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My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely?

HI,

my dad is havin an affair outside n d chic is really eatin him,dat he doesnt care about us again.

am realy connfused,do i talk to him politely or quarel hm.

he was paid he's salary yes ter day,he left home n he is yet to come bck home.

i am nt angry dat he is cheating on my mum oh,bt d fact dat he doesnt care about his children,dats realy bad.

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110 answers

:oTx 4 ya'all advice,HE is doin great as a Dad....so proud to hv him as my papito***big grin

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If you try talking to him he will become more adamant

Trace him and make show that u saw 2 of them red handed

u will see he change because he will become afriad that u

will tell ur mum. Don't tall ur mum nor confront him.

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thanks to u all, i guess i hav to filter all ur post n take d reasonable ones.

i will jst keep praying for my family,i think dats d best i can do right now.

lol

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hi, i am truly sorry for your pain. I know something about that pain myself and my two boys went though. in this case it was their mother causing the pain. This was 20 years ago when the boys were young, but your story stuck a cord in my heart. Some parents make mistakes or are just not meant to be fathers(and mothers) should know what is the most important things in their lives are and that is family. You did not say how old you are? Talk to your dad if he is not physically abuse to you, tell him how much he is hurting you and mother and the family. Do it in a calm matter and you may want you mother present. Remember the most important thing is YOU, take care of yourself , your education. If worse comes to worst you still have a family. My two boys did fine and you will too if can be strong enough to get though this, NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Your mother may have to make a decision about the relationship with your dad soon, and whatever it is i as sure it will be for the best. Talk to him calmly.

LOVE

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accept my sympathy. does it mean your mother is a housewife

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I want to know, Is it because the person cheating is the man that the children would have to remember he is their "father" if it had been the mother cheating, how would the children be advised" probably kick your mother, ohhhhh she is a disgrace and all that.

Be that as it may, what is bad is bad.

Please u can take these steps.

1. be sure of what u are accusing him of and try and make little finding about the lady

2. call your father to know why he is having extra-marital affair

3. if there is anything bothering him, assure him u would do everything to put it right.

4. look for those problems and act on them without letting your mouthy siblings

know what is happening

5. make sure u do not take sides with ur mum for sometime untill u see that its not

working.

6. try to always talk with him to know if things are getting better.

7. where all efforts fail, let him know he has disappointed his family and u people

should find a way to support your mum and make sure he sees u, ur siblings and

mother always happy together, he may want to come back. else let him be

8 DONT EVER LET HIS ACTIONS CUT UR FUTURE.

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what of a situation where he has refused u marrying a guy, just because he's from another tribe.

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Hey he is b ur dad even if he does things u don't like he still be ur biological father

just tell him with due respect then if he is still adamant there are ways to teach him lessons e.g. mass media or radio stations or ask the AKI AND POPO FOR TECHNIQUES

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And May i Add this,

a thought just came to my mind

when do girls in Nigeria confront their fathers

about their sexual habits!!! lol!!!

DIZ GIRL U NO GET LEVER O!!! LOL

SUCH LIES!!!!

o.K Supposing u confront your father Politely

and u ask him about his "Sex Life" with another

woman, i wonder what his real response will be?

U have to consider that he is Paying your School Fee's

feeding you, clothing you and providing a roof over your head!!!

ROFLMAO!!!! and you have to consider that this is Nigeria/Africa

we are talking about lol! not USA OR UK where Children even

Talk back and insult their Parents in the evening and

apologise in the morning and the parent forgive them

OH GIRL U NO GET LEVER TO APPROACH UR PAPA!!!

Stop all this ur foolish Ajebota fantasies and Wake up

from your dream world!!!

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Having an affair ? How did you know, you must been following your dad's move. that shows there are already elements of distrusts you may have gotten from withing your family probably from your mum.

Anyhow, an african man is polygamous in nature. The fact he has a gf is even better, it shows he has some values too. That is not sleeping around anyhow. Again the fact that you say he no longer cares means he had been caring before this itime. What have your family done to show him love and let him know you care and apprciate. There is nothing, repeat nothing you can do to stop him. Do not even bother tell him. Become your dad's gf too in another way. engage him with love and let him start seeing you and your mum. Am not asking you to sleep with him o. Make him feel needed and desired in the house. You know i have a gf too and am married. Do you know why ? reason is, I make sure everything about my kids are updated, school fee, excellent school, clothes etc, to my own level. You know what, my wife seem not to understand I have my life to live. She doesn't do those things. that make me proud. looking at how i love my family. it gives me the feeling am needed because of what is needed from me. So I started having a lil affair. I buy a small wrist watch for my gf,,, she is all over me. This is not about Bleep or anything. try to understand. Reach to your dad, Tell your mum too to readjust subito,

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YEAR RIGHT, U Know diz girl is lying lol!!!

