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Submission In A Marriage, What Does It Mean Nowadays?

I am wondering, after a few conversations I had with my husband on this topic, if there is a general view in Nigeria  about submission in a marriage.

It seems to me, from what I've read here and there that things are changing but when I look at my nigerian girlfriends in their marriages I still see some kind of "setback" from them, at least when in public. For example I rarely see serious conversations shared in a group of men and women, the few issues I've been discussing with my husband's male friends were always about family/chldren. When it comes to politics, culture, business they switch to their language or move to another room, which makes even the women who speak the language "not welcomed".

Even on more personnal topics : daily life and organization of the household, solving problems between husband and wife, topics discussed with the wife etc. I still feel, through my husband's behaviors some kind of expectations for me to be "submissive" which can sometimes feel completely unacceptable from my own point of view while it seems like "no big deal" to him as he already feels that he has lowered his expectations to the minimum.

So, my question is, how is considered submission in nowadays' marriages? What are the important things, those that tend to disappear? Is it still called "submission" or is it considered "respect" ? What do men and women think about it ?

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aaaaaam,eeeeeem! I for one am one of those women who do not have a problem with submission. I dont know for some reason I like the advantage of it since beign the head can be a huge task. You know the old saying "with big power comes big responsibilities. I believe God gave men this role because he understood very well what it takes to be responsible for other's.

I am not even worried that a man, (and I am talking about real men by the way) will ever be unable to handle the task as he will always be guided by God and be suported by the Love of his woman. I think as soon as a women undersatnds her role in a marriage it should be easy to let go of "Power Ranger" wanna be issues.

Can somebody tell me why is it that women are soooooo obssessed with being Power Rangers these days? Every conversation with a women these days is about "I dont care about him, I have my own money, I can take care of myself" etc. etc. Oh! shut up who said you can't.

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Here is what i blv:

1. A man that has to use his voice demand respect, he is not a man

2. A man that blvs in using his fist to ask for respect, he is a goat, cos nothing shd make a man lay his hands on a woman, except in bed, with nice good spanking in the Bottom.

3. A man that has to constantly remind the woman, that he is the man, is a puppy.

Actions of the man towards the woman will make the woman to give her all in the relationship

Now when i said respect, the man has to watch his words and his actions to the woman, cos not nice to keep hurting her, and a real man should always have time to know how his woman is doing and to pay attention to her needs.

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How does a man respect his wife/woman?

I used to have this ex, reason why he's even an ex now. He was always saying I'm disrespecting him just because I say I want to talk to him when he's doing something wrong to me. Isn't that meant to be what communication is all about?

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You are very right and i agree with you

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This is why I said people should define what it means to them when and before they marry. The meaning changes from person to person

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Please note that submission is never same as slavery oh

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You think a man should submit to the wife?

I think submission from the man to the wife is respect . . . a man has to protect and respect his wife more than even himself.

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The truth is submission means different things to different people from different backgrounds. The best thing is for the two married people to define what it means to them both and go on with it.

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you think about it too.

BTW . . . the neck analogy is not in the bible oh . . .just the man being the head.

Now if the man is polygamous, yeah, he will still be the head to all dem women, infact, he has to be the head to be able to marry more women, and the ones he already had no even complain, remember, no woman wanna share her man.

Also, a man with multiple wives is never stable, cos they all demand what they want and attention and tell him what to do and all that, so in one word, they all act as the neck

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that's interesting. what if the man is polygamous, are there going to be multiple necks?

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When it comes to calling one a head and stuff . . . I go by the bible on that one, i am not saying you have to blv in my own blv oh, but i wont compromise on that one.

However, if men uses same bible, they will love their wife to death and do all that will make her happy.

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shouldn't that be decided by each couple.  what if they like being a 2-headed monster? calling the man head is indeed gender bias.

so its now the woman's fault that the man can't look the right way in marriage. come on now.

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I have never been gender biased.

The man is the head and i blv the woman is the neck, and guess what? the neck decides what area the head looks . . . but not all women has the skill to do that, cos they too busy seeing the man as the enemy

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how about co-pilots or captains. each partner can assume leaderships roles in areas they are proficient in.

gender roles shouldn't be as rigid as u guys make it be.

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What i mean by the monster analogy is that . . .2 cant be the head of the ship, one has to lead at a point in time, there are times that the man could be weak, nothing wrong in the woman taking the leadership touch as well.

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support him, respect him, honor him as the head of the family.

simple.

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Now you are making sense.  i disagree with 2 headed monster analogy though.  There is no standard on how a relationship should work.  That's for the couples to decide.

the word submission should be replaced with compromise IMO

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It is not only the woman that submit her body, the man did too

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Abeg dont complicate things jare, the woman having surrendered her fathers name to take up her hubby's is expected to submit to the man. The amazing things about this debate is the woman never has issues submiting her body to the man, but when it comes to other things like money independence we hear all this "noise", And b4 the NL feminist bite my head off i never subscribe to slavery, the woman in submitting to the man is not the same as enslaving her.

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The average African man's definition of submission equates Slavery.

I believe In mutual respect. Two heads working together w/o anyone feeling superior.

Both parties should practice Decent submission (?). 

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Regardless of what kinda culture you have, only one person will do the submission.

There cant be 2 heads in the house, else, becomes a monster, cos anything with 2 head is a monster.

The man is the head, and shd be able to have a plan, a goal and lay it on the table for the wife and the wife see that they man has something for the family to work with, please, i am not saying the woman cant have a plan as well, but she brings it to the husband and lay it on the table and they discuss and make a plan on how to realize them all.

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It means being considerate, deal with him with love and have him as your best friend.

It does not mean being silly.

It means look at the plan tht the husband has for the family and if it is good and God's way, follow him and support him

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I don't believe in submission the way the average Nigerian sees it heck I don't even think I believe in it at all. I so agree on the separate rooms where the men talk "men" talk and the women sit around and discuss about meatpie. The crap gets on my last nerve. I try to avoid as many gettogethers as possible because I honestly feel like a fool after listening to those conversations

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