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Husband at Home While the Wife Works?

In the modern day, with respect to whoever has a better career, lets assume in this case, the woman.

If your wife gets posted oustide the country, would you pack your bags and follow your wife, knowing (probably you dont know), you may become a househusband, taking care of the babies while your wife works, doing the home stuff and waiting at month end for your wife to give you pocket money.

Any inputs into this thread? Man staying at home while the wife works. How good or bad is this? Would you do this for your wife if she has a better career?

Wife - would you see this man as supporting you or being a parasite on you?

lets talk ladies and gents....

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56 answers

Wisdom is profitable to direct, I say. My husband eventually went back to school for his masters when the job was not forthcoming. He now works for an oil company. If I had been bad to him when he was job hunting, I would be paying for it now. Just food for thought.

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It depends though. What if my husband makes 50,000.00 a year and he wants to further his education and I make well over $100,000.00. It would make sense since full time work and full time schooling will be a serious strain on the family. My husband went to school and kept his job though when he was working on his masters. I was gone long hours too so he had to have the kids with him and still study. It was a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge strain on us. In our case though he brought in most of the money so he had to keep working.

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What if you staying home with investments online, meaning working from home Dad (WFHD) would u mind that?

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I can never be a SAHD.

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Where are all the independent minded women that wanted to eat me raw on the "submission' thread. This is a male submission thread and I dont see them commenting here.

@ Seun

I am surprised that you wont like to be supported by a woman. Afterall in the spirit of Gender equality you should be able to sit at home and take care of the home front if that

is what is practicable.

@consultant

I feel u O but not many women can take it like you are doing. We need more of people like you in this world. I pray that your love and marraige continues to wax stronger

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i don't like the idea,i want both of us working and contributing to the family so one person does not feel inferior to the other.

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it is really no big deal!

i think it is about time

men see women as equal

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that husband is a f'.u.c.k.king pim

man should work not woman

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Interestingly my husband and I are in this situation right now. Not because he's lazy but simply because i got to the US first and he does not yet have the authorization to work. While he's struggling to settle down, i am glad to work and provide for the family. Besides, when i was in school, he was the one working and providing for me. We are both christians and strong believers in the maxim that what one person has in marriage equally belongs to the other person as well. Nobody is giving anybody pocket money. Even when we were dating, i knew how much he was earning and he knew how much i was earning, and we planned our expenses together. We have a joint account for all our household expenses and personal accounts for our own little expenses. We make our budegt together and we each get a fixed amount as pocket money for our personal accounts every month. When he starts working, we will still have the same pattern. I know my husband is a different breed from most Nigerian men - he gladly looks after our daughter while i work and he does not take out the frustrations of job hunting on me at all. I think all couples should operate this way when it comes to spending regardless of who s working and who is not.

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@ all the ladies saying they don't mind if the husband stays at home, i hope you'll still be able to say that after 5 years of marriage, 2 kids, school fees, house rent, car maintenance et al and still speak to your husband with respect.

@ all the men who don't mind sitting at home, i hope if after 2 years you ask for 1000 naira pocket money and she gives you the story of your life and how she's up from 5am-12midnight to ensure that you have a roof over your head, you won't give her a dirty slap.

I cannot get married to a lazy man. The bible says a man that cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. My man can work from the house, good and fine. If he works from the house and has the time to pick the kids from school and prepare dinner if he sees i'm running, then beautiful. But to seat down, sleep, wake up and wait for teefah to give him money to buy cigarettes, sorry for him. Although its a different scenario if he losses his job due to downsizing or whatever.

To all you guys out there, don't ever plan to sleep and collect pocket money from your wife just because she works at UN. Even if at the end of the month, you make just 10% of her monthly salary, keep the job & be good at it. That way you earn your respect. If you cannot afford to pay the children's fees, buy little pressents for them, show that you are still the daddy. Else they will turn you to that uncle who lives in our house.

