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What If I Don't Want Children?

Why do people look at you cross eyed when you say you "don't want kids"?  Never understood that.

I realise that some people feel as if they're obliged to get married and have children because that is what is drummed into them from birth.

However, there seem to be a lot of people out there who believe that EVERYONE should get married and EVERYONE should have children.  I'm pretty sure that this "one size fits all" mentality is the root of most of the problems and general discontent we see in society today.

Also, why is it considered selfish to not want children? Surely it is more selfish to desire an extension of yourself in the form of a child.

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56 answers

It's a question of personal choice.

You don't need to have kids if you don't want to. No point bringing them into the world if you can't devote all the love, care, and attention they deserve, to them.

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I think its absolutely normal to have no desire for children.

Having kids is one thing, Raising kids is another. The world will be a better place if so many people WERE NOT BORN. They add no value or have no substance and depth because thier parents could not set the foundation and/or didnt have what it took to do so.

Not having children might be the most SELFLESS ACT some people might ever make in thier lives as it saves your generation from this worlds bleak future.

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I'm not a huge fan of kids. I adore them only when they OBEY my every commands to the letter. I just can't tolerate their bitching and whining and moaning etc.

But then as they say NEVER SAY NEVER. I might end up having a change of heart and adopting or having one of my own.

P.S: To get pickin no be by force. If you can't raise a kid properly ABEG NO BORN. I'm tired of seeing bleeped up kids on the streets!

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Unless my partner wants and loves children OR I happen to make a baby accidently, I will not be having any. And I certainly do not feel bad for that.

It is my choice and knowing how much I dont like little mini-people running around with dirty muddy hands and diapers and all the attitudes they can hold in their little tongues, screaming on top of their lungs and demanding allowances,, I dont think it would be fair to have a child.

If ever the condom breaks and something happens, I'll take it as God's way of telling me that she knows better and that she thinks I should have a baby in which case, I would.

To each his own, I certainly do not believe that people should be made to feel like they do or dont have to have kids. Having seen the way some people treat their kids, I am glad that some of us are accountable enough to know and stand up for what we want. Some people would just have kids and not only not care for them, but they maltreat them and leave the rest of the world to deal with the mess the made of their kids.

To each her own.

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still playing the same record. . .

dont have them .

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@poster, there is absolutely nothing wrong in not wanting to have kids, we all cant have the same likes and dislikes, some people like the colour red, some like black, some people like alcohol some dont, etc, dont listen to what people think you should do, rather do what you think is best for you, there is no way all of us will want the same thing.

I have a friend who together with her spouse have chosen to remain childless, they both dont want kids and they are both happy with their decision

i personally am not a big fan of kids too, but if people love kids and want to have them then am happy for them,

peaceout

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if you dont want kids, dont have any. that is between you and your spouce NOONE else

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Then discuss it with your potential wife before hand to avoid any complexities if/when you do get married.

If your partner does not want children either, then that's one problem that's been taken care of.

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if you dont want children,then dont have them. at least you are still better than those who have them but dont want them

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@ OP

If you don't want children, don't have children. At least, for the sake of yourself and the rest of humanity.

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Marriage to me shouldnt be based on having children. Else what happens when the children does not come even when both parties want it desperately?

Nevertheless, children are worth having in a marriage. they make it a home. they are fun to be with and there is nothing wrong in anyone procreatiing his/her replica. besides i think every woman should be given the priviledge to experience the joy of motherhood.

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I think it is one individuals choice whether they want kids or not, Its not really a compulsary

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suit yourself if you don´t want to have kids but don´t belive everything your husband tells you.

You need to know men can tell a lot of stories. Maybe when you are beyond chiödbeaing age he will get you a mate to help ypu out getting babies . Then it will be too late.

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life is not all about having babies pls dont get me wrong i just think one should be mentaly and emotional ready for them if you are not ready you are not read.

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I will drink to that.  Happiness comes from within--external gratifications are just added bonuses.  A lot of people have kids and are the most miserable SOB's on the face of planet earth.  It is a personal choice not a "rite of passage".  Imagine what will make you personally fulfilled, not what society dictates.  One shoe size may fit some, but not all!

Live well your life and make no apologies for your choices!

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You couldn't be more right.

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Being of a certain age, divorced and childless, everyone thinks my immediate priority should be to get laid by the next available man for procreation purposes. So when I turned down the advances of a certain gentleman who saw himself as God sent for that reason, he thought I was mad and proffered to link me with a psychiatrist because of my divergent view on the matter.

