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Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband?

She is my good friend, she is happily married (at least in my own thinking).

She just left my place. She said her marriage is hell that she has always been in pains for the past five years she's married. I asked her what happened because to me she's been having the fun of her life.

She said her husband is truly the kool type, easy going and relatively wealthy. Neither drink nor smoke and surely not into womanizing which is what most women want. His only problem is that he has a lady friend whom she doesn't want around him and he has refused to cut off from the lady (because they have been friends for a long time). Asked if the husband is dating the lady in question, she said no that she is at least 95% sure he is not dating her. Her words, "he is not dating her, that I am very sure of but they are talk over the phone too often. I am sure they don't meet cos my husband hardly goes out without me". Asked if her husbands loves her as a wife, she said yes very much. He gives what she asks for, all but to cut off this lady.

Her worry and cause of pain is how to make her husband to totally forget about this lady. Please what advise can I give my friend?

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52 answers

her the post again and again and make sure u understand it, from the post, the wife needs to get a life

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Is it not good that the wife is complaining/voicing out rather than sweeping it under the carpet and act holy holy until things gets out of hand. A respect is a reciprocal

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If the wife is not cool with the friendship then the lady should just back off.

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What about the husband not feeding the wife's insecurities by maintaining this secretive "friendship"

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miss einstein, it is the wife not wanting to be friends with the lady, the hubby dont seem to mind

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look up "emotional affair" online. what the husband is doing is a classic example.

if a guy wants to have a lady friend after marriage she needs to be friends with the wife as well. same goes for the wife having a guy friend

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cure for insecurity. think that c comes before e?

when there is no trouble you guys must manufacture one just to make a point.

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Do u actually know the meaning of building a home?

It means making sure that all within that home is comfort, happiness and security, when a woman is a friend to her husband and she is not comfortable with that, then it is no more a home but a house.

Thesame bible said "men shd love their wife as Christ love the church and gave his life for it", so u mean to tell me that u cant love her enuf to make sure she is happy and u can let go of a friend?

Infact, a good friend will know when to back off, if his/her friendship with u is tormenting his home.

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When it comes to making buddies, men tend to have less presumptuous motives, it is either a buddy from way back, a drinking mate, office pals but rarely ones that help advance ones career or prospects in life. likewise women. but when you get married, your circle of friends may still look the same but i am sure the un-serious types will find their level after a couple of visits and the rest will shape up (Ship out). She will become concerned about the company you keep (male and female) and would deliberately guide you towards successful males of her close friends or office acquaintances, she would love you to hangout with the serious class that will ensure your financial success so she does not have to panic when her water breaks or when the rent is due.

So guys do not fret, just adjust as need be, your drinking buddies are only good for you if they sip champagne not paraga or small stout on a plastic table surrounded by barfing waiters who have had enough of your belching.

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Friends of either the husband or wife should learn to respect the sanctity of marriage and be sensible enough to give the couple time and space for themselves.

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This has somehow been a persistent problem in relationships and marriages. This is a man whohas known these friends foe almost all his life, just because you might not like the way such a person wears his/her clothes you ask him to cut off. it is easier said than done. I agree with some who has posted ealier: your friend should try to get close to this lady, and find out what it is about her, that makes her husband unwilling to let go of her. People asking her to call up old male friends is like asking her to "cut off her nose to spite her face", she might end up loosing her home. Friends are a part of us, some has stuck with us through thick and thin and i just don't let go of such friends because my wife said so.

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sweetheart make sure yo friend gets read of her husband's friend coz too much of anything is always bad and never put gee near fire coz it will melt; trust me on that one.

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Aint know Dam choosin poo for me. Betta have that black Bottom at home ready to receive some long john silver ya digg!!!

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That is my arguement here for the fact that wife does not like it has to be respected. Vice versa

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u are a man of wisdom

IF you allow a friend to mess up ur home, he/she will be banging his/her mate while you are in the dog house

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If your husband or wife does not like a thing do not do it, If she does not like a friend stay away from the friend. If he or she does not like a church, go to another. Save your home than save a friend or church. friend can go away, church pastor would have his home together while yours is already destroy. Get rig of the friend.

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I smell Jealousy from that your friend. Her own mouth said that her husband hardly go out without her and he hardly talks on the phone with that lady friend of his so I see no big deal. I hope she does not let this little act of Jealousy ruin her marriage.

