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My Sister's Husband Has A Secret Wife - Should I Reveal The Secret?

Dear Agatha,

What I’m about to tell you has been giving me sleepless nights for close to a year now. I must say it has been giving me even high blood pressure as well.

I live with my sister and her husband. They have been married for quite sometime now without any child. Both of them look happy together even without a child.

However, early last year, I stumbled on a piece of information that started my emotional upset. I got to know that my sister’s husband has impregnated a lady in another state different from where we’re leaving. I couldn’t tell my sister, couldn’t tell anybody either. I was confused and decided to put it off as mere rumour.

A month ago, I confirmed this to be true, even with names. The lady has given birth. Every two weeks, my brother-in-law gives official reasons for travelling. My sister does not know this and I’m not sure whether to tell her. This is why I am worried and stressful. What can I do?

Worried Sister.

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32 answers

It is a tough and painful one.I know you have your sister's interest.Why not ask the man why he is hiding it from the wife.Discuss with him with wisdom and pray for God's guidance on how to go about the whole issue

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My respond is no, The husband is just keeping this from his wife temporarily, for love sake, i am sure he will by himself let the cat out of the bag when the time is right. most African men will never be faithful in a marriage that is not bless with children

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She'll hate you for not telling her and he may hate you for telling her, Of course you should tell her! This man has been lying to your sister for however ling this has been going on. It'll devestate her to find out but at least shell know the truth.

Heres' a question for your question: if it was you wouldnt yyou want to know?

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If you truly love you're sisters happiness keep quiet because if she get to know about it that might be the beginning of her suffering if not their separation. If there happy without a child let then be until the husband gets the guts to tell her himself.

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The OP has received a lot of good advice!

Idon't agree with all of it, but one thing is sure, the subject has been treated seriously and with respect.

There's something I'd want cleared up first of all before giving any moral advice:

Which of these two women is actually the wife and which, the concubine?

I think it's important.

But in any case, I'm afraid giftsong was spot on.

The health of your sister is of paramount importance.

Heartbreak heals with time, but AIDS is another story.

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At the bolded:I think you have been watching too many thrillers on TV.

Why would he wanna kill her? Men do this all the time and even if she tells her sister,in the end it is a matter that will be solved between the husband and wife.

It is left for the wife to make a decision whether she will forgive the man or not:Between me and you I believe the wife will forgive the man in the end and they will all live happily ever after.

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Call her and tell her, or else your sister would be the looser at the end of it, there are things that should not be kept secret, i would advice you not to comfront or talk to the hubby about it. what if he is not God-fearing, he might want to get rid of you just to keep his secrets away from the wife. Talk to her, let her know, before her hubby and the said woman, plans to get rid of her physically or otherwise.

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Your sister has a right to know

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one tin is obvious ur inlaw is not the best of man and ur sis needs to no. So look 4 a way of lettin her no without neccesarily tellin her

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Tell your mum/dad & let them use their wisdom to inform your sister & also confirm this allegation plus what options your sister has.Your loyalty is to your sister

Your brother in-law is a dangerous man!

Please look for alternative accommodation in the interim

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duh!,

she is your sister for goodness sake. I would never advise this if she were unrelated to you but you have every right to protect your sister. This is more than hurting her feelings. This is huge, colossal, massive. The other woman may know her and may constitute a danger to her

If she heeds your advise, and I am her sister, I would, may never forgive her. Her sister is her business!

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Mind your business and leave the problem to God. God will reveal his dirty secrets at the appointed time.

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If i was the wife, i would want to know. In this days of HIV/AIDS, ignorance is no longer bliss,

so many women have been infected with the virus by their husbands. Sometimes, we act as if being married

is the be all and end all of a woman. I'd rather be single and healthy than married with HIV.

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A secret should be revealed when you feel that your sister will be affected by not telling the secret.

how will your sister regard you when she know that you are keeping this secret?

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Please, you have to tell your sister! Put yourself in her shoes, what if she found out something like that and did not tell you? You arre not gonna wait till her husband moves to the other state before you tell her you knew all along, are you?

