«Home

Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned?

Considering the high rate at which marriages are falling apart, homes are being broken, the attendant paranoia these foist on those who are yet to brave the marriage pact and the havoc it wreaks on those whom theirs have fallen apart, is it out of order if one asked whether marriage is now something of the stone ages? Is it that the ladies have become to yippie/trendy to stay married or the guys can't just keep the sacred vows? Why would people go before a priest to make vows they know they can't just keep? Why has functional marriage become such an endangered species? Whilst religion is proliferating, the basic unit of society, the family is fading away per time. It's so thick one could cut it with a knife, the tension, reservation and anxiety people have about marriage these days. Just poll a few folks at your workplace or your neighbourhood about what and how they feel about getting married, you'd be shocked to the bones. What happened to a sustainable marriage not tensed up with fears of getting torn by cheating and the like? Some couples even get a divorce 40 years after marriage! Could it be that they were just tolerating each other all these long while? What on God's earth is going on? What hope have we?

Avatar
Newbie
58 answers

We can't just prepare enough for marriage.

0
Avatar
Newbie

food for thought:

if the father had taken time to forge a good relationship with his kids, what are the chances of something like this happening?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage is a good thing, it is honorable but most people going into it don't have the fear of God and cannot keep to the oath they made.

0
Avatar
Newbie

First of All, Marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant. I think we need to study both definitions. Secondly, It is a source of God's grace. So whether it is old-fashioned or not has no bearing on anything. It is like asking whether praying is old fashioned. It actually is. So what? I won't stop praying because of that. I think as a people, we should lose our fear of being called old fashioned.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage is not an old fashion and it would never be. As long as God lives Marriage is new everyday. But one thing i want you to understand is that we have different perceptions about life. The way we react to issues sometimes interrelated except we operate the same ideology about the concept. Biblically marriage is instituted by God and God'S is ever new.Anyone who thinks this way may have his/her reasons.It would never be the best one.

0
Avatar
Newbie

it not and it can never be, it just require alot of hard work,

0
Avatar
Newbie

Posted by: 9jafreak

Insert Quote

Maybe WEDDING

Yea, I hope Wedding becomes OLD-FASHIONED

Maybe WEDDING

Yea, I hope Wedding becomes OLD-FASHIONED

But Certainly not Marriage.

But hey, Marrying for happiness is simply an illusion.

It takes a lot of work

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As people are beginning to see that its not worth it wasting money on what you are not sure of, wedding would definetly become old-fashioned with time.

Marriage is about two hearts twined in TRUE LOVE, it will remain till the end of time!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage, like love, is not old-fashioned! Yes, there are many examples of people who have failed at it around us; yet there are also many examples of successful ones. I love and enjoy my marriage; I love the example set by my parents; and I learnt from the unsuccessful marriages I have seen around me.

There are many decent men and women out there who are not afraid of commitment; who are prepared to honour the other person who chooses to spend their life with them.

Many marriages fail as a result of DISHONOUR! Honour your partner, and you won't cheat on them or abuse them in any way. You would love them and seek their well-being at all times. Same thing applies to the society at large; Honour the next person! And like an earlier poster said, you can grow to love someone; that's how arranged marriages worked in those days!

Marriage; the union of a man and woman till death do them part , will never ever go out of fashion!

0
Avatar
Newbie

marriage is an institution ordained by GOD. Marriage is a covenant n not a contract. Is this stupit senseless generation that called it contract so they can run away when they feel like.Is because we don't know the meaning of LOVE.

0
Avatar
Newbie

, , who b dis Thelmabee? Pls I go lik meet u oooo. U yan proper yan (pld don't mind my pigin[)

0
Avatar
Newbie

Oh, so marriage has simply become a man's worst institution because he can no longer be giving the poo and the  woman silently taking it?

Is that what you believe marriage is supposed to be? An institution where only one party is allowed to be happy?

