«Home

Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do?

I was listening to the radio show about Frank Lampard and noted a comment from the presenter that:

"Any man that lets his children live at a standard inferior to his own is a scum"

Is it wrong to do that?

Please note this discussion should be based on the justification of the scenario in the subject NOT on whether it is right or wrong for the presenter to make such a statement.

I personally think there are situations where it is OK for your kids to live at a lower standard than you live as long as it can not be claimed that they are sufferring or living below a reasonable standard. I believe every human being should work hard to attain the best standard of life for themselves and the best standard of life should not be laid on a plate for anyone.

Avatar
Newbie
68 answers

Lagbara Jesu, waa le afford e!

0
Avatar
Newbie

I can afford expensive things because I worked hard for them

I would give my kids the basics of life but never would they live on my level.

You mean if I buy a $10,000 watch I should buy them a $2,000 watch? Hell NO

I would make them know that all human beings are at the level of Walmart until you elevate yourself from there, I was in the level of Walmart before I elevated myself through hardwork not because my dad did it for me.

I can invest anything into their education and give them incentives to be succesful, Like Give you a xbox set if you made all A's in your school exams, $50,000 if you can make it to Harvard(Ivy league), Give you $300k if you can make a First class at Harvard

If I can afford it

0
Avatar
Newbie

It might or might not be balderdash, but that was not the context of my message.

I agree with the rest of what you wrote.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I hurd ya!

Bill Gates and Warren Buffet have beaten me to my philosophy.

For years I have always said if I was a Billionaire, there is no way on Earth I am leaving the money to my kids. Most will be going to charity or humanity funds.

I was saying that long before these guys decided to do it.

If I give a child a great start in life (education, mentorship, great home etc) and a few millions in inheritance, and they can not build it, to hell with the child! I will give my billions to help millions of kids that never had that great start in life and face everyday difficulties.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Sounds reasonable. I hear you. Hoping you heard me too.

0
Avatar
Newbie

The cue I will give my rascals is:

- "When you want something expensive, you work hard for it"

- "When you work hard, you can afford expensive things if you want them"

- "Only those that have worked hard are entitled to extra-ordinary things in life".

There will be somethings I will bulge on and give into or just use as reward, raising a child is about satisfying "wants" sometimes, but definitely I will not be spoiling them with money because I am a multi-millionaire.

If they come home with all As at A-levels, I might reward with the latest model of Volkswagen Golf, not a red Ferrari. I will drive one though.

0
Avatar
Newbie

But this points to what I am saying about being an example. If having things for vanity is wrong, then it is wrong in both the parent and the child.

Teaching the child not to have things for vanity while accumulating those things for oneself will just send a confusing message.

A child can only take their cue from their parents. If the parent is happy with Primark for themselves, the child is likely to be the same.

Personally, I'm not one for extravagance, but having provided the basic needs for my child, if I were to reward myself with some little luxuries for my success in work/business, I would see nothing wrong in rewarding my child with little luxuries (appropriate for their age) for their success in the home (e.g. good behaviour, doing chores), or for their success in their academic or other pursuits.

I would not be averse to taking those things away from misbehaving children. I think it will help with the lessons of associating hard work with rewards early on, as opposed to waiting until they themselves can earn money.

0
Avatar
Newbie

These are the questions you need to answer first:

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-266268.32.html#msg8488952

0
Avatar
Newbie

What you see as vanity could be of importance in other family.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I will always provide my kids with things that are of reasonable quality but I will not provide them with things for vanity.

If my child is starting to think Primark[b] is below him/her[/b], then something is wrong in my upbringing style. I don't know what they have achieved in life to say something is below them.

An extravagant parent will not necessarily breed an extravagant child, an extravagant upbringing might. The ideology and indoctrination you feed a child will have more weight.

I am sorry, but that was not what we were discussing. This was what we were discussing and you should be address.

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-266268.32.html#msg8488952

You have lost track from yesterday to today.

Those are the questions you should be answering.

