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Which Is More Important:staying Married Or Getting Married?

In my opinion,i think staying married should occupy the mindset of every human being.when you are in a relationship,it should serve as a breeding ground for possible marriage,but must not lead to marriage.it is obvious that some of our girls are only interested in getting married-even to the wrong man.And that leaves us with many broken homes.

My main concern is the children,there is nothing as bad to a child to grow up without one of the parents,it affects him/her even in academic work.Please,lets look well before we marry.

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17 answers

@ dara-mi

I am happy hearing this from a female,it shows we have hope.the family system has a long way to making nigeria great.and if nigeria most be great,every family must take good care of their children,bringing all up under the same roof and by both parents.BAILING will not impact positive values.and only when this is done can nigeria set march on the path of greatness.less area boys,less armed robbers,less touts-more security and civility.

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Many people are marrying for the wrong reasons.I think staying married is more important than getting married. You may have the best wedding party or whether your wedding was featured in ovation magazine, the question is can you be a wife or husband? Marriage is about giving yourself sacrificially and unconditionally to your spouse, believing in God that its going to work.

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it's when you get married you can stay married!

but staying married is more important

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Well said my sister,but wait a minute,in as much as i don't support any man that batters a woman,i still know that 90% of the reasons why men beat their wife comes from the woman herself.

Most often we talk about this wife battering,we end it up the way the western world talk about 419-one sied.An american is interested in buying the Nigerian owned Refinry in the middle of the night,before Nigerians wake up,at last he found out that he(the intended duper),has been duped.my analogy is that while we msut condem the man for battering his wife,we should also remember to tell the wife to respect the husband,stop nagging,etc.

Sister you also talked about the man sleeping around.i don't support it at all,it's not holy.But you and i know that men are not the only one in it,they do it with married women and single girls,these girls that go out with married men,will definitely marry to cheat their husband.so infidelity in marriage cuts accros board.

Bailing like you said,is not the solution to our family problem,Bailing comes with it's own problem.that is when you will remember you want to spend time with your kids at the same time their father want them.the reason why i raised this issue is not for us to pass bulk,but rather to look inward and find those things that are tearing our family system,not to refer us to the western way(BAIL).

Part of the reason is that a lot of people,girls mostly,marry for the wrong reason.just for the fact that we went out for five years,at which i found out that we are not meant for each other,the girl will want you to marry her,not because she loves you,but because she is 29yrs,and maybe Tope her friend just got married.some because the man lives a flashy life,so they think he has money and want to the enjoy the money.Or the man wanting to marry the girl,because she is working in oil company,or that the father of the girl is one rich man.These are all the wrong reasons,lets marry because we love each other and want to uphold the institution of God.

The truth is that for a marriage to work,the man as well as the woman must believe in the marriage first,then both will work assiduosily to make it a reality.

Another cause of broken home i have found out,comes mostly from the family of the girl in a marriage,maybe because she has like four brothers with large chest,any misunderstanding,she will run to them,and they,in their foolishness,will come to 'WARN' the man.Brother i tell you most solenmly,the day you take side with your sister in a matter she can easily settle with her husband,and made the mistake of going to 'WARN' the man before your sister,you are planting the seed of broken home in your own sisters family.Because at any chance the woman will say to her husband you have started,you know how my brother dealt with you last time,this time will be worse.And girl,only few men can stand this piece of insult.most men will want that heaven to fall that day by beating her.PLEASE DON'T CHICKEN OUT BY BAILING,RATHER,SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

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i strongly believe in staying marriage with the right guy! But i used to be married that was forced by my mother on the ground of two reason:

(1) my parent does not believe in wedlock pregnancy

(2) my mom was very skeptical of how a deaf child (me) raise her own baby ALONE.

My ex-husband was not right one, no matter how hard we tried to make our marriage work thru marriage counseling. It does not work! I do not support domestic violence I cannot tolerate! As of result, irreconcible difference/abusive/neglected/abandonment was my finalized divorce! (14 yr now)

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Staying married of course is harder--and more important!

