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Why Are Wives Often Blamed For Their Husbands' Failures?

i've read so many tales, witnessed so many cases, where wives are always at the recieving end of insults, curses, and abuses anytime their husbands fail at their endeavours in life. it's so common to hear the husbands' family members turning against these poor women, even when it is glaring that the husbands are at fault, not the wives. why is this so?

I had a friend(may his soul rest in peace) who died earlier this year due to colon cancer. he had a very young wife(23 years) old and they had been married for just over 2 years b4 he died. his family members refused to allow her to attend the funeral, calling her a witch, saying that ever since he met her and married her, his problems had started. and everyone saw how she was running from pillar to post trying to save her hubby. am sure if it were another lady, she would have left him a looong time ago. i read several stories too about wives being tormented by their husbands families. (most recent one in nigerian tribune) the husband lost his job in lagos, relied on the wife for finances, later got a job in abuja, and started an affair with another woman there. when the authentic wife came over unannounced, he got angry and told her to go back to lagos. she was even contemplating on moviung to abuja but she later didn't. along the line the husband was duped of a large sum of money he stole from his company by this woman he was having an affair with, and he was fired. he returned to lagos with his tail between his legs,, and still the wife took him back. later his mum came over and started saying the wife was the cause of his woes, and stupidly he agreed. they took her to a native doctor to swear she wasn't the one, but she just didn't do it. he later left the house, saying he can't live with her anymore.

there are so many tales like this. i keep wondering why such things happen to the wives. atimes it's true, atimes it isnt. but why? my fiancee has been telling me that once we get married, she doesn't want anyone going around telling everyone that ever since she came into the family, i have changed, but i tell her that once that time comes, i'll have to re-prioritize, cos she will then become my number one priority, my wife, my family, and whoever doesn't seem happy about that shld take a hike.

what are u peeps views on this?

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62 answers

@Outsrip

Thank you!

I have often wondered about this issue, but since I do not live in the US, I often wondered if nursing was a no go area for males in the US. I do not understand why this men cannot simply go to Nursing Schools themselves and make money too.

I have a friend who struggled through Nursing school in the US, she studied Mass Com in Naija and was having chalenges understanding some science stuff, she had two children and she was still working to contunue to contribute to the family upkeep.

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, blamed. Every society has its ills and bliss cos they are different and dynamic, they west has it single parent ill on the high but here, impregnate a girl and you already married, If its the way you claim it to be, then society must have a damn good reason for it plus its not one way traffic it goes both sides. If you dont want to marry good you'd be saving someone the truma cos you'r sounding ideologically broken.

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I laugh at most of your post most peeps here openly displaying ignorance. Isabela, is that what you'r called, you can talk all you want but you can never get a glimps of those ideas that brew in the minds of men, you think most men are looking for dumb, obedient wives but i tell you its not so you and your girls here just adopt this sartorial sanctimoniousness like you have no fault of your or like you make no contributions for which you can and should be blamed.

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Men are simply sons of their father, its in their genes! They are never wrong!

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In fact ehn. I dont know where this matter will be tackled from because african women work too hard. Its only in africa you hear a woman was deserted by her husband with 6 children and she will educate all of them.

It is something to be proud of, but it is WRONG. Its is worrying that with us, the woman is the bread winner and still the slave.

Its like that even with the best marriages. The man may loose his job and wont feel pressured - intentionally or not, because he knows he has a hard working wife. He knows she will never sit at home whilst her childrens school fees is pending.

Tomorrow she will be blamed if a car hit him when he crossed the road without looking.

Meanwhile these men, when they have expensive, demanding wives, they always make money. Check it. Men with gold-digger wives always have money because they know the minute they run dry, the woman will find another man. And theres nothgin men fear more than that. Its strange oh.

Ladies we have work oh. Bring up your male children well oh. This trend has to stop.

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That's the same with many Nigerian marriages in the US but of course they spin it around to say the woman got egotistical after she got a job as a nurse etc. They want their wives to go out there and work 16 hours a day 7 days a week and then they will keep the paycheck. Why can't you be a nurse yourself since nursing is so intoxicating to these men. My mom was 45 when she moved to the states and was working as a nurse within a year. So they can go to school and improve their lives. My mom was able to take classes and study for her board exams with 5 children and a husband (a very loving and understanding husband I must say LOL)

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Funny but almost all the recent divorce cases i see and hear of recently have to do with lazy husbadns and overworked and mentally and physically abused wives. From Ayo adesanya to monalisa and PH Musician lady IB,, her case was worse because her husband made her loose self esteem because sheis an albino, forged her signature and beat her.

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Only JESUS can help you, me and all of us.

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From the time of Adam, men have not being known to take responsibility for their failure!

