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Who Is Most Important?

My friend just lost his mother yesterday and while he was talking to sympathizers, he said "The most important person in my life has just passed away" The wife who was hearing was set off on edge and asked him where she belonged. If your mother is the most important person where do I belong? Second most or what?

Whats your take on this?

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How long I've been married for isn't relevant here. If you truly feel that every woman's a gold-digger, and go into a marriage thinking so far ahead of divorce, then you should remain single for life, and stay at home with mama. If my mum was alive, she would understand her role would change when her children got married. She was never the domineering sort, that threw a tantrum if she felt her children's wives were number one.

As I said, different folk, different strokes.

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Topic is very telling of how men cater to women's emotions just to make them feel like dieties.

Clearly the man knows the answer in his heart (most on this thread chose their mothers), but would instead choose to lie to his wife to make sure she feels cherished and unequalled. #naijawomenhatebluntness

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BB i said so in response to that particular Siena's quote, he responded to. regardless, of whether a good mother was the only requirement or not, there are still some men who would still choose their wives and he should at least put that into his "box". choosing their wives doesnt imply more or less. everyone is different, so is every story. you should know na

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Spot on sissy, sm pple dont have a good rapport or relationship with their mum

@I agree with you there siena

Its not how long you are married for ,but who exactly are you married to ? I will answer the question in a minute.

If you check my previous posts you'd see that I criticized the woman for jumping off the gun in a situation like mourning and grief.

Mothers are important but my missing rib is my life, without that rib I am worthless. A Man left his parent same way I left mine to cling to his wife that day we both became one and together with the help of my husband we produced our generation that will produce the others yet unborn.  a mother brings a child to this world, but a wife makes a man to be A MAN. Have you seen how the society holds a married gender in high esteem. If a man isnt married  @ 36 even if he has the best mum in the world, people will always let him know that there is somebody missing in his life, same with a woman too.

Whilst we were growing up my parents made us know that nobody and nothing could come btw them. The biggest stockfish belonged to my dad. If my dad is coming back from travel, my mum will prepare the best stew fish(cos he likes fish stew) you can ever think of. If her kids are coming home from school, they got good things but not as good as their dads. This did not stop her from loving her kids neither did it stop her from praying for us 3 days every week 12-1.30pm .

Whenever anyone of us was getting married my mum would always tell us never to allow anything or person come btw us and our spouses. Infact she used to drag our ears to listen to her. She told me sthg one day, she actually said "jenny,all your sisters r gone u r d only one left and is about to go, never let anybody come btw urself and your husband, cos look you have all left the house, who do I get to stay in this house alone with? your dad, who do I share the rest of my life with whilst you lot are away, your dad.

There was a time my dad travelled and planned to be back in 2 weeks, he ended up staying a month,1 week and a few days, though he was still ringing home and telling mum of the latest development , my mum wasnt comfy with it, she organised her sister to stay with us , packed her bag and went to look for her husband. I have been in obodo oyibo for how many years and I tell you that my mum would only stay for a week and start complaining of the weather either it is too hot or too cold. But if she came over with her husband, she could stay for a year as long as her man is beside her.

If my parents went for events without us, the only thing they hear is "How are your kids? hope they are well" but if any of my parents goes out to that same event without the other one people start asking "where you wife/husband naaa, why e be say na only you come out for here so?" It is expected of a man or woman to go alongside hubby or wifey.

My husband is the centre of my world, my mum is one of the most important person and one of the best thing that has every happened to me, but who do i confide in? whose shoulder do I cry on? whose shoulder do I lean on?who has made me a different kind of woman? who has helped me bring kids into this world? who do i share my fears with? who will I live the rest of my life with?" my hubby. A wife can be a mother, a friend, sister, a brother,father, a wife is highly multitasking and multiskilled

Even if a man has been married for only one day the truth is this, that woman has filled a void a mother could not fill and The day a woman/man gets married is the day people start looking at them in a different light.

