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Why Are Relatives Always Jealous Of One's Success?

Have you ever noticed that your relatives such as your cousins, aunties and uncles get jealous when they find out you are prosperous or really doing good. well i don't know about you. but please give your opinion.

For example: my sister happened to travel to america and all of a sudden, my aunty is always telling her children to quickly graduate from university so that they can travel. don't you see that as jealousy? also my cousin is always like hmmm, your sister is enjoying in america, i will come and meet her there. As for me i feel those comments are not good. they are only envious about her. what do you guys think?

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40 answers

@Ibabalol,

I'll hate to admit that, you're right and once again, that's the human nature right there. When I first left Nigeria, I had a college prof. who emailed and called just to show me how dissatisfied he was, that I left the "struggle". How I'm not true Nigerian. Two years later he was out of Nigeria and told me, he is never going back.

The "this is Nigeria" thing? sure, once again its just human. Lets not run the risk of turning this topic to abroad guys Vs. home based folks. That topic is usually fiercely heated. But we just can't deny the fact that, there is iota of jealousy mixed with anger at the guys who are back home visiting.

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Poster

I dont know. . . .

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i have noticed that locally based Nigerians are jealous of the ones that have traveled out. The Nigerian police must not find out that you have american passport or you will be in soup. your every action is judged by anyone one around you. they say things like, " this is Nigeria" " they don go clean toilet for abroad finish come dey form for here" Young ladies think they can take advantage of you. When you speak with a foreign accent they accuse you of 'forming.' Friends and Relatives expect you to solve all their problems. When you import a used car, they try to devalue it by saying " moto wey oyinbo don use tire come turn am to scrap na im dem dey but take come do shakara. but given the opportunity, these same people would kill just to lay their hands on a visa.

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Its a very bad thing to be pissed at others peace.Anyway no babalawo fashioned against me will prosper, Period.

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@ dominique,

Do not assume everyone on here is Nigerian or even African, some expats may even frequent this forum.

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I see the subject is getting very interesting and safe too. Please lets keep it sweet. @cute4u, not sure if I got the ID right, but hey, its true what happen or is happening to you is very common.

Just as another poster said, its better to talk less, play safe and reduce the amount of jealousy you stir.

Personally, I was living between 40 and 42K per year, for a few years and most of my friends were happy with me, once I took professional exams, got qualified, stepped it up, it was bad belly all the way,

stuff like promotions, you can't hide them and I do not agree that, you owe a mentor anything other than respect. When you get promoted more than he is, sure would be jealous, sure you would too. I would, maybe for a few hours, then I'll be happy for you. Its natural, lets avoid it and sometimes, understand the people who safely exhibit it.

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Maybe the question should have been why are people always jealous of one's success and then the answer would have been 'because it is in the human nature to be jealous. However we have a positive and negative jealousy.

The negative one is the root of all evils while the positive tends to motivate one to work harder.

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@ poster

From ur story, the comment of ur aunties might not really mean dat they are jelous. U are 2 quick 2 conclud dat dey are jealous. I dont c any jealousy there

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@shinatu,

please note, there are two different people i am makin reference to, with different reactions to different situations. and i believe we have choice of what we want to give out of the lot we have.

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it is human nature but very common with blacks

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it is human nature but very common with blacks

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@sophy09

i agree with you,things like this happened daily in nigeria

is it now a crime to be successful?

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@bebe4u

Another lesson could be 'do not take what you are not ready to give'

Friendship demands, once you start to receive help and support from someone, it automatically places some demands on you too, that is why the guy expected that you would at least tell him you were promoted.

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envy is human nature.we were born in2 a sinful world so hate it or not there are people that'll be jealous of u.d only reason y any human being will not be jealous of u is if u r not successful.afterall i've never heard anybody say i envy dis mad man or i envy dat poor man.d only way u can deal with envy is by wisdom

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i will share my experience and lesson learnt.

i have a mentor where i work, he has been in the system for 10yrs and i just got hired then, he helped me settled in and kind of be on the look out for me concerning my career path and other office bureaucracy. One day i mentioned my pay to him and bam the next day his comments became very inflammatory and his attitude isn't very warm any more. thou i was wise not to tell him the exact amount it didn't help issues.

2ND episode

I got promoted last month , 2steps ahead of my colleague and now he is raising hell that i didn't tell him about it right from onset, he is not talking to me now.

I'm yet to understand why i owe him that line of story , his argument is since he is my friend ( not boyfriend oh ) i would've told him right from onset.