Nigerian Men dont have Affairs, they just Crush Alot lol!!!

And i need not explain "Crush" but if u dont know that

means "Kane Alot" (I take it u understand 9ja Campus Slangs)

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Quote from kissmylips (f)

My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely?

« on: February 05, 2010, 02:22 PM » 

HI,

my dad is havin an affair outside n d chic is really eatin him,dat he doesnt care about us again.

am realy connfused,do i talk to him politely or quarel hm.

he was paid he's salary yes ter day,he left home n he is yet to come bck home.

i am nt angry dat he is cheating on my mum oh,bt d fact dat he doesnt care about his children,dats realy bad

*********************************************************************************

MARTINOSI SAYS -

OH Girl u need to stop all these "FairY-Tale Stories

as you seem to be on some sort on Sexual/Romantic

obession bend as you spend most of youR time

in nairaland in the Romantic/Sex forums,

See you Ashawo Post Below!!!

**********************************************

kissmylips (f)

NIGERIA

Posts: 106

Romance  |  Dating And Meet-up Zone section

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=274132.msg3890961#msg3890961  I Need A Guy In Ghana/nigeria 4 A Relationship.

« on: May 19, 2009, 05:38 PM » 

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@poster!! don't call ur mum attention yet that if she is not aware yet, cause women have a strong instinct when a man start to misbehave, call ur dad to attention and let him know what he is doing is not right considering that ur mum she is still alive and well and u as the children are seeing wat he is doing, he should rethink and come back home to u all and promise him nobody will ever hear of it and if he is still not bent in listening to u, he must have a friend that he confides in, go to him and let him know or his family,

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do you know this for a fact?

otherwise i wud expect more concern for his safety cos it seems you guys are missing his salary more than u re missing the man.

assuming u are right, the only thing u need to do is have a talk with ur mum about her becoming financially independent. if she does not currently have a source of income, it's time to step u and make her own money to take care of u guys.

as for ur dad,

u have no reason to disrespect him, his love for u hasnt changed. and u have no idea what the root of the problem is.

for all u know, he might just be buckling under the pressure of responsibility and expectations.

and be grateful to have learned the second most important thing every woman shud know:

never be financially dependent on a man !(besides ur father of course)

the first being, never lie down with a fool

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You see how slow you are? Do you know her? Does anybody here know her?

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If you believe in God. Then Get down on ur knees for the next 21 days by 12 midnight and pray this prayer point.

1. "Every power orchestrated from the pit of hell that is trying to destroy your father , Break lose and die in Jesus name.

2. "God provide a husband that is suitable for the girl so that she can leave your father alone in Jesus name.

the power is in your hands. harness it.

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@Poster, your mum knows. Wives always know.

Your job is to try to bring your parents back together. You will of course need the help of your siblings to hatch the plan.

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I really hate it when people elect to wash their dirty linens in public! Aha for goodness sake what on earth are you hoping to gain by bringing what is obviously a private affair into the public domain? At the end of the day NL people will wipe the floor with your dad, is the counsel they are going to give really worth the public disgrace you are going to be getting as well? How many of the people you are soliciting advice from are posting their own private malaise on NL?

I'm sure there are more experienced people in your family you can relate to without bringing shame on your dad and ultimately a curse on yourself! At the end of the day he is still your dad, none of the people on here are your friends or loved ones

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Sorry, for that scandalous behaviour of your dad, to prevent things from getting out of hand pray, identify the root cause of his and together you guys can get things done appropriately. This is too much for a child to handle

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You will be fooling yourself to think that you can talk to him and he will change his mind. When has it come to the era in which children tell their dad how to run or ruin their lives. Do you think he does not know what he is doing or that he just develop the habit just last night? This is the game he might have been playing even before you were born.

My piece of cake; stay clear of his affairs, demand for your basic needs and ensure your siblings get what accrue to them. Tell your mum and let her face the reality. Take a stand especially with your mum cos he will not change and if love eat deep into him, you and your mother will bare the pain. Tell your mum to start becoming wise with her finance stop being extravagant with household stuff.

From personal experience, he will not turn back to his family until the girl suck him dry, The earlier you people wake up to the reality, the better and well protected you will be.

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the painful aspect is not taking care of the children,but as for having an affair outside abeg leave the man "no time"jst pray for him,make him feel loved,make the home comfortable then leave the rest for nature or GOD to take control good luck.

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No matter how insensitive he may seem right now, the fact that he has abandoned his family for an affair has to be eating up his insides.

Talk to him. I mean REALLY talk to him. Guide him back to his senses.