GOD BLESS

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@ Siena, I love your post because it reflects the scripture's view. I'm not trying to downplay or take from mom's role. Her role is different from wifey. She's done all to love and raise her child. But God likens husband and wife to Christ and the church. Christ gave His life for His bride. Parents are revered, yes, no doubt, but husband and wife are ONE FLESH. Now in this example, we have a foolish wife. She ought to have kept her mouth shut while the man was grieving. She should have tended to him and provided the comfort to him he needed. The man spoke out of his pain and grief and decorum should have ruled the day. However, his words were not wise. They should be excused because of the circumstances they were uttered in but the two roles are not to be compared. Both share similar duties during the man's life but they are two distinct roles. Only wife is the rib, not mama.

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you are assuming this "mother thing" as if ALL men have/had a great relationship with their mothers. for some men, their wife is their center of everything, because many experienced their journey with them and helped mold them into whoever they are. these women were the mothers these men had but never did really have. so, everyones story is quite different. try not to package everyone into your 'box'. still, leave that 'space' for those who had it/believe it different/ly from you. having ones wife as "most important" doesnt in anyway IMPLY the mother is least important and vice versa. different strokes . . . . . .

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Women want to be the center of the universe - all women do. If they aren't given that position, they get upset.

As far as I'm concerned, without your mother, you won't even be in existence - that is the reality. Without her, you wouldn't be here.

Granted that you obviously hold your wife in high esteem and your life with her is the most important decision of your life and will affect you forever, this CANNOT replace what your mum has done in your life.

This distinction should be understood so there is no implied rivalry.

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E be like say love still dey shark you like beer. . . Anyway, goodluck with the putting mum in the last sit, that is so unselfish of you, very thoughtful and greatful. But let me ask you this, God forbids sth happens to the marriage and the woman divorces you, where will you now put mummy? Huh? I guez mum will now assume the no1 until the next woman comes and displaces her in a space a couple of months. . . Great guy! I believe you are every gold digger's dream and every mum's night. . .

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if my wife insists that i choose between her and my mom she should be ready to take a hike.

'no deity like mother' - yoruba proverb.

nuff said.

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Its posts like these that explain why men lie and play with women's heads. A lady has been with a guy for a couple of years and all of a sudden she expects to be regarded as the most important person in his life? What has she done to earn it apart from household chores,sleeping with him,sharing secrets and nagging him to death? Any serious girlfriend or concubine can do all these so whats the deal? How does this replace the mom? I sometimes tell my woman what she wants/needs to hear but when she brings up those ugly choice questions such as 'who do you love the most' OR 'choose between me and them' . . .its a lost battle coz if there is anything i loathe/hate the most, its being toyed with or manipulated. I will tell the extreme opposite of what she expects to hear and if that leads to break up, then so be it. No time for nonsense.

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maybe the wife wouldn't have 'overreacted' if the hubby said, "my mother was ONE of the most important people in my life"

at the end of the day, she 'overacted' esp following the funeral of her MIL. her hubby probably meant what he said but maybe suffered from improper way of putting it

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I'm going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons here.

My wife is the most important person in my life. She's the mother of my child. My mother brought me up, yes, but her position and role changed, when I got married, and of course, my wife took over the role, to some degree. If I have problems, naturally, I'd go first to my wife, before my mum.

Myself and my wife are currently the most important people in our daughter's life right now. Obviously, when she gets married, I'd expect our positions, and priorities to change, and will not begrudge my daughter putting her husband first - as a matter of fact, I'd actively encourage it.

Different folk, different strokes, I guess.

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I agree with alot of things you said but this, at the same time you shouldnt put your mum above your wife of 2yrs.

