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How To Divorce My Nigerian Husband?

Hi can anyone help me. Due to irreconcilable differences I have to file for a divorce. problem is I am Irish and I married my husband in Abuja he lives here also. How can I go about this I cannot even get a number for the marriage office in Abuja.

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98 answers

Divorce isn't an easy thang o. Goodluck sha

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hey this is an old thread andnow I have given up on the whole ngozie thing, after all he gets money towards the bills off me!! he shoudl be happy! and guess what he is!! so we will have to see!!

@plappville, I am half jordanian half irish

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Dear Leilah, if u know ur man is hasn't treated u very bad to as beating u up,

or cheating on u, i see no reason why u should be talking about divorce,

Try to build ur home, a child is involve, dont only think for urself, ur husband need his son too and

ur son will be happy to grow up with his both parent, so please talk to ur husband what ever ur worries are, it's not a matter of been Ngozi or Khelechi

My uncle is married to a white woman too, they have kids, there is no Ngozi thing in his wife's head. always think possitive ok, all the best.

ur name sound's ARABIC, are u related? (Leilah)

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2poster: I have read the whole tread and I'm not getting you at all. First you want to divorce him (thats the name of the whole topic) then you say you love him to death and you just want to 'learn' how to be 'more suitable' for him. At the same time you keep complaining about petty things. I know where your insecurities come from, I've been there myself, but you have to put yourself together and make up your mind, based on fact, not imaginations and frustrations and then act on it. Please don't paint his picture of useless, possibly used, probably understated and misunderstood white wife of black (nigerian) husband. Its not fair.

I wish you the best luck x

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Just tell him you have a confession to make, tell him that you tried to use his manhood to make money but failed!!!, that might help

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this Leilah is mentalo woman

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i think you should pray for him.

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Leilah please stop embaressing yourself and all other fellow people in interacial relationships. All your posts in all different threads are about cultural differences and colour!!! Marriage is for life so surely you should have thought about all this before you said I do! If you are so convinced that he is going to leave you for someone else then why are you even consulting this board? If you spent as much time trying to talk to your husband as you do asking other people about it then I'm sure you would not have any problems. I'm sorry if he has only married you for his papers if that is the case but unless you have proof of this then what is the point in divorce! I am married to a Nigerian man and he is wonderful an I never have doubts about him leaving me for someone else - it is all about trust! How could you marry someone you can't trust?

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Simply return his bride price

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its better to file for the divorce in ireland. you can file for divorce in the country you reside in regardless of where you got married.

seperation will be consented by the court, then its left for who filed the divorce to file for decree absolute, however this depends if there are children involved, who the children will be residing with during the seperation and divorce, visitation rights, financial settlements i.e, mortgages, savings, pensions,

all these have to be settled witha consent order being signed by each of you. the whole process depends on irish law, but n englan it takes about 4-6months if both parties agree amicable with all the decision with the court getting involved with all the settlements and kids stuff.

anymore info i can help with dont fail to ask

good luck.

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still on this, ? well it's all good

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like I said you been irish shouldn't be the deciding factor, do everything to make your family work and God will be with you.

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Leilah women like you have a complex and do anything to keep a man

Women like you believe every bull story the man tells you.

A man that wants to live like a king should treat you like a Queen.

He should get you a househelp and spend money on you.

Even the Ngozis of this world have a bottom box were is yours.

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ur husband is really wrong. If he really leaves his spoon in the sink, and does not buy things for you ( even on valentines day).

Try to talk to him. If he doesn't change, divorce his blk Bottom

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Please pals, is there no other matter to discuss in here? is there anyone thinking of divorcing her white husband in here? maybe because he sleeps with other women outside and sees nothing wrong in it, lets deliberate on such matters not on this baseless and rootless issue

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I think by now, Leilah should be telling us, she has renounced her earlier decision to divorce her husband. If we cannot see this by her next post, she should leave us alone, then go ahead to divorce him.

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how are you sure its not the opposite of what she is saying?

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ALL BECAUSE OF PAPER!

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CONCLUSION

the guy is good. u are the one feeling insecure.

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This post is really annoying me,

the babe is not being straight-forward at all,

abeg, if u want to divorce the man, go ahead

whats all these rooster & bull story for, sighs & zooms away

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Exactly.

As for those talking about papers. Na only Leila get the papers? I beg make we hear word. The paper self dey finish? so if she gives him it would reduce the one she has?

@ leila

pls if u are not sure of the man or all u can do is complain, leave him alone let him go and meet Ngozi! u sound like a broken record.

At first u said u were a housewife. Now u are a working mum spliting bills 50:50 ur story just doesnt add up!

