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Who's More Important In A Marriage? The Husband Or The Kids?

So i was talking with someone about this and she was like you'll marry your husband,not your kids. I think husbands are alright,but when i get married and have kids,my children will be the most important things in my life. Then i brought in a little illustration: if you were in a situation where your husband and your child were going to die and you could only save one,who would it be? As for me it's a no-brainer. I'd save my kid. What would you do,and who do you think should be more important in a marriage?

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95 answers

both are important, you have to find a balance between husband and children

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I first want to thank all of you who took the time to voice your opinion.

i'm sorry i took so long to respond. i wanted to read each and every response carefully. i have read a pleasantly overwhelming response and i'll tell you i wasn't shocked at all with the some of your opinions. i wanted to award a lot of you stars but unfortunately only three stars can be awarded. so i chose not to award any. it was too difficult to choose. however one response summed it up perfectly. took my words right outta my mouth, I hate to say this but, I bet that everyone here who said that their children come first is divorced from the parent of their child or in a miserable marriage.

1 - Children are not strong enough to be the center of the family.

2 - It's not good to spoil children with that much attention. And once you start, they are very hard to wean off of it,  if a child knows he/she can get his way by throwing a fit or crying, they will ALWAYS do it.

3 - The children will NEVER get to see what it's like for two adults to really love each other and be affectionate with each other.

4 - The children will expect to always be the center of attention and receive constant praise for everything they do.

5 - The kids will grow up, thinking that the world revolves around them, and that their spouse should treat them the same way their parents did. Of course, then THEY will get divorced too, which is a very painful process for anyone with half of a heart.

What kind of parent would be so selfish as to deny their child a chance to see what a healthy adult relationship is supposed to look like if they could show them one? That's exactly why a married couple with kids should have: - Date nights - Hot intimacy - Time when the kids go up the street and play with friends - Vacations - Family together time where the adults are affectionate to one another - The adults should be able to snuggle and kiss while STILL giving some attention to the kids The children actually benefit if they learn early on that it's NOT all about them.

They also grow up either in a broken home, or with two parents who barely even KNOW each other because the kids were put first. There is NO WAY an adult relationship can even survive if it's not attended with high priority most of the time. Of course, the children SHOULD be a priority, a close second,  or even tied for "first" as part of the family if you consider the world of good it does them to see that they are NOT the most important thing on earth, and they get to see what give and take and love and forgiveness looks like between two happy adults,  instead of two miserable parents who can't stand each other.

If you hear someone talk about how their husband "went nuts" after X number of years,  expect that there was a ton of passive aggressive, insane-making, neglect and other behavior going on. Most marriages don't just break apart with a loving, perfect wife and the husband just goes insane because he's a jerk-man. Chances are, he's been tortured emotionally and thrown on the back burner for a LONG time before he finally breaks. You ARE right, put your spouse FIRST if only to show your kids how it should be done so that THEY don't have to hurt too.

Peace out. . .

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the kid is more important in a marriage[color=#000099][/color]

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You gat the husband first ever before the kids came in, so na my husband first alwayz, kids can take the second place.

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really this person was banned and michelin had to beg mukina to release her, this person has opened lots of threads for amebo no1 and amebo is yet to open one for her

tHIS PERSON opened a "most popular thread" recently and thought she was the most popular until michelin told her off by telling her how silly and degrading her topics are, with no quality

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I remember she was the same person that gave up on a hot fight few months, ago

anyway that's history now, so far she doesn't open threads begging mukina for emergency help

all is well!