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@ poster

It is possible this lady meets a need in the husbands life that your Friend is not meeting. maybe he can talk to her without being judged or they share the same interests and your friend is just not interested in the same things. She might need to do some self searching and also find out what they talk about, it might be things she do sent care about. I also agree with what has been  said by other posters she should make her a Friend.

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Why is this friend of yours getting so jealous and upset over nuttin, She rightly said that her husband loves her very much as a wife and she is also 95% sure that they are not dating, Is it a crime for a man to have a female best friend? I suppose she gets close the lady in question herself and try to find out the facts of the relationships betwen the lady and her husband, Invite the lady over for dinner, make friends with the lady or simply make the lady the closest friend to the family, In that way, she will know the real intention of the lady, SITTING BACK IN A CHAIR AND MAKING SOME IDLE SPECULATIONS HAS NEVER SOLVED ANY PROBLEM.

Also, No violent means should be employed because at the end of the day, your friend might look like the silly one. It is wise to apply wisdom and caution in all our dealings.

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For her own peace of mind, she shud openly tell d husband about it and ask him to put a stop to the friendship. If d guy really loves her he definetly will put a stop to it.

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she can try to tell him in a different way that their friendship bothers her maybe he will do something about it.

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And tell the husband not to talk to her as much. If he cares about her feelings he would be able to compromise with her on that much.

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What makes it soooooooooooooooo wrong?

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He is banging the Dam!

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@Topic

It's sooo wrong!

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tell them jare.

Nothing wrong with it, as long as she doesnt have a motive.

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@topic: offcourse is right

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tell your friend not to make a big deal out this cos i think your friend is jus feeling insecure wit her marriage because of her husband status.

let her be confident enough to invite the lady in question for some of their holiday events and be wise enough to question her in a way she wont feel embarrassed. let her create an atmosphere of respect & regard for herself anytime she is wit her husband.

words like

oh hw is ur studies

i av a female sister that will like to be admitted in your school can u hep me find out about her course requirement

where do you work?

ur hair is very beautiful, i realy want to know u as a person

do you av a boyfriend at all

i wish im still in your age

let her av a time to discuss about her own life with the lady in question when she was in her age

tink wit this she can create an atmosphere for friendship

Note: she must free her mind of any evil thought to make this pos

A HEART FULL OF SUSPICION CONTINUALLY BREEDS INSECURITY & HATRED BUT A FREE HEART BREEDS STABLE LOVE NOT CONDITIONAL WITH SINCERITY OF MIND

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Easier said,

the man picks another lady friend 2moro and she also tell him she is not comfortable with it, that he shld cut it off.

How many of our men wld do that easily?

the best the man will do is to pretend that the r/ship no longer exists but keeps it secretly. that one can be more harful to the wife.

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the girl is a distant relation and an extended family friend to the husband, so why is she being jealous of her.

she is sure the husband is not having affair with the girl

the husband feels relaxed discussing with the girl on phone, not the they see often or privately

the husband even discusses openly with the girl in her presence

now she wants the husband to cut the girl off just to make her happy

Has she asked herslf, if the husband cuts this girl off, who else is he going to replace her with, at least she is sure this one is not harmful.

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well i am just visiting this article for the first time and i want to express my opinion on this issue becuase it affects me also . What i have to say is that the man should allow peace to reign in the family by cutting off this woman friend.secondly if the man wants to continue in the relationship based on the fact that the relationship in question here is a long started one so asking to keep off his friend is like telling him to leave his past to the past , that husband in question has a past life , i believe we all have a past life not so [color=#550000][/color]

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Thank you all for your various contributions.

I have tried to suggest making friend with the lady in question earlier but she said she can't. That she expects her to naturally interact with her the way she interacts with her husband but she isn't doing that (I think she needs to be the one to initiate this abi?). They talk and greet only not as best friends, its not that they are strangers.

Why she is very sure there is nothing between them according to her is that her parents' inlaw told her the lady in question is a distant family (cousin's cousin, cousin kind off) when she tried to report the case to them. The lady is a about the same age with the husband's family kid sister (early twenties) who happens to be very free with all the husbands family. I told her to do what she thinks best but also be careful.

Personally I find it hard to see any problem here (I can't tell her this though).

They have a wedding program tomorrow, she's inviting me so I can see the lady in question.