Any one sided relationship will crumble with time, be it marriage or something else

0
Avatar
Newbie

What GOD has Joined together, let no man put asunder. GOD is LOVE!

This is not an admonition but a statement of TRUTH.

Marriage like Love is not old fashioned, it is only RARE, INESTIMABLE & DIVINE.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage can never be old fashioned. it is a Holy institution made by God for humans to enjoy. the benefits are quite enormous but the individuals

need to seriously and continuously work at it (Marriage) to survive. just like we take care of ourselves, our job etc. We need a whole lot of

patience, God;s grace , sincerity and above all genuine Love to succeed in marriage. People fail in marriage and either divorce or separate because

most of them are selfish, they don't want to make any sacrifice for their marriage to work. they want to eat their cake and have it while some

make it impossible for their wife/hubby to have peace of mind because they believe they are superior to them.

I am married and i tell you is a wonderfull experience . first make sure you marry whom you genuinely love, don;t be judgemental with your partner and in-laws , be very sincere in your words and actions and be ready to make sacrifice when necessary, God himself will fill your heart and home with Love and people will see happiness radiating in your face around you and within you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

The stats of those who are truly Saved (Born-Again who's lives are scripturally based) is FAR better than the unsaved - stats taken from the US show that 1 in 1100 couples who go to a BIBLICALLY BASED church regularly with their families, who READ the Bible and who participate in church missions ie outreach etc etc, divorce -

0
Avatar
Newbie

U are only seeing the wrong side of marriage.how many broken homes do we have compared to those that are not broken.this broken home is as old as age.it was rampant even in the olden days.its just that there was no record taken then and moreso the population of the world is getting larger and larger.so one should expect that if among 100 marriages then 30 are broken and we have 100 marriages now, then expect 300 to be broken.that doesnt mean it is increasing

one thing we should understand is that, thank God for globalisation, web and record keeping this modern day.we sholud try and as much as possible as to know what cause broken marriages, sit and count the cost if u will be able to cope with marriage.if not marriage is not compulsory, even paul said it.and if u must get married u should be prepared for the various challenges u wu\ill encounter because there shokers u will see.so be prepared.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I believe that marriage is definitely not old-fashion, the western world has just made seem as though it is, I mean about 8 years ago when I was leaving nija, I had never heard of the word DIVORCE and never knew that it was possible for a marriage to be broken up, but I got to the west, my innocence was totally erased, I mean what is the point of getting married if it's almost certain that one is gonna get a divorce, In the U.S. about 1/2 of marriages will end in a divorce and 1/3 in Canada, I think one of the main causes is that people are not willing to compromise and share themselves with their spouse, readin thru parts of this discussion I can see that some people have the right idea, truth is there are a lot of causes, marriage is a lot of work and is not meant for the faint, It's kinda sad that we copying the west when we don't fully understand their reasoning, We are so much smarter than that, I think we should stick to our own beliefs, Life in the west is not as it appears, it's a lonely world out here, believe me,

0
Avatar
Newbie

this is why i am [we are] crazy about nairaland. the best forum web that i know.

marriage crumbles when people fail to understand some basic issues during dating/courtship and even before any relationships. some of us cannot marry and remain married with the type of life-style we possess now. it is not possible. that's why by "building relationships, saving relationships and reducing divorce rate in Nigeria" we tackle four issues [communication, priority, character and sex] in pre-marriage relationships which we believe if not corrected/healed will lead to divorce.

naijapassion@yahoo.com. on facebook click http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=114280328588145

God bless nairalanders

0
Avatar
Newbie

Naija marriage is still among the most respected relationship in the world. Marriage is never old fashion. However, it is for this reason that the son God manifested to disscuss on naija marriage.

Join me as we delivered a new site for marriage disscussion.

www.naijamarriage.com

0
Avatar
Newbie

@deluxecad. Am dead serious. Sample the opinion of 10 married couple and u will be shocked by what u will hear. Marriage is man's worst institution. mostly now dat women are liberated!

