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Is Marital Infidelity Genetic?

I have a friend who is in love with a girl. they've dated for like 4 years plus and my friend wants to marry the girl but there's a problem.

my friend's parents are totally against it and their reason is this.

The girls eldest sister is known to be cheating on her husband

the immediate elder sister of the girl also cheats on her husband

so my friend's parents automatically assume that the girl will cheat on their son. They believe infidelity runs in the family

That is their only reason

my friend is seriously confused and kept me from sleeping with his complains. i dont know what to tell him.

what do you think?

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57 answers

Na wah o

to marry wife no easy. Its a scary situation

My friend says he's praying over it.

i wonder how it will be when i find the woman of my dreams.

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@ All,

Having gone thru the responses, I think I av this to say.

If the lady in question is a genuine born again, the guy in question can go on with the relationship. However, if the reverse is the case, (I laugh in indian language), there is at least, 90% chance that she will cheat on her husband. I'm talking from experience. I have seen families that infidelity can be said to have become order of the day: no one to caution the other. Whenever the husband complaind, the mother-in-law will always defend her daughters. My brother, look before you leap. Marriage is forever, trial by error is not allowed. I want to believe that your parents see what affection will not allow you to see. Think twice!!!!

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there is always a hiccup during the progress of something good to happen. he is going through a phase that he will eventually look back and laugh about it when all is sorted out

there is a possibility that she may likely cheat on him during marriage cos she has 2 sisters doing it and may be convinced about it, but as long as she did not do it through the years that they were together, he and the parents need to put that under consideration

good luck

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D parents are just trying to make things difficult for him, didnt they know about this situation? Methinks he just needs to take a stand for what what he wants, abi dem wan marry wife for am?

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I feel you.

I asked him the same thing and he says the girl has been good to him and stood by him when he was broke and living in a boys quater.

my guy has told his parents all this and it seems the whole thing might cause division in his family.

Thats why he's scared.

He doesnt want family wahala.

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He has dated her for 4 years. he should be telling his parents what he knows about her and not the parents telling him what they know about her sisters,

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Infidelity is not genetic. Like many things in life, is a choice.  Unfortunately this girl didn't get to choose her family, but she can choose to cheat.

The problem with coming from a polygamous family is that there is a degree of stability that children do not know, but that's no different from a monogamous family where one person is always cheating.

I assume that his family are perfect and there's no history of infidelity anywhere?

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to you and I they might seem "well looked after" but obviously they aint. also remember that there is very little need for a reason to cheat(for us men). if the opportunity is there, then some men will do it. well looked after or not.

infidelity is a subject that will have tongues talking for years to come but there is no cure for it. some men can DECIDE to not do it and other would rather take that risk.

and by the look of what type of women some guy get down with, i would say that as long as there is a Kitty-Cat on the other side, some men wouldnt care how the women looks, how sexy she is or if she is his spouse sister,

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No marital Infidelity is not genetic. However,upbringing and family values are often shaped by our immediate family. Is Divorce genetic considering that most children from broken homes end up with broken marriages themselves? It is not nature,its mostly nurture.

Does the lady in question realise the odds against her and is she willing to be different.what are her own values like? Food for thought,

All the best to your friend.

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some people have the bad habit of sleeping around marriage has nothing to do with it.

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infidelity is a personal thing. sometimes the man is the cause whereas at some other times rhe woman is the reason behind it. you see, if ur man is not treating u right he's put u up for it ,in the same vane, if the woman is the over demanding type she has putten the man up for it. understanding is the life wire of every relationship. infidelity is never ever genetic, but it is always a product of marital disorders. if proper communication is in place and the bond is still strong then the question of infidelity is out. tell your friend his parents are not going to build his family with him.

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I did not say they are always right. I said they are almost always right in matters that bother on fidelity.

"Wetin old man dey see when him sidon , small pickin no go see am even if him climb electric pole"

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They are not always right, but could be mostly right.

