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Is It Proper To Make My Wife Next Of Kin?

I got married 2 years ago and my son is almost one. Recently, it stroke my mind that I should make my son next of kin, which used to be my wife. I must state that we are perfectly compatible and have a happy home. I do not intend to discuss this with her.

Do you think this would be a good decision?

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My respond is YES because your wife is your earthly partner till death separates you. If today your wife leaves you whatever she carts away must still be used to cater for your children except no issue between you.Note, the moment there is LOVE between you which is the foundational key that holds marriage i will advise you to make your wife your NEXT OF KIN.

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

no mind these ignorami ( plural for ignoramus) posters of above, they really think women are so mean, check urself first abeg!

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your son is still a minor.

if you are envisaging about who takes over if you are not around, till your son is of age, your wife is the best bet.

as a minor, she will still take care of him and all he has.

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in this changing and unstable times ,it is not the best to make your wife your next of kin but you should, if indeed, without her you couldnt have come this far in life and if indeed you are not bothered that she will spend your entitlements with her lover.if you have a childmake your child your next of kin.

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i must say i like these posts above women have surely come a long way from the days of being dependent on men for their upkeep. the more i thought about this issue i realised that in the most tragic cases, the woman was not educated and even when they were educated, they had no means of taking care of their financial needs. and it's true that if the wife were better placed financially than the husband will this issue even come up?

it is a shame if a man should have no better thought about his wife than she is only after his money. what does that say about his self esteem is he not worth loving without some form of financial compensation?and this nomination as next of kin is really to make administration of any estate easier for the wife because come to think of it in the grand scheme of things how much really is this money if anythat is would be given to the widow.

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If you don't trust your wife and your parrents are still alive,you can use them as your next of kin provided your child is still a baby. But where your parrent are late and your child is still a baby, pls, use your wife as your next of kin not your siblings.If you do you will regrate it.

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it is very proper to make your wife next of kin. or you can make both your wife and your son, my father did that.

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please make ur wife next of kin ohhhhh! no woman can ever go thru the torture of labour and then watch that kid suffer. if she is ur next of kin she will definitely tkcre of ur son wit wat uve willed her. no matter the family pressure, they cant take it from her cos they are documented and its her name in it. if u will ur son, its not a bad idea but remember he is growing, peer pressure, influence could lead him to misuse resources n watch it, his mama wont be able to control him cos everything is in his name. i have seen this happen before. at the end of the day, a man that left so much wealth for his son believing it would also favour his wife thru the son ended up having a wife selling tomatoes at a major market to send the other kids to school n d son, a cultist n gang leader

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Well, it's so unfortunate that the "most" we are talking about have made it look as if it's a general routine. Mechanics like they say have made it difficult to differentiate between Mad People and Themselves. So see why it is imperative that a man should be very careful especially when making decisions concerning his finance when a woman is involved. After all, the great poet Shakespeare once said, "Woman, frailty is thy name"!

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@Decryptor,just like you said;most modern day Nigerian women, but definitely not all. We still have a whole load of hardworking ladies who do not have to wait for a dude to pay their bills. It's pretty annoying when a man meets a lady and the next thing he thinks is "oh,she's after my kish",

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Why would my wife not be hardworking or industrious enough to take care of my kids after i am gone. NOK or no NOK, BOF or no BOF. It is because of the heavy dependency and alignment which most Nigerian women have on men that is making some girls post trash in this thread. Unlike the days of our mothers and grandmothers who were virtuous and hard working, most modern day Nigerian women and ladies want to marry a "MADE IN HEAVEN-BILL GATES-READY MADE-BILLIONAIIRE PRINCE CHARMING. Why wont they come here to Nairaland and be fighting over wives being Next-of-Kin and Benefeciary of Funds. Who does not know that our naija babes of today are greedy and coveteous? Lazy Lasses of nowadays. ***HISSES***

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Why would my wife not be hardworking or industrious enough to take care of my kids after i am gone. NOK or no NOK, BOF or no BOF. It is because of the heavy dependency and alignment which most Nigerian women have on men that is making some girls post trash in this thread. Unlike the days of our mothers and grandmothers who were virtuous and hard working, most modern day Nigerian women and ladies want to marry a "MADE IN HEAVEN-BILL GATES-READY MADE-BILLIONAIIRE PRINCE CHARMING. Why wont they come here to Nairaland and be fighting over wives being Next-of-Kin and Benefeciary of Funds? Who does not know that our naija babes of today are greedy and coveteous? Lazy Lasses of nowadays. ***HISSES!***

