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Ur Wife's Mum Living With Ur Family, Right Or Wrong?

This grandma has one daughter (last born) and 2 sons, one son is married over 5yrs but yet to have babies. He lives in a 3bedrom flat all alone with his wife. The other son yet to marry but habouring his spouse in his house, lives in a room and parlour just him and his wife. Now their mother refused to live with the sons and chose to stay with the only daughter who already has 2 girls one 7yrs and the other 2yrs. she moved into their room and parlour self contain at the birth of the second baby and has refused to leave despite frequent anger from the daughters husband. However the grandma takes care of all the wife's duty in the home, even to washing her son-in-laws clothings and underwears. The Man is angry and insisting she leaves but the wife wouldnt want her mother to leave. How can we advise this family?

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I understand but you kinda made it seem like he ought to do everything himself. He has tried. Two years and counting. The other children should be considerate too.

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If she can't live with either of her sons then they should contribute money and rent a place for their mother. I don't think it's her in-law that is supposed to attend to that though he can contribute.

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If her mother is strong enough to take over all the household chores then she can also live on her own. I don't understand how a mother can insist on staying knowing that it is causing friction in her daughter's marriage. The only thing is if the mother leaves then the husband should know that all the nice things that came with her being there will also go with her. So he should not complain if he is not eating a new soup everyday.

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On a short visit, right. Living with the family, totally wrong. In Yorubaland, she had better not accidentally die there or her copse would have to be taken out through the window. It's more honorable for her to move to one of her son's house.

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The other sons we dont know if the other sons are willing to allow her in their homes or not, but surely they are in good terms, in fact better terms than the daughter. And yes the wife is running a small business that isnt working out for her. She is up today and down 2morrow. She cant really support the husband financially, though she takes care of little expenses like feeding of the kids alone, whict at times the husband have to come to herrescue. the husband hardly eats at home. He leaves for work early to drop the kids at school and gets back between 10pm and 11pm cos he closes at work at 10pm.

The man is managing in a room and palour self contain and his mum is late but he has a senior sis that comes there once in a while to spend 1 or 3 days. He has personally called the mother-in-law to move to her son's house, but she said its because of distance to her church cos the sons live in Ikorodu and d other son in Ibadan. The grandma has been there for 2yrs now.

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Is she a "grandma" to these people or a mother? - your post seems to infer she is both. Please clarify.

Some questions- Is she homeless? Is she on good terms with the other 2 sons? Have they refused her accommodation? Is the daughter her only means of accommodation?

If the questions above are not issues, then the problem lies with the Daughter, and not the Mother, or Husband. The Daughter is obviously not supporting the husband on the need to have their privacy and have the Mother stay elsewhere - and for good reason to. She is using the mother as a Maid by Proxy, as the Mother does all the homely duties. Hence she does not want the Mother to leave.

The Husband has the right to demand privacy in his own home, and the Mother is simply doing what the Daughter wants her to do, or what the Daughter is suporting her in doing - which is to stay.

Barring the fact that she is homeless and has nowhere else to go, the Husband should issue his wife with an ultimatum - Please tell you Mother to leave, as this place is not big enough for us all. If she refuses, he should take control of the situation, and explain the situation to the Mother himself.

This is really a situation between the Husband & the Wife. The mother may be a pawn, or she may be orchestrating it. Without taking charge of the situation, the Husband will not know which one it is.

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Waoh, it all depends on how bouyant and how coperative d woman is. If d man has money and is d owner of d house, he could as well as build a boys quarter 4 her so that they can hv their privacy! But, whereby d man is managing, they might as wel send her back and get a maid to help her at home with monthly allowances. I wil shun my wife for her laziness by making her mum do d domestic chores alone. God knows she cant watch my inner wears and my clothes except my wife.

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If the other sons are willing to take in the woman, then she should try and be considerate and leave.

The family is already trying to cope in a small apartment and except it is absolutly necessasry for the woman to reamain (that's if all the other options have been exausted), then she should go!

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@Poster

Chaircover is right, we need to know who you are in contact with, so that we know what angle to start from.

From my end, I want to know if the wife is a working class woman or house wife, what the husband do for a living, and if the grandma husband is still alive.

How long has the grandma lived with them, and how long did she say she will be staying before leaving.

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@ chaircover just discuss the topic, I want all stakeholders to learn from the discussion, meaning husband, wife and grandma. We have so many pple on nairaland who might be in the same position with either of these 3 and will learn immensely from your sincere contribution. Thanks!

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