In the days of our mothers they silently take all the sh--it. But today's women are not ready to accommodate any rubbish from any man mostly in the bed chamber!

0
Avatar
Newbie

and for this reason a man will leave his father and his mother, bla bla bla

the bible neva says he/or she shld leave his father/mother permanently. Do u knw how disastrous it is to eat beans everyday? do u knw what it feels like to see jollof rice and u cant eat it even when u badly needs to eat it? Its called frustration! marriage breeds frustration and humans are created to cherish freedom! (dats y dey breakout from the so called eden!).

Marriage is one of man's worst institution, it is seriously dying today bc people want their freedom! u can imagine getting married to a man dat c-u-ms in a second and it takes him another 48hrs to get anoda silly Attention and yet u r mandated to live wit him till u die! U can imagine getting married to a woman dat hates experimental sex and yet u r mandated to live with her till u die. Gosh wat a frustration!

Based on my observation, Marriage as an institution will be dead before the year 2090! Y bc people are cherishing their freedom more every day!

Marriage is a death sentence to any married couple. Any happy marriage u see is a pretense!

0
Avatar
Newbie

the world is going crazy, single motherhood is the in thing now and guys are ok just having kids no responsibility attached. Life goes on. The world has gone hay wire

0
Avatar
Newbie

Maybe WEDDING

Yea, I hope Wedding becomes OLD-FASHIONED

But Certainly not Marriage.

But hey, Marrying for happiness is simply an illusion.

It takes a lot of work

0
Avatar
Newbie

Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned?

I`m as speechless as can be on this marriage issue. The way its been touted like business scam is alarming. Na only God go save us O! And like every eroding institution or value system, man has always been the harbinger of his own misfortunes.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Here's my own two cents:

I think the reason why so many Marriages fail is because people go into for the wrong reasons, mostly selfish reason. For example for a lady it might be the financial security and for her to boast among her single friends. For a guy it could be because he wants to be taken care of without necessarily giving anything in return. Another problem i've seen is when married couples don't have mutual friends that are married too, u'll be suprised at how much strength you can draw just by hanging out with other married couples, it'll make you want to stay together. Another issue i've noticed is that a lot of people think that the counseling the do before marriage is enough, i think it should definitely be an ongoing thing, whether or not there's a problem. It will only strengthen your bond, especially when you see examples all around you.

That just my thoughts, Marriage is not for the weak minded, its not an easy road, but it can be done! Marriage is not old fashioned, people just don't want to deal with what it comes with because they think they have options,

0
Avatar
Newbie

@browncocos

plenty things o! whether y'all lik it or not, SEX!!!!! lol, seriously o, all those movin in together and stuff, wat fun is there in movin in when ur married wen u hav already bn livin together, same goes wit sex too! mehn there r som other things sha

0
Avatar
Newbie

y wont people think its old fashioned when they are doing all the things they are not meant to do before they are married!

0
Avatar
Newbie

No,Its not old-fashioned

people have a wrong delusion of marriage and expect too much from it

and others enter it without preparing adequately for it

imagine going for your final exams without preparing,

in academics it take 4yrs or more to pass your final exams how much more for marriage which is meant to be forever!

0
Avatar
Newbie

What do you mean by the bolded part? Did you read the post at all?

Read!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Kinda overrated. People tie their happiness to marriage which shouldnt be. People think when they are married all their sorrows and worries end.

The attraction fades after a while, what sustains it is the other intrinsic things in your spouse. In your spouse should be a friend, a biz partner, a buddy probably when the attraction fades other thing would make u stay.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Sorry to break it to u sweetheart, marriage, like Santa Claus, is a farce!!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage old fashioned?

Marriage is union & can not be fashioned.

Marriage is a union, it start from a period it is consummated and keep on moving. Just like you take your UME, pass enter year one, pass all your course, enter year two pass all your course, you enter year three, if you get tired in any year, you fail and may drop out of school, but if you pass you continue. That is marriage for you.

