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Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare?

Why and how long do we have to continue using the services of day care outfits to the detriment of our children's upbringing?

It is no longer news that husbands and wives are already jostling for relevance in the corporate world, the marketplace and leaving the children to the househelps and daycare to take care of, which most times have been affecting the children negatively.  I think something has to be done.

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Make I old pass my husband to prove am a good Naija wife abi? Mop, cook, clean wash, follow baby and still give my husband conji 5 days a week. At the same time looking good and sexy, impossible, most of d ones forming true Naija women spending all der time in d kitchen and washing have cheating husbands cos he comes home and finds you in the same clothes you left in. I work, my husband works, however I still come home earlier than my husband prepare a meal, clean our room, shower and perfume myself and dress sexy to open the door for hubby when he gets home and that gets him home cos he is coming home to a rested, willing and sexy wife. I can't do all this without the help of my Nanny who I pay above minimum wage, complete with clothing allowance and a once a week spa treatment, she is getting married soon and I have already interviewed an elderly divorced woman who will take over. My Nanny helps me clean, wash, and care for Baby, helps me wash and prepare items I need for Dinner so when I come home I just spend some minutes cooking, Outstrip, I salute you jare coping without help. For those berating us for having helps we agree, we re not women enuf, you are African super women, we are mere mortals who from time to time need help. What works for you may not work for us

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Its doesnt have anything to do with good naija housewife

Its our Nigeria economy

No woman is very happy to abandon her kids/house responsibilities for work

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We have diff levels of everything in life, so it’s your choose

I believe we still have a very good and neat daycares in town, I also believe it depend on the area and the standard of daycares you have around your area.

If your hubby monthly or biz income is good enough to cater for your family, lucky you, enjoy yourself.

I believe we still have some reach guys that allows their wives to work.

Let me ask you a question: Do you know now a day kids spends most of their time in school? A child would be in school from 7am thro 4pm. So how do you feel entrusting that child or children in a teachers hands for 8-9hrs and you’re only there to care for the child for just 5-6hrs let say between 4pm-10pm before bedtime. Now who’s now training the child more?

Infact after my creator are my kids in my heart, they’re my heartthrob, but I found myself in a matrimony that I most work to support for the betterment of the kids. I don’t have a choose and I am not complaining because my kids are doing very well. At least am alive, we only misses ourselves for few hours, even the kids are used to it, when I & my hubby wakes up in the morning, they too will wake up, atimes they wait for us till we return from work at most 8pm, and we have weekends to enjoy ourselves together. Life goes on. What about kids without parent, are they not surviving? If you have a good job and you pay your kids caretaker well, you don’t have to bother.

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muchos gracias outstrip, hotstuff06, and rubi.

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Ladej, lots of respect for u, thank u for that.

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For me daycare is better because I have a house maid but she goes to school and I still need somebody to take care of my baby.

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If it’s necessary yes. . Although they r necessary evil this days

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i prefer a daycare then those househelps which most of them are witches and wizard

And househelps do corrupt children easily.

but i hope to have a weekend cleaner when i have more then 2 children or when i'm pregnant, not to get too tired.

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Yes, I need maid and babysitter.

Is impossible be in shape and keep attractive for the husband working in a crazy way. I do need comfort. Time to make gym, massage, salon, for be healthy and happy to take care of my hubby and babes . They must be proud of me

Imagine, work outise, inside, children, cooking, be sexy, give love to everyone, manage the whole house and stuffs, I am woman not super woman.

If I have to do all, when my husband arrive I ll be over tired and feel like sleep, without my nails and hair done and wearing casual clothes, thats why a lot of man cheat, because some woman work as slave without take care of their ownself. And it is a good reason for make the husband cheat.

etc etc etc

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Men should not allow there wife's to always hope in househelps or daycare.

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aww!!!!outsrip, so sorry to hear. good u have good docs there, and mvs prenatal, vitamins, does a lot of wonders for expecting mommas.

yes, boys will always be boys. mine uses my shoes as ladders, so when he rips any bling off the fancy ones, his pops got to pay the damage done.

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Which of these posts is not clear enough to yarn about?

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How can I reply when I don't understand the language he/she is speaking. Anyway I want a girl now. I wanted all boys though but sometimes I wih there was another queen around. My boys go in my closet and mess it up. Take out my shoes and use them like trucks. They do not respect my shoes like a princess will. Maybe my next one. I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and I was almost sure it was a girl. It just wasn't meant to be. Maybe in another year or two.