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Why would my wife not be hardworking or industrious enough to take care of my kids after i am gone. NOK or no NOK, BOF or no BOF. It is because of the heavy dependency and alignment which most Nigerian women have on men that is making some girls post trash in this thread. Unlike the days of our mothers and grandmothers who were virtuous and hard working, most modern day Nigerian women and ladies want to marry a "MADE IN HEAVEN-BILL GATES-READY MADE-BILLIONAIIRE PRINCE CHARMING. Why wont they come here to Nairaland and be fighting over wives being Next-of-Kin and Benefeciary of Funds. Lazy Lasses of nowadays. ***HISSES!***

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Kellysopy thanks for bringing up this post.My advise is simple and brief there are three people you should never lie to .

They are your;Lawyer ,Pastor and Doctor so kindly discuss with them likewise if you have a mentor he or she can also help you out.

as for me my wife is my next of kin because i love her as Christ love the church.

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to add another cent to the two above

your wife/husband can be your next of kin without knowing anything about it (for those who are afraid their wife/husband will do them in if they know they're the next of kin), bottomline of that is, the only person other than you; who can and will want to take the best possible care of your children if you pass away suddenly is your wife/husband.

if you make your child your next of kin and he/she is not an adult, your wife will automatically be the one to administer on behalf of the child because she is

1. the biological mother of the child and/or

2.your legal wife

(1. supercedes 2.)

writing a WILL is not something that is pervasive in our culture but thats the best thing to do. there are so many documents you have filled at different points in your adult life that to change and synchronize them all is almost impossible but having a WILL is a one-stop shop where you can declare your next of kin irrespective of what is in any document that you filled in the past and which you have not been able to update plus a WILL is easy to update at any point

it is almost impossible that siblings wil do right by your children the way you would have done if you leave your wealth to them but if you love your brothers/sisters more than you love your children, by all means leave your wealth to them, thats your personal decision

in summary, in making the decision on who will be your next of kin, ask yourself the question HOW WILL MY CHILDREN GET THE RESOURCES THEY NEED (as close to the way i would have provided it) TO GET FROM WHERE THEY ARE RIGHT NOW TO ADULTHOOD if for any reason i have to leave sooner than planned

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just my two cents

i worked in the human resources department of a multinational firm for 9 years and i have seen much to my sorrow the effects of a man's unwillingness to make his wife his next of kin. some even make their brothers next of kin and in EVERY CASE these relations do not take care of the widow and the children. i have been in situations where i read the man's requirement to the weeping family and in one case, the guy named his mother and would you believe that the tears dried up instantly in his fathers eyes and i saw a sweeping anger cross his face as to why the guy left the money to his mother.

i know when you are still alive you guys are all lovey dovey but unfortunately even in death practicalities such as money to eat,go to school etc have to be considered. back to the story as i was leaving the house, the man's brother who was weeping profusely followed me out of the house almost climbing on my back, called me aside and i was getting ready my sympathetic voice and face as i waited to hear how he would miss his dearly beloved brother only to hear him as he looked furtively around to make sure no one overheard him ask how soon his brothers property could be transported down from where he had died to him in ibadan.

i have been present where the widow broke down on hearing the money is to be controlled by her brother in law and the brother inlaw comforts her only to turn to us and tell us not to worry since the lady was still fresh he would marry her and use the money to take care of her. a lot of times the mothers die a short time later to leave orphans in the care of relations who don't give a damn.

my heart has been broken time and time again by husbands' carelessness in this regard. and i have become cynical. please if you love your son, make his mother the next of kin.

your problem is you are trying to control their lives from beyond the grave which if you ask me is a little creepy. if your wife died would you remarry? why do you kill yourself imagining her spending your money with another man. no one can love your children like both of you can.

make her your next of kin.

are you expecting that she would divorce you? if she does and you are still alive, you are free to change it. make her your next of kin

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Should be directed at poster , he doesnt trust his wife to be able to fight of his in laws and take care of his fortune on his demise. so i gave him a solution that he may be able to live with .