In marriage as years goes by different needs come up, our glamorous body changes, our energy diminishes, we have kids, privacy diminishes as a result of kids and house keepers, more pressure from work places, more demand for more resources, so it is only the courageous ones that survive, lean livered fall out in the name of divorce, separation and all that you have. Those that fall apart now see marriage as difficult and old fashioned and trade blames. Just like a student that failed some courses in school will attribute his/her failure to lecturer, cult boys/girls rather than not preparing well or going for a course she/he can not cope with.

0
Avatar
Newbie

disclaimer:my point was aimed at the divorced/separated mother, not the despoil victims or widows

some in the name of pop culture dump the marriage institution all in the name of being independent,

during the times of old, when a woman had no other option than to stay and work things out, they understood the system and found a solution

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Thelmabee, you are an emoticon with a light bulb above her head

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage is all about love, understanding, acceptance and finally pray for God's wisdom. It is the most enjoyable institution on earth if you know what you want. Do not marry out of lust rather marry due to LOVE. Try to UNDERSTAND the individual differences; whether you people can be compatible or not then ACCEPT each other as he or she is because every body is born with own character and it is hard to change.

I myself is enjoying my marriage because I applied all the above characteristics. God is the owner and he is our strenght.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ POSTER,

Oh but ofcourse theirs hope,let me try to take you through the stages as I understand it,EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasy. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience, hence you decided to go before a priest and take the vow for better for worse blah, blah, blah

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love,  Because it's happening TO YOU.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking…….'Did I marry The right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you "may"(or may not) begin to desire that experience with someone else.(trying to stupidly recapture those moments with someone else- that's asking for trouble)

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment(married men do not need girl friends at this stage).

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes,stance and sizes but  Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.  I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.  And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because

(listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love’.

' Because it takes time, effort, and energy…and most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery,  There are specific Things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.  Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), There are also laws for relationships.

Certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ,  You can 'make' love. Love in Marriage is indeed a 'Decision',  . Not just a Feeling.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them". -- Mother Teresa

I also totally agree that marriage is not for everyone,it's not by force.

@Poster, marriage is neither  a bed of roses nor old fashioned; marriage can be fun but its your decision to make-the ball is totally in your court.

This is my opinion and not some verdict ,y'all entitled to yours.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I still plan to continue spending money, despite the ever-increasing rate of counterfeiting.

Same goes for marriage.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I so want to understand you right now, Yes if carry on I am listening,

0
Avatar
Newbie

We need to realize that many marriages are failing these days because people have left out God in their daily activities. If you've got the fear of God in you, it will be hard for you to cheat on your wife or pick a wrong woman or man as your future partner. I also believe that there is no perfect relationship or marriage. A marriage is like a house under construction. The couple have to keep working on themselves until they reach a level of perfection in behaviour, attitudes and human achievement. It is also good for a couple to have common goals and aspirations to make their marriage succeed. The union starts to fail when the man or woman is moving faster than the partner and feels his wife or her husband is lazy or visionless. We are living in a age where having good values is seen as being weak or being religious. I believe in the Marriage Institution. I hope to get married soon.

www.vibes-extra.blogspot.com

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriage is not oldfashioned,its just that we are a generation that do not want to sacrifice anything to succeed in different areas of our life.

We have also left God out in most critical decisions in life and as a result, our value system is being progressively eroded and as such we live our lives for the wrong reasons.

We have also become very vain and proud and as such the word SORRY is becoming increasingly difficult for all of us to say.

We should learn not to bring a third party into marriages,always pray for your spouses and love them unconditionally,i bet we will always reap what we sow.God bless our marriages

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hi Peeps

i'm a Man and thought i'd let you know some facts here - the separation of co-habiting couples  is still much higher here in the West than those who marry. Also marriage between couples who did not have sexual intimacy before they got married increases the likelihood that they will not divorce compared to couples who did have sexual intimacy regularly before marriage.  