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"No" Househelps or Daycare is not compossary.

If it's when househelps is welling to do their job with love, Know the all comes out with a new ideas of Stelling and senaching of their madams husband some of them kills to take over.

In terms of our children, it make our children to remain laize all the time in term of home works and others. So lean how to do things on your own and take care of your families without househelps or daycare.

Thanks you,

God bless.

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rhodacious you are scaring me o. 12 kids. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. LOL. I will definitely love to come to jos. My boys are now 1 and 2. That will be alot of fun. Hopefully we can visit nigeria in the next year or two. We just went in May and it was fun

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Well, I wouldn't say its bad or good tp have daycare or maid to help with your kids but before things like these came up, professional parents have had time to take care of their kids even why they work, my parents are perfect example, Before I start, let me tell u one secret so you can digest on that while I continue, imagine 11 boys from same father and mother, my dad was a fabricating engineer, he owned his company, but that didn't happen until after working much of his life under 3 different companies and in between these period, they already gave birth to seven of their eleven children. my mom owned a professional salon in the early 70s and late 80S and they did't get free hands just because they were the owners of these businesses, customers would come and wouldn't want to transact biz with the company except in their presence, so they were both profs to the bone. They never for once hired house help, the only thing they did was to allow grown up niece, aunts and uncles visit on holidays and that might have relieved them a bit whenever these set of people were to be around. The point I am trying to tick out here is that, though having a housemaid or help in the western world may be a good thing for nigerians living there due to the fact that most of them are far away from their relatives, but I don't think that should be applicable to the ones living here in nigeria, you have access to relatives once in a while so why get a total stranger to come train and replace you in the life of you vulnerable children?. In conclusion, every one of these kids my parents trained are all alive with the help of God and the last boy is already 16years, Though my dad died 2001, (May his warrior soul rest in peace). We still get trainings from our mother even @ our age. She's 58 and can be proud of what she has been able to achieve with us, 1 graduate reverend, 1 graduate pastor, 1 graduate electrical engineering graduate, 1 graduate accountant, 1 professional paparazzi, 1 undoing NCE student and teacher, 1 upcoming biz administration guru( already making administrative decisions) 2 awaiting admission and 2 still in secondary school. Its by the lord's doing and also by the values our parents were able to put in us by making sure they spent 100% time with us in beating and correcting, love showing, etc, There is nothing as hard as training 11 boys in a home of just 2 parents while they still maintained their professional lives

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hotstuff06 God is our strength

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Nuff respect to you workin mothers juggling motherhood with work,

You are queens

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Outstrip I feel you jare, My case is almost the same. Sometimes I wish I could just pack up my things and move back to Nigeria where i know for sure I can get help.

There is nothing wrong in getting a helping had takign care of your kids. Below is my familys' Mon-Friday routine

In my case, I am a professional as well as my husband. I cannot give up my career because I loveeeee my job, At the same time I love my kids so I have to make things work.

My hubby leaves for work at 430am so he can leave early to get the children from daycare and kindergarten at 230pm.

I wake the kids up at 5am (If I had a househelp, they would not have to wake up until 630am which means they just lost another 1.5hr of sleep (hence why they go to bed early to make up for it)., then I give them a bath, make breakfast (cereal and milk 5 days a week cos I dont have time for fancy breakfast) and while they are eating I take my 5-7mins shower and get dressed for work.

This is between yelling at them from the shower to make sure they eat their food (3.5yr old and a 2yr old) because I don't have the time to monitor them as I have to get myself ready as well. I finally drop them off at 730am and get to work at 8am.

My hubby pick them up at 230pm, gets home and cooks lunch, helps with the 3.5yr old with homework if any while I get home at 530pm.

Most times, we have dinner at 6pm, my children go to bed at 8pm so inbetween those times, we have to spend time with them, talk about school, clean the house, wash school uniforms and get our clothes ironed and laid out for the next day. At this point you can see it in both our faces that we are tired and retire to bed at the same time as the children (keep in mind that we still want to have some grown up time as well so we may end up finally sleeping at almost midnight and then start the routine again).

If I were in Niger, I will most definitely have a househelp to do my housework and even still take the younger one to daycare while the older one goes to nursery school. Keep in mind that Daycare also helps your children start interacting with other children early by learning the simple things like sharing and been self composed. There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong in having a houselhelp you pay to help you around the house, That will be a dream come true for me.

