I am an American lady married to a man from West AFrica. I suspect that my husband is a player. He denies everything, of course. The first was when I called his job (taxi dispatch) and a girl in the background said when he was talking to me "he's talking to me", "so what!" He then said he had to go and would call me back. He told me later that this lady was waiting for him to drive her somewhere, sometimes they did have taxi fares leaving from the office. But why would she say that? I also found photos of him in a motel room with his shirt off, and a photo of a lady wearing a girdle and wrap skirt tied around her waist posing seductively. He said she was his cousin came to visit, and stayed in motel as his relatives were running from immigration and didn't want nobody to know where they are. The part about immigration is true. The part about it being his cousin, I asked his sister and she said that's not their cousin, that's their cousin's friend and she can't remember her name. Husband still insists it is their cousin and that he didn't take that photo, that probably a sister did. THERE IS A PHOTO OF THE LADY GETTING OFF A GREYHOUND BUS, his family USUALLY TAKE ONE TO OUR STATE, WHEN THEY ARRIVE IN USA from Africa. My husband would never let me talk to the lady because he says he doesn't know where she is now, and that she went back to Africa. In November his ex-girlfriend called his cell phone when I was sitting beside him, he lied to me about who she was and told me that I was too controlling. The latest thing is I discovered on our cell phone bill that he called a single chatline and was on the phone for 8 minutes. I was shocked-now he is trying to meet strangers? There are too many diseases in this world for me to tolerate that, and I didn't get married to share my husband anyway. He says it was just curiosity that led him to call, and that he didn't talk to any woman-- you have to pay. LIKE I SAID, HE SAYS IT WAS CURIOSITY, AND DENIES THAT HE HAS CHEATED IN ANY OF THESE SITUATIONS. I can't take much more of his behavior in this marriage. What should I do?
I should add that we have two kids together and I am breastfeeding one, which as you know can transmit HIV through breastfeeding. He is a long distance truck driver and stays gone for up to two weeks at a time. I don' t get no sex, and he is looking to cheat? That makes me real mad! I told him it is over, he wants to go to marriage counseling. I will go once, and tell him that if I find him in anymore suspicious situations, it's OVER! I don't need a cheater! I got married to a man I loved, to be faithful, and enjoy sex without worrying about disease, instead I get cheated on, worry about disease, and don't get my sexual needs met because of his job.
I appreciate your advice. You are right, and I appreciate your honesty and directness. It is time for me to make a decision, damning the consequences.