However regardless of what we can deduce from various statistics Marriage is Gods institution and not mans.  Marriage is between One man and One woman so "What God has put together let no man put asunder"

Marriage is not the problem but the problem lies with those who get married - so rather than blame God (since He institutionalised marriage and commands that "Though should not commit adultery") look no further than We rather than Him.

Marriage simply challenges a persons morale integrity and there maturity - marriage is not for the immature but for those who recognise there need to change him/herself because marriage is really about the willingness to SERVE and God has created men to lead the way in that respect.

Married to a wonderful wife with two wonderful children

0
Avatar
Newbie

i still believe in the institution of marriage,

but what is more worrisome is the new wave of "style channel" women that believe it is "cool" to be a single mother

get pregnant for a dude and have a baby,

0
Avatar
Newbie

This is just the crux of the matter: Ask your self how long is the average courtship time now? How well does the couple know them selves? Girl is often driven to marry cos all her friends have done it and she can't be waiting for her hi-school boyfriend so she settles for someone who can give her security nat the expense of all other intangible things like love, respect and commitment.The man in return (who may have lost his love to a made man while he was still trying to make it in life) may have married out of pressure from family and peers only to meet another which will make him regret why he rushed into it cos this colleague at work understands him better than his wife and they even spend more time together working than he does with his wife at home.

So the stage becomes set and before you say robinson cruso, infidelity follows then the inevitable discovery and then,

People should change this orientation of marriage being the fad and every one jumping into the band wagon and ask your self and your intended partner:do we have what it takes materially, physically,psychologically and emotionally to embark on this adventure? Untill then my own personal opinion is "No be by Force".

0
Avatar
Newbie

I don't think Marriage is old fashion but the thing is that, we are allowing the western culture take over our good judgment. The rate at which we are going now, divorce rates, single parenthood and the likes are already on the increase per day. What do we do? Let everyone redefine what he/she wants in a marriage. Is it for companionship or for procreation? If its companionship, you will find a real companion and not anybody but if its just procreation, then anybody fir born for you now. and thats why we have so many failed institutions. Our priorities are not defined.

0
Avatar
Newbie

pls how can i post a[b] topic[/b] for discussion on nairaland. pls reply

0
Avatar
Newbie

D BIBLE SAID WHO EVER FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING.

MARRIAGE IS BLESSED AND @POSTER DNT TRY TO FIND A REASON DAT WILL COVER UP FOR WHAT U HAVE DONE.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Marriages fail these days bc the couple spend time preparing for the ceremony,not the marriage itself. Each religion has rules and examples which couples should follow to have a good home. In Christianity,husbands are admonished to love their wives the same way Christ loved us even when we do wrong and not worthy of His love. Wives are advised to submit to their husbands. But how many homes can boost of these?

We see women talking down their husband,not respecting or regarding him even in public. Which man will condone this? We have men running after other women bc the wife wronged them, or not hot anymore after having babies n they can't stand her anymore. Which woman will respect such a man?

All we need to have a good marriage is understanding of the principles of marriage, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit bc we can't do nothing on our own. Finally,marriage is not old fashined,not ever.

0
Avatar
Newbie

No marriage is not old fashioned, the reasons for high level of failing marriages is that most people married for a wrong reason, and many people don't want to pay the price of having a good marriage, the truth is that everything has a price tag and you need to pay the price, also every good things has is challenges, but most of when we face with the challenges of marriage, it seems that ones should just quit, there ladies who can run down their husband with their mouth just because they have a better career, and some guys cant just stop looking for anything under skirt. marriage is about discipline, both the husband and wife have to be discipline, atimes one partner has to be goat and other sheep. For me one of the good things that has ever happened to me is getting married to my lovely wife. marriage is sweet when you have the best partner. Let me use this opportunity to inform those people who have not married but looking forward to do so, pls dont be afraid, all you need to is have a right mind set about marriage, make up you mind that your marriage must work, it takes too to tangle, you cant cheat on your partner and go free with it, and above all let God be the foundation of your marriage.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.