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house help and daycare r neccessary evils we cant live with dem we cant live without dem, alwys pray 4 your children cos u dont even trust teachers in school

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rhodasius I remember when I had my first born and I had no help. My mother had a stroke 2 weeks before he was born but she insisted that she will come anyway. She left her therapy and came to cincinnati to be with me. She could only stay two weeks because she still did not have control of one side of her body and I did not want her to stop physical therapy for too long. Those days were so scary. I remember that I will not take a shower becuase I was afraid that I will not hear him cry. I would not even go 2 feet away from him. What if he starts choking. What if his food comes back up into his nose. I was so tightly wound. If I had someone there, I would have slowly learnt to let go. A week after I had my son my blood pressure went up to 202/150 and I was rushed to the ICU. I was so worried because my mom was still here and I was worried that she would raise her blood pressure out of worry for me. I was in the ICU for almost a week. Infact as soon as I came back from the hospital my mom was leaving to go back to atlanta to take care of her own health. All the worries and stress ehn. My dear it was not easy. My husband has already said that when we move back at Nigeria that I have to rest. People in Nigeria that have help are lucky. You provide a job for people and they in turn become a menber of your family. They really become an Aunty to your children. It benefits the child and the family. The way we do things here is crazy.

This morning I was leaving for work, my 2 year old was awake and downstairs, my husband who did not go to bed until 3 am was still sleeping. I put cereal and milk in front of my son, yelled at my husband that I was leaving and our son was downstairs and I hit the road. Texted him while I was driving to make sure he got up and my son was not still downstairs by himself. I emailed him around 12 pm to check how his day went. Luckily he can work from home alot. He said the morning was crazy and he had to change the 1 year old twice before he took then to daycare. This is just a nutshell of our life on a daily basis and it is not unique to our family. God alone is seeing us through. I have toyed with the idea of sending them to Nigeria to spend a month but I just cannot imagine not seeing them for a whole day. Being a parent aint easy. Maybe that's why I respect my husband so much. I can almost forgive him anything when I think of how much he contributes with day to day things. America is not all it is trumped up to be.

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looking at it from my own perspective i think is advisable to have a helping hand in the house regard less of weather your wife is working or not because she not a slavery but a life partner and she needs freedom as well.

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We can't do it all ourselves sometimes we need help if you can afford it then go for it.

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@ bethsy

Are u a woman or man? If u are a woman, are you married with kids?

If your answer is yes and you still prefer to stay at home just to take care of your children, well that is your choice. And i hope ur husband's income is good enough to train your children to ur taste.

I didnt go to school to be a housewife otherwise i wouldnt have wasted my parent's money. Thank you.

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whats is the big deal in taking care of ur kids if no u are ready to take care of them then dont have .how can u have kids and let some one else train them for u

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I strongly believe that women should have a career of their own. Not just for the money alone but also for your own respect.

I would rather prefer a househelp to daycare. Not just any stranger as a househelp but somebody you know very well, she can be from your village or your husband's village.

It is true that nobody can take care of your baby the way u want, that is why you should shower love and care to those taking care of our children, otherwise, they will maltreat them at your absence.

I have a grown up girl from my husband's side that lives with me and takes care of my baby.

But most times, i feel guilty not having enough time with my baby because of my job.

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Being a mom and working hasnt been so easy for me. I have two kids a 2 yr old and a 4mths old so u can imagine. When i had just one kid i was able to cope but two, i dont need to say how stressfull it was. I ended up getting someone to come pick my kids in the morning to the daycare and then bring them home and stay with them till i get back, This so far so good is working for me. ( I use both the daycare service and nanny combined)

Someone said mothers should change their schedule i.e stay at home in the morning and work in the evening after the kids and someone elderly is at home, I am sure this person leaves abroad, How many good paying jobs here in nigeria are shift jobs?

Someone also complained about dirty daycare and kids not being fed and wet nappies, I beg change that daycare abi na only im they ur area, I think b4 people drop their kids at a daycare the should have gone daycare hunting to know which one would be ideal for their kids

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I prefer a live~out househelp. We don't seem 2 have a lot of dm in 9ja.

Some1 who comes in d morning and leave at night.

Balancing family life is important.

Kids need their parents.