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@Poster

There is nothing wrong for a married man or woman to have friends of the opposite sex but there should be well drawn boundaries which should never be crossed. I and my wife do have and speak to friends of the opposite sex but it is something we do once in a while. Your friend mentioned she is 95% sure her husband isn't having an affair with her female friend but is concerned about their frequent communication. That to me should set the alarm bells ringing and she has got every right to be worried. If he is spending more and more time speaking to another woman, that's an indication there isn't much communication going on between you both, which is something that you need to work on.

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if d oda woman bothers her too much she shuld b blunt wit her husbby dat she's not okay wit there closeness exspecialy if d lady in question is single,if he loves her and want her peace of mind he will let go.

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@ poster

Ur friend said she is sure the husband is not dating the lady in question, then she is making herself unhappy for nothing. Let her ignore the relationship the husband has with the lady, her trying to push the husband to cut off from the woman, amy make the husband to start having secret illicit affairs with the lady.

even if she doesn't want to be friends with the lady, she shld allow her husband freedom. Naija men dont like to be dictated to.

she is very lucky her husband is very kind to her as she said. she shldnt use her own hands to put sand inside her garri

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The lesson here if any is that your husband can have any friend but he won't replace you with that person if you don't give him any reason to or if you don't die.

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@A few of our family friends are men & women I met at work over the years and my husband has a few female friends he still is in contact with from uni.

We dont see them as his friends or my friends. They are family friends Ok most of them are married, however a friend is a friend & if there is trust then it shouldnt matter what sex the friend is.

This is correct.

@POSTER, Friends are part of our life, there are some friends (male or female) that know us more than our spouse, has been there and assisted us in life so much so that we cannot do a way with them. I have some like that, am sure that is what the man is experiencing, he may understand his wife's fear but she just need an assurance that her husband is hers alone. She should not allow suspicion to drive her to start calling things name when there are actually not true. Make that woman her friend and understand why her husband is close to her that will help.

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From all indication,I believe there is nothing between both of them.All what she needs to do is to make friend with the lady.If she continues like this,she might end up scattering her home and in order to avoid this,she should let the sleeping dog lies.

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you will just be pouring petrol into fire.

iyaegbe, your freind is looking for trouble. if she has trouble with the lady she should go ahead and sort it out cos the man may  just call her bluff.  tell her she will need this lady more than she know.

can i ask why the nigerian woman like fighting other women?

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its not always easy to change a man's way i will prefer u it if ur friend too can pick one of her male folks and always talk to the person too.always the man will be jealous he wont tolerate that then his head will come down for them to solve the issue at hand

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if the lady is refusing to marry, maybe the wife can look around to see if she can hook her up with some eligible bachelors somewhere?

The problem is even if she succeeds in her quest to wean her husband off the woman, he may eventually get himself into a deeper problem with another female who comes in to fill the gap left behind by the other one.

Seriously, men na wahala- na only God fit intervene in their matter.

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IMHO, you should marry your best friend (not talking same sex). If your spouse is your best friend, I would not be able to understand why a particular friend cannot be cut off if that friendship is causing disharmony in the marriage

If there's a really deep reason why that friendship needs to be maintained, my husband would have to convince me

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@ Rubi

Not a very wise move my dear. A wise woman builds her home. Like I said earlier, if the lady has been able to tolerate her husband's female friend for five years without suspecting foul play, its best not to rock the boat now. Simply befriend the friend too and let things roll

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Tell your friend to go and find her old male friend and do the same thing her husband has been doing to her. Let her do two can play the game nonsense

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Seems to me like it is your friend that is creating unnecessary heat in her homestead by her petty suspicions. From your explanation of what she told you, there seems to me like there is no basis for it. She needs to apply wisdom.

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There is nothing wrong for the woman to request the husband cut off a certain woman.

The man is married to the woman, as long as the woman is not being problematic about it, he shd be able to cut her off.

Married couple ought to have same friends anyways, if the woman is not willing to be a friend to the wife, then, she shdn't be a friend to the husband.

and same goes for the couple

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THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE, that woman in her husband's life is smoke and tpassion , the fire. there's something going on btw them, i'm very sure the lady friend in question is single or if married, a very unhappy person. Let the case of prince Charles and camilla the chameleon e a lesson to all. the midnight calls to the palace, secret letters even when both were married.

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