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Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House?

My husband told me dat he will allow me 2 be in total charge of my salary if i can tell him wat i want 2 use money for apart frm sendind money 2 my folks or doing my monthly personal shopping,and i told him dat,i might want 2 buy a land and start building my own house and he said its only a woman dat has d plan 2 divorce in d future dat needs 2 build her own personal house since d husband has a house already,my question now is, 

is it proper 4 a woman to build her own house,if her husband have one already.

or wat can a woman do wit her salary dat makes sense apart frm buying clothes.PLS DONT MIND MY BAD TYPING AM JUST LEARNING,GOD BLESS.

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Your hussy must be from the planet where they still believe women are inferior to men and he is insecure. For so many reasons there is nothing wrong in building ur own house,no one knows what tomorrow hold.today you are married do you know whats going to happen in the future.If it is wrong for you to build ur own house then it has to be wrong for your hussy as well.

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Build, but in your husband,s name. If u really know that he owns everything about you.

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just my opinion. It doesnt mean she's planning to leave her husband.

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Damn You Michael Bay!

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imo, every married Nigerian woman should have her own house (in Nigeria) as long as the funds are available. It could be a rental property.

If the husband feels his wife will disrespect him if she builds a house, then he should build one for her and put her name on the deed.

I'm referring to normal marriage relationships oh, not those ones where the husband and wife are constantly seeking each other's downfall.

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WHY NOT!!!!

If you have the means GO AHEAD and do it and do it again if I were you.  Obviously, your husband is a very insecure and controlling man.  By brothers were like that.  Being the first daughter of the family my father gave me a piece of land to build on, and my brothers objected saying that I am a woman and that made me not only mad but more determined to put on a MASSIVE AND BEAUTIFUL HOME in my fathers compound and it's still standing there as I type this.  Afterall, I am still my father's daughter - marriage or not and therefore, entitled to any gift my father gave me and no one, I mean no one should take my BIRTH RIGHT simply because, I am a woman. The brothers who objected to that, now, tell me who lives there as I am living in the West?  My nephews and nieces - their children and it makes me very happy indeed when I return home.  It is a happy home at Christman/Easter I can assure you.  

For that reason, I thank God my father is enlightened and still alive.  To my father both his sons and daughters are treated equally, there are 11 of us (6 boys and 5 girls) and no one is superio to the others. Don't let any man restrict or be a hinderance to your progress. Remember, there will always be enemies of progess any where you go and your job is to stop them in their tracks. God has given you the gift - intelligence, talents, skills and blessings, my dear use it and use it QUICK before satan and his disciples put doubts in your mind by telling you it is not normal.  It is absolutely NORMAL because, you are not only achieving this for the so called ignorant husband but also, for your children and the entire family.  If for no one else, do it for your KIDS.  GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Your Husband obviously has issues. He is deeply insucure, any man that would beat his wife needs to get his head checked. What scares me is the fact that you say he does not beat you anymore not because he is repentant but because your contact with him is minimal.

Your husband does not want you to build a house because he is insecure and a control freak soryy to say but i hope he does not kill b you soon

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@ Ebila

You are a real man !

@ OP

Please do'nt do it without your hussy's consent ,you can as well put d money in a FDA

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Damn You Michael Bay!

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Lets be realistic here. This is Nigeria. We have a lot of married men with egos larger than the African Continent. They will see it as an affront to their marriage and status but there are ways out of it to suit the women to eat her cake and have it.

Generally being in the property business, i see these issues every now and then and what i advise my female clients to do is thus:

1. Yes you can build a house but to keep the family together, you need to make it a commercial building i.e a 4 bedroom flat to collect rent and make the husband happy that you are collecting income to support the family. The deed should be written in HER name alone or better still in the names of her children because thats the second best legacy she can leave for them after education.

2. Secondly, she can pool resources with her husband to build a house and makes sure the deed is written as Mr and Mrs Lagbaja, so that in case the husband gets nasty tomorrow, he cannot sell the house without her consent since two of them jointly own it and the worst case scenario is that they sell the house and split the money and everyone is happy.

The only snag about this is that the woman usually suffers the brunt from an abusive husband who will do anything to cajole her to sell it or sign her name to give away the property hence when such a situation happens, she should consult a lawyer to adequately protect her interests and she shouldnt be ashamed to look for one or be scared because the husband would have also consulted his lawyer to make sure things go smoothly in his favour.

These are the 2 major ways a woman can become a landlady and be stable in her marriage in Nigeria and loads of women follow this style.

Cheers

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A MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO STRENGTHEN BOTH PARTIES INDIVIDUALLY AND TOGETHER

shebi you had a life/family/plans/responsibilities when you met him? i think ideally you should get his support, but if he proves difficult - then let him know you will do it because it means that much to you - if he can not support you, then better. if he can not, then you will do it for the sake of your children and self worth

Not all women like 'living off' their husbands - because when he changes his mind and wants you no more - you are left on the streets - reassure him it is not a divorce you are praying for - but somewhere your children and your family can seek refuge. why have 3houses when you can have 4? and will he say no to your efforts because he doesn't want you to be that independent?

what some men fail to udnerstand is that A WOMAN WHO IS WITH YOU WHEN SHE HAS OPTIONS, MEANS SHE LOVES YOU AND WILL BE LOYAL FOREEVER - THAN A WOMAN WHO IS WITH YOU, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO WHERE ELSE TO GO - that is an unhappy marriage, and as long as you conitnue being a good wife to him after the house is completed - then he should be more secure in his position in your life - not more insecured!!

