«Home

Infidelity In Marriage, Is There Any Cure?

INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE, IS THERE ANY CURE?

The rate of infidelity in marriage is becoming too alarming these days and mostly, men are the culprit!

Based on personal conviction I can say that 90% of married men have at one point in time engaged in extra marital affairs. Out of the remaining 10%, 8% are not caught yet and the reaming 2% are scarce if at all they exist!

Most married women, at least 50% must have caught their hubbies at one point in time and some men have confessed to their wives of their involvement with other women. At times you sit down and wonder what these men are looking for outside their homes.

A friend recently shared her experience with me. She caught her husband in the act and the man owned up to the fact that he has been dating these other girl few days after their marriage and he asked for forgiveness. At first the woman found it hard to forgive her husband but she later did. But to her astonishment four months later she saw a text message of another girlfriend asking her husband if he got home safely after spending the weekend with her in Abuja leaving the wife and two children all alone at home under the pretext of traveling on official duties. The woman could not take it any longer and packed out of her matrimonial home taking the children with her.

Another newly wedded lady said she discovered that her husband was having an affair with a married woman with kids when she hasn’t even got one as at the time!

Many homes have been broken this way because of extra marital affairs. Atimes a woman may not see packing out of her matrimonial home as a solution on her own accord but if the other woman uses diabolical means the real wife might be forced out of her home.

Moreover, your wife may not leave but you have broken her heart somehow and it may be hard to love and trust you again. Some women may not forgive but retaliate and I wonder how you will feel when you discover your wife is having an affair. Also after the discovery that they are not the only women in your life, some women would pretend as if all is well but within them my brother you are on your own! All the love, care, attention, devotion e.t.c given to you when they feel they have no rival would be reduced or totally withdrawn and be diverted to their children. Is that a home? A place where there is no peace, harmony and unity.

Unfortunately that is the kind of home many men are building. You may think you don’t have anything to lose, after all if she is not cooperating you can find solace outside from a woman who is more beautiful than your wife and somebody who can even help you financially. But, listen to me you cannot go far without the support of your wife because she is the only helper God created for you and it is with her support and prayer that you would have help from other people. And if you want to obtain favour from God, be true to your wife. I don’t understand why men don’t put all this into consideration before gallivanting around.

A Dr. explained that women have the same anatomy, so what are these men looking for?

Can somebody please explain to me what the problem is?

What is the position of God concerning Adultery?

Morally is it ok?

Socially is it acceptable?

Spiritually?

Is there any drug that can remove the cataract called lust from the eyes of our married men?

On a last note, my advice to our men is that they should try as much as possible to run away from infidelity because of the way God looks at adultery and the penalty for it.

for the sake of their children and home and lastly

because many destiny have been sacrificed on the altar of adultery.

Avatar
Newbie
86 answers

Happiness is all i see now I never thought that I will live on earth before the year runs out. I have been suffering from a deadly disease (HIV) for the past 3 years now; I had spent a lot of money going from one places to another, from churches to churches, hospitals have been my home every day residence. Constant checks up have been my hobby not until this blessed day, I was searching through the internet, I saw a testimony on how DR Camala helped someone in curing his HIV disease, quickly I copied his email which is dr.camalahivaidscure@yahoo.com just to give him a test I spoke to him, he asked me to do some certain things which I did, he told me that he is going to provide the herbal cure to me, which he did, then he asked me to go for medical checkup after some days after using the herbal cure, I was free from the deadly disease, he only asked me to post the testimony through the whole world, faithfully am doing it now, please brothers and sisters, he is great, I owe him in return. if you are having a similar problem just email him on ( dr.camalahivaidscure@yahoo.com ) PHONE/WHATS APP : +2349055637784

0
Avatar
Student

your no 3. point is quiet true as i have experienced that but the truth women are strong as they juggle a lot child, husband, career, home. but in all these there is nothing like faithfulness and been with ur best friend[quote author =osereka]women of today are one major problem that drives  men into adultry

1 they will not allow you to have wifey no two

2 they dont know how to take good care of their men

3 they tend to forget the husband when they have children

4 some of them dont even know how to take good care of themselves after marriage etc[/quote]

0
Avatar
Newbie

poster ,i think your statistics is wrong .men who re self disciplined remain faithful to their wives,they might be few though.As for cure,i can only offer tips .Men should try and be bold enough to let their wives know when they start becoming unattractive so they say and give her what it will take to get her back to the attractive lady you married.It may hurt her but she ll appreciate it more than jumping out to cheat.i wonder why people give flimsy reasons for being undisciplined,immature and controlled by their flesh.