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warn your friend. Except on grounds where he has very very strong spiritual conviction about her, parents are almost always right on issues that bother on fidelity. QED

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True, we all should give someone the benefit of the doubt but this should be based on informed and satisfying reasoning's, whilst you cannot really observe someone's behaviour until you get married( even at that), its good you go back to the drawing board and not completely block your ears to your parents warning.Someone pointed out that social and cultural upbringing matters. she grew up with her senior sisters cheating on their husbands and justifying their reasons for doing so( who knows what else must have occurred in that same family). She might not be in agreement with them now but remember she might also not be completely cut off from them in the future. When they don't see anything wrong in cheating, they might encourage her one day to do the same. Think of the future and not just now.

To be frank, if i were a mother, i would not allow my son to marry in such family where there seem to be no sense of moral upbringing and Godly fear whether Genetic or not that's irrelevant anyway-a thief is never born a thief! they make them self one .

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Parent's do all sort of things out of concern for they children

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What a sorry excuse. Just tell the girl you don't like her.

But make I no lie, if na my son, I'd also be concerned about the girl's backgroud

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true no body knows what could happen. also what's the guarantee that, getting another lady means no cheating in the marriage, even when the hubby travels or they quarrel as you nicely put it?

parents might know better true, but they're using the sinners of her sisters to judge her, just because her sisters are cheating doesn't mean she's of no good/use. she could be the only reasonable one among her sisters

she should be given the benefit of doubt.

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ummmmmmm

that is serious oh

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infidelity is a choice not genetic. and even though it might hard for the parents to believe and accept that the girl might be different from her "cheating" sisters, she should be given the benefit of doubt and not be labeled as a future cheater just because of hers sisters are doing the same or so they thought. . .

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Look. this is the truth. she may say that she would never be like her sisters but who knows what can occur in the future. What if the guy travels for a long time or they have a long quarrell. I think the parents should be listened to. they have more insight than we do. so i suggest the guy looks for another lady.

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Noooo, never! Its an habit that has to do with a person. Its just like saying smoking is hereditory which is not!

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I couldn't agree with Oyinda more, Very well put!

Like the old management saying goes about modeling a behaviour, "People do what people see".

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I have no data to back it up, but i have the feelings that it is genetic.

Cos i have seen people that their father were chronic womanizers and the sons ends up that way.

Although, it might not be genetic, could be that they see the habit as being acceptable since their role model {father} was doing it.

But then, i ave seen kids that never even lived with the father and yet do same, so how do we explain those?

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@topic

There might be an explanation in the fact that some biological characteristics like hormones might be passed down from generation to generation . . . but I think social and cultural upbringing will help explain any trends easily.

If you grow up in a family where everyone availabe role model disrespects marriage.

These values or the lack of em influence children and they end up like their parent.

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Medically and research wise, there is a lot of evidence to show that smoking is injurous to health. There is enough proof in the Scientific journals and institutions to prove that smoking is bad for humans. Buy sadly, this fact is overlooked by people because of the commercial expolitation by Cigrette companies. They thrive on the fact that people get hooked to this bad habit and take full advantage of unsuspecting people. Like you see in the movie, 'THANK YOU FOR SMOKING' it is just as bad in real like.

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Genetics has not been able to explain some trend such as this situation,just like guys or ladies that bite their fingernail will tell u they got it from their mother and this is true in most case.

On a second thot the poster's scenario could be a negative life pattern that runs in d family which should be addressed b4 it gets to d next on d line-ur friend's girl in this case- so,his parents could be right u know.

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Hi, your friend have to be careful and prayerful. I new a woman in my town that do cheat on her husband, her younger sister does and her daughter is liken to dog. The question is, how did your friend gilfriend treated her last boy friend? If you are in any relationship of which you are not the first person to date your spouse, you need to know why she left her former boyfriend. It doesnt matter if you convince her with all your effort. If the lady past is wayward, let your friend quits but stay with prayer if her past is good

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Sometimes it happens like that but in some cases it does not, so the girl in question might be different.

