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Is It Simply Cultural Differences: Or Something Else?

In am an American MD, who has been dating a Nigerian MD for 2+ years, he is traveling home, did not ask me to travel with him, I have spent alot of time with him, but really have not met family members none live in the same city as we do.  Alot of the perplexing issues in our relationship I tend to attribute to our cultural diff., would it be unheard of to bring your American girlfriend to Nigeria, esp. during the x-mas holiday?

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forgive me, when I stated his age, it was simply to suggest that he should not be so easily influenced by his family, and what they think or want for him, he has lived half of his life. I am well aware that an educated man can pull many women, both old and young! But do not underestimate a beautiful black educated woman, she can as well!

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I thought I understand where the poster is coming from before she wrote this.

Even in America and Europe, 40 is the new 30 so to say the guy is pretty old is a complete lack of judgement on your part. First in Africa, an Educated man with some small change don't grow old, even if he is 70 years he can marry a 21 years old, and not just one but as in as many as he wants. So if he wanted or can be given an African Queen don't underate his pulling power.

If again you think the guy is pretty old why are you wanting and loving him? there would be more people like you who might love to be in your shoes.

From what you said though about the chap and the facts that his other brother married an American and most of his siblings are in the USA,  the chap can also be 'african american' in most of his ways now so he wouldn't be particularly interested in an African Queen especially a place he hasn't lived in for a long term.

And with his maturity, I don't think the family has any good chance of persuading him to marry an African Queen.

I will agree with OLANAJIM that you should ask him nicely, like

'darling I will be missing you when you go away on this your trip, humn do you want me to come with you, if you don't want I don't mind but i thought I should ask'

That way you will have good idea what he is thinking because it appears that you wanted to know his mind or thought without offending him.

Do not say that he is pretty old because trust me African Queens are prety quick in snatching available eligible professional batchelors.

GOOD LUCK

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Don't mind the proponents of African queen. Some people are just negative minded and Nigeria has rich supply of the pack.

I insist you should speak with him to know his mind. Don't bother your head with worry.

Ask yourself, "what is the worst thing that can happen?"

list them out and accept the worst. Then, calmly proceed to solve the riddle.

As a MD,I supposed you should know better. Murphy's Law states that: "if anything can go wrong, it will!"

so I repeat that you should hear him out first. A man of 40 cannot be push about anymore. He make his decisions.

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An African Queen? well the guy is pretty old, he is nearly 40, has never married, most of his siblings live in the states, his older brother is married to an american woman. I just did not know if it was appropriate to take a girlfriend back home. I just did not want to suggest it, I thought he should have ask, esp since I have expressed an interest in visiting Nigeria one day.

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They may be organizing an African queen for him back home.

Or he worries,you may catch malaria.

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@poster,

why not discuss this with him? It could be either way.

So parents don't want their ward marry foreigner, and others don't care a hoot. Talk to him.

Generally, it is gladdening to see a young man coming to spend xmas at home with his foreign wife.

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I was brought down to nigeria and I am not from there.

I'm irish and there was no problem with me going down and I met all of his famiy.  I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had that opportuinity. Two plus years? thats a considerable amount of time. Don't be disheartened though many many foreign partners simply never make it down there but there is hope that you will some day by perhaps expressing a huge interest in his culture and family that you'll make it there. Many may argue with me the fact that it is of paramount importance that one meets their spouses family and yes even if they reside in Nigeria, as expensive as it was at the time I went I enjoyed every bit of it.  I was not even working then and had no money at all. Besides you are a medical doctor? I imagine one would be overjoyed to bring such a high ranking professional to meet his family. Now, saying this I am opening a can of worms in this forum. Two apparent factors that must be taken into consideration is:

It could be that fact that he is not married to you. My husband would not have brought me down as his 'girlfriend' perhaps it could be this. He would not have had me staying in his parents house as his girlfriend, nor did he want for us to stay in hotels.

Speaking generally, nigerian medical practitioners living in the west usually marry from home (becuase they don't need to marry any westerners) as they are sorted out for life with regards to their immigration status, (being a medical doctor) now, not all but MOST doctors that I have seen from Nigeria my husband and I know a lot of them and out of about twenty, one is married to a jamaican the others all went home to marry after dating other various females (including doctors also) from the west and I can verify that I have indeed met such people.

I felt and feel priveleged to have gotten there, his family are not intolerant towards me but there are some families that are intolerant. As much as I complain about my partner and cultural differences etc I think laziness/carelessess can easily be confused with cultural differences but bringing me to Nigeria really showed what he is made of.   I am not Nigerian myself, my conclusions maybe wrong but thats my view.

Who knows, all you can do is address the issues.

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It could be something else. If he is serious and wants to move forward with you, he should at least have asked you.  Obviously, the cost of travel etc. is not the problem. So, why don't you ask him why he did not aks if you wanted to go with him.

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