0
Avatar
Newbie

There is nothing and i mean absolutely nothing wrong in you giving a child something that is good for them, if you can afford it . . . however, i am not saying a parent should always say YES to all the demand of a child either, cos you have to let them know what is called responsibility, there is nothing wrong in tell the kid to use her/his own money to buy something of importance to them, so that they will learn how to take better care of that thing, but then, think about it, the pocket money is from who . . .you and me, ofcourse as the parent.

But again, you dont have to because you wanna train them to starve them of important stuff, other kids could be driven to school by a driver and you as a father, could drop yours and dont have to get them a driver, if that is what you want, but not cos you wanna train them, then tell them to walk to take the bus, even though you have the time and the ability to take them there yourself.

These is what i called spending time and bonding, not spoiling a child.

By the way, looking forward to another day of good discussion with you

0
Avatar
Newbie

There is nothing wrong with buying a $1000 dress for your daughter or shirt for your son but definitely not all the time. They have to know that they have to work hard to make it in life like mummy and daddy. Money does not drop down from the sky and if they wanna enjoy the life mum and dad is enjoying right now they've got to work their butts off to get there.

0
Avatar
Newbie

lol, I spelt "sneakers" wrong I never wear it so I do not even know how they spell it.

I do not get it this is the first time I am hearing this. . .If I can afford to buy £5000 sneakers why go primark and buy my child £8 sneakers? I must be mad

0
Avatar
Newbie

it would be sheer wickedness for a parent to deny their child meat [protein] while hoarding the same.

if they can afford it [ie they're not poor] but just do so out of plain cussedness, then na mental problem be that.

most children need sneakers- however there's a difference between $500 sneakers and $30 sneakers.

if the parent wears $5000 shoes then why ask your child to wear $5 ones.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Why is that people are using millionaires as an example on this matter? Or LV, Gucci etc?

Lets go to basic, normal people who bring in average income. . .

As a parent I will not want to see my child living at a lower standard than me, I will not want to put meat on my plate of rice and give my child empty rice to eat just for so he can learn to work hard in life to put meat on his own plate. I will rather go in rags than see my child wearing rags. I will not let my child sleep on mat and I sleep on bed. As a PARENT I am not living for just "me" anymore but for my child. . . I want my child to enjoy the finer things in life and things I never did as a child. . .I have not seen one single parent who has had a child and makes them live at a lower standard than them "just for the sake of them learning to work hard" that is not how it works. . .Yes, I will not give my child every single thing he wants(just like that) I will rather make him work for it because that is how discipline starts-tell him if he wants those sneakers he has to earn it

Don't just say I am not going to buy my child the "sneakers" he wants because I want him to grow up and learn to work hard. . .How can he learn to work hard in his adulthood when you did not show him how to earn the sneakers in his childhood?

Even these millionaires you talk about buying their children things they will buy for themselves make them(children)work for it and earn it . . .

Your child should not live a lower standard than you. . . That is why I love African mothers back home they will do anything for their children even if they have to starve. . .

0
Avatar
Newbie

I deserve the best might be a case of vanity sometimes. Not having the best might be sufficient.

Surely, a Toyota Camry will get me to a destination in reasonable and  adequate comfort as any Ferrari. Why do I get a Ferrari? Because of vanity.

Should I now get a Ferrari to also pick my kids anywhere they go? HELL FFFING NO!

They deserve basic minimum, any extra is a choice. We make good choices and bad, it is each person's choice.

If I wear Ted Baker shirts does not mean my kids should also wear one. There are a lot of Topshop shirts that look decent. They don't deserve the best, they deserve self discipline and realism of life. When they work hard in life and make their own money, then they deserve the best with their own funds.

If you find people advocating kids live like paupers, then you can start discussing with them.

I didn't know buying good quality cheap stuff equates to pauperism.

