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I'm From A Broken Home, How Am I Different?

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While stereotyping, in all its forms, is wrong, to ignore people's backgrounds is naive.

If you don't understand where someone is coming from, it makes it difficult to work towards a common future. Everyone views life using their own paradigm, and their point of view is heavily influenced by their past.

I am not saying specific backgrounds are good or bad, but some one from a 'successful' polygamous family might have a kinder view on polygamy than one from a 'failed' polygamous situation. In the same vein, someone who was raised 'successfully' by a single parent might be more willing to accept separation, than live through what they perceive as a hellish marriage. The guy who grew up in an environment that is discriminatory to women, might grow up to think less of women.

Being from a broken home is not bad in itself, but in my limited experience, they tend to have a different perception of wedlock and parenting. Same can be said for children from a polygamous vs monogamous family.

(puts on flame suit)

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Aww! This is the exact kind of pity tale that melts the hearts of women.

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I now how you feel about this. your life does not lies in the past and what counts is that you are mater of your own life

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what's your definition of a broken home?

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yes. making a good family man is not a function of coming form a broken or intact home. its all about being responsible.

Being a "good family man" is a conscious thing not a function of past unchangeable events.

How many homes in nigeria are unbroken? what does it even mean to have a broken home?

A home is broken once a man/woman has/is having an extra-marital affair, they may not neccesarily seperate or divorce but the home is broken cos they now have divided attention/passion and all other things suffering including the kids.

so by this definition, how many nigerian homes are broken?

cultism for instance is as a result of being idle and a new found "freedom" coupled with insecurity.

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Well Mr poster, the issue were really well presented. You made a good point, daprince. But that point is being turned to sympathy party for you. I am afraid, the silient issues had to be iron out or else your post might look as though you are courting sympathy.

The underlying messages are:

CAN KIDS FROM BROKEN HOMES MAKE A GOOD FAMILY MAN?

ARE KIDS FROM BROKEN HOME DIFFERENCE FROM OTHER KIDS?

WHAT REALLY DOES A BROKEN HOME IMPLIES?

The answers to the questions, if I must be honest with you are YES and NO!

It may sound harsh, but the truth is that it is very possible for children from broken homes to repeat the sins of their parents. It is also possible for them to do better than their so-called nornal kids. There is no perfect kid.

From my experiences, studies and observations, kids from broken homes and failed marriages are prone to many social vices. We must rather touch on why it happen and how to prevent it carry over than throw try to cover up.

The biggest problem we have around is our tendency to overcome a defficiency only to act as if it were never there.

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Oga,

we are together, its not only you. I pray to God eveyday to help me when i'm married to be a good wife and for God to sustain my marriage cos it wasnt easy while growing up

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Nairalanders sometimes generalize and judge. Many have had no real life experiences to go by and frankly sound like ignorant 8 year olds sometimes.

One thing i know is that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Good to know you learnt what not to do.

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@ poster,you don't have to get yourself all worked up because you came from a broken home.The fact that you have decided not to thread that part is quite good.

But for real,some people raised in broken homes have funny attitudes as they never experienced certain things that those brought up by both parents did.

However, when considering this issue,we need to consider why the parent's marriage failed and the individual's view about this.

But obviously,if i see a guy who is proud and sees the fact that he's parents are separated as a good thing,i will flee.

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Thanks for all ur responses, I really appreciate them.

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hello all, my hubby is from a broken home and I dont think there could be a better husb than him. his father stopped payin his fees when he was 11 and his mum actually took all the burden on herself. this actually gave hima very strong personality and made him take responsibities early, while many of his mates where still sucking up to there parents (dad& mum) he started his own comp when he was 22 and thats a comp he still runs till date. He is so determined to have a better family than his parents and he already has plans laid out for his childtren. I could go on and on to let u guys know that somtims as broken home might just bring out the best in ones personality. Simply depends on how u handle it. Some other pple might not hav gotten anytin out of it so it just shows that U CAN BE WHAT U WANT TO BE, Irrespective of whatever situation u find urself.

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Daprince,

I'm with you all the way,I grew up with my parents living apart they never actually told anyone what drove them apart and we (the children) have learned how to live with the situation.I read that thread about marrying a person from a broken home and all I could say was very typical hypothetical Nigerians.

First we have to define a broken home, is it divorced parents,separated or those living together for the sake of their children and with society would say.

I have seen that many marriages are in the later category,there are so many couples (parents) who are actually live-in-enemies,they pretend that all is well but when the strangers are all gone,its back to world war 3.

Nigerians Are Hypocrites,

Thats a fact.If you take a close look are those who condemn offsprings from broken homes,they are also the members who say the would divorce their cheating husband/wife in a heart beat,these people are also the ones who preach the gospel better than Jesus himself.While these members tell you in Religion  threads how you should not Judge others as Jesus has come and made everything new but we know better.

Personally,I couldn't give a rats a$$ if a girl refuses to marry me because my parents are not living together,I would wish her well and hope hers doesn't break up,making her children the dreaded Children From A Broken Home.

Prince,

Take easy,people would always have their prejudices regardless.

Cheers

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You're not different. You may even be better emotionally.

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daprince, my heart goes out 2 u wen readin yor post. U made a very gud point. But d issue is dat u can't blame or stop pple from makin choices. Like u also said dat u will make sure dat u do not make d same mistakes yor parents made, u will agree with me dat it's not a gud thing. Come 2 think of it; not many children from broken homes wil be as 'gud' as u. There has been hundreds of pple from broken homes which others might hav seen 2 enable dem make their decision. God bless u!

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daprince,

I'm sorry you are so embittered by what you see as people looking down on you and making you feel you are sub-human.

I also believe that it doesn't matter what situation one comes out from, it's possible for everyone to make a life choice that will see them as exemplary in life.

However, I dont think you should be bitter because some people make choices as to what kind of men/women they can marry. Life is all about choices. that why they are free to make choices. I'm sure you also make choices in life and you choices dont necessarily mean that you despise the ones you dont chose.

it's about preference.

I once stated that I could never marry a white woman and some people said it means I'm a racist. Yet, most of my friends are white. We all need to look at ourselves and make choices based on our beliefs and what we think will work best for us.

Please dont take it to heart too much and try making the best of your own life. Perhaps if people who dont want to get involved with children from broken homes get to meet people like you living very stabl, happy lives, they'll be more inclined to change their minds.

God bless

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daprince, some people are just small-minded and there is nothing you can do about it. It will probably cause them problems in their life along the way, so they are the ones who lose out from having those attitudes.

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Thanks iice. It's just so sad that most people just say things that they don't know or understand. I appreciate ur concern, it mean't a lot to me.

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C'est la vie! It usually is black and white with people, the grey portions they don't see. Don't know why you should worry yourself about it, they don't know you, they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. More importantly, they don't know what you are capable of or not capable of.

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