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what you wrote above is the stuff you have to discover BEFORE getting married with someone. . . . . . . not after marriage. if the future wifey hasnt got it then you shouldnt marry her at all!

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My wife any day. A child is a child and will soon find his own missing rib, but wifey took a vow with me till death do us part.

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dnt try it,if u dnt hav giv it to the salvation army

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why not, in naija no bi man dey die before woman?. man don suffer oooo!!

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^^ blame the MOTHERS

when their child pass away the first person to attack is the wife

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Sure, who else should? Unless she`s not the mother of the kids u`re worried about protecting and providing for.

As for the NL women haters, a neglected wife is a neglecting mother. Sure u dont want that 4 ur kids.

(muse)Dear Lord, wat is becoming of marriage relationships. They are now treated like business scams! Lord help us all!

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yes it is proper, but you gotta av a 100% assurance she's trust-able and wouldn't let u down in future

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that's almost assuming the wife is an illiterate who cant be trusted to look after THEIR child isn't it?

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God forbid you pass while your son is still a minor , he will not have control of your estate you leave room for someone else to come in and act as guardian until he becomes of age . make your wife next of kin and have certain amounts held in trust for your kids when they become old enough . also take care of your wife O ,

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what if you marry two wives?

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Either wife or Son is good but preferably son

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I read this post and realised one thing, Nigerians are not knowledgeable in things of the law. Like someone rightly pointed next of Kin is more a legal obligation that a financial or beneficiary thing. See if you are thinking of the future of your son. Simply write out a will that makes him your inheritor. But in matters of decision making you better make your wifey next of kin. You can even make your brother one

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NO HOW CAN YOU MAKE YOUR WIFE YOUR NEXT OF KIN WHILE YOUR GIRL FRIEND IS THERE,

THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS TO MAKE YOUR GIRL FRIEND YOUR NEXT OF KIN.

OLO SHI.

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The problem here is most pple still lack the proper understanding of the great institution called marriage. If you have a problem making your wife your next of kin, then both of you shouldn't have been married in the first place or u might as well get a divorce now. Whatever you have as a man also and equally belong to your wife, why is she not a documented co-owner of your wealth or properties to begin with, if that is not the case, then something is not right with the relationship to begin with. Why should a man have properties with just his name on the documents if you're happily married.

The problem of in-laws trying to take over when the man is gone just don't start when the man is gone, it starts when u're still around and u don't set clear and firm boundaries with your EXTENDED family that u now have a NUCLEAR family and that ur wife and children come first. The way you treat ur spouse and children when u're still around is the way your relalives will treat them when u're gone and it goes both ways.

Why do some men seem to have problem with their wives remarrying, won't most of you remarry if she dies b4 u and if she was the wealthier one and u are the beneficiary won't you spend the money with another woman lounging on the beach, enjoying the sun. If a man truly loves his wife and vice versa, he shouldn't have problem with her remarrying, how can u expect her to still be married to u if you're dead, life continues the paramount thing is her taking care of the children and helping ur family members as need arises. And if u truly married the right woman, then that shouldn't be a problem.

Most men marry becos they want children, go impregnate any woman on the street, take the child and ur mom might help

Most men marry becos of cooking, hire a cook

Most men marry becos they need someone to do their laundry, try the cleaners, washer and dryer or hire a wash man/woman

Most marry becos of societal pressure, remember only fools rush into it

Most marry 4 someone to take care of their children, hire a nanny

Remember a child shouldn't be making life changing decisions such as putting one on a life support or not, ur siblings has or will have his or her own family to worry about, ur parents have lived their lives so let them be and children should be taught how to fish, not just thrown the fish at will

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someone seems to have a lot of pent up anger. distrust of spouses isn't exclusive to Naija men by the way.

goodluck finding your mr.perfect.

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^^^^the difference with 9ja and any civilized other country is that people go by LAWS which are in place to protect each and every individuals so a married man would only need a will if he had doubts over his partner caring for his estate, wants his estate to be handled by someone else or simply have a system in place that will make sure that his hard work isnt spent recklessly.

by the answers on NL, we can clearly see that the only reason some people would rather have their child as next of kin is because of lack of trust towards their spouse,which can happen all over the world (but seems to be the name of the game here)

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^^^^ Why do people always write as if Nigeria is so strange from other part of the world, if your wife has express right over all things left behind, why do people write will, or did Will writing originate from Nigeria?