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Seriously, a lot of the ladies here scolding the man for what he said are taking this grieving man's statement out of context and do not truely understand the implication of that. The question of Love and importance are mutually exclusive, I could love sb very darely and do anything they ask me to yet they are not the most important person in my life. The most important person in my life is one who has greatly influenced me and has the greatest effect and value in my life. This features and values are sth that take time to develope, they don't just happen, and not even a pang of emotional fits can change that. That is why even in marriage, over time spouses re-organize their priorities gradually and that is why I contend that our spouses may not neccessarily be the most important person in our lives, it is sth that takes time to develope. Most important person in my life does not only ve to do alone with the fact that we are married else, we could accommadate our kids too in that regard. Infact, the statement is more ambiguous than the wife understood before reeling off. . . That man made the most honest comment that could ve served as an opportunity for the woman to take that level of importance in his life but she blew it by jerking off in the wrong direction. I mean couldn't put you above my mum when we are just 2yr into our marriage, COME OOON!

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^^^^GBAM^^^^PLEASE allow me to add, "Children are born of us, but they are not for us"

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of course! It's got 2 be mum.

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I didn't read all comments but I will throw my 2 cents in. Forgive me if this has been expressed already. The wife was foolish not to ignore the statement made by her grieving and heart broken husband. That was her time to lovingly offer the consolation that only a wife can give. The husband too was foolish not to consider he is a married man and to not use comparative terms in describing mum. No role can compare to the role played by mom and nothing compares to the role of wife. But the man should remember how God compares marriage repeatedly in the scriptures to that of Christ and His church. For this cause shall a man LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE. Nowhere in the bible do you see this high elevation of parent and child like you see husband and wife. I'm just saying,

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Insecurity has absolutely nothing to do with it. It is about being mature, smart and tactful in regards to the way one speaks. Just because a human being feels a certain way doesn't make it okay to say it. That is how it is and how it will always be. Seeing as you think you aren't the typical Nigerian man then there is nothing wrong with the man[i]"thinking about his wife as well" [/i]If he so loves her. This argument shouldn't even be had! What he said was wrong.

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^^^^about the topic, you should each have a clear idea of where your union stands or what it stands for.

if someone expects to be the center of the universe then they should make that clear from the get go.

i think that this is because women make us men the center of THEIR universe and subsequently think they deserve the same from us.

so many different things are important in our lives: family, work,health etc and if we have to make a choice, we each know what we would prioritize depending on what lives we live.

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My reason for asking: Men dont really take time to teach each other anything, as I find it rear on any of the threads were men actually scorn each other for any lack of protection for their woman.

About why people marry each other for the wrong reasons this still buffles me, 'cos according to me marrying someone is about the decision to love the next person as much as you love yourself.

I am still not sure why is it so difficuLt for men to process such a simple thing. I mean is it really that hard to Love yourself?

About the topic what would be your conclusion for gilrs like me and chaircover? This is the kind of thing that can happen to anyone even the best of women out there.

1. Do I just shut up and carry on like I didnt hear what my husband just said?

OR

2. Do I open up about it and hope for some understanding or risk hatred from my husband?

I am a kind of girl who would have let it slide and difinately bring it up at a much later stage in the middle of some or other candid convo when both our guts are down.

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my replies were:

next of kin: how can anyone happily married to an healthy wife have a child as a next of kin?!

plane crash: as i know my mother very well, she wouldnt take the parachute anyway.

arm robber: i would hand him the vaseline, LOL! whats good for the goose is good for the gander!

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^^^I am curious what was your response to the two threads you've just quoted?

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some of you people are living in LALA land. it reminds me of a few NL amazing threads:

- the thread asking about next of kin and how most 9ja men who replied would prefer to have their 2YR OLD son as next of kin rather than their mature wives.

- the thread about the plane about to crash with only one parachute left and husband have to choose between giving it to mother or wife. you will also be very surprised how many men said mother.

- the thread about the arm robber giving husband a choice: kill you or ra*pe of your wife. most men replied ra*pe BUT when asked if they will answer the same if the arm robber was gay and wanting their a$$, they ALL said:"HELL NO, kill the wife!" lol

****singing**** this is a mans world!!!

the problem we all have to understand is that most people in 9ja dont marry for love but rather for show, ego, peer pressure, money or what not. so they have no real loving feelings for their spouse and that said spouse is as dispensable as an empty can of coke.

love?! how can anyone talk of love when so many other factors are more important in deciding to say "i do"?!