The only smooth relationship i have in the office now is with a female friend of mine and i guess its because i have not told her any thing. my family members don't take No as an answer or later now concerning their demands just because i shared my goodnews with them.

Lesson learnt

Say less to people, friends, family members,colleagues,church members, pastors etc,

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As someone mentioned earlier, it is natural to feel bad if you are not doing well and you have someone around who seems to be doing everything right

It is just that some people are ready to do you harm just to prove that you are not that good.

I have learnt that it is not good to be a local champion and surround yourselves with people who will always look up to you, that is asking for wahala, in as much as it is good to be good to people, you may end up spending your whole life trying please them and you will never please  them, as far as they are concerned you have more than enough so you should always do this or do that.

Have you ever noticed that the same statement you make to a friend or relative who is successful that he/she laughs over will create wahala if you say it to a poor friend/relative?

You always have to watch what you say or do when you are with them because all your actions will be interpreted as ' na because we no get car/house/good clothes' just to arouse the sympathy of the Masses and you never can tell who is listening!

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so very right!

I guess its cus a lot of people have never visited an international

airport but think they know everything about the west. (power of Hollywood) u may say.

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That her attitude is a minor jealousy in human being bt may grow to hatred,envy and other evil intention to bring her down.

The best prayer for ur relatives neighbours and friends is to wish them well and successful too because any diabolical means to bring u down always comes frm them.

So pray for her children and ur cousin to succeed too because this is hw it starts.

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help me tell him.

i dont know why we Africans like bringing ourselves down.

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it is an african cultures

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thats life for you @ poster

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Yes when they started on me

I then know am doing well.

In the office, at home ,

even people i dont know.

God is in control !

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Travelling abroad is not a big deal,u can make in nigeria.

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It is not only relatives that are jealous of one's success. Friends, neighbors and at times people you do not know. I was in

the bus, the traffic was something else. There was a young guy driving a latest car, he was trying to switch lanes and he

begged the bus driver for space in front of him. The guy in the bus screamed at the driver NO! He was so angry, "No, don't

give him any chance at all, all these rich men children. They  think they can just do anything they want." People in the bus

just turned to look at him. The driver was forced to ask if he knew him before. So my sister outsiders sef they jealous

people.

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Your example does not mean jealousy at all. May be they see going overseas as an achievement and so they want the same thing. What is wrong with that. That is not jealousy.

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You are right on point.

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you can choose your friend but you cant choose your family.

a good, loyal and reliable friend is better than most family members who will laugh with you and wish you harm secretly.

thats why most people are severing ties from their family members.

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funny, same thot came to me about the OP.

@kokoye, funny username and to think you stay in their neighborhood.

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@ post.

Ur auntie's comments does not sound like jealousy - she just wants the best for her kids as well. is there anything wrong with that?

The jealous and evil nigerian woman will not talk about it infront of you - they will just be wishing evil behind ones back.

You are the one trying to insinuate and create a mountain where there is none.

Rumor mongerer.

Maybe you are also jealous of your sister and you are just trying to deflect it.

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Human nature. . .can't really be bothered

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I've noticed it esp because i've experienced it firsthand from an aunt whom i was very close to as a child.

We're more or less like strangers now as she does not want to have anything to do with me.

Its not like we quarelled or anything. Her attitude just changed the moment i got married.

I have since stopped letting it bother me.

The most important thing is that one is successfull so pray that you keep succeding

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jealously is a natural emotion. Control what you tell your relatives. they might know she is in the states but you dont have to tell them what she is doing. The answer to what she is doing there is simply she is working hard to make ends meet. Cos its not only jealously she has to worry about also unrealistic pressures.

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It depends on how successful the relatives are themselves to start with.

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i feel jealousy is natural in human but it depends

on how you control yours it can either amount to competition

within a family circle which can develop into serious issues

and quarrel

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It happens when the family member is successful and others are not, but some people can be very greedy and this makes the unsuccessful member not only jealous but also angry and it makes them react.

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and please..itz not just nigerians

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very ( if not extremely ) normal!

even ppl u dont know dat well..friends..relative..etc

when ppl achieve what u cldnt or are higher..what do u expect?

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I have experience of this and i find it something that happens alot in most nigeria families expecially if someone happens to make it overseas.

then comes alot of green eye monsters.

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they might just be ambitious. but sometimes, ambitions without any assurance of getting there may lead to jealousy. pray hard sha, you know what they say: "jealousy is the root of all evil."

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