"If you get pickin, make you no laugh, if you no get am, make you no cry". Live life to the fullest and with purpose whatever your choice, whether by omission or by commission.

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The bible says:

"Be fruitful and multiply"

"Let everything reproduce after its own kind."

, I think the point is that we SHOULD be having children if ABLE.

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I think it is a personal choice if a man or a woman wanna have kids or not, nothing, and i mean nothing, not even your parents shuld be able to decide for you, it is a personal thing, so if you wanna have kids, go on jare, and if you dont wanna have kids, more grease to your elbow, just think it through, so that you dont regret it when you grow older, cos it will be too late then.

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Thats for you, my mama born me i go born my own o!

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if ur parents didnt want kids, u'd still be in the great adios.

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I didn't want kids AT ALL until 3 yrs. ago exactly. I until then despised children and didn't like them around me, heck even too much of their laughter made me crazy. A one size fits all mentality is definitely a big factor in most people's problems in society, too meant people want EVERYONE else to live how they think is right. Maybe since most people are capable of having children some may feel why not have 1 or 2 or more, I'm still feeling new to the idea of wanting kids. I'm not even sure I feel I have to be married ever lol.

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I think having kids, or not, is personal choice.

I myself can't imagine being without children, but that's my choice. Those that don't want them, well, it's their choice too. I know in most African cultures, the extended family COULD possibly want children, more than the couple concerned. Now, THAT is selfish. In most cases, they've had their own kids (the grand parents) and want to re-live the same experience with their grand children. Now, would one call that selfless? I certainly wouldn't.

If both parts of a couple decide they don't want children, then, their decision needs to be respected. If a friend told me himself and his wife / girlfriend have decided NOT to have children, I'd accept it, without question. He doesn't have to justify why they may or may not want kids, and it's not my place to persuade them to have them! I wouldn't consider them 'abnormal' if their decision was not to have children.

I feel that those who try to push folk into having kids against their wishes are the selfish ones. And no, the desire NOT to have kids doesn't have to be connected to financial or medical reasons.

It has to be based on mutual choice.

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Not a bad idea,u're only tying to reduce the country's population .

But i'll suggest u stay completely out of marriage if you don't want to have kids cos Inlaws will definitely mock you and make life miserable for you if u stay married without kids.

Besides who do you expect to take care of you when u're old?

definitely not ur siblings cos they av their family needs to attend to.

so weigh your options well and be reasonable with your decision.

4 me it's children all the way cos i luv dem and they are gifts from God.1 luv.

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@ayanaija

They can always purchase puppies to take care of their misery.

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We all want so much from our women/men. I pray to God to give me a friend as a wife. It' so good when you have a friend that will be there for you every inch of the way.

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Guys, I want to believe you're all just joking! What are you all talking about? Do the world a favour by not having kids? Because you think Naija is overpopulated, you think it'd be better not to have anymore kids? Ya'all must be tripping!You know, if you decide not to have kids while you're young, there'll come a point in your life when everyother thing will not matter to you anymore; believe me, nothing else will give you pleasure than the satisfaction of having your children around you. It's the human nature guys, it's the way we are and there ain't nothing you can do about it. But if you think I'm wrong, you have a choice of course, like they say-it's your life! But somebody warned you!Children are the joy of life; you'll understand that when you get there.

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People should never have more kids than they can handle, now that is selfish. People that choose not to have kids is not a crime, no point in bringing more unwanted chidren in this world.

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Well it's just our culture that stresses d need 4 kids but looking at other factors i.e. economy,convenience and all that i think having kids esp in large droves is becoming pointless by the day!

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hey you guys out there,

u've got to know that nature have its way of dealing with us in a cruel manner.

"A child is a sacred gift of the ALMIGHTHY FOR THE RIGHT MOTHER".

All you saying you want kids, why not wait the the right time and find out for yourself if you really worth having a kid.

This also applies to all you guys out there.As for me, if am on the right side to have a kid,i will gladly accept it.But if it is the other way round, who am i to question the CREATOR,but that will never affect the love i have for my "better-half".

TILL DEATH DO US PART.

I was reading an obituary page on a national daily sometimes two months ago,it was all about a couple.The Man was 96yrs and the Woman was around 92yrs, they have no kids and it was just a 4 days interval that separated their departure."This is real, i read it myself"

Would you now say they dont have a fulfilled life?Just think for yourself.

You will still have your life spent the way u want it to be, whether there're kids or not.It all depends on both of you.

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u know what

exu there should be more people like u in nigeria, it is already over crowded like crazy because people keep popping htem out.