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oh really? she was so obsessed with kanu nwankwo and wife , that she wished he"ll come take her out of her familys poverty

yea i remember she once had a muffins id

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Dont worry she wont, pls get me a man, that has not Molested one of his cousins at age 9

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hallelujah

got your i miss you message, but no way im not making peace

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exactly, will those kids leave their spouses and come live with? good question

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Interesting thread. You cannot underestimate the love a woman has for her children - you need to have kids to find this out! However, ladies NEED to understand that the HUSBAND is the one you have the COVENANT with. Next to God, he is your HEAD. This means that next to God, he is the MOST important person in your life. It is true that men are not perfect. I won't come on here making a case for the perfect man - because he simply does not exist! But guess what? Neither does the perfect lady exist. No one said the road would be easy, as a wife or mother, for any lady. But YOU made a promise to stick to your man, for BETTER or WORSE. Many do not realize the import of those words - we stick around when the going is good, but he makes a mistake and POOF! We're off! We are custodians of these kids - the family arrangement is so that kids can be brought up in an enabling environment. but who are the stars? YOU, dears, and your HUSBANDS. I haven't seen anyone say that if their kids misbehave they will leave them, hmm, yet they are NOT the ones you have a blood covenant with! Let's think about it, Imagine those kids are 25 years older than now and married with their own families, would they leave their spouse/kids for you? NO! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids, but my husband is PART OF ME. For as many husbands as have messed up, there are many wives who stood by them and forgave them (and vice versa!). They are not super human. Hillary Clinton. Can you imagine the pain and anguish she must have felt? Is she a fool for sticking to Bill? Just do your own part, ladies, leave God to judge all of us separately for our actions! (P.S. If you need inspiration, read the story of the Biblical Hosea and the harlot he married!). Cheers!

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!amebo no1

My last response to u.

i am not here to pick a cyber quarrel. It makes no sense to me. U are free to express ur opinion and i am free to express mine. U were the first person dt attacked my person directly by refering to my husband on page 1 cos my opinion is not in tune with urs.

I never knew u existed on this forum and didn't know u have been following me abt on evry thread. I don't go personal with anybody not even in real life, so ignore me. Am am not a catch for quarrels.

Not that i don't know all the words to tell u to make u swallow urs but am not the type. And for ur info, i don't need u or anybody to endorse my marital status as u make it sound.

Have a good day.

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the kidzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of course.fact

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yes ooo!the poster,otukpo,and chelsea4su, are d coolest so far because they were able to reason beyond ordinary. I AM IN TOTAL SUPPORT OF THEM, THEY MADE ALL SENSE.REFLECT.

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Female dominated post. Amusing. And you'd think guys'd come out of the woodwork to protest the mere existence of the thread. Those who stick their necks out get 'em chopped off, someone succinctly said. But I'll do just that - stick my neck out.

I want you ladies to stop the catfight. These pages may conceal your identities but the "show" you've put up ain't dignifying; tells too much. You're women - embodiments of exquisiteness. Stop it.

You've as well lost focus of the thread. Let's get back on track.

I may have subject bias (I'm a husband) but do let me clear my throat

1) Without a husband, there'd be no wife; why knock it?

2) Wasn't your marriage the unifying type? You mean you'd gladly junk your identity?

3) Come to think of it, aren't those kids his (don't even let me think otherwise)

4) I'd love to see your response when he favors the kids over you

5) Unguarded responses give insight to the kind of marriage you have

6) Who're you kidding? Would it even be an issue if you were childless?

Before you challenge my bias, check the 5th point ,

@ the topic poster, why start a post which pits spouses against one another? Remember, in a burning house, it's man against man.

Lastly, this ain't sane. You really don't want your husband competing with your kids for affection.

Prove me wrong but the nature of affection between spouses is worlds apart from that between parent & child. Why compare? But those are merely personal views ,

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Another competition, now it is which woman is better off? why did you deep your hands in the pot of soup, when you know you cant handle it, you i.d.i.o.t, did i reply or address you, the argument is between otukpo and myself, but what did you call me indirectly? " [i]unreal [/i]woman? since i dont agree with you guys, its best you log out and get off my back, and i will give you an advice, dont go looking for trouble when you know you cant stand it

Good dont dignify my senseless comments, and you call " thank God real women are talking" a sensible comment? if so then you are the dumbest waste of womanhood i have ever come across

Now you can go, since you are a more better woman than i am , go and drag your husband from the hands of the other gurls around him

yanga dey sleep, trouble come wake am up

oshi

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Since you resorted to calling me names, i think i have to ignore you now, I dont usually comment becuase of pple like you, i will rather observe and move on, but this is a thread i love thus i ve been active right from page one, but at this point i think i should move on, from ur responses and utterances , I bet ur not half the woman i am, so i leave you now, never to dignify any of ur sensless comments with a response. byeeeeeeeee

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Both are important! But if I had to choose I'd save "our" kids.