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@ amsky

yes oh.

But that is y pple are advised 2 date 4 at least a yr so that there will be no surprises

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i agree with u michelin.

D truth is that 4 marriage 2 work, both parties have to work hard. Happy marriages do not come on a platter of gold.

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Wether these girls think getting married is more important, once the ceremony is over, they are married. they had better work their Bottom to make it work.

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getting married 4 d right reasons is tres important.

Love (in all its forms, agape, eros etc). Understanding. Sacrifice. Endurance. Patience. Companionship. Forgiveness. Serious Prayers.

All these should be practised if anyone intends to stay married.

I do not support violence of any kind tho!!!!!!

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both ---- respectively.

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Question: Why get married to a man that abuses you?

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Answer to your question:  MOTIVES.

It depends on the reason or motives for either of the party getting married.

1. If you get married to settle down for the rest of your life because of love with your man or woman. then even challenges will come and you will understand them and they will pass.

Good example is SHAPEY and HUSAND and to some extent AMSKY. I gleaned from their post that the got married having found a companion and they think is for the rest of their lives. Because when crises comes they could have use the opportunity to jump ship

Unlike some people who get married for some sinister reasons, so at a moment of small cough or hiccup, they quickly remember that they are not compatible or remember all the sins of the other person.

2. For papers ( as in stay and green cards), taxes (common among aristocrats) money, lust, all those things will not last as change is the only permanent things, when changes happen, the reason for getting married is no longer there, they will not stayed married.

There is an example posted on this site by a lady called 'LONDONLADY' about her friend who is getting married to have papers, have one child for the dude and divorce. that is an example of good sinister plan. someone is thinking of divorce before she get married.

I think people should just prayed for God to reveal to them things about their proposed partner so that they do not waste valuable time of their lives especially which is mostly unfair on the woman for obvious reasons but ironically they are more than likely to plan along this sinister lines, men would do it as well but very few men than women.

When you think of marriage, don't just think of the ceremony because the marriage starts after the ceremony and it is a rollercoster ride and if anyone can just hold tight they will eventually enjoy the ride. and they will have a most wonderful life.

Good luck everyone.

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But why would someone want to just go through the ceremony and not one to actually stay in the marriage.

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of course staying married should be the main priority, after the wedding(getting married) comes the marriage(staying marriage)

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@ amsky

I agree with most of what you have said.

However, this present generation are not patient, no tolerance. perseverance and endurance.

Marriage is the only institution ordained by GOD and is the first thing the devil will fight.

One of the key to succesful marriage and relationship is first to be friends and when crises comes as it surely will come for couples to take stocks and pray together and find solution before this new mentality 'moving on' ( if relationship/marriage becomes violent no doubt it should a last resort option to move on.

Then each of the couple should cool down and take sometime before any 'new venture'

As the grass is never greener on the other side and there is no guarrantee in any relationship new or old. However, old relationship with the right ingridents and love will always stands tests of times.

Getting married to the right person and staying married through thick or thin is the most important thing.

my 2 cents

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Well said my dear, but just ponder for a second. Would you stay married to a man who beats you up at the slightest provocation or none at all?would you for the sake of your children's ''academic'' stay married to someone who would cheat on you when the oppurtuinity presents itself? or would you stay married to a guy who knows nothing about being married,but thinks a woman is a baby making machine?

My dear,one advice for you tonight

do not tolerate anyone treating youvlike garbage simply because you want to stay married for the sake of your kids' education. If the time comes in a marriage for you to move on,then the chapter is closed. You move on with your life and make a meaning out of it.Yes ,it's good to be married,but do not make yourself a slave to anyone for just that reason. i am married,and happily for that matter.So i'm not saying one should not make sacrifices. Every woman knows when it's time to bail. When the time comes,you do just that: BAIL

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