I n the bible,God did not give excuses for any one man or woman to commit adultery, hence,there is no reason why you should commit adultery from the religious point of view.

looking at it from the social perspective,I have a question for men.How can you expect something out of nothing?

You get attracted to single girls out there cos they look attractive whatever you call it.yet you cannot invest in your wife by giving her the treat and care that she deserves.The thing is that you ll first of all recognize the fact that your wife is your responsibilty to make her continue looking the way she was when you married her by taking care of her needs and not seeing them as waste of resources on her and at the same time spending on another woman.Men let me give you one fact that you dont know,do not think that the woman who you re dating as a married man loves you as she claims cos she needs your resources to maintain herself and you re one of her mugus.

secondly ,she knows you re already hooked and has other people who she also gets that money from and above all may ve a serious relationship or even a fiancee who she cannot give up for you.Do not expect wonders from your wife if you re simply incapable of making her look good>I tell you men,if your wife is happy with you ,it will be difficult for her to play around.Another thing is that,if you were a player when you were single,it ll only take the grace of God for you to stop no matter what your wife does to keep you at home.

AS for women,remember that prayer is the key and bond that holds a family together.the same thing goes for a woman who cheats on her husband,if you were not faithful when you were single,it will be difficult for you to stop now but all the same.I dont support any form of cheat from man or woman.

My advice for women is:

If you dated a married man when you were single,ask God sincerely for forgiveness and pray that your cheating husband is visited by God,take care of your husy and do all you can as his wife to remain goodlooking,calm and respectful no matter what.Be a caring,loving and understanding wife.make your home peaceful to stay in.Your heart will be more at peace even if your man goes out to other women cos you know that you re doing their best and pls just assume that your husy is faithful ,give him the benefit of doubt until PROVEN otherwise.

To men:

Take proper care of your wives,show them that they re aprreciated and make them look like the girls you go after,if her bosoms are sagged,take her for a bosom job if you can afford it,buy her anti ageing reliable creams,watch Indecency together if possible,change her underwears and night gowns yourself as you ll pick the sexy ones for your girlfriends,register her with a gym if shes fat ,introduce her to exercises that tighten the womanliness if it s too loose for you,tell her the hairstyles that attract you,,make her happy,give her inner peace of mind,talk good about her in the presence of your friends .If you really treasure your marriage,you ll do your best to keep it.I think these will help and then if she cheats on you, show her no mercy that is if u re sure you re not cheating on her too.

Above all,No matter what,theres no excuse for infidelity.hope i made a point here

.Wish you all good luck

0
Avatar
Newbie

infidelity is a product of man's quest 4 an excessive lifestyle. but the reality is that there is an abundant provision in God. no matter what u say any one who has truly found God and is living in its consciousness can avoid it confortably. basically, its hard but the truth is thait is very possible with christ. no matter what society may turn out to be there is an abundant provision in God. many who indulge in infidelity are victims of ignorance. ignorance stands as the barricade to a descent lifestle. if ur a victim, then go 4 adequate knowledge which is the only true leveler of men

0
Avatar
Newbie

Our married women have gone bersek in their pursuit of extra - marital relationships. The tide seems to have changed. Married women commit adultery more than married men. That is the sad truth.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It`s really a painful sceniaro.Only God will help us.I bet you can`t be too trusting.It`S MORE PAINFUL WHE christians who should know better engage in it.The best solution is to confide in your spouse if you tempted to sexual sin so that both of you can come to an understanding instead of trying the next available gal.Hiv is rife and you can`t know who has it by looking at faces.Everybody should be careful and zip up.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I am glad a lot of people bothered to give their opinion; kudos to all.

Infidelity unfortunately is not a gender thing these days and i honestly don't believe polygamy is the answer, for most humans the chase, the risk and the danger that makes it exciting ends once you marry the second wife so you head out again.

The same type of temptations exist in the world out there for both sexes, but some people just forget all they have at stake and just go for it!!

I don't blame people who pack up their marriages because of infidelity,as there is more to it than just the "cheating",think about it,

If your spouse cheats it means she has had to lie to you for a while .

i. How will you ever believe what she ever say says?

ii. How are you sure she has not contracted any disease?

iii. How can you be sure it won't happen again?

iv.How are you sure she still loves you and that she is not only back because of the children or worse still because the other person wouldn't have her?

Finally, how can you possibly plan the future with someone like that?once the trust dies your marriage is as good as dead and once your husband stops caring what you do or who you're with the end is near.