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I'll rather choose my kids cos husband can fly away at any times even at their old age, they will be telling you that they can still marry young girl to take care of them

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!amebo no1

U tried abusing me b4 but i ignored u. U are not just making sense with ur points.

U husband may be a saint, and evrybody else's hubby may be saints. But u know what, I give u another u another 5 yrs and u'll be saying a different thing.

There are exceptions in evry situation. For u to say widows marry another husband immediately means u are living in a world of fantasy.

I can count tens of widows who never remaried cos they have one or 2 kids with the late husband. And i know widowers even with 7 kids from their late wives, it didnt take them 2 months b4 they started talking of taking another wife.

Ur kids remain urs and they will forever stand by u except u are a very bad mother. But talk of men, Most will even take their mothers, bros and sisters even b4 u, their wives.

A thread has been opened b4 on that and most men said it bluntly that they will take their mother b4 their wives. And u care to know some their reasons;

"their mother suffered to bring them up."

"their wife is a stranger that just came to eat their money".

"If not that he is somebody today, wld the have agreed to marry him"

Women this women that and bla bla bla

Thank God real women are talking.

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Depends really? there was a similar situation on the news couple of weeks ago, where a man was forced to choose between his wife or son.

what do y'all think? (video included)

http://tommiekiddy.com/blog/news/2009/12/01/wife-or-son-who-would-you-save-video-inside/

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Shut up jare!

Have you forgotten:

What as Bottom licker.

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Correct Person, He go better for you Jare

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They are both equally important but i think the kids are more important cuz even the husband looks after them and want the best for them

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At least I know where the button dey. Make I show you?

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And this coming out from a Moderator who is supposed to lead by examples ?

Seun appoints Moderators without mental assesments to ascertain if they can carry out objective functions and live by the rules

WHAT A SHAME !!!!

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You must be the greatest fool to believe every thing you read online, Useless italo LovePeddler

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No wonder you have this enslaved mentality. Don't you know some mods here are someone's husbands?

After you have licked your husband's feet, come and lick ours too. Na we be the head for this place.

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lol for those who will take their husband over their kids, if the role were reversed, do u think he will pick u over his child?, especially when our men can marry more than one wife? In most instances he will pick ure inlaws even over u, let alone ure child, but I guess, what ever works for various folks.

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haha husband ke i think children are important thatn husband cos although its this same husband that will give you this children but be rest assured that when things go out of hand it is this same children that will defend you and stand be you and that is common among the yoruba they will say there is no husband anyhere that there cildren are there husband.

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Really? Hummmm!!!!!. Everyman or woman is a function of his/her orientation, upbringing and exposure.

A lot of women are missing it in marriage because of wrong understanding of what God intended for marriage. In marriage, what you believe is what you get. Average lady going into marriage believes her husband will always be a cheat because that is what she grew up to know of her father and other men around her. But you know what? Your own marriage can be a model if you have understanding and you are ready to play your role well.

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in life n death situation i will save my husband over my child cos thats who i made my vow to n promise 2 spend the rest of my life wit. But in everyday activity the kids welfare comes first cos i chose to bring them into the world so i owe it to them

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I definitely love my husband, but my kid is a part of my body, my life, I can't explain it further than that and my husband understands that bond and agrees, women who choose their husbands/boyfriends over their children do so out of a sense of dependency.