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Just to inform all those that have been saying that men can now "babysit". You cannot babysit your own kid, just because you are looking after your child and you are a man, the term babysitting should not be used.

You don't use that when a mother is looking after her child do please don't use the term babysitting for dads. I hear men saying they are babysitting and I always feel like shaking them hard.

Regarding the topic, I don't believe that a man should stay at home while the lady works. He is the man, even if the wife earns more he should still bring his own money into the home.

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we both have to work

and when i am home i will do the chores and cooking by myself

because i dont want no iya-oko saying i put something in her sons efo

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I think there is a cultural element to this discussion as I have seen so far. That goes back to our roots that "man must provide".

I see two issues for raising this topic...

1. There is a mutual decision between man and wife for the man to stay home while the wife works. The trade off is the man's income, assumed the woman earns a lot more than the man. This is true for Nigerians who have been absorbed in foreign lands. At home (Naija), this will be seen as tabboo and considered the woman has used the man's head.

2. The man decides to work from home simply because his private business allows him to do so, he has more flexibility with work and family, so hes more readily available to the kids. Thus, hes more at home than the wife. Again, our culture throws the situation at risk even if comfortable with the man and the wife...The family and friends will alsmost always ask.."your wife is never at home"...and the unintended addons....

Personally I do not see anything wrong with the two scenarios above if aligned with the man and wife. The unfortunate thing is the society that casts doubts on the intent and introduce the cultural twist to the detriment of such family. I think this is for mature relationships that will not be swayed by societal norms, also its not a mature scenario for families dwelling in Nigeria for now.

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Why does anybody have to stay at home? God has given evertbody the ability to work so why not use it??

But if a husband has to stay at home for any reason at all, then there is nothing wrongf with that as long as the wife is respectful enough not to through it in his face and turn him into a house boy, and as long as the man is confident enough not let it affect his relationship with his wife..

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If you read proverbs chapter 31 you see what a woman can - and should - do. In the old testament the men sit a the gates of the city; I understand that to mean they are discussing things important to life. So I am not sure that the western model of man working woman at home is the truth. In the past, we were all farmers or lived in small communities, life was less paced and people lived and worked together in their homes.

In my hope and vision for you, you have a real home , where man and woman are present in a way throughout the day, live with each other, with their children, with their neigbors.

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am not feeling the idea ( of husband/home & wife/work)

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I once had this neighbour, the wife worked in a bank, while he ran his "Okada" business from home.

Now, i don't mean that he rides the motorcycle himself. He's got like 7 bikes being operated by different men and all he does is to go collect the returns (money)twice a week. Practically, he

is at home for the rest days of the week!

During the week, on school days, he takes the kids to and from school. They've got a househelp who does the house chores anyway.

So what do you guys say about this?

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Does any one still disagree with me?

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I never said men are MR.Know it all. And I never said I knew how to manage a family. Not you or I can manage a family, it takes both the man and the woman: thats why its a [b][/b]Family.

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I know you won,t.

Coz you know men are weak***when it comes to domestic stuff

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maybe we can apply a rule : whatever a woman can do, a man can do better. If women preach equality so much, maybe its ok for the man to take the backstage sometimes.

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Owen thank you for this your post.

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If the man makesm money by sitting at home then its somewhat ok. As long as he contributes significally to the families finnances.

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What if he makes the money from home? As long as he is financially responsible, I don't care whether he stays home or not. If he likes it, he can even follow the kids to school and learn ABC with them. Wetin concern me?

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Thank you o! Owen. Tell them O!

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Its not just about the money...the man has to work, it doesnt matter if the woman gets more money but at least he must contribute significally. How can you be the head if you sit your lazy Bottom at home while your wife is at work? Its unimmaginable...please do not in any way support it!!! Its horrible!!!

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@ Owen......these days, a Man does not really has to be the head of a family. Have you ever heard from making compromises ? What's so bad when the woman is bringing the money in ? Nothing. You still can be the boss in the house but I think it's always a 50/50 thing ! As long there is beer in the fridge things are alright !