As for the cure , i feel if we all constantly remember to " do unto other as you would want them to do unto you" life in general will be a better place to live.

0
Avatar
Newbie

We must appreciate when people talk from experience. I suspect Osere is a married man. I will like all female in this house to learn from this.

Truth is bitter but it is always constant. In a matter like this, your can never get a cure without first getting the cure.

Reality about marriage are not what we read in the books, they are issues that are peculiar to every individual.

Love, Sex and affection are other things I also see as cure to infidelity. Spouse must understand themselves in this three areas.

0
Avatar
Newbie

God's intervention is the only cure

0
Avatar
Newbie

osereka, im sorry to inform you that all the points you listed to justify why men cant keep their marriage vows are wrong.These are not strong enough to justify infidelity in marriage.If all men out there would just love their wives unconditionaly then the world would be a better place because if true love exist between husbands and their wives it will reflect in the lives of their children, and if you can show me any man that cheats on his wife and is trully happy,then i will show you a man that has started digging his own grave without knowing.God said two are better than one,that means a wife is designed to make life better for the husband,so inviting a third party in the name of girlfriend or bedmate implies going against the wish of God and this will only lead to regret.Husbands love your wives even as christ loves the church,is the church perfect or without sin?yet God's love has not and will never change,so husbands just learn to love your wives unconditionaly and there wont be any need of any 'extra tyre'.thank you.,

0
Avatar
Newbie

cliemieNH89 @ Ose

You have won the award as the Nairaland Sexist.

Please go to hell to collect it! Tongue

what is the meaning of this i don't think this a a forum for any kind of talk or insults u really piss me off

0
Avatar
Newbie

There are too many women who have done that, and yet the man still leaves them to fool around with anything in a skirt. I know a particular guy whose wife is a top-notch beautiful elegant lawyer. She rushes home to cook his meals and does all she can to give him the best. Yet, this guy still picks up street girls anytime she goes away for a two-day conference or if he has some time to spare. those girls are not even in his wife's class.

Some men. . . .na only God fit save dem!

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ OSISI

Gee thanks for the advice.But the private I thing might not work i hav not heard of people who offer such services.anyways thanks all the same will forward ur reply to her asap.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@osisi

GEE THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!BUT AS FOR PRIVATE I IN NAIJA I DON'T THINK WE HAVE THEM AROUND BUT WILL CHECK AROUND FOR IT.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I feel everything should be handed over to God in prayers. Ladies should also be careful what they do when they are single cos what goes around comes around.

I have a friend "married" that sleeps with anything in skirt claiming he loves his wife but can't help himself and says his wife spoils him crazy still he chases single gals around, I feel this kind of problem (Infidelity) should be handed over to God.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I dont see a cure, but i think, would be nice for the couple to always sit down, take a break, take time out and make each other feel like the king and the queen, ladies, treat the man like nothing else in this world matters, make him feel like a giant, let him feel like he is the president, the VP, the petroleum minister and even the finance minister, a man ( and when i say a man, i dont mean a man that think he is a man, all cos he has a mimi-willy btw his legs oh ) a real man is one with a heart and a feeling, a real man that cheats on his wife after being made to feel like all listed above, should be snapped and have witness and send him to sharia court.

A man that is treated nice and well taken cared of by the wife has no reason to wanna creep, what you looking for is at home, you want sex, get it for ya wife, if the ladies outside are dressing skimpy, buy your wife skimpy dresses, if the babes out there sucks your dick, teach your wife how to lick da banana and be patient till she is perfect with it, if the babe out there is skinny and ya wife is over weight, take her to the gym and be willing to help her thru it, just thnk of her as your sister or mother, how would you feel if she is being treated the way you treating your wife, let us have a heart and treat them how we will like to be treated, what do i know? i am just a virgin rhino

0
Avatar
Newbie

Honey,like you I'm a born again Christian but unlike you I would not wait for a stray spouse to come back.

My life is too precious for a man to kill me with a private part laden with HIV.

I may love him but not to death.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Toks81.

That was a nice one.

There is nothing on earth that prayers could not handle. But the only problem is that prayers require patience.  Most times you ddon'tget answers to your prayers immediately, it may takes days, weeks, months and even years before you receive answers to some critical situations.  How many people can wait for so long? During the period of waiting for a stray spouse to come back what do you do?

0
Avatar
Newbie

yes pray and after contacting a STD, pray even more.

