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Is It Normal?: Wanting Out Of The Relationship

Is it ok for me to cringe when my boyfriend brings up marriage and kids in the future. Its just that i dont see my self as a family person, i love kids in fact im going to be a pediatrician (odd i know). I love him, im not looking else where but i dont want him be that serious. Most girls i know want their boyfriends to look at them as potential wives but i dont like it.

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47 answers

@ Ibrahim

I'm not trying to be married at 22 years old, but my Bf wants it? i hope you get it now.

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Not sure I understood that. Maybe you don't really understand your feelings on this issue as well? Need some time out?

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@ Ibrahim

Actually marriage is a wonderful thing, the predicament feeling the pressure to settle down and not nessesarily being able to talk to the person i love about it because he might be heartbroken.

@ Juicybabe

Why do you think he will leave men when i tell him im not ready for marriage when he claims he loves me. If that is the case he can just go and pick any girl to marry. He is not that type to just leave, i just dont want to hurt his feelings. I resently talked about it and he wasnt trying to leave so i guess your thoughts are far fetch.

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haba, you seems to be asking for too much, cos it is only normal that she will be jealous seeing the man happy with another man and to make matter worse, if the babe is now cuter and the man now seems happier

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It's good to know that you are not ready to marry him now but don't get jealous when he start dating someone else

or start looking for him when he must have gone gone far away. Good luck

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Is Marriage a predicament?

Just like it sometimes happens that we leave the Good to slip by and ultimately, when desperation sets in, settle for the "not so good" or the "not good at all" years after, You never can tell?

@poster

If you don't feel like, then don't go for it. But I hope this would be a decision you will still be happy with 5 years after.

Good luck with any action you eventually choose. Cheers!

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Men's view about serious relationship compared to that of ladies is always a rough conversation

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The choice is yours. I don't want to say that you want to eat your cake and have it.

It is better you opt out now instead of frustrating/messing up the guy in the future and destroying a marriage.

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@topic

its normal and expected of anyone to leave 'good' for 'better'

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Get out of that relationship and stop fornicating.

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When i was 22 i was finishing school and could not be bothered, a similar thing was happening to be about 2 years later, i had to leave the relationship because that was grounds for incompatability. Its like you want kids and he doesnt those are just things you cant look past. Im now engaged to a wonderful man and we are both ready to get married and for a family whenever.

And hun dont let the people that are pressuring you to make a decision faze you because they are culturally different, i understand that in nigeria women are to marry in their 20s and stay home to take care of the kids. You can marry at 20, 30, 40 or even 50 as long as you are ready and willing to do it at you own free will.

take care

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I think he just doesn't want to loose you. In any case don't be a victim of pressure. Being engaged doesn't mean you'll marry in the next one month or two years.

If he can't wait for you and you can't marry him now then you guys have to make a next move. You guys should do what's comfortable for you.

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There is nothing abnormal about it. Do you want to marry him and make his life and yours miserable? I have read interviews of two nigerian women in there 50's and 60's when asked why their marriage did not work out they said they were not ready to be anybody's wife. In my opinion it would have been better if they never married those men.

The other aspect of it depends on the kind of man you marry. Some men just cannot support their women. There are men that don't need their wives to be babysitters of them or a cook for them to feel like they are married. Please listen to yourself and even if it turns out to be a mistake you made the mistake by yourself not because someone pressured you to do it

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Ignore my 1st reply girl. My kid sister was foolin wt my Pc. D truth is u're definitely not normal. End of discussion.

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It's not abnormal either. Depends on why u want out sha. D reason u want 2 walk is what will determine it's level of normalcy. If it's an issue u can't accomodate, eg. Ur partner tellin u he's gay bt still loves u, Wot d f*!

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And if a girl chooses to be married at 20 or if she chooses to be married at 40, I think the smurkers and know-it-all's should leave her in peace.

Like you stated our 'times' are different and to me, even at 50, a persons time is their own time and not to be judged by others.

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@POSTER,

It is amazing at how you humbly and genuinely present your matter. You have also shown that willingness and patients to listen to people's opinion. Just consider the stuff RADIANT has got to say, it might be really very helpful.

@RADIANT

You sound so knowledge and intelligent. Thats good, more like the kind of person I love to identify with. Please what's your response to Flemmmy's question?

@ROSALLE

I like the fact that you are bold to marshal out your opinion and you are entitled to it afterall. You appear to be attaching less importance to the idea of having a family and therefore campaigning and promoting singlehood. I dont know your background and the circumstances of your lives, but I can guess your are experiences of life or somes forces of life in your immedaite environment is pulling the string. I believe that family is important and one top incomparable achievement people can make in life. Make no pretence about it girl! Things really do happen at d time they are destined to happen in our lives, your own time may not be mine time!

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And about the pattern you say you noticed, Im not too sure it really applies.

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@ adconline

he is the baby of the family. He has 2 older bros that are married and a sister that is kinda close. His mom loves me so she is so sure that im the one for him, we've known eachother for a long time just started dating this past year so we havent been together that long.

@Radiant

thank you for the advice i really know now that i would be doing him an injustice to keep these feeling to myself.

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It all depends on when a woman feels ready. If she feels ready at 15 that's her cup o' tea and if she feels ready at 40 that's her own Sushi.

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I have asked this question and no one has yet been able to answer.

What determine what a age a lady shd marry?

Is there any accomplishment for a lady to achieve be4 getting married?

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at 25, it seems everything is  going well for him. Why is his family rushing him to get married early? Is he the 1st or only son? Maybe his family is well loaded and he's the apparent heir ? Or maybe his parents got married late in life and are dire need of a grandchild before they pass on.

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@ Radiant

He is in law school. I dont mind us being so close in age cus im not a big fan of much older men.