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Are you minding them, all of them saying "you are not qualified to be a wife, or you are still a kid", are the kids themselves

My mum loves us like crazy, but i tell ya she made us know her husband came first, even though they provided us with everything decent, back then if my dad comes home, he kisses his wife first before anybody, same with my mama, i remember when my mum was teaching me how to cook, i noticed that the stock fish she used to reserve for my dad was marvelous in size, i asked why, she said " Your daddy is my husband, and he is the reason why i have smiles on my face everyday, he is the head, never , never forget to put your husband in that position whenever you find a man", this was said years ago, but it still lingers on my mind, sometimes when we dont travel with them, she calls her younger sister to come stay with us cos she and her husband are going for a week holiday, we grew up like that, and we never got jealous, but the fact still remains that we got all the attention we wanted, the relationship was balanced.

Now that we all have left the house, this two are all by themselves, everybody has gone to make a family of their own

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This one is tricky. But im really surprised at the no of guys saying they wud choose their wives over their kids. kudos guys!

I think its diff. to say, if u dont have a husband nor kids. both are ur flesh n blood, only dat with the kids, its physical. still, i have no opinion. sorry!

But judging from society, manyyyy women have chosen their kids over their husbands in many ways. look around you. its sad, but do you blame them?

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^^ in other words a son will worship his mama more than a husband will worship his wife, not in every situation but in the majority of the situations.

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@koolchicco, Tiger worships his mama though, but when it comes to his wife, well, guys will always be guys, u can love them, but can't trust them.

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@ otukpo i totally agree wit u jo.dis days men r not predictable b4 marriage deyll b at ur beck n call.afta u drop 1 dats wen deyll no u r 2 fat or ur fud is not nice.abeg my child wil come 1st cos no mata wot ur children will always love n respect u.in ur old age deyll be lukin out 4 u.i dont no bout odas but as 4 me i can liv widout my husband but my kids hell no

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@ otukpo i totally agree wit u jo.dis days men r not predictable b4 marriage deyll b at ur beck n call.afta u drop 1 dats wen deyll no u r 2 fat or ur fud is not nice.abeg my child wil come 1st cos no mata wot ur children will always love n respect u.in ur old age deyll be lukin out 4 u.i dont no bout odas but as 4 me i can liv widout my husband but my kids hell no

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For me it depends on the situation because children are defenseless and since i brought them into the world i have more responsibilities towards them than a grown man. Even if the situation is reversed, i would expect my husband to save our kids before saving me.

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^^ ure husband will come first until u have a kid, It is a different kind of luv, U will kill for ure baby but I don't think I will kill for a husband or a man, cos a husband can cheat on u any day, just ask Tiger Wood's wife.

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am stl single,bt if i get married 2day,my husband cms first,i knw God wl provide anoda kids 4 us.

i dnt pray 4 dat kind of problem

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@ OP, the answer is obviously the husband, it the kid dies then you can always have another one. If the husband dies you may never be able to find a husband who would love you the same way and would accept your child as well, think about it, u dont want ur husband leaving u cause u didn't give him any attention,

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@Topic,

It depends. You could be married to Mr Bill Gates in which case the equation dynamics will be much different from being married to Mr Gbolahan a contractor forever looking for jobs and not getting any.

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hahahha like we dont have mother inlaws that think that way

Let me tell you, in as much as it is a difficult question, i will tell you to go ask women this question and come to give me the answer

" would you rather loose your husband 6 months after marriage or loose your child immediately after birth"

you know what answer you will get? some would rather have their husbands around them to make some more babies for them

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were you taught how to lie in school just to send a message across? do you have 100% facts that this is true? should we start interviewing all widowers?

90% of the widows still marry, especially the young ones, even those that are in their 50's still look for partners

Do you wanna tell me why a lot of kids have ended up with step daddy's?

You are not giving a valid point to backup your claim

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A wife/ husband can share your kids with you, infact a wife will take your son from you the minute he takes her to the altar, if your son lives with you, he will move out? sometimes they relocate abroad to find a better ground for generation yet unborn

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@ amebo ,

unfortunately that is not true, infact the mother will not view it as taking his son away,  on the contrary she is happy that she groomed him well to be the  man she expected, so it makes her happier and gives her a fullfilling old age,

or how do u explain a mother,s agony when the child attains the age of settling down to a wife but feels reluctant to it?

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without him is the end for you ,lol u are a kid

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