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This guy beats her like an animal didn't he break your arm or was it your bleeping collarbone?

Omo better start building fast fast. But you need to travel to Naija frequently to check the progress that Monster wont allow you to travel I'm sure.

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.

What? He beats you//?

Please start your foundation urgently or at least invest in shares

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you must be sincer with yourself and ask yourself, why do you want to build a house when your husband already has one.? other investment will be better for both of you. what ever you do in life, you should have the support of your husband. this is africa my sister and even if your intentions are genuine, it will definately be misinterpretated.

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No its not proper from the nigerian context,we live in a patrilineal society. . .

But if u suspect he's up to something,by all means do it secretly,I wouldn't like it if you were my wife however.

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Madam,

I understand how u feel! But let me tell u something,if it is ok for a woman to work,then it is ok for her to build her house.Any woman who wants to leave her husband will do it anyway,regardless of whether she has her own house or not.U and ur hubby just need to have an understanding.For someone like me,if i get married and my wife works,it is going to be her business wot she does with her money,all i know is i am responsible for her,so she won't even have to use her money on herself,not on cloths or anything else,cos i'm goin to make provision for that,afterall,i'm her husband!So just try & explain to ur husband that u're not thinkin of leavin him,re-assure him that u're his forever and he'll understand.And one more thing,the house u build,will it not be u & ur husbands property?Didn't they say man & wife r one?

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I know u r talking abt Naija - beside I know women who gives money to the hubby to develop properties in Nigeria, this is marriage we are talking about, whatever you have is for him, whatever he has is for you, whatever you do, dont do it without his consent, you two have now become one.

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yes,he has his own house,is not even one but he made me 2 have dis idea of starting something like dat too but he always said dat am too young 2 start thinking of a house.Dat all i need is too dedicate all to our relationship but his anger do scare me atimes.

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Lizzy, your idea is quite good but let your husband be involved in it. And to douse his fears the land and house documents should bear your names ie Mr and Mrs. The house will be very useful for both of you and your husband at old age. It will more or less be ur pension and u may not have to depend entirely on ur children for upkeep.

I dont so much subscribe to the idea of building houses for the benefit of children because it may cause very big disagreement and rancour between them in future. The best you can do for your children is give them the best of education. On that you can open children education account for each of your child. The money will be usefull to them in future. I have an uncle who has been able to save over two million on each of his children's education account. Such accounts yield interest too.

My elder sister opened account for her children in first bank and the bank says that no money can be withdrawn from the account till each of the child is 18 yrs. I know that by the way she is faithfull in saving the money each child will have not less that 5 million in that account at 18 yrs of age.

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i am not talking about uk,am talking about having something in nigeria,there is no place like home.My husband said whenever i have money wit me,there is always trouble in d house,dat a woman shouldnt have d same thing wit a man,dats competition,he said i might not respect him again,which is not true.

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Does your hubby have a house of his own b4 you got married? If not, then put your money and his money together and build a house for both of you. simple.

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welll in an undeveloped country like nigeria, yes houses n land appreciate, but certainly not in the uk,,,,as the credit cunch has shown

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i dont really like shares becos it depreciate atimes but lands do appreciate,if am not wrong.

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This is one of the reasons why some women dont tell their husbands things like this

LAND/HOUSE is the best investment, it increase and does not depreciate

My sister, the way ur husband sounds makes me think he does not want u to have one and he will not support u

If there is a way for u to do it at his back then try and tell him thereafter (if u want to)

I knw of a woman that was in ur shoe and later on the husband was mean to her, u wnt believe that the house she had was her only support now

There is nothing wrong in having ur house, not to live there but to invest in ur childrens future

Pls be SMART

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am not in support of that, to build a house we be the best

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sure, you can but its important you get the support of your husband

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I do not see anything wrong with it. I'm curious though. Why do you want to build a house? If you are looking for things to spend money on, why don't you invest your money most likely in shares.

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@ poster I don`t see any thing bad in a woman using her money to build a house, To my own point of view what ever you have we still be long to your children at last, so ma try to let your husband understand that as he`s making a good plan for the children you are also making a plan for them as well, is for the progress of the family, I see noting bad in that

save

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Please abeg, don't spoil this womans marriage. You are advising her to do this behind him? When yawa gas, you wont be there to help her.

@Poster: Theres nothing wrong in building a house. But your house should be with your hubby and family. Tell him you just want to invest in real estate or something, and that you aren't planning on getting a divorce. I have issues with the whole 'controlling your salary' thing, but each marriage is unique I guess,

Good luck!

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