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Well then guys, this is what happens when you start having a heirarchy of importance about the people that surround you. They probably love you equally yet in different ways. They play different important roles in your life and definately, No ones level of contribution is more important than the other, and for a man to even go to the extent of verbalising it ouch! that must hurt. No woman wants to discover that all along she has actually been at the bottom of your heirarchy of people that have been meaning to add value in your life.

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^^^^^pls enlighten me: the guy just lost the most important person in his life, what should he have said?!

insecure women should grow the hell up and accept the obvious or never get married.

the man was hurt, grieving, confused, sad, down, probably crying his eyes out, and out of all these emotions 1) he should think about how his wife feels about the love he has for his mother 2) instead of caring for her husband, this insecure wife is thinking about some selfish issues like "who is more important". what a world!

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LOL Whoever said they shouldn't? The man in this instance didn't choose his words carefully. It isn't about wife vs Mother it is simply about

being smart about what we say and how we say them.

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Hmmm. The woman shouldn't have reacted by questioning him. He's obviously grieving and eulogies(what he said could be part of his eulogy) are most times blown outta proportion. Let it slide.

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SA lady

And yet again, the man has been misquoted for the umpteenth time, he did not say "woman", he said "person". The wife was just being a typical !diot plain and simple. She is not the only öne entitled to that position you know?

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Oh! No actually I change my mind. I cant imagine any woman saying those words to her husband at the announcement of her father's death. Think about it "Oh! my dad the most important man in my life" No No No

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I feel sorry for the guy, but the more I think of it the more I realize how important it is for anyone to check their audience before they speak. Irrespective of the influence of emotions at that particular point in time. Its called EQ

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hmmmm! again could that be @poster's friend perhaps? The most important "woman" in his life. In my opinion a woman is an allrounder and wife and mother there's a clear cut distinction especially in roles and how they contribute to our lives. Ok dont worry I've made up my mind about it he's a mommys boy. The most important woman (all rounder) in his life.

Maybe he could've used words such as "my mother was very impartant in my life" I guess the woman part was very unecessary

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^^^^^^i think you're mistaking a MAMA'S BOY with a LOVING SON.

the difference is that the loving son doesnt require his mother to be in his life constantly.

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Everything wrong with being a mama's boy. Here's how it goes

- I met a nice girl, wait got to consult with mom to see if she approves

- Got a pay increase, wait got to consult with mom how to spend it

- Need to buy a car, wait got to consult with mom to see if she approves

- Wanna get married wait got to consult with mom to see if she approves of the girl

- I need to change job, move house, have a baby, wait mom has to approve

Now that's a sad story of a mama's boy

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i hear you sista. its just a bit sad that "after marriage", men cant/shouldnt express their undying feelings any longer unless they are towards our spouses. i mean, you expect men to suppress a feeling that they've had for +20yrs over the insecurities of our spouses.

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was going to comment but u took the words right out of my mouth. I don't even know how a wife can even start this kind of arguement when the man has just lost the mum. Most wise women know that their husband love their mother and wife but albeit differently anyone fighting for number one position in such an obvious manner is only looking for trouble.

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i love this.we can have several wives/babes but we can have just one MOTHER.just one MOTHER.

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^^^^^^^i guess loving your mother unconditionally is against the law now. . . . . . . . . . . to some!

the problem is that some ladies want to "takeover" our mothers place simply because they now do the stuff that our mothers use to do for us. . . . . . . . only to forget that we will only ever have ONE mother.

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And whats wrong with being a mama`s boy?