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^no need to go off the deep end although of course it's a free world.

yes, imo it's highly distasteful to have an unnecessarily extravagant lifestyle while expecting your kids to live like paupers.

there are better ways to show your child the value of money.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Why would you choose to wear expensive quality clothing? Is it not because you believe it is the best? Why then do you as an individual deserve the best, but your children, who are a part of you, deserve less?

If the children should wear good quality budget conscious clothing, then so should the parents. All the showing off would be a waste of money anyways.

There was a television show with young spoiled brats who were used to wearing outfits worth thousands of dollars. They were shown a multitude of clothes, sunglasses, perfumes, and even chocolates. Each item had a cheap version and an expensive version and they were told to choose which was which.

They got most of them wrong, incorrectly choosing the cheap versions to be the more expensive ones.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Abi o.

Somehow, to some people, it is a crime to provide items for your kids that are good quality but cheap. You must spend thousands of dollars for a shirt for them.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Nope!! I wont do that

Just like P Diddy buying his son a Maybach?

No I wont

They would be comfortable but never on my level, Why I worked to make my money and I would give them anything needed to make their own money too

This equivalent lifestyle and sense of entitlement is what makes children of millionaires less succesful than their parents

0
Avatar
Newbie

I will remember to do that, thanks for your advice.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Come back tomorrow and discuss.

Buy a dictionary on your way. It will be of immense help to you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It is bad that i will be leaving here soon for the day . . . . . you love and willing to argue, but i love to discuss.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Do you understand the meaning of "equivalent"?

Do you understand the meaning of "lower standard"?

Do you understand the meaning of "living less"?

Have you checked the dictionary or you are just a Nigerian man refusing to bow after seeing his error?

0
Avatar
Newbie

The equivalent dont have to mean in value, but he has a watch and not a $$ store watch

0
Avatar
Newbie

Actually, No, I am not.

When you said and I quote:

Did you mean like when you tried to claim having a Rolex is equivalent to a waterproof digital watch?

Is that not a lower standard, which you initially claimed was a crime if a father did that?

So if you wear a Rolex, your kids should also wear something very expensive or even a Rolex?

What is wrong with cheap shirts for a child if it is good quality?

0
Avatar
Newbie

if you're wearing a $1000 shirt while your kid is wearing a $1 shirt, that's ridiculous.

if you need a rolex to seal key business deals [where appearance is important- say you're meeting with a middle eastern oil magnate], then that's different.

but if the rolex is for showoff and nothing more, while your kids are wearing 50 kobo watches,  then that's just frivolous, imo.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Is that the answers to my questions?

For the record, having an opinion is called an argument in the intellectual society.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I never knew you were arguing oh . . . .

0
Avatar
Newbie

Refused to bow to what?

You mean that was not my argument before?

0
Avatar
Newbie

hahahahaha . . . i just like when a Nigerian man refused to bow . . . . enjoy the day jare, na your time to have fun

0
Avatar
Newbie

It is my argument so it can't be unfair.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Equivalent of your own definitions Sir/Ma aint mine . . , So again, is what i have said wrong or fair?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Those are not equivalents.

They are just reasonable provisions as I was alluding to.

0
Avatar
Newbie

By saying equivalents, i mean:

You using Rolex and the kid is using a waterproof digital watch.

You eating out for the evening, the kids is eating something that is of balanced diet too.

You go to Jamaica every year, the kids are able to go to Disney or even olumo rock once every 3 years.

there has to be some kinda balance,and what you refer to as necessity is luxury to some.

0
Avatar
Newbie

No, that is not what we are talking about.

I am the one that opened the thread and I clearly have defined what we are talking about. It is not about people not providing the basics for their kids, it is about [very affluent people] providing more than the basics. I think I have repeatedly made this clear.

Furthermore, what you said clearly was "you think kids should have equivalent as what you have".

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ofcourse, i do agree with you that spoil the child and you would regret it.

Thus, my reason for saying i will never give a child rolex no matter how much i have and could afford it . . . cos i have to teach them responsibilities as well, so yeah, i do agree with you.