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exu

look at it this way, u are almost guaranteed a kidney if u need one in the future

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A conscious decision not to have children can be an altruistical act. Anyway, it's OK to have children, but it is selfish to have too many. We're already pushing this planet to it's ecological limits. More children are really not going to help.

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You're selfish if you don't want kids (unless you honestly cannot take care of it) because most times the reasons they give are only about self, me this me that. If your parents had a thought process like yours then you will not be here today. There is beauty in kids, I still cannot get the image of my younger sister off my mind, it's a beautiful experience seeing her as a kid that can't see a thing in this world, grow up and is now able to talk trash to me. If I enjoyed the whole process of my little sister growing up then for my own kid, it will be priceless. Such is life, we're here to multiply. My child will be an evidence of my prior existence on this planet, when you look at him/her you'll know what I looked like.

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marriage's primary aim is for procreation but if u don't what kids then there is no big deal there. it's up to u and ur spouse and as far as u can live with it there is no sweat at all. i have seen childless couples that are far more happier than couples with kids so its no big deal . as for me the whole idea of marriage and having kids is not just on my cards (it doesnt appeal to me).

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Even though I have never been enthusiastic about marriage I have always had the little desire to have a child, two at maximum. Possibly twins (a girl and a boy) so I can get it all done at once.

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I dont think its selfish not to want kids.After all,luk at d world we r livin in,all d sufferin,war,violence,murder,molest and not to mention d extremely weird pple around who prey on lil kids.

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Its ok if someone dose not want kids.

Same as it is okes for me to say i do not want anymore.

And i do not want to try for a boy.

When my marrage broke up , friends were telling me.

Am still young, i can get married.have more kids,.

I i said no.

I got some silly answers,"you are not a man" , you cannot stay alone" do you not want a boy".

Better to have non , than to have one that you do not want.

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Yes, pressure in the Nigerian culture and environment,

but truly, marriage is for love and procreation. If the procreation part is not there, i dont see that marriage as totally fulfilled, except for some cases, where having children is not an option.

And why wont anyone want children anyway? is it just becoz of the responsibility issue?

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some factors could affect now wanting to have kids, for example

- Most of the models i know dont want kids because by modeling, they make their living and their job requirs that they maintain their shape all the time

- A lot of female musicians i know dont want kids atleast not at their prime time (A time when most ladies want a kid)

- If u r infected with hiv and other comparable deseases, you dont want to infect another person by wanting a kid.

- If you are top level executive in big firm, usually due to pressure, male and females at that level either have had kids ealier of if they havent, may decide to adopt or wait until they retiere

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Hi all,

I've never met any one that didn't want to av kids. But those dat don't may av had a nasty eperience in da past. Personally i may nt be a fan of kids cos their wahala is something else but i'd love to av sweethearts of my own especially if i'm married to d love of my life. Even if nt i'd still have kids.

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I feel ya, but believe me, sometimes when my baby drives me nuts by her incessant tears I really do see why some pple have chosen not to............

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@fabian. oh no fab dear! she IS entitled to her opinion. i just thot maybe i can make her reconsider.as a woman, i know how i feel wen i see my kidz run around,kiss me and all dat,its a good feeling,really nice. i wouldnt want anyone to lose having the chance or oppurtunity to expirience the same feeling. u get my drift?

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Funny thing is, I have a daughter who turned two in october and I plan for another by Gods' grace next year! But errone is entitled to his/her own decisions me thinks!

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my dear u really sound adamant about dis. is there a particular reason u dont want to have kids? did u have a bad childhood? do u think ure a bad side of ur parents? cos i thot u said something like dat-yes? girl i used to hate kids. i mean,really dislike them. my sister never left me alone with her kids cos i was mean to them. i would fite with them over toys(i still play with barbie) cos am a big baby, over the tv channels,whether to watch mr. incredible or bugs bunny( i think bugzy is just great,i love him), u know i always wanted to see kids cry everywhere. my 1st kid was not a planned pregnancy so imagine how i felt wen i found out i was gonna have my own personal fighting youngmate. but baby, wen he came,one look and ive never looked back. i have another girl now,still intend to have more. more than my ma(she had nine of us- but dats if my husband is up to it!!! babygirl think about it sum more, u dont want ur mother-in-law to turn u into meatballs now do u?

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I know how Nigerian Mothers-in-law are stereotyped! But I think its the men in the family who are worse. They should teach the co-called wicked Mothers-in-law not to toy with their wives!

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I Guess u are a Nigerian and You know how

mothers-in-law in Naija behave.

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