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Very tough topic. I would do it and take care about the kids and other work. Would take a little while to get used to it but definitely possible. By the way....I did if before ........

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All of you that seem to find no problem with the woman at work while the man lays his lazy tired Bottom at home, watch out when deep insecurities arise!

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Its absolutely hilarious!!

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It matters a lot who stays home...A man is the head of the home but how can he be when he justs sits at home? Yes, it doesn't really matter who earns more but for a man to sit at home? Geeees...he must not have an idea of his position in the family!

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it doesnt really matter who stays home to do the house chores,and look after the kids,i think the men are better off at home than work despite women bring up the kids better, men claim to have more strength. women are better at managing resources,more patient and focused.

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Yeah, nothing is wrong with that as long as there is love.

It would have been better, we (men) do the working while our honourable wives sit down, rest, relax and take care of kids. You understand; a situation where we men will come in, and the wife rush into our arms, we hug them than the opposite. It looks absurd.

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A man at home while his wife at work? That man is definitely no man!

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my peeps.... na wa ooo

well what i think is this (it's just my own opinion). a man should be allowed to be a man.

it doesn't matter if he earns less than his wife, babysits, cooks and does all the odd household chores.

he is head and i don't think he should stay home and babysit while his madam (as it were) goesto work in another country.

he can help with the kids when needed but that is not his primary assignment..

he'll feel odd and outta place. what will he even tell people especially if he stays in nigeria where people have this notion on how things should be

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@ Seun and Kazey - Don't be surprise.  This is what they do as Husband at home.

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Man you take the idea way too serious. Just get house helpers for all the chores.

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As a house-husband, you won't have time to play golf or travel. You'll spend all the time dealing with the children and caring for your wife when she's at home. That's what housewives have to do. When last did you see a full-time housewife on a golf course? How many hours does a full-time housewife have for TV is a day?

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Oh yes, by the time I get married, I would have enough to retire on. Watching tv, travelling, enjoying and playing golf would just be what I would do.

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Are you planning to be a full time 'house-husband'?

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Men should work no matter what. I don't like the idea and I don't think such idea can last among couples especially in Nigeria.

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@Seun you are 100% right.

As a woman I will say nothing is wrong with it. But as a man something is wrong with it because I am the man of the family I married  her. She did not pay my dowery, I paid her dowery. God himself said it that a man that cannot take care of his family is worse than an infidel or something

Women are to be submmisive to their husband and not the other way round!

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'KAI' God forbid bad thing ( Moving my hands round my head and snapping my fingers) me stay at home and the woman goes out to find food for us God forbid bad thing

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(In line with Jogego's comment above) I run the Nairaland forum from home and I think I like the lifestyle.  I'll probably need an office when I start hiring employees, though.

I believe parents should spend time with their children instead of 'outsourcing' the training and instilling of morals to schoolteachers who may not share the parents' values.  So if the "stay-at-home husband" gets to do this it's only a privilege.   

(I'm not going to be any woman's houseboy even if I'm working from home, but it'd be nice to be able to mould the children's future instead of working out all day and being available only when they are asleep!  Parents should endeavour to grow with their children to minimize clashes when they are older and their way of thinking is all different.

But the idea of being "a househusband, taking care of the babies while your wife works, doing the home stuff and waiting at month end for your wife to give you pocket money" is too radical for me.  My ego has suffered enough already from a lifetime of having to ask my parents for money!  So if my wife gets a job with the United Nations I might follow her, but I'll definitely carry my business along with me.

Ain't begging no woman for money, oh no!

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An Idle man, not an ideal man.

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It seems you are all thinking that staying at home means you are not working. In this age and time, there are several people who work from home. Apart from this, you can run a businesss easily from your home.

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That should be a lazy guy, don't u know tht an ideal man is the devil's workshop, and some ladies takes it as an advantage over them, as house boy, after all, u can't do with out me So.

I'm saying this, co's in this modern world we are, things are really changing.

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