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well God go help us all from the thinking by all whites that Africans that get to marry them do that before of papers, well maybe that true but what if the love comes in after both have met? what if he now loves you whole heartedly?

please we want to hear that you have spoken with him about this issues and we also need to know his response and see if this post have helped a bit in solving any of your problems, please do that

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now you are talking leilah! you knew he didnt have permanent residency 'papers' then. maybe thats why you are kind of skeptical about his motives.its understandable.many women have been used. if he leaves, its his loss. you've been the best wife you can be to him. sometimes we have to learn to celebrate freedom from a bad situation and move on.what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

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@bluesky we were together for a year and a half b4 we married although he didn't have papers when I married him. He had a student/study visa in which time spent here is not taken into consideration when it comes to citizenship. However, he waited that year and a half when he could have easily found someone else. Thankfully, he chose me and took me to Nigeria, he could have taken me anywhere to marry me I guess somewhere cheaper with less affort but I gotta be grateful in the sense that I was brought there. My lack of confidence makes me look ungrateful I guess.

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Thank you very much spoilt and blue sky thats understanding mature advice.

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@ leilah

no one hates you. i know that many white women who marry africans are eager to please and want to be accepted. i dont even know you but what i noticed was the incessant mention of the ngozis in your posts. it strikes me as odd that you would be so worried about other assumed nigerian rivals who would be glad to push you out and take your man. if i was married to a white man, no samantha, carla or tweetie would be able to make me so insecure. why would they do it i wonder? no one can put you down without your permission. get some self confidence. your man is all yours.

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Read leilah's posts on this thread!

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thank you all for your opinions I am very grateful (even though you may not think I am) I am very sorry if I came across as insulting Nigeria i have no reason to insult Nigeria and Nigerians.

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@michelin89,

why dont you tell us what roles u are talkin about.

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The one you and I know! If you don't agree with what I have written, keep on yarning.

David I have told you you'll never get me involved with you in a discussion! I don't deal with trouble-makers!

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Women are not treated better anywhere else. I know this b'cause I've been in britain and I live in the US. What does she want, she expects the man to breastfeed the baby, hunh?

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thank you for appologizing. I think she actually acts as if marrying a Nigerian was doing us all a huge favor that we should all fall down on our knees and worship her for.

Which Nigerians are you talking about? Abeg if you have no clue what you are talking about dont just bleat!

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I think what she finds disgraceful is the role the Nigerians expect a woman (Ngozi) to play!

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I'll tell u what, U sound like a racist the way u keep saying NGOZI. You act like marrying a Nigerian, is a disgraceful act

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yes, thank you Michelin89

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also what makes you think i am fat?

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Hope everyone is happy now. I am a fat used alcoholic white lady according to besteric and gauge. You really know how to paint a good picture for yourselves.

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this overweight irish woman sef. u should be happy a Nigerian man stooped so low to marry your frigid self

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funny how time flies, if you don't want him anymore, please do the right thing, there are 1001 women out there looking for a nice, caring husband like him, have you ever told him to come assist you in the kitchen before? well as for me and my house, we all can cook cos we are all boys, our mom taught us everything about cooking, if you want a cook as a husband, come back to Naija, you will get alot to shop on,

and if you think you need the proper hubby that would do all these things for you, please from my advice, why not look for a white man to marry? that marriage should last for 1 year and then you will get another one for another year, period, that's how white men take marriage as, contract marriage, bring i bring, bang i bang, discreet marriage, laid back marriage. you need to stick to your old ways in the western world, i think that is the one that suites you,

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Just tell him you're dating a Suicide Bomber

trust me, no Naija man is willing to die and give up his pepper soup and pounded yam for any woman

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Quite unfortunate u are in this mess, pls i implore u to reconcile vividly with ur man, scoop for his friends/relatives to intervene for a better attitude from u both. If nothing happens at the end of the day, pls feel free to contact me via abbeyodunayo@yahoo.com for an alternative remedy.

Olu-hak

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Don't have any kids unless your problems are fully worked out. These advisers will not raise the kids for you.

For an inter-cultural relationship to work out, your understanding of each other must be beyond perfect.

If it is not, then quit now. It's not going to get any better when you have kids; it will be much much worse.

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I think you have just realized your problem. This has nothing to do with culture. Even in Nigeria, when both parties are working then it is only fair that both parties contribute in the home front.

