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Who Is More Important; Your Husband Or Children?

THERE is always this subtle competition or should we say rivalry between a man and his children when it comes to getting the woman’s attention in the home. Only a man who does not want to face reality will deny the fact that this happens once in a while in the home.

Most men have had cause to complain that their wives, at one time or the other, had neglected them and focussed all their attention on their children.

Do not get me wrong; there is nothing wrong in this kind of situation. It is what we, sometimes refer to as a “healthy rivalry” but, of course, there is the tendency that, once in a while, some people take this too far.

When a situation like this surfaces,with the woman’s affection tilted to a side to the detriment of the other, it could lead to problems in the home. That is why as mothers, it is very important for us to ask God for wisdom to be able to strike a balance between our relationship with our children and husbands.

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49 answers

Nwaka 80, I concur with your last post and again well said. Please allow me to jinx it up a bit and am looking forward to opinions on this one. I believe that since my husband came first he should remain the first. Our children will grow someday and leave the nest. This whole partnership will still be between me and my husband again just the two of us. The big deal with children is to prepare them for the future and that they become responsible with their independance, and what better way to set an example by showing them how and where to keep the focus and make wise investments in their families.

I think you need your partner more later in life that you do when you are still young and heathly so make a wise investment to reap the best returns. Your children might not be there and you really do not want to be an incenvenience in as far as their independance is concerned. I know I am leaving a lot of holes in what I had to say, but I hope you get the gist.

I once got a shocking response from a boyfriend when I was complaining about not getting enough attention, his response was that "I do not even call my mother as much and she doesnt complain" HUH! to my surprise, I thought the relationships were different and if they are the same then there is no place for me here,

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I think my husband should come first not that the kids are not important, it's a different kind of affection, i mean the kind of feeling i have for my husband may not be the same i have for my kids, he shld be my lover, sm1 that shld be able to make me feel honey all over anytime am with him, but my kids have their own place in my heart. na different levels sha.

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my dear people, the two are inseparable.

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You owe more duty of care to your Children. The husband is an adult and can take care of himself.

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u be better person jare. . . . dont mind all dem half baked wifeys

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i've had women loose their husbands cos of this

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do you have children?if yes

what is your relationship with them ?

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speak for your lover sir, and not for us, same way most women dont give an f about their kids, want me to tell you of women dat abandoned their kids? women dat dump their kids in the motherless babies home just because they wanna be free? women that drown their babies in the toilet or throw them inside the well? women that sell their babies?women that kill their child at birth?

are you kidding me?

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but look at it from this angle,

no woman can die for his husband

neither a man for her wife

but they can go extra miles just because their children

nitori omo lanse sise

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and what is more ideal?

let me see, oh yeah, your wife should put the kids first huh? what if your 5 year old daughter cries out every night cos she imagines she sees masquerades , and doesnt wanna sleep with you and mummy in your room cos she feels the masquerade is also in your room, and will prefer it if mummy spends the night with her all the time

How will you feel if your wife leaves you on the bed alone months after months just to sleep with your baby girl, tell me it will be ok with you?

if a woman says all these its understandable by me, but if you men , you attention seeking creatures say the same, then i call you all hypocrites

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Every mother  . . . well most will willingly die for their kids (literally)

Are u willing to do the same for a man?

well there u go then.

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i bliv this should go simultaneously

but it is evident that children as an edge

cos children is the pride and future of every family

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false i guess you are talking about the useless men here, puhleaseeeeee there are alot of men that will spend their last dime on their wives to look hot for them, and at the same time spend on their kids.

havent you seen men dat refuse to spend a dime on their kids, but will rather spend it on their mistress?

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Theres no argument here. Havnt you ever heard the saying that a woman has the emotional strength of 10 full growm men? Its not for nothing it is the woman and not the man who carries a child. She has it in her to unite all. A woman can balance it out and she simply would need the cooperation of her husband to understand that theres no competition.

The children are a couples priority in life. You people should stop splitting it into woman/man discussion.

PS. On a lighter note. If a woman asked her husband for 450euros to buy a bag, he'd say no. But he would cough out the 3000 euros for the childrens achools fees. So who is the man's priority there? lol

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Thatz why I said it depends. but overall, my children first.

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My order of priority

1) Spirituality

2) Spouse

3) Kids

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MY HUSBAND IS IMPORTANT TO ME

My children too are but HUSBAND comes first.

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and for that reason children should have the greater the attention whilst they are with you, and once they are gone, the hubby who happens to be standing on the waiting line, will now be given a chance?

anyways its an individual thingy, but one thing i want you all to know is ' a child cannot stay with you forever' a child will not always be there for you' there comes a time when they will go start their own family, your husband has started a family with you till death do you lot part

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Nowhere in my post did I mention that you said.

