "(the suprise dosent have to be as dramatic as having a child outside wedlock Grin) there are other suprises that can drive you over the wall". But over all, i think you have hit the nail on the head. Thanks

0
Avatar
Newbie

Haba, Babyosisi, how u go say i dey school of Romance? na wetin i talk?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Martin 007,are you in a school of romance or something?

That was very funny.At least something good came out of the heartbreak,ICAN.

Like you,I believe in love but I also believe in commonsense.

A woman ought to love her husband with all her heart but she must be respected too and must earn respect by not allowing herself to be walked all over.

I don't know if that's what you mean by the phrase "careless abandon".

There is such thing as deep intimacy between a man and a woman not just sexually but spiritually,that's what everywoman should look for.

Men by nature can misinterprete a woman's love and gentleness for weakness and some can use such opportunities to dominate and intimidate their wives.

But a man who understands that the woman is a full,thinking human,complete in her own self without him,will not take such advantage.

I thank God I can say that I'm loved and in love and it's a beautiful thing to love someone who loves and respects you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Olofinjeje, I thot about all you said on here yesterday, i slept off in the early hours of today, i think 50% of your post is correct or more, but what i feel, your missing out is that, there is a thing call "Love" and in most marriages, people get married, because they are in love, but then, we have to bear it in mind that, we have different forms of love, ex. Agape and so on. The point am trying to make is this, in a normal relationship that involve Boy/Girl, You would most likely find out that they are just displaying one aspect of love or the other, if they are lucky, all the element of love would be in that relationship. But in marriage, all elements of love, comes to play, thats when you would know, how really loves you, so i think in most Marriages, love grows.

Affection

caring

hugging

kissing

fondness

closeness

concern

friendship

being there for the person

a bond

doing things for the person

happiness

helping the person

holding hands

sharing

warmth

can be one-sided

not too intense

not sexual

Sexual Love

Physical attraction

arousal

lust

expressed through sexual intercourse

person is seen only as a sex object for one's own gratification

commitment

contentment

excitement

fulfills a need

heart rate increases

intimate

kissing

touching

not long lasting

close while having sex, but not necessarily after

emotional

giving

happiness

special

think about the other person all the time

Platonic Love

friendship

not sexual

caring

doing thing together

not physical

supportive

enjoy each other's company

feel relaxed with the person

happiness

helping the person

normal behavior

sharing

trust

contentment

feel free to talk about anything

being reliable

respect

Friendship

Feel free to talk about anything

caring

helping

honesty

doing thing together

trust

sharing

understanding

sharing emotions

being there for the other person

good times

happiness

supporting

long lasting

loyalty

openness

sharing thoughts

a bond

closeness

common interests

concern

feeling relaxed with the person

listening to each other

respect

sadness

sense of belonging

sharing experiences

Infatuation

Think about the other person all the time

not long lasting

physical attraction

see only the person's good qualities

intrigued by some fascinating quality of the person

your world revolves around the person

you don't know the person very well

excited when you see the person

being love-struck

heart rate increases

sweaty palms

think you're in love

talk about the person all the time

want to be with the person all the time

a crush

based on first impressions

irrational

Committed Love

commitment

continues regardless of the circumstances

long lasting

think about the person all the time

being there for the person

felt for only one person

honesty

sharing

caring

closeness

giving

respect

a promise

sexual

trust

understandinga bond

devotion

faithfulness

feel free to talk about anything

give and take relationship

live together

openness

passionate

sacrifice

Am so sorry for using up much space, lol

0
Avatar
Newbie

INITIATOR,

so u ma self dey trip for the way this babe they reason,oh boi i tire for the babe o,but thank God say this time she put down somtin like person wey reason b4 write.

BARRACBOY,said it all,he's got thye wisdom n i think he's got the experience too.

Nice one BARRACKboi.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Olofinje, i definitely feel you on that.

One thing my mother always told me is that "marriage is very difficult, it is not a game of sentiments". I always keep that in mind when i am perusing my choices.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I think I understand Olofinjeje's post and I agree that you can be in that position if you have been hurt countless times.

I was hurt badly once - for a whole year I was a living Ghost. I was madly in love with this guy chei. I have never allowed myself to experience such again - period. It was so bad that I started ICAN to keep me busy.

The next relationship I entered went to the rocks after 2 years because I couldnt let myself go and this guy was mad about me.

Now I am married and will be celebrating 4 years aniv in 4 weeks time. The truth of the matter is that I have friendship with my husband and I love him but with my eyes wide open.

I stay married cos I enjoy the companionship and intimacy I share with my husband but I can honestly say, I dont love him with careless abandon - that is just too risky!!!

If you love with careless abandon you are on your own

No glorious expectations but I have been lucky with my inlaws - I say it everywhere God compensated me with that.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Omoge what? Olofinjeje, am gonna get back at you on this tomorrow, hope u will be on?

0
Avatar
Newbie

@MARTIN007

Sorry ,never been hurt as I stated my opinion is rooted in the environment I grew up in(went to school abroad at a very young age and returned to Nigeria after almost 20 years) and grew with a polygamous father(that is he had lots of children outside the home).Now do you get where I am coming from.

I also counsel a lot of disillusioned newly weds(both male and female) once the cataract of "love" falls from the eyes usually within 9 months or baby's arrival or lack of, or money issues arising.My advise is and always will be find a common ground become each other's friends.Are you aware that you have a greater threshold of tolerance for a good friend than you would a spouse.I do not advocate divorce ,just a reappraisal of the relationship.

Because  love is so fleeting and the images most young people get about love is rather idealistic(Danielle Steele novels or Four Weddings and a funeral hype) one sided and extremely selfish once the reality of marriage sets in the love usually cannot withstand such and flees.

Friendship in marriage does not mean the typical oh she/he is my friend But I am sure there are friends you have had that the connection/attraction is so great you tell yourself that you would not want to ruin a good relationship by taking it to the next level-Well I did.

I dated guys I loved and the hurt and wahala you get from the betrayal of cheating etc lead me to date and  ultimately marry a man who "Loved" me more and today I can tell you he appreciates that we are friends,first and foremost.

@BABYOSISI

If my husband was to  read this thread I can tell you that he would agree-Men fall in Lust(usually) and marry in haste their eyes roam too and fro constantly even when they are happily married.A wife need a level head and maturity to handle such situations amongst others-If Love is still in operation, then the wife will be hurt ,upset  and nag which in turn gets the husband back up and so on etc.

Please do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with marrying for Love -I just chose not to and I am happy for doing so.There is  passion and romance in my marriage but I have no expectations of undying,undiluted love.I do things with my husband which my friends and sisters dare not -the constraints of LOVE or the hurt of rejection or lack of attention.

My marriage is far from perfect but I know that with all its ups and downs friendship sees us through.

On a lighter note-my husband has parents  and grandparents  still alive.He is the eldest child.Tell me in this  our Nigeria(where you do not just marry the man but his family)whether in-laws and siblings would not have driven me crazy if I was in love.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.