No be today!

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being blamed for husband's failures- that is the gist of ALLLL nigerian movies.

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this is the surface answer. i think the culture values women; it just doesn't respect them.

a farmer may scream at his hardworking donkey and kick it around and Disrespect it. but the farmer know that he needs that donkey. deep down, the farmer values the donkey.

they expect the woman to be in control of EVERYTHING.

it's like they desire males, but they know it's the female that holds everything together.

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1. They are genuinely good people and you are too , or

2. You are as materialistic as your mother inlaw who probably likes to gossip. She'l definitely love you too

If not, she'l say you think youre something better.

And many men play around with girls who love them and then go for a complete stranger when they want to get married. They say they want someone 'responsible'.

And then you people are surprised when it turns out the girl doesnt love you enough to support you. Youve used your wife to do girlfriend.

Thats the mode these days, then you people say women are evil. Meanwhile the one who loved you, you dumped.

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The woman needs to be willing to help herself too though. It still baffles me that in this day and age there are still women whose husbands die that his mother and brothers will come in and tell her that they will get back to her on how she and her husbands assets are divided. Most of these women end up having a hard time educating their children. I have seen many women just sit back and expect that things will work out if they play dumb.

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Sincerely I normallly pity the African lady she is always the victim and the society doe nothing to protect it!!! I think it has more to do with our laws and I sincerely believe a law should be promugated to preserve this rare piece of ingenuity (the african lady)!

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because the woman is the main support or should at least be but how many of them are. Hidden motives govern many marital relationships theses days and that is d reason for the wahala and d danger!

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because the husband's family never liked her in the first instance and she had her way getting married to him.so what do you expect if things goes wrong with the man. i think people don't really understand what courtship is all about, i guess it has been taken for something else.

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The men are too local.

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Not in an average Nigerian society where the man can pursue his wife out of the house. Life revolves around the man. The woman has a lot to loose. How long will she will she remain a psycho without being sent packing.

That's just the desperation we're talking about initiated by the society.

It's only recently you Nigerian men started valuing women who you used to term as "easy" when you approached them. These girls will change.

Naaa, this a lie. The Nigerian man with the aid of his relatives would send her packing. No two ways about that.

Most of the time both are blamed.

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behind every successful man there is a woman! i think thats what is responsible for this.

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A girl supports a man when he's down, for years she stands by him and thinks theyre building their future together, and then the minute he makes it, he exchanges her for some flashy, gold-digger girl who was nowhere when he had nothing. After Ive worked and walked by your side through thick and thin, you now leave me because your family thinks Im too strong for you?

THATS why women now want ready-made men. They say once bitten, twice shy.

I cant lie, Im one of them. Im no longer going to support any man who will later dump me for the girl his parents want him to marry, because they see that with me in his life, they'd have no control over him or , because I have a head of my own.

I work hard for my money and Im not going to stand by a man who wants me to support him. He will meet me where I am, shoulder to shoulder and we'l go from there.

The last I supported is still owing me 2000euros. Rubbish and nonsence!

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Never knew they were blamed

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2 camps exist: Women that help their husbands succeed or those that run them down. No intermediate camp.

IMO, it's unfair to blame d wife for the husband's misfortune, especially where there's no proof.

No thanks to d old skool superstitious beliefs of our forefathers. Methinks it's d rootcause of d cases we see nowadays. Whereas, many of these women are falsely accused, battered, rejected and ostracized.

I say NO to this idea, too many women suffer in silence.

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She know my family will always be a part of me. She big dependable and industrious her success brings praise to me as a good husband and when she slips some invectives might waft my way or someone might say why did you let her but the truth is that we've chart our course together and we know where it leads. There is nothing bad in being dependable or depended on, its not all smooth but worth several life time. Bunch of losers talk something else!

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The truth is that most of you loud mouth silly girls are only looking for some ready-made guy but it doesn't work like that a responsible cum successful man isn't born but made. There are ups and down, when you are praised and blamed, If you dont want to get married good, spare society the trouble. As for desperation in ladies it comes from inward and the fact that some other girls get to marry and build a happy home, You want to be miss independent fine it nobody's headache but yours.[color=#990000][/color]

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From experience Ive realized that most Nigerian men dont have minds of their own and usually easily bow to family pressure, they end up in unhappy marriages, start cheating then blame everyone else but themselves.

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I am having a living experience myself, my husband makes a mistake and i get the blame, he gets duped with our both money i get the blame as if it wasnt both our loss, funny enough this inlaws do not have good advise for thier baby sons so to say only financial demands which if not forthcoming they will start to blame the wife, its not easy its just the african culture and they love thier children pass thier children's wife, may God help us oh(amen)

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Aishaf you are s right. You took it right out of my mouth. I have said this again and again. When you raise people like this they tend not to be able to function as adults. I see so many cases where the man is so utterly useless but the woman is still expected to take care of the children and of this grown man.