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@chaircover

i can see that you are just bent on putting a wife on the same level as a mother. i would understand how a wife would feel bad if she knew that someone else is the center of our universe.

there will always be a difference because the two because they are not the same. if they were the same (like offspring for example) then you wouldnt be able to differentiate between who you love more but a mother and a wife is a no contest.

i dont know about you but i doubt anyone will put flesh over anything in this matter so thats why the children might even have more importance than the wifey!

as for the "macho" statement, i would simply say that anyone who is being blackmailed with cootie cat (maybe you prefer that term lol) and falls for it, is a poor soul. . . . . . . .especially if it comes from his wife (as if we are the only one enjoying it) nonsense!

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^^^^I knew it!!! Mama's boy, girls run run for the hills

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well am not yet married so its definitely my mother.i doubt if anyone(wife or whoever) would take her place in my heart as the number 1 woman of my life.

My mother is the sweetest and

Most delicate of all.

She knows more of paradise

Than angels can recall.

She's not only beautiful

But passionately young,

Playful as a kid, yet wise

As one who has lived long.

Her love is like the rush of life,

A bubbling, laughing spring

That runs through all like liquid light

And makes the mountains sing.

And makes the meadows turn to flower

And trees to choicest fruit.

She is at once the field and bower

In which our hearts take root.

She is at once the sea and shore,

Our freedom and our past.

With her we launch our daring ships

Yet keep the things that last.

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maybe that is the reason why some women thereafter believe they are more important than the mothers. . . . . . . .if the hubby tells her "yeah yeah" to anything she says just to get some cootie cat.

some women have to finally understand that toto is a worthless item to bargain with as there are millions of desperate women out there willing to throw their own like frisbees, just to get a good man.

the above in bold is exactly what we've all been saying. lol!

if a man says that he lost the most important person in his life, his wifey shouldnt have reacted. the husband is not the one who compared anyone, the wife IS. . . . . . . . by getting upset about a comment made about the mother.

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The wife should not have got annoyed, if she were to be as 'important' in the mans life then the man will not be making such comments in front of her. She should now work hard become the most important else the mistress should overtake her again, that one na double palaver!

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I read the original post and the reponses that followed and shocked that anyone would find fault in the statement of the man.

His Mother Vs. His Wife. No contest here especially if she was a very good mother.

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If I were the wife, I would rather see the statement as an opportunity to strengthen our relationship and make him feel that even if she can't be your mum she can try and may be one day, I would ve the cause to say, my wife is the most important person in my life.

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^^^^^^^i guess it all depends on who you asking. rotflmao.

when/if i am asked this question i simply reply:" do you want me to be brutally honest OR simply answer to make you feel better?!

i, for one, dont believe in this fake BS. if i had a problem with my gal's anatomy then i wouldnt be with her to begin with so she should definitely get real and not ask me such silly question if she doesnt expect a truthful answer!

i would even tell her that she got a fat bootay if she did because she may not like it but not know that this may be what turns me on about her. should i lie about that?! lol

this question would be as silly as me asking her to tell me that my third leg is huge while i am only packing a peanut. come on! people should be comfortable with what they're packing anatomically and if they dont then they probably shouldnt get married or even date.

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@Chaircover

yeah i got what you said but my concern is more that some women dont know or dont want to accept the obvious fact here (or would rather not hear it).

at that painful time of his life, do you think hubby cared about how wifey felt about being second best (or worse) in his life?!

or cared about "peace?!

HONESTY is one of the foundation of marriage, not "partial honesty to make wifey feel better". at least each and everyone will know their places and act accordingly.

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For the Love of God the man was mourning his mother. Anyways the story seem somehow sha because no woman in her right state of mind will say such to her mourning husband unless she wants to see her mother-in-law face to face in after life.

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yes of course, this is no reason to walk away from each other but why would a wife (probably even MOTHER, what an irony!!!!) think she is higher than a childs mother to begin with?!

the fact that any gal think that they have a base for a discussion here is alarming!

the simple discussion that should happen and close that matter once and for all is for the hubby to simply say:"she is my mother, the women who gave me LIFE. do you dare compare yourself with her?!"

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