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rhodacious thanks for sharing and being honest

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for most mommas like me, we need help taking care of the kids and running a home, with a perfectionist huby. my huby insists on having a nanny and a cleaner. 2 day and 2 night watchmen and a driver. he wouldnt let me clean. even when i suddenly didnt have a househelp, and i was pregnant, he did breakfast, and vacuumed, i take my time to do lunch, and he does dinner with my help. i dont see anything wrong with having househelps. they are paid, and if they want to live in your b/q, then they can, i have 2 at the moment and they all live in my b/q, and are paid #15,000, fed, toiletries and clothes, so WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?,

my kids dont go to school until they are 2.5yrs. i am pregnant now with my 3rd baby and due in december, then i can maintain only 1 househelp as i go back to school when the last baby starts kindergarten, so i think i wouldnt want to have it anyother way. i have no relatives in town, but even my friends that have their mommas in town , take their kids to mom, even as they have househelps. and i thank GOD that i havent had any bad story to tell in househelps, only the usual lady problems, cos they are usually from 23yrs up, i dont do kid-househelps .

if u are a real momma, u will know that running after crawling babies and toddlers isnt easy, and u will be dead tired and grouchy at the end of the day, yet the other wants help with assignment, wants to be fed, and a house thats got to sparkle. so if my huby isnt complaining and paying for this, why should i?

i dont do day-cares( huby wouldnt actually)!!!, so

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I believe it is imperative for parents to decide what is most important to them before both parents decide to take demanding jobs. Leaving your children with either the House Help or Day Care Center should be for a few hours in the day. This will allow you to have time for the growing children. I normally advise that the husband takes a very challenging job while the wife takes a less challenging job or runs her own business. This will ensure that we do not rush through life, making plenty of money, only to discover that our motive for making such money was misplaced ab initio. When you ask most parents why they work so hard, they normally respond that they are making money for the children. My question is, which children?

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@ Ruby or what is ur id?, the Nigerian man was  lazy when you were clubbing him with ur bosoms, slips and abunchi mgbada? He was lazy when he got the money to propose and get the house you don't like dirty because you hate dirts. That is just ur own contribution and hail him for all he has made possible and available.

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some of the comments on this thread are delusional and outrightly ignorant.

the present economic reality is that most couples have to work to provide basic needs for their children. how can a working couple not have nannies/househelps or use day care centers? it is easy to say the mother should stay at home but how many families can cope with only the father's income?don't try telling me that parents that use any of these options do not love their children. it is simply about the present day realities.after you sit at home with your kids and when it is time to go to school and you can not afford good education, come and tell me about loving your children!!

i rather we discuss the pros and cons of nannies/househelps vis a vis daycare centres.

in all major cities of this country, it is getting increasingly difficult getting good maids and a lot of mushroom daycare centers are sprouting all over the place.how can this situation be addressed?

this is the main issue, in my view.

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Maybe we should just stop sending our female children to School like in the time of old, or we should choose the type of courses they actualy study.You cannot go to school, invest almost half of your life in developing yourself even to the point of  graduating tops in your class leaving majority of your male classmates behind

and you are told you cannot make use of that developed brain because you are A female, so you have to pick up a partime job.

I am glad that someone already mentioned how far househelp recruitment has developed in Nigeria, there are agents who make sure they are paid well,some of these agents are lawyers who do not handle underaged personnel. I  confess that I have heard horrible stories of the activities of househelps though.

I have been lucky in that the girl staying with me is from my Church, the parents could not enroll her for her exams 9the Father had a stroke some years back), she learnt I was looking for a house help and approached me. By the grace of God, she will be leaving for the University next month and we (the girl inclusive because she is very much concerned about me getting a good person) are already looking for another person. I pray that God will lead me to another person like her, a life that will be a blessing to me that I can also be a great blessing to.

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IMHO the situation depends on many factors.

E.g. is the family around to help or are parents with kid(s) on their own in foreign country? (our case)

Do both of them work full time (not because of fancy careers but because they have to) (our case)

The childcare available – what quality is there, references, is the baby settled & happy etc.

I don’t have any house help but my kid stays with childminder (& other kids) and when he reaches 2.5/3 he will go to the nursery from where he’ll continue to the primary school.

I agree with Ebonyj & ajiri avae – with consideration and given that all sides are happy the child does benefit from environment of professional care by playing, teaching and interacting with other kids.

I’m trying to give him the best I can, he’s got all my time @ mornings, evenings & weekends.

My mum did the same when she had us, we attended nursery and I don’t think it was a bad thing for us.

Respect to all mums, working or not working!

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These days, women are just as busy as men are. Life has become busy and difficult. If I can afford it, There is nothing wrong with a helper.