There is a need for balance

0
Avatar
Newbie

@fhemmmy. . . I'm not saying the kids should be disadvantaged or made to feel inferior. What i'm saying is they shouldn't be spoiled rotten to the extent they take things for granted. I know a childhood buddy who was spoiled by his parents. They never refused him anything. Shortly after he gained admission to the university, his father was retired and wasn't as buoyant as before. This guy came back for hols one day and DEMANDED he "needed" his own car for the next semester. Things got out of hand to the extent he assaulted his father and broke the man's hip. Lesson? Focus on giving your kids what they NEED and don't spoil them all in the name of being "loving parents". End of!

0
Avatar
Newbie

If you had took the time to read what i read before that, you would understand what we are talking about.

I would never give my kids rolex, even if i can afford it, cos i have to at same time teach them responsibilities, however, like you said, when you wear lace, they wear lace too, so we were talking about parents that would sew lace and yet their kids are hungry at home, we talking about parents that appears so "GQ" out there and their kids looks like what the UN uses to advertise, please "give them food"

Yes, it is your duty to give them a good start in life and that include for them to know wearing rags aint part of life . . . yes, you have to train them to know, if you have only one jeans, then take care of it well, but the kids are not to live less than the parents, cos those kids are reflection of who you are.

If i see you wearing 1000$$ suits and your kids cant at least dress neat, cos you never provided for them, then, i see such man as a loser

0
Avatar
Newbie

Nope!

You are suppose to provide for them and give them a good start in life by providing what they need. Not provide "the best you can give them".

Otherwise, Bill Gates should buy his kids Cape Verde and other islands.

No, they will wear lace too. It might not be as expensive or it could be, depends on the cost of the lace I am wearing.

If I was wearing a Rolex wristwatch to the party, no chance of them getting one. They will wear a watch from Next or something.

Because they don't need to!

0
Avatar
Newbie

You are supposed to provide for them and give them the best of what you could, anything less is not nice of you.

You ear a nice lace to party and your kids wear jeans to follow you when they are not old enuf to make their own choice and you are doing baba alaye? . . . .

Besides, give me one reason why they should have less than you

0
Avatar
Newbie

Why should they have equivalent?

What is wrong with them having less?

0
Avatar
Newbie

And what makes you think this is what was being talked about, after my very clear clarification?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Kool to know we are on same side . . . . . I blv a man ought to work hard to provide for his family and let them be happy all together, but Nigerian men are good at oppressing everyone else in the home, they wanna drive the best car in the house and leave the rest for others.

Too much " That is daddy's car oh, dont touch it . . . . what happened to, that is family car?

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^^^

Certainly, I agree about the equivalents.

I specifically mentioned the diamonds in response to the diamond bracelets for adults/diamond earrings for kids example given in the previous post.

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^^ Kids should not be given certain things, but they have equivalents . . . , it is like some husband telling the wife what car they could drive out of the fleet in the house . . . what an insult

0
Avatar
Newbie

The example cited was of Frank Lampard who broke up with the mother of his children. The mother retained custody, so the lifestlye they live while with their mother depends on how much he gives her.

That is a slightly different issue to where both parents are raising the children together. The main moral of the story is that kids shouldn't be spoilt, which is fine.

The best ways to teach children about the value of money (as well as other lessons) is to lead by example. We must bear in mind that there are things that are appropriate for adults (e.g. diamonds), but not for kids. Restricting the kids access to these things is not necessarily making them live a lower standard.

However, with a lot of the other aspects e.g. holidays, place of residence (i.e. if you choose to live in a luxurious mansion, surely your kids must live in the same mansion) etc, these should be family oriented as they serve the function of strengthening family relationships.

I think a lot of peoples' views will be further refined when they have families of their own.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I am sure this is not what we are talking about here.

But if you buying lace every weekend to go to party and your kids are wearing torn clothes, then, you have failed as a father.

If you visit all these nations every year, at least once in every 3 years, take your kids to disney too.

If you driving SLS benz, let your kids have a nice bike to have fun around the block

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.