0
Avatar
Newbie

thief of hearts( ole of hearts)

I take what you said personally well i dont blame u i balme the 'fool"cotton who said Nigerian women should be used to men cheating. Nigerian women are the most prestigious, elegant and "moralistic" beings.A typical Nigerian woman knows what submission is all about and would do all she can to satisfy her man,but men being the horrid creatures they are like local dogs.No matter what you do to satisfy them they still stray and go eat poo laid out on the streets.

To weebee i think adultery does have a solution.And it is PRAYER.To all my sisters out there who have been laboured with ungrateful straying men just PRAY.PRAY PRAY PRAY.one day his head will be correct,most times the end for them is always a sham but it's for better or worse abi.Dust him turn the other cheek pick the pieces u can and move on.

People should not just write for writing sake.AH AH!

0
Avatar
Newbie

That'll be enough punishment.

The surgeons will now be forced to make the man a transvestite

0
Avatar
Newbie

just cut off his blokoss (the sinning apparatus) and throw it away.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Two thumbs up for pmdaboh. Plenty of food for thought.

0
Avatar
Newbie

The only cure is cheat, cheat and cheat.

Men: until your abunna has lost all it's power

Women: urs is forever! (I am not being feminist but well nature has made it this way)

0
Avatar
Newbie

babeelove are you married or single?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Then, be patient, dig deep inside of you to make the sacrifce and all will be well.

MP00, u are a real dude, feeling you like Bush is feeling Oil in Iraq

0
Avatar
Newbie

babeelove can i have your email mine is olajuwon_major@yahoo.com

0
Avatar
Newbie

What i know about this discourse that the reverse is the case.

Ladies case are more worst than that of men.

Well with time every infidelity will will stop if only

we allow God to take control

WOMEN HAS ISSUES

well life goes on

0
Avatar
Newbie

Loadz of factors contribute to dis, how ever the common factor is communication break down. when the man no longer finds happines or satisfaction in his home he will simply look for it outside same goes to the woman. Solution to this is by talking, getting both of u to understand that the relationship is no longer working & discuss on how to ammend. re organize ur routine, spend more time 2geva, have loadz a sex, go 4 dinner, buy her flowers, cook his favorite meal, this simple fins wont make us bankrupt. Howeve they will go a long way.

0
Avatar
Newbie

There is one potent cure for infidelity. It had never fail to deter second occurence. It is MAGUN. Try it and you would thank me.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I can smell experience here, but the cure is trustful among both parties.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Maybe if you werent a loser, your girl wouldnt being doing runs on you

in other words, not every girl is into the sugardaddy crap

Find better company.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Personally, I believe there is a lot of infidelity going on with husbands and wives. As a Business graduate, statistics can be manipulated to a favorable outcome depending on what point of view you desire. The word of God is clear on adultery (not acceptable in God's sight). Socially, men's infidelity and multiple sex partners have always been pretty much expected, accepted, and encouraged (in some cultures) as a way of crossing over the bridge from a boy to a man. I did not say that God accepts this behavior, but the world "pats" a man on the back and is much more understanding if he cheats. However, when a women cheats, she is a LovePeddler, a slut, and her reputation is usually garnished for years.

Now, let us look at an adulterer that God loved, and God even said, this man, WAS A MAN AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART", and that man's name is David (yes, King David). David looked at another man's wife and lusted after her, sent for her to be brought into his house, slept with the woman, impregnated the woman, and set her husband up on the front line (in the heat of battle) to assure his death. David wrote most of Psalms, and God loved David so much that he proclaimed that David "was a man after his own heart"! Even though David committed adultery and killed Bathsheba's husband, inwardly, he TRULY LOVED GOD! You see we cannot imagine or accept that a person loves God, serves God, or fears God when he/she behaves in such a mannner, yet the bible gives us an example of a man that did. I believe sometimes people just get caught up for various reasons (lust, neglect, separation, infactuation, love, and probably too many reasons for me to list). Just because a person commits adultery, lies, steals, or falls short of what is written in the word of God does not mean that person's inward man (the heart of that person, the desire to serve God, the overall intent to do what is right even though they may be doing wrong at that moment) is not good.

How could God love a man like David after what he did, but HE DID! After all, God was with David when he was a young man watching over the sheep in his father's pastures, and God gave him the strength to kill a bear and a lion. God also took that same David and even though there were grown men standing around discussing the mighty giant Goliath, it was David that walked up to that giant with a stone and a sling and killed him swiftly.