Im here in the UK studying and left my son (3) with my mother. He goes to day care and my mom has a full time job. Therefore, she has a helper. A stay in helper. Mainly to clean up the house and do the cooking. Aint nothing wromg with that.

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Abeg day care jooo!

These house helps are mamiwater pikins.

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Benincity people are waiting to hear how you do it. Abeg teach us this new trick o. I am all ears

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daycare is okay if you can afford a good one (not just any daycare)

househelp only if it is a professional one who would come clean, wash etc and go away. again only a professional ones. No way to using kids my children's age to do housework for us.

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don't have children then abi?

In the economy of now, who can afford being in a single income home? Or should they now start carrying the kid on their head to work?

and i don't know why people keep making up stories of "negative influence". Since when is being around other kids known as "negative influence"

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first let me address the statement that house help is modern slavery. there are house keepers everywhere in the world. in nigeria we now have agencies that provide both day and live in help.there is dignity in labour so lets stop sounding like its a curse to take care of people as house keepers. besides don't we costantly complain about unemployment.all we should be concerned about is that under aged children are protected from child labour.

second, all this talk about other people watching kids while parents work is getting annoying. why do we go through the trouble of educating ourselves if we are going to be berated for trying to make something of ourselves. the important thing is to make sure that parents spend quality time with their kids when they are around. make sure the kids have unlimited access to you and talk to them about everything. a stay at home mother who is not close to her children is just as bad as a woman who is never around.

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just wanted to ask @benincitys hw do u do it.share with us.mite learn smtin

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if they are genuinely needed why not?!

i just dont support the maltreatment and disrespect meted out to them in most households!

they deserve more

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I belong to the era of housegirls.

Their advantages can never be overstated. They are cooks, nannies, maids, gatemen, servants, gardeners all wrapped into one package.

As a child, my experiences with househelps were both good and bad.

Some are extremely wicked to the kids whilst the others are just too darn horney.

One of the advantages of househelps is that they come cheap, and are at your disposal 24/7. But Househeps are usually stigmatized with labels like witches, thieves, demon possesed, e.t.c.

I remember one time when a child was brought to church with the househelp and the househelp was accused of initiating the child into witchcraftcy.

Daycares are basically dere to keep the child busy while yoou work and in the process try to teach the child a thing or two while interacting with other children.

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Fire On the Mountain(Asa)

True word layi the irony of the modern age

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@ topic

I understand what you mean when you say at the detriment of our child's upbring. Our society today is a "New Generation" style where everyone is selfish. They want to eat their cake and have it at the same time. The women don't feel important no more if they are not in the corporate world and the man is not man enough to work his guts out to fend for his family. We make all the extra money but then our kids are learning more from the TV, internet and any other sources than from their parents. No offence but their are enough vagabonds in the world. WHy would you want to bare them if you don't have a proper plan for them. The kids did not come to this word themselves, we brought them to this world.

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thank God for phillipinos and scandanavians

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There is nothing wrong in using a domestic or house help, provided proper and necessary vetting has been carried out. What is most important though is to make sure that their is mutual respect between both parties, i.e all the modalities of the job need to be agreed before commencement of duty. Typically where there is no prior arrangement and agreement, abuse creeps in.

Also it is worth noting here that for those who take on  children of school age as domestics, please , please please, give them a chance at education or vocation.

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I have an au pair and my son goes to nursery full time.

Not because I am lazy but because I need it.

Until quite recently I did not have an aupair but when I could no longer cope with working full time, rushing to the nursery after work to pick up my son, then rushing home to cook and tidy the house(which leaves me little or no time for my child) and then at night when it is time to sleep , you have to perform your wifely duties I decided I needed some extra help which is why I hired an aupair.

With the au pair, I can come home after work and relax with my husband and child ,I now have time to read him his bed time stories, play with him you know and just spend some time together as a family.

Even if I was not working full time I might not have any au pair but my child would still go to nursery because he needs to have some kind of interaction with his peers, I don't see it only as an educational environment but it will help to improve his social and communication skills as he develops.

I can tell you that even though my child his only 2 you can tell him apart from other kids who do not attend nursery, he appears to be more confident and he his speech is a lot clearer .

As per the cleanliness of the nursery, it really depends on the nursery and its regulating body, if you are not happy with the way they are handling your childs welfare or you are not happy with the environment then there is a procedure for you to report it or make a complaint.

Enough said.

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