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@Keeptrying

This is what the mentaliy is in Nigeria

@Dis Guy

Thank you my brother lol

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everybody seems to be talking about sons rather than saying "child". so i am wondering if its because they are simply comparing with the poster's story or making a statement here?

we all know how africans value sons more highly than than daughters.

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some once they released it, you are down to 6ft vice versa. The men do like that mainly in the US. But many men marry solely for sex and to have children, don't believe or trust the wives. So how comes the NOK thing will be anything different.

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@erico.

It depends on the wife and the extended family.

If the guys parents are still alive and healthy there is nothing bad in sharing the assets between the wife and the guy's parents.

What if you leave all the assets with the wife and she remarries a year after your demise(God forbid) and the new husband takes over your assets and refuse to take proper care of your kid.

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there is nothing wrong with your wife being next of kin, as far as am concerned

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Na who come trust hin wife or a woman? Hahahaahah

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@ZE

yeh you are right there, so Im not taking this personaly lol anyway, if one is married and has a child and pass on, whom do you preffer to have the lump left over sum, the wife or or extended family?

@Mr brown jay

what has Gender got to do with it, a child is a child abi?legally man and woman are thesame for the purpose of NEX of KIN.

@ Pek,let me answer your question, this is a max exhibition of the state of mind of most nigerians who live in Nigeria and try to attain the self status of middleclass citizens.

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why does this post irritate me?

maybe its because something doesn't add up.

you love your wife, you dont want to discuss this with her and your baby is less than two. if you change the will, what service are you doing to the child in case of your sudden demise. your wife who you claim to love will be out there in the cold and saddled with the child who has an inheritance he cannot inherit. WISE UP!

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i am wondering. . . . . . . . . would all the people quick to put their kid SON as next of kin would do the same if it was a DAUGHTER?!

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To before warned is to before armed,

I said earlier in this forum, a friend of mine married one URHOBO girl(Onome). The young man was innocently busy in the office when his so called wife

packed all his properties and moved to another mans house(a guy she has probably been dating secretly for a long time)----people should not take this personal pleaseeeee, i'm just saying the fact. Imagine what would have happened if his wife was the custodian of all his wealth and assets. she would have poisoned him and claim his assets before leaving.

Remember what happened to Nelson Mandela when he was in prison.

Your wife can be your next of kin or custodian of funds if you trust her inside-out(not blind trust this time). If the poster truly trust his wife so much

he would not have been in dilemma therefore this post wouldn't have been necessary.

@poster, please use your discretion.

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I have read fru all of this post with great disbelief,in my conclusion some people simply don't know what the word NEXT of KIN means or rather the don't even know why we have em  and what they are meant to do,Now some people quickly jump into financial connection and inheritance once the word NEXT OF KIN Comes up No  it ain't all about that,to be honest Next of Kin carries a huge legal responsibility which means its diffrent from BENEFICIARY,

now to OP, plz make your wife your next of KIN,cos she would be the first point of contact if anything happens to you,I don't mean death though   lol

Now for those of you saying he should make the Son NEXT OF KIN, if Op  meet with an accident  and they need a NEXT of Kin to sign B4 a life saving OP could be carried out, are you guys telling me the Son is legally able to sign? now I'll leave you to answer that.

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And i guess  ur Father and Mother are Not 'Nigerians' or 'Horrible people' as stressed in ur post.U can go ahead and marry all ur kids to those complicated and despicable fools u call 'ur kind' for all i care.They have d highest divorce rates dan 'our kinds' and we are proud of our origin.

At OP

In my opinion,if u truly love ur wife,den there is no cause for alarm making her the NOK or BOF.But if u have trust issues,MY GUY!!!!! SHINE UR EYES OOOOOO

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Chibuzor, Up Deutschland

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Your kid does not have any legally enforceable rights at his age.Your wife should be next of kin or legal guardian for the child until he comes of age as next of kin

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I guess your father did not trust your mother either. Why marry someone you don't trust? Why don't you just become gay since women are so terrible? I will NEVER advise any loved one to marry a naija man including my own kids. You people are horrible and I trully feel sorry for the women stuck in naija and thereby have no other choice but to marry your kind. Thank God I don't live in naija. You people are wicked there and it is no wonder the country can never progress with the kind of mindset you people have. Sad, really sad.

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