David was not an evil man because he committed adultery, plotted a murder, and gave the order for the murder to be carried out, but David was simply a "HUMAN BEING" who allowed his lust, desire, and heart to get the better of him. One thing David did was to repent quickly when the prophet of God came and told him about his sin. Even though David was very sinful at that time in his life, he also loved God and was quick to repent.

None of us know what life holds: who we will meet, how this or that person will affect our lives in this or that situation. We can only hope and pray that we will hold true to what the word of God said and be faithful. But if any of us are unfaithful, and like David, get caught up in sin, then thank God for a merciful, loving, and powerful God that has the ability to pick a MAN or WOMAN up out of that state and restore them to their former self.

Does it matter whether more MEN or more WOMEN commit adultery? I don't think it does really. What matters is that God is able to help anyone who falls into that sin--whether they are a MAN or a WOMAN.

A man or woman can have sex with their spouse seven days a week, and do all the right things, but if that spouse allows their flesh (or desires) to get the better of them (whether through a planned meeting or something that happens in the heat of the moment), there is still hope for them and their marriage.

I understand you were quoting statistics and talking about a particular sect of people that commit adultery more than others, but ONLY GOD knows what others are doing.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Poster

The statistics figures you reeled out are impressive, impossing and compelling. Only a small snag though, I suppose almost all those 98% cheating men are all gays?!!!

Certainly their partners are not women (married or not). The women are all saints.

Wake up. What goes around comes around. Cycle of life has different dimensions.

So, it's OK for a single babe to date a married man, but bad for a married man to date a single babe? See, when you were unmarried, you cheated on your boyfriends and dated married men, and then believe that when you marry, you'll stop it never do it again. However, life as I said is a cycle, the bachelor boy you married now becomes a married man, and the same attraction(s) that drew you to some other married men then becomes some other single babes' point of affinity.

Women, ever smart, think they can have the best of two worlds. Eat their cakes and still have it. My dear, you have entered another phase in life. You are no longer the "hunted" by your man, you are now the one to "hunt" your man. And don't have illusions that it has only started with your generation (so you may remove self pity or righteousness) Ask your mom or grandma or great-grand ma, they once thought and felt the same way you do now.

Conversely, ask any young guy out there if they're pleased with the attitudes of their babes running after aristos, and you'll hear tales of woes involving infidelity in their own relationships.

It's a musical chair thing. Women's chance to romp come first while men's come later in life. It sort of cancels out, really. If you're considering packing out of your matrimonial home in Africa because of infidelity, BEST OF LUCK. Remember, the next week, some more dashing babes will move in. TRY IT (I DARE YOU)

0
Avatar
Newbie

.

My sister,you've summarized it quite well

He who has an ear let him hear .

0
Avatar
Newbie

There is no cure, cos a king that has a queen still wanna taste the slave, how sad, hope God will help, cos rate of divorce is sickening and saddens the heart

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Weebee

Why don't you accompany him instead?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Honestly,nowadays women are very promiscous.I have been harrassed sexually by 3 different married women at some point.

No justfication for immorality for whatever reason.

May God help this generation!

Am a man,but men are very randy!More than 80% of men think and reason with their joystick not brain!

Why do women forgive adultery easily?and men never forgives?SELFISHNESS!DAMBRUBA SHEGE

0
Avatar
Newbie

I stand by the biblical position on the issue  but as human,we need to learn not to take each other for granted.Yes,you said men are polygamous in nature and always look for alternatives but who told you women dont feel that way but reject all temptations to stay with you.Take care of your wife in all ways within your power and that care a woman need cost nothing and she will be yours forever without having any distractions.

Visit my blog to learn one or two things on marriage:

//anijawife.blogspot.com

0
Avatar
Newbie

The Problem is that most people build their marriage on the wrong foundation and many get married for the wrong reasons.Trust me if a man and his spouse fear God,the issue of infidelity will not arouse!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Osereka! from knowing that they are, you must be their patronizers in the act. cause, i don't see any waka about here or ashawo by mere word of words. they are just expressing their feelings and experience either directly or indirectly.

0
Avatar
Newbie

ok oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0
Avatar
Newbie

I Think The Only Cure To This  Problem Is Prayer.

prayer Change All Things,And Women should Also

Do There Home Work.

0
Avatar
Newbie

bros

na reply I reply o

0
Avatar
Newbie

Bros Take Am Easy Now.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ lovemajek,

you mean say no be only one guy de shag you?

na you way of life to be ashawo?

0
Avatar
Newbie

adulterous is part of life existence, so they can not be seperate from each other. What is good is not for one person.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.