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Why Can`t We Have Separate Rooms?

we are married for a while and we live ina three room apartment. now i want to move into one of the empty rooms and designate it as my own room. she will none of that unfortunately. a crisis is brewing on account of this.

what should i do?

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31 answers

The Only difference there is that he's clearing his throat.

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Eyah. He will be back before you know it. I know even the kids will find it odd because they are so used to him being around. I used to literally cry when I had to go back to Chicago when we were still dating but now I will convince him to stay away longer to help him really rest. LOL.

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Love will join them back, if dislocated

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I know couples like that that have wonderful marriages. My friend though only married about 8 years was never apart from her husband until earlier this year. They have a very strong marriage. I personally do not mind some days apart. LOL. I just think that when you decide to have your own separate bedroom and bed you're starting something that can lead to a break down in intimacy

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Only 5 nights apart?

that means no travelling without the other?

Haaaaaaaaaaa, that will choke person oh.

I think it is good for the relationship for the man and woman to chill out away from each other sometimes oh, so that when they now come back, they will burn with fire in bed.

However, i am never in support of man and woman sleeping in separate rooms while they are in same home oh.

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I don't see why you should want your own bedroom. I can understand your own space like a man cave but at the end of the day you simply just have to have a room where you have your marriage bed. I am on your wife's side on this one. Make a space for yourself if you are feeling a little crowded where no one bothers you but you have to keep that connection to your wife.

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The wife should relax and enjoy herself. I protested when my husband said he wanted separate rooms 10 years ago. So now I am stuck. I wrangled a room for myself moved my stuff there about 2 years ago but I haven't been allowed to sleep there alone one night. The same guy now says he cant sleep alone. So now I have to listen to him snore, kiss early morning bad breath or occasionally alcohol breath and sometimes sleep with my neck in a wrestlers head lock. What wouldnt I give to have some peacefull nights on my own. The only saving grace is we both agreed no TV in the bed room so if he wants to watch late night movies he goes to the living room or the guest room.Thank God I love that guy cos if not I would be mad by The only thing I wonder is what would the poster have said if it had been the wifeys idea.

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Married and living in separate rooms/

I am sure you saw your Mom and Dad doing that, but time has changed.

You ought to sleep on same bed as your wife.

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why on earth do you want seperate rooms? are you planning on bring someone home?

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Husband and wife are[b] not [/b] soul mates.

Soul mates are one in a million.

I can understand knotty very well.

My ex used to like staying up late to watch TV i loved going early to bed or sometimes he goes out for a drink and comes home late.

I hated it to be woken up late in the night or better said early in the morning(way after midnight.)

To solve that problem we agreed he sleeps in an other room.

By the way what if he is fed up with the marrage is that a crime? poo happens.

Its a hard world out there and from the look of things she is the one giving him a hard time.

You cannot change anyone only yourself.

And from the look of things they poor man only wants his peace

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@ knotty, i don't see anything wrong about what cute-Bottom said, probably you don't like how it came but the truth is that this is marriage- you guys are soulmates and not roommates, there's got to be a compromise! It all boils down to having a talk! Communication seems to be lacking, permit me to say this. Have you tried to make her understand your stance, what it is you like and dislike? Help her understand, and i tell you, she'll gladly let you guys go into seperate rooms. Saying that after all you guys are under the same roof sounds like you're doing her a favour by accommodating her- which by no means defines marriage.

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@ knotty

I'm delighted to know that's how you feel, like i always say, at the end of the day, you're the master of your mind.

Just for the records though, if i was out to insult you, I wouldn't have been pouring my sincere contributes to keeping your home a good one. My suggestions are all in the name of you and your wife having a happy home,

But then we all have different opinions, i didn't see reasons with others, at least only to an extent, and that makes me "the single girl with foul mouth fingers" lol . . latterlig!

Lets just say i overstayