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Polygamism - Can You Trust Your Half Brothers And Sisters?

Yes, polygamism stinks, but can anyone tell me how they would relate to half brothers/sisters they did not grow up with and whose mum ruined your childhood by destroying your parents marriage?  Help!!!!

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trust my half siblings?

i dont think so.

plenty water don pass under d bridge.

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Like anybody else, it is wise to get to know them first and then make your judgements, don't pre-judge based on the fact that they're half siblings.

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what part of the bible says Polygamy is wrong? and what makes the bible the law of God?

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I simply dislike polygamy since it is against the law of God except if the husband of the wife dies and wishes to remarry or the wife of the husband wishes to remarry. But talking about trusting half brothers and sisters, to face the truth now, i think it is impossible.

My one and only reason is simple, the bible made us understand that we should trust only HIM (GOD) and no one else. For this single reason, i hardly trust myself not to talk of trusting other people.

Sorry i've been blabing, but i have to say a big NO to the question that "I CANNOT TRUST MY HALF BROTHERS AND SISTERS" final!!!

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why won't you allow the son to see his dad.

O wait let me guess, The son must not get an inheritance huh?

It's very selfish not to let someone have a relationship with their parent.

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I wasn't brought up in a polygamous home but my husband was though the wives and children were not under one roof. He trusts his step bros and sis but then he's a very friendly person though he says he'd never do same as his father- Big AMEN to that.I pray I never find myself in a polygamous situation as much as I say I will leave him first before that happens to me; surely a fair number of the women who have/are experiencing it must have said the same.

One of his friends recently discovered his dad had a 30 year old son and he can't understand why his mom would not let the son/man into their house to visit his newly discovered dad. I said I wouldn't allow it either though it's easier to forgive the husband 30 years on. I agree with Chaircover on this one.

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Poly or Mono, trust is not easy.

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If momas kids, no sweat. but papas! u ve gota watch ur back. they c'd b gd but alwayz a thing to talk abt n no time u know! they re artifact, treasures but ur friend c'd be more useful to ya. 4 God sake! luv freely, trust no one n keep moving, dnt stop d shine 4 oda buddies problem.

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Someone send an email to my boss requesting to know if i am fro a muslim home,i replied to read the answer in the forum/thread.Actually my dad is a christian an elder in an Anglican church, though he was born a muslim with the last name Bello .We were all given Christian names at birth but i adopted the name Binta because my grannny love to call me that and i did love it. i hope i am clear a bit.I love all my siblings,i still share what you call secrets with them,they are always there for me.

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I dont have half siblings but my grandpa had 6 wives and 32 kids.You could never tell who was who around the house.I always admired his household .There was so much peace and harmony in his home.I think it all depends on the man;the way he plans his house thats the way love will develop among the wives and children.

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if i had any steps

i wouldnt trust themthank God i dont hav any

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Just wanted to point out that the correct word is POLYGAMY and not POLYGAMISM

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i guess it depends on how they are brought up. i have an aunty whose husband strayed out tho he still maintains his first family. goes over to the other side to sleep from friday to sunday (he does not miss it for the world)

what a life. the other wife cant get pregnant for him and she is relatively young (heard my aunt pronounced a swear on her)

i hate polygamy with a passion. too much wahala

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Well, as a muslim, there is nothing like half brother or step brother in islam . . .

your brothers are your brothers . . .

You must fufil all your rights over them . . .

- Right of family

-Right of islamic brotherhood

- And right of neighbour if u are staying under the same roof . . .

So the same way the issue of trust applies to ur "full" brothers is the same way it applies to your "half brothers"

oNe

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well it depends,if the scenario pemits why not?

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I don't understand why people are polygamous. If you're married and you're tired of your wife, get a girlfriend like others and make sure you use a condom. Must you maintain more than one wife?

If you want more children, then make it clear to said girlfriend what you want. Nigerians should learn to communicate more.

As for the topic, i don't trust anybody, so i wouldn't know. Even your own full brother or sister can disappoint you. There is no formula to the whole thing.

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Blood is thicker than water.pretend to have forgotten and welcome them,then if they exhibit their mums trait of disunity and lack of love,push them away,period.

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@ Poster

I totally understand everyone's feeling on this topic. Cos i've been there too. I tried pleasing my step-mum at the detriment of my relationship with my biological mother and father. Today, i can authoritatively tell u that its not worth it. We are not even on speaking terms let alone being friendly.

Suffice it to say that not all your half-siblings will be untrustworthy. But you must operate with them with a discerning mind and be spiritually conscious. I dont mean being diabolical cos u can never fight evil with evil. Just have God as ur succor and refuge and all is well.

One last advice, try not to end up being a polygamist yourself. It is a sure way of reducing this scourge.

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FOR THOSE WHO HAPPENS TO BE CHILDREN OF THE SECOND WIFE, HOW DO YOU FEEL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER IS NOT TREATING THE OTHER CHILDREN FINE?

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE FACT THAT YOUR MOTHER WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU EVEN AT THE DETRIMENT OF OTHER CHILDREN?

I HOPE SOMEONE WOULD JUST OPEN UP, IT'S JUST FOR US ALL TO LEARN.

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there's one thing you people don't realise. not all steps are bad, infact ur step mum might actually be the person who will help you make it in life so the least you can do if u are such a person is show love to her children.

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Maybe i'm wrong, but i think the real issue here is the wives jostling for control and manipulating the children into being part of their agenda. all this would you trust your siblings is weird. what are you afraid of? that they will poison you? chop all the money in babas will?

polygamy has existed in societies/cultures across the globe since the beginning of time. people are just making noise because it is out of fashion today.

most of these peeps going on about their bitter experiences should also cast an eye to the wiles of the women involved.

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Mine is  an exceptional case ,Only 2 of my siblings were actually born before all our moms were married and all others were born with all the mums raising us in the same home. We all grew under thesame roof and care a great deal about each others,My mums sometimes have arguments but matter is always under controlled by my dad,My dad is in 70s and all my mums are in their 60s,all my siblings are doing very well  except 1 whom we termed the black sheep and still accepted by all,I lost only 1 sibling long time ago,i believe she was in her infancy because it happened before i was born. I am the 14th child of my 17 siblings and what i became today was the co  operation,dedication,love, sincerity and faithfulness of my brothers and sisters.

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It all depends on the situation. Different situation may call for unique reactions. At any rate, keep your wits by you, but let experience be your best teacher.

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Topic: Polygamism - Can You Trust Your Half Brothers And Sisters?

You Just Follow This 4 Rules of Survival . . .

Rule #1: Never Underestimate Your Opponent. . .

Rule #2: Show No Love--Love will get you killed. .

Rule #3: Trust No One. . .

Rule #4: NEVER FORGET RULE NUMBER 3

Plz don't take my shits too personal, you know them more than I do, so LIKE attracts LIKE. . . .

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I thought polygamy was having more than one wife.

Some of the stories here are about a husband leaving the first wife and marrying and living with another wife.

I guess i need some clarity.

Does the husband divorce the first wife and then remarry? If so that is not polygamy right?

Dont polygamius households all live together in the same compound?

Does not the first wife have to accept the second wife?

Is there some type of legal recourse left for the first wife if she does not accept the second wife?

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yes ,but with conditn

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@ POSTER : yes coming from a polygamous home might be painful expecially if you do not grow up with you steps, do not put all the blame on their mum but your dad who did not keep his vows after marrying your mum. Relate well with them to really know who they are cos you might end up trusting some of them more than some of your own sibllings.

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'i dislike my dad so much for being a polygamist, the thought of it makes me sick. i certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with my steps. trusting them is way out of the question. NO'

Well i understand why you said you dislike you dad but you just like to love him. Let me quickly say something about polygamy.

Polygamy is not of God. It is the worst thing that ccould happen to any man. I am a product of one. My family used to be one though we had little or nothing then we are happy. Then God opens way for dad Mum became insecured and a new wife came in. I was 14 then I undastood nothing about it now am 29, and i've learnt alot about it.

Dad moved us to Port Harcourt with Him to join him and his new wife. Though i didn't join them immediately i later did. My mum had 4 children for my dad, 2boy, 2girls. Unfortunately, we lost our first daughter dec.31 2008 due to illness.