Need books on relationships, self improvement, money making, family, freebies n lots of other crazy stuff?

www.greatbooks.350.com

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I would normally tell you to mind your own business, but in this case I would say tell your mom. The secret is obviously eating at you, and I think your mom would appreciate it, no offense, but your Dad is a POS! how can he abandoned his children, maybe something happend between him and your mom, but the kids did nothing.

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Does your mom NAG ?

If not then its better you make a plan B.

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Poster. . .

How is that your business, tell your mom

You don't have to talk to him, that's dumb.

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hmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn brings back old memories (yes i have gone through it)

I did not hesitate then and i will not hesitate to tell my mother again

i trusted my mother to handle it well(and she sure did) and she knew how best to deal with her husband, i wont be the one crying or petting his head. Hell No!!!

lust does not respond to any of that

Whatever you do dont be the one insulting your father and calling him names cos when your parents settle they will

call your name and ask that  you apologise to the irresponsible man

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Poster. . .

Mind your own business. . . .

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All you who made immoral comments and gave deceitful advice to this poster should go and kneel down and pray for forgiveness. That man is wrong and you said the mother should not know. All of you will receive heavier judgments for supporting such deceitful men in marriages.

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HE IS GONNA RUIN HIS LIFE,

I HAVE SEEN THIS TYPE OF SITUATION A BILLION TIMES,

NOTHING YOU SAY CAN CHANGE HIM, JUST LOOK FOR THE Dam HE IS FUCCKING AND SNAP HER NECK, I AM TELLING YOU FACT,

2) YOUR MOM HAS TO TRY NEW STUFFS,

IF YOUR MOM IS THE NAGGING TYPE, MAYBE SHE SHOULD TRY SMILING AND DOING THINGS THAT SHE NEVER DID BEFORE, YOUR DAD IS JUST BORED WITH THE MISERABLE WRAPPER YOU MOM IS TIEING EVERYDAY SO HE IS GONNA TRY OUT SOMEONE WITH EM TIGHT JEANS.

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We all must understand that 'man is polygamous by nature'(Chinua Achebe, 1973)

The white man foisted their type of marriage on us and its just normal for the guy

to live out his natural instincts.

On abandoning his children and no more caring about them, I think its very awful of him.

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lol can anyone really be this naive.

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I feel so sorry for our mothers. What have women done to deserve such in marriage?

Imagine collecting salary, and vanishing to spend on a mistress. He's also financially irresponsible, as well as morally.

Anyway, nothing ever justifies cheating, but there are other sides to a story.

This mistress could easily become the victim tomorrow, and we'd be here pitying her.

If it were me, i would talk to my pops, in a mature yet sombre way, and let him see the pain he's causing his family. As it is, momsie may be aware already.

If he doesn't stop, leave it to the big daddy upstairs.

Your dad will certainly not go unpunished for his sins.

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most men still love their families (their kids at least) when they cheat, i doubt he would leave them forever if she confronts the girl. the worst he should do is beat the living daylights out of her, but not leave. if he leaves it's not because she confronted the girl, but because he wanted to leave before but had no reason to.

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Report the case to ur grandmama

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Abeg just leave am for God hand oooooooo dats nt somtin u can just talk ur way tru,just pray n try n make tins easier for ur mum she might be havin a rough time n also TREAT HIM D SAME WAY OR EVEN BETA DAN D WAY U DID B4 U FOUND OUT

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@poster

u have to quarel with him because if u talk to him clamly he will still go out

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talking to him will help, but u have to choose the right moment

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The problem IS indfidelity

the solution is him coming back home!

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@OP,

NO. The affair is btw your mum and your dad. Things happen for a reason. You do not know what happened btw your mum and your dad. Dont even base your conclusions on what a party said to you about it. Let them handle that aspect of their lives. Only pray for them.

However, you can talk to your dad on his actions towards his kids. He is your father and hence needs to be responsible to you. Let him know you need him to care for you and your siblings.

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@ayettymama

you suggest she organise picnics, helping him in his job, family get-to-gether and so on because you think that her Dad feels un-wanted (meaning not loved,too much to deal with etc) at home.

what if the problem was infidelity?

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aye,

Since when did I begin caring about your platitudinal, negligible remarks. Back ko front ni. Ko ra e lo jo.

poster,

didn't you say you don't mind?

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h202

get off my back

this is my opinion

take it or leave it!!

@toosoon

look at my first post

i mentioned a few there

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gosh this babe and her ridiculous absolutes. annoying as heck.

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sorri i dont get what u mean??

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@ayettymama

how will you show love to a cheating Dad, when he is the one providing the needs?

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and whatever you do

o girl

DO NOT APPROACH THE GF

i guarantee you 100%

the man leave you all forever!!!!!

the girl knows hes married

and wants his money

shes doesnt give a shizz abt u

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Yes i will suggest you talk to him politely but if no positive result then go for plan B, BLACKMAIL both him and the gf.

Enuf said

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