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Infidelity or other vices in relationship are not genetic. If the history runs in a family then it is a matter of influence.

This issue applies to men too. What of guys whose grandfather, father and siblings have history of not taking care of there family and polygamy which is the root of all evil in Africa.

A Yoruba adage says the child will definitely sow his/her cloth with yarn made by the parents. "Owu ti iya gbon ni omo yio ran"

The home where someone is coming from is an important factor to be considered when choosing a spouse ONLY IF HE/SHE CAN PROOF HIMSELF/HERSELF beyond reasonable doubt that she is not influenced by the family history.

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Infidelity should in no way be blamed on genetics. Medically, a condition is genetic if its trait is carried in d DNA of d individual's gene ova generations. Its also qt difrnt wen d girl is a nymphomaniac in whc case she is a sex freak, 4wch i strongly bliv d girl shud not indulge in xtramarital affairs but shud wok out mr satisfactn 4rm her husband. So i tnk d ladies hv a problem wt dia morals &value system, or cud probably b unda a generatnal curse. I suggest d young man shud dig deeper &uproot d cause 2ru Prayers OR he should totally 4go d marriage. Dis is a lifeTIME union, not a Trial version!

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@Poster.To every general rule there is an exception. This damsel in question might be an exception.

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Yes, infidelity runs in d genes and cn also be frm upbringing background. There are some women wt high libido i.e. insatiable appetite 4 sex and d inherited it frm either of parents, though it might nt b gotten by all their children.In such a situation, wen she married a man dat is average on sex,she wl nt b satisfied and thereby cheating on her husband. However,the upbringing background cn also influence some and it then depends on d lady in question to choose d way she wnts to live her life because she's matured enof to knw wat is right and wrong. So, it wl b likely for d lady nt to cheat if she falls under d second reason.

Finally,it depends on d guy to do hs home work out of d two points i raised. I wish him luck.

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tell him to pray more and think less God will take care of the whole thing ok

is well with you

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You had better be watchful of ladies from polygamous or broken home.

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It is not genetic, but the person's environment do to a great extent influence what becomes of the person. So it can run in a family if while growing up, the person sees the parents or people around her doing it as if it is the normal way of life.

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There is a saying in yoruba : "Ile ni a ti nkeso rode" Charity begins at home.

Shalom!

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@poster infidelity run in some family than the others. Look at the issue here, the two elder sis are guilty are we sure thier mom is not the same?.

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wat about their mum, does she cheat on her own husband? maybe that where the girls got the habit from

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You do not know the relationship btw this boys family and the girls family. they might be from the same village or had a cross path before. or even the family might have done their homework very well. this is what makes them to know that her sisters cheat. If you think it an imaginary topic, I advice you draw out the knowledge from this topic. This topic is a very sensitive topic even though it might look imaginary to you.but to me it is real.

@topic

To the point of cheating, I advice your friend to follow his parents advice. coz if definately they are right about their observation/information then your friends gf have 90% chances of cheating on her husband. and this is not a good percentage. U may want to ask why she might want to cheat on her husband there are lotz of reason.

1. hard time(dificulties,no money, lack, house rent issues, school fees. e.t.c)

2. Sexual satisfaction (Depending on how good the husband is)

3 Fustration (this is a must situation in marriage)

4. Sister's advice.

In marriage situation there comes a tym her swit husband becomes her worst enemy. can she actually endure within that period. I am not saying she might not be good. but when a particular trends runs in a family it is very dificult for one person to break. it might not be genetic per say thing. it might be influence, character, or let me sound spiritual a 'curse'. I will advice your friend to really test the girl in question before making any decision

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They do cheat. Even the girl in question confirmed it herself but says she hates her sisters for that, and is trying to distance herself from them. But family is still family. Everyone knows whose house you come from. The girl's father is a polygamist

This is not imaginery.

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why do these topics make the front page?

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I think,if she is truly a born again chistain,she would not behave like her sisters. I wish her the best!!!

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