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you are just 26 right?

too young to feel this disenchanted with married

Your husband should learn to buckle up

if you had to adapt to his culture then he has to bend some for yours

if the bills are split 50:50 and you evne buy your own clothes(which you probably wouldn't in nigeria)

Then you need to sit him down, its not nagging and if he says it is then he's just avoiding the topic

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Please I advice you to strongly divorce your husband. I am still single and I will marry you. But na you go dey spend for me sha

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Leilah,, Enough of your Naija men dissings,, as fat as you are no Sane Irish man wld marry you except the drunkards, Now brother decided to help you and help himself too buy cleaning the Mess while getting his Resident permit,,, you shld be grateful to him for hanging on that long,,. Hurraaaayyyy, its now time for Ngozi, Funmi or Adesuwa to take over and did u hear me say,, Forever and for better for worse

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@echidime. I have no taste for sex I can actually live without it. I understand why you think all white women are leg opening dick craving sluts, no echideme we are not ALL like that.

I am not looking for flimsy reasons for a divorce I was CONSIDERING it due to our cultural differences in which he will NOT compromise on coupled with the fact that we have a different mentality thats not to say I dont love him I was trying to be practical and I figured should I draw the line now it may have been better than him drawing it in about three or four years time when it would be harder for our child to deal with ( of course together with the horror stories). But know what call me all the names you want. I love this person and I want the best for our family. I had gotten to a stage where I just found it very hard to understand the different mentality and felt like I was not good enough for him. But thanks to the opinions of some which have been genuine practical opinions I will be patient and continue as I normally do. I now feel a lot of it is down to laziness as opposed to culture. I will endure torture to prove it if I have to.

PS white ladies do not look for flimsy reasons to divorce for god sake especially with naija men they usualy fall head over heels with them and some of them put up with terrible S***.

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@ poster

i think u just feel inferior of urself and suspicious of ur husband

if u have anything in mind bothering u against him, other than a broken marriage, why dont u iron it out with him since u claim to love him and he loves u 2

afterall, some marriages have worse problems and they make it work at the end of the day

think about it

dont make decisions u will suffer at the end of the day

"to get husband no be rice and beans"

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Ofcourse that's not the only reason as in some cases the women are solely to blame, but you know what i'm trying to say.

If you have to share the financial things 50:50 then you have to sit down and discuss about sharing other responsibilities in the home as well. Otherwise things WILL go sour.

I am married to somebody who is not Nigerian, and though we can afford for her to stay at home and manage the kids, there are times when i come home to meet her exhausted and i do go to the kitchen and get my own food.

And yes, i do cook for the whole family some times   ,  and even do the dishes  , and NO i am not a woman wrapper  .

My wife would tell you that i am as masculine and self-assertive as can be and i can see that my 3 year old son, whom i'm bringing up to be a REAL man, is begining to recognise the respect i and love i have for his mother through my actions.

You see, i want him to grow up knowing that the relationship between a man and a woman is one of mutual respect, and that a man doesn't have to lord it over a woman, in a show of physical strength, for her to submit to his authority.

So, it's not in our culture to be inconsiderate and backward  .

The point about your insecurity, though, is something you have to deal with.

Because as long as you are insecure in the relationship and you are willing to stomach a lot of the rubbish that is thrown your way, then the status quo will remain.

I hate it when some men throw up the "tradition card"  .

I think that it's just an excuse for laziness  .

Men who continue to live as if they are still in their villages are not truly representative of  the contemporary Nigerian man.

Times are changing and real men are changing with the times.

Any man who refuses to change should go to his village and look for an Mgbeke, a servant-wife, who will worship him and bear all his children,

That's my take on the

Thanks a lot beneli.

Dont be deceived into marrying a man that feels like its ur job to take care of the kids, go to work, cook clean etc

How fair is that, tell me how fair. I will neva marry a man like that at all. thats not love at all.

As

i said b4, i am not one to live in a dirty home, if its dirty i will clean, if there is no food i will cook (i love cooking) but sometimes, A GOOD MAN WOULD ATLEAST IF NOT ANYTHING HELP WIT THE CLEANING. IF HE CANT COOK, THATS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT HE CAN HELP WITH THE COOKING IF I ASK 4 HIS HELP, HE CAN CUT ONIONS, BLEND TOMATOES, PREP THE INGREDIENTS 4 ME. HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT, THATS IF I ASK HIM TO! IF HE REFUSES TO, I WILL NOT NAG, BUT, I CAN GUARANTEE THAT WE WOULD HAVE A NICE DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL!!!!!!

THATS WAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT. SHARING AND COMPROMISE.

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@leilah,

All these attacks does not mean Nigerians hate, but we are to tell you the state of our minds, that is, we have to frown any negative move that will give satan an opportunity to operate in your home. You are not the Satan I mean here. You are really loved by Nigerians, no matter the way our reponses are to your post. In fact, I have come to love you more, because of the way you followed our responses. You didn't get annoyed despite all the attacks. You must be such a mature lady and responsible. So, why do you want to divorce your nice husband upon possessing all these qualities I have identified in you - patiently accepting all responses as expression of our individual opinions. Leilah, I repeat, Nigerians love you.

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