Strong rel., trust, time, etc are imporrtant. . . .no one is saying they arent. What I'm saying is that attention cannot be equally distributed b/w hubby and kids.

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read properly and tell me where i said kids shouldnt get the attention they need?where did i say the kids should be abandoned?

like i said the kids will need me and their dad to raise them up, if i am not in a good relationship with my husband, how can i give the kids all they want? no matter what happens, no matter how much time i spend with them, they will always want their dad, a man figure,i can only do what i can do as a woman, the man still has his role to play, take for instance football, i might have a son that loves football and needs someone to encourage him and help him out, thats when the man figure comes in, my part as a woman has limits too, they are things a man can do for his kids that i cannot do

Thats why i said it takes a good relationship with my husband to fill in the gaps, if i am not relating well,with my husband, the man dat  made it possible for those kids to come into existence, then whats the need of a family anyways

my kids are my life, my husband is also my life, but it takes a good foundation between couples to bring a child up

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It well depends. . .  .in some stances, the kids will need the greater attention. The husband is a responsible adult, able to tackle problems himselves. That does not mean ignoring him all the same.

Your kids need the greater attention. Don't be enjoying your marriage while your kids lay in disarray. They need to be guided, taught, protected, led in the right path etc. Fortunately, your husband will be/is there to help you raise the kids.

Giving my kids greater span of attention is not a causation, it does not mean I'll  be  ignoring my husband.

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Please educate them. How can you put the kids first when you don't even have a great relationship with your spouse? Biko tell them!

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people say kids without thinking first

whose shoulder do we women cry on? who do we share our fears with? who do we confide in? who stays with us even when things go bad? my husband is like a solid rock i stand on, when he comforts me and gives me happiness, then i can reach out to the kids, how will i be there for my kids,when the relationship i have with my husband is sour? when there is peace between parents, both parents are then able to give the kids the best care and love they can ever ask for

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yes very impossible, thats why my husband comes first before anybody, the kids are limited, there are things i do with my husband, i can do with my kids, my kids cant make love to me at night, my kids cant provide for me,my kids wont be with me until i am old and grey, they will leave the house some day,who will stay with me? my kids will leave for the uni some day who will be there with me? who has always been there before the kids came into this world? my husband is the pillar i hold on to, if i cant hold on to that pillar first, how will i be able to care for the kids?

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well yes, when your kids are able to fend for themselves then you would have more time for your hubby, but like i said before, the hubby has to understand, and put the kids first too (in a situation where both can't be No. 1,)

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Would you rather loose a child at birth, or loose a husband 6 months after you lot just got married?

Both are important in this world, but without that man there wouldnt be any pikin in the first place, a man leaves his parents and cling to his wife, they both become one? your kids first, who will be with you in the same house after those kids are gone? who provides for those kids? who shares the same bed with you all day? who went to the altar with you pledging to love until death do you part?

All this ones saying kids first, i would have said same a couple of years ago, wait make una marry, una go tell me if una pikin go live with una till them grow beards, or leave una for house and go start their own family

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u dont have children.

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@ poster, i don't mean to interrrupt put this is a tough question considering the sentiments i have as a guy.

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lets agree to disagree. We could argue this all night long.

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Depends.

But my children comes first.

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Chicken2roast: This isnt about choosing just any man. He is the man I fell in love with and married hence those children were born out of love. That being said, children are blessings from God and that's what they are. You and i both know that not everyone gets that. Again they shouldnt be the reason people marry. Children are to be loved and cared for. So, you spend all your time on your kids and when they leave the house what then happens? Couples should put each other first because you were first a couple before a parent. Remember that when you marry

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Doesn't have anything to do with my stand on the issue.

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must the individual had to have kids to know what they want?

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you don't have children do u ?

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I used to be of the train of thought that children come first but now I know better.

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[b]I concur. [/b]I hate when women pick their husbands over children. If you bring children into the world, you are in charge and they are your responsibility.

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The kids definitely come first.

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remember your children are still your kids, even when they are 40 years old, so at that point when they can fend for themselves and all that, who will now be more important, would you now change your mind and say the husband?

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IMO, I think the children are more important cuz if you bring a life into this world you are responsible for that life. and your partner should understand why he comes second to the kids. your husband can fend for himself, but your kids depend on you.

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good question!

but u can't compare ur husband with ur kids. different levels of important

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ummmm and what will make the husband not to be better half, or make them not to be one/

i guess you referring to all the gbetus

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Solidify your relationship before kids. I would like to believe that if you do that, then you wouldn't have to choose, your family will be a unit.

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If your husband is 'your better half', and both of you are 'one', then he comes first.

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without the man, no child, without the child, no future wife and husbands.

SO both important

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