I am the first son and i can categorically say that the heat was on me. Dad's wife is a product of polygamy herself so she sees everything as Contention. I wouldn't call her step mum cos shes not wort caling one.

I see all sort of things. My teenage years was one hell of years. I suffer depression, I as left to myself and becos my younger ones were loyal to her they suffer less. Because of depression I suffered many illness. I was once diagonised with septicemia, this woman will not even look at my direction. she was busy looking for children. Yes she got 4 and they are all girls.

Today her children do not greet. Of course Igi Imu jina sori (nose far from head). The oldest of her chilren is 9yrs while am 29yrs. I don't greet her infact i've totally cut her off. As far as am concerned she doesn't exist anymore.

At times i feel like cutting off from dad for leaving mum. I feel like hating him for ever but i let it go cos if i do that God wont be happy with me. The Bilbe says , as much as lie in us, we should leave peaceably with all me. but I don't think i'll apply that to dads wife.

Please all. If you are truly a product of polygamy. learn form it. Trust no one half brother or half sister.

only trust yourself.

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as for me i dont see anything wrong in trusting my step sibling afterall we are from d same blood but really i dont support polygamy in anyway is bad, it has really caused alot in my upbringing that sometimes it shows and my friends starts complaining but who am i, i cant turn the hands of time.

I blame my dad for everything for allowing his family to run his home because my mum could not give him a male child, so they gave him another woman hoping she will bear male children but only end up having a male and two other female children and left and he is now married to a widow and inherited seven children from her late husband but all the same when going to my home town i attend to all of them but sometimes those children from my stepmother they always want to let us know that we dont have right over them and i have instruct my dad that he should tell them to move to  their father's relative since they dont want to take us the way we took them.

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I definitely understand where you are coming but the man has more control of the situation. He is the one that is married and not the so-called home wrecker. Don't forgot lousy in-laws(even the female ones) that push men into polygamy.

whew seems a whole lot of we nairalanders have experiences with polygamy. i aint alone lol

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i dislike my dad so much for being a polygamist, the thought of it makes me sick. i certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with my steps. trusting them is way out of the question. NO

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I dont have any of those but if i did it will be a resounding No:

Polygamy is completely un-natural because it puts multiple women in direct competition for everything for life and that passes on to the kids.

Might be because im old fashioned in that i think one woman shld be completely in charge of the home front whether she works or not while the man brings in major bacon.but that's BTW.

In my home town, this rich polygamist man now in his early 70's is so heart broken because his male offsprings that had potential (like school-smart , hardworking and business-minded) have all been poisoned in the house.

I remember one day one of the older wife's son came back from abuja( this was when abuja was relatively unknown) and plucked an orange from a huge orange tree. unknown to him,there had been a quarrel about the younger wife's little kids plucking it unripe.

As soon as the kids saw this young man pluck just one, having come in from a far dusty stressfull journey down to the village (you know), they told their mum who blew the whistle and within 20mins very few LEAVES were left on the tree. right there and then i swore that i will never ever have anything to do with polygamy.

And by the way, the guy that first plucked the orange was poisoned about 6 yrs later supposedly by the step-mom or half mum or whatever you want to call it.So promising was he;he was going out with one of the popular home movie stars who even came to the villa with him once. Oh!! what a waste!!

I dont trust any of those poxy relatives apart from my siblings considering that my family passed exams and got scholarships while the other ones cldnt even write their names. The jealousy was and is still so thick that birds flying across bounce off against it.

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If the kids were from my mum, no problem but my papas kids are a big no no.

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Hi biina

I'm sorry! I can appreciate how angry you are about polygamism - me too.  I am so happy you are airing your views about what you believe in.  I will not say much now until everyone has aired their thoughts then I would let the world know about the effects of this ideology on my childhood.  Come on buddy, bring it on!

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Since the kids dont grow up together, interaction is limited, and perception is dominated by speculations and gossip. This usually results in a high level of mistrust, as each family feels the others are getting a better deal at their expense.

Even when everyone is cohabitated, polygamy could still easily get nasty.

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Keep them at arm's length, and then some more, cos, most often than not, the lack of trust is mutual.

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