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Worried sister,pls dnt try to talk to any brother inlaw even if both of you are best of frends he will only convince you not to tell your broda and make you part of the conspiracy to hurt your sis eventually.

This is what you must do call your sis and tell her what you knw.

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Inform your sister in a matured manner not as gossip. whatever comes out of it does not matter you would have at least satisfied your conscience.

It is your business, you ought to be loyal to your own blood sister not the husband who has stabbed her in the back.

It will help your sister know her stand in the marriage and plan for her future childless or not. It will even make her put more effort in her getting a child. You never can tell if the baby belongs to her husband, the lady out there might be taking advantage of her situation. The revelation will open up a lot to your sister's advantage, though it will be a hard pill to swallow. Get your facts right and save your sister a future heart failure.

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The more u keep this the more unfair u are to ur sister is beta she konw in time so that she can start tinking on wat nxt to do or u confide in either ur parient or some one u know is very close to her and tell her pls , like it is always said there is noting that has eva happened to anyone on airth that is new it is beta she know that she has being sleeping with an enemy

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2. Wait till your sister finds out. this also has it implication. the earlier she

knows the better for her. Just in case of death or health issue and your in-law

cant talk or respond, and if your sister marriage is traditional and not legal

(registry), in that capacity the person that bears child for the man will

have right to his belongings.

What if he has done nothing on dat ladies head (like traditional etc.) will she still have right? I am really concern about this lady (what a world).

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Give the problem to your sis and bud out, miss busy body.

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@ Poster,

I'ld say you should inform your sister. However, you need to do so with concrete evidence and lots of wisdom.

For one, you dont want to destroy her marriage but at the same time, you are doing what is best for her. What if the other woman is HIV+ or has some other form of STD which could be transmitted to your sister?

Also, your manner of approach to an issue like this matters a lot. Don't go making it sound like a gossip. You need to sit her down and let her know your findings.

All the best!

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I say the sister should know. You don't know what diseases the other woman has (or that the husband has picked up because if he's willing to dip out on one wife, he'll do it the second one); if you feel it's not your business, realize if your sis were to catch something serious from her hubby's outside play, you'd be partially responsible.

On a more practical note, your sister should know about the other woman and the child. As this concubine has given birth and she (the true wife) hasn't, there's a chance the 2nd wife will want to make a move from the proverbial boys' quarters to the main house; your sister needs to know what she could be up against because when she finds out (what's done in the dark. . .), she'll need to make sure her ducks are in a row.

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my sister, you have 2 options here.

1. If you av a good r/ship wit ur in-law talk with him like sister and

brother. Never ever try to confront him as this may cause you untold hardship.

Yoruba ppl will say "oro tu tu ma n yo obi lapo, meaning ( cool words always remove

kola (good thing) from the pouch (bag)".

2. Wait till your sister finds out. this also has it implication. the earlier she

knows the better for her. Just in case of death or health issue and ur in-law

cant talk or respond, and if your sister marriage is traditional and not legal

(registry), in that capacity the person that bears child for the man will

have right to his belongings.

I hope and pray God will in his infinity mercy grant you wisdom to act wise.

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U dat's saying what's ur buz.? If it were to be ur sister won't u be worried.

I know d might turn against u but if u let ur sister know d truth, it will help her also. If it were possible for u to trace d place and let her see it for herself. Ur sister can talk it over with the husband.

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poster wetin concern you ?

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no if u tell her u will be the triator

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If you have a good and healthy relationship with your brother-in-law, i would suggest talking to him about it first, tell him what you know, let him understand that his second family is not a secret anymore, and if you can find out, nothing stops your sister from finding out soon enough.

They are a married couple, try not to get too involved in their business

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as much as it seems like the right thing to do,

am sure somehow it would affect your sister emotionally more than you know.

think it through properly, and decide what you think is right to do.

eventually it would come out in the open, but do u want to be the one responsible for th breakup?

she will find out soon one way or another.

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Why not,please go ahead and reveal it.

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sister, sit down for now, later, she would know

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