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its just unfortunate because the pattern keeps repeating on and on.i just believe marriage is 4 2 nt 4 the family.dnt bring them in.allow love to run thru u.

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Cos dem chop am 2gether so they must die together. When the husband dey succeed the woman talk say na she make am succeed so when the husband fail na the woman go take the sole blame

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but it is a woman that gave birth to u

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It clearly shows the disregard for the wife. I don't subscribe to dehumanize and make other people less important than yourself. It just shows the beginning of the end for that family union. This misbehaviour is common but it does not change the fact that it is bad and one party is suffering in silence.

Life is not a bed of roses but should a nuclear family be interfered by a couple of idle and impossible to please in-laws?.

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Males are genetically inclined to blame and females are genetically disposed to be blamed. I can't blame an invertebrate so I'll pick the vulnerable female if it comes to that .

Most females are clumsy and deserve blame anyway and the few that aint clumsy usually roll with loosers who'll blame anything.

Its simple: get smart or don't get married!

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In as much as i have to agree but not totally with you ladies and the points raised please try also not to portray yourself as saints or the sole victims in this blame issues. It goes both ways just that the ladies  parts are more glaring.

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you do realize that it also works the other way, don't you?

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PLS I DO ENJOY MOST OF THE POSTINGS ON NAIRALAND BUT PEOPLE RESPONSES TO THIS POSTING IS NOT ENCOURAGING.

PLS LADIES NOTE THE FOLLOWING:

1. YOUR ATTRACTION TO A MAN WHETHER YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND SHOULD ADD REALISTIC VALUE TO THE MAN

2. YOUR FINANCIAL DEMANDS SHOULDNT BARRED THE MAN FROM HIS CAREER ADVANCEMENT

3. NEVER ALLOW UR MAN TO STOP WHERE U MEET HIM.

4.PLS NOTE NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR HUSBAND SUCCESS MATTERS MOST.

5. PLS LADIES BE MORE FUTURE AND PROSPECTIVE CONSCIOUS THAN ONE OFF BENEFITS

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I spoke to somenone who lives off his wife and he said he got use to the fact that his wife always provided for him and their daughter so he is reluctant to spend money on her and other family issues. Please chicks, dont help out because u will start what u cant finish oh. Believe me before you know u have loaned so much money you will never get back

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Her husband wanted to buy a car? He didnt know how to work with his hands? Some men are useless oh and once they see a woman who loves them, instead of being honest and saying they dont feel the same, they use you. Its sad.

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I'm very wary of a man that borrows huge sums from his girlfriend. Yeah it's good to help someone you love, but most of the time they play on the love you have for them. One just has to use her head not heart when your life savings are involved.

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I think the female folks are seen as SECOND CLASS CITIZENS.

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@poster,is dat ur mum`s belief?

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@Aisha2: I applaud you for making the right decision not to date a loser, especially as in your case where the imprints of a loser were incontestably manifested.

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Im happy a few people women are begining to think of this marriage thing like I am. I thank God for the kind of family I have. They are my friends and my father will rather see his daughters with Phd's than useless husbands, because he always said as long as you can feed yourself and you have real friends, life is good and you will be happy. Which is why he sent us to school, so we can eventually feed ourselves and not depend on men to do it.

And at the end of the day, isnt the pursuit of happiness the highest a human being can aim for?

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It is not in all cases. I have seen families which had recognized the contributions of the wives for the sucesses of such families.

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Any man that balmes others for his problems is a no- no because he is a boy not a man, only kids run from taking responsibility

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The culture and tradition. Very bad!

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The man only listens to all the rubbish said by his family and allows for his wife to be ridiculed because he is too

ashamed to admit his wrong, shame and failure he managed to bring upon himself and family. I see ego "I am a

man" bullshit talk. However some men can only talk the talk and not walk the walk. Because when push come to

shove they shy away and leave it to their wives to sort out the whole mess.

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For me oh, and I know some of you may disagree, it is the womans fault. Because we cry where we should talk and talk when we should be quiet.

The poster spoke of the woman who took her man back after al the nonsence he had done. As a wife, fine there are somethings you do etc. And one of them is being there for your husband etc. But these days, men of today are no longer being raised as men. And again, unfortunately this is womans fault. Boys are raised to believe they are worth more than their sisters and so on.

Women bring up their male children to be useless. Thats the truth.

We need to take care of our corners and do out bits. You who are mothers today, break the trend and make your boy children more responsible, otherwise you are planting the seed in him that'l tomorrow be another womans headache.

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