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Their own true love at 40?

No, it is more like they are wiser and can comprise because they need a company more ever.

When in the 20's even if you are divorced, there will be hordes of men looking for you.

At 40, go to a club and you hardly see anyone who will wanna dance with you. So the individual of 20s barely changes at forty but she has learnt to compromise. Don't even go there.

LOVE IS MORE OF A DECISION THAN FEELING

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It's very interesting to note a pattern, a girl can choose to live her life, and the man cannot do the same. If what you wrong up there were to come from a man, critism will arise, ha, you have used and dump her, ha, you are a bad man, so why go near her, when you know you don't want to marry her,

Anyways. I believe in one simple thing, life is all about choice, but never use fear to guide your decision, rather bravery, and hope to achieve your desires. Be yourself, that's the point, we are all wired differently, so I see no reason why anyone should be compared to any other person.

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I am not selfish, at least i dont feel that way. Im not cheating on my bf or tryiing to leave him i just dont feel like getting married. He didnt ask me to marry him, he just talks about it more now than ever( maybe his family is influencing him).  Im going to be 23 the end of this year and finishing my first degree. I just feel too young to be in this predicament. Here in the States i know people who get married at 40 to their one true love after being married and divorced early in their 20s. I dont want to rush into something and then end up in a divorce because that is the thread now.

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All these everybody must not have a family stuff girls are preaching with example are ridiculous.

Go into the lives of those who do not have kids and they do not have any partners when they are above 40 and then come back tell us.

Culture might affect some minds but it does not change nature forget about the society!

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You want enjoy the benefits of marriage but you don't want it legal!

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Poster:

You are suffering from "not being appreciative of having it good and not counting God's blessings for giving you someone that wants to marry you." Maybe when you leave him and  date a string of losers who only want to chop you without commitment, and you are growing old and lonely  and can't find a comparable man to your current man who wants to wife you, and another woman has taken over your current man and bore his kids, then you will be appreciative if you ever find another good man again. And YOU MAY NEVER find another one as good as him.

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Thank you for your advice, ill think about it. i just dont want to end a good thing, without knowing for sure its not going to work

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I do love him, i dont see why everyone is making a big deal about your age gap my parents are 11 years apart and are still together. Im glad you guys were able to compromise. My bf and i are only 3 years apart but i love him the same. I just wish i can tell him my feelings, i dont know if he would leave if he knew my feelings about this whole marriage thing

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^^^

Very good advice.

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My folks always say the most important thing for any human being is to have genuine friends and strive to be happy. So getting married shouldnt be the ultimate goal for anyone. Theres more to life.

Each person has their path to follow and its never the same as the other person's path.

@Poster, Ive got a friend who's 32 and she's a pediatrician too. She loves her job and as of today is not in any mood to talk about getting married. So its not abnormal. You might even wake up in 4 yrs and decide you are ready. Or you may never want to. Theres nothing abnormal about it.

In the meantime though, dont lead a man on. Let him off.

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Because you are brave enough to seek advice here, I will advice you to tell him now that you dont like to be a family person. I might be wrong but I did not see you as sopmeone who love kids as claimed. Please tell him to look further. kindly take all responses her with good faith and pick the one that best suit your thoughts.(because you alone really know what you want)

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then it simply means that u dont love the guy because if u do u ll not hesitate to jump at his offer. ll advise u to think about it and not to jump into conclusions cos i ve seen girls who postpone their marriages under the pretense of still being in school or not ready lose their guys and end up being desperate and searching

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@poster,

I guess you are a female between the ages of 18 and 23, have lived or mingled in a culture that is not yours, things going well with you and it likely you are also a pretty girl. You will agree with that 85% of other girls in your category feels same way too. Otherwise, when you will have reached like 27, 28, or 30years and probably have had good times and bad times of the intricacies invovled in jumping around with different men in the course of a relationship and tasting all the waters, you will definitely appreciate the fact that a man you love so much and have enjoyed good relationship with finally have asked for your hand in marriage! You are not ready for now marriage simple! Wondering what you are waiting for. All the same best of luck, a little wait you mght hit it off with a bigger boy, u never know!

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I agree with the pple who feel you're not ready for marriage. It's not abnormal to feel that way. You're not ready, period! Let him know though, so he doesn't feel you've been leading him on when he eventually realises your heart isn't in it. It's either you're not ready or he's not the one for you. Make up your mind and let him know. Good luck.

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women will always ask for more, its in their nature. There's nothing you can do to please them enough.

I sympathize with the poor guy. And the worst part of this, is that the girl will never tell this guy her fears. She will lead him on till she breaks him.The things women do!

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You're either not ready for marriage and such

OR

You're finding a serious relationship too hard to handle. Either ways it isn't abnormal.

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@denony.What do u mean she would be calling u uncle/bro? Havent u seen over 10years age difference in ralationship/marriages b4? Guy its not funny at all,its a serious issue we discussing here.

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well, for the greater good at times it necessary to break off. A month ago i just broke out of a good relationship though i enjoyed every moment but some inevitable issues de barred me!

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Then tell him and dont waste his time or shake it off by taking time off and i am sure, if you see him as the one, you might change your mind.

good luck

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I av similar challenge.My girl friend is 7yrs yonger than me&she says i must wait for another 6yrs to get married 2her.But we've reached an agreement to wait 3 instead of 6yrs.So sit/reach an agreement,if u truly love d guy,

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I av similar challenge.My girl friend is 7yrs yonger than me&she says i must wait for another 6yrs to get married 2her.But we've reached an agreement to wait 3 instead of 6yrs.So sit/reach an agreement,if u truly love d guy

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let me make it easy for you

U ARE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE

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well, seems u just aint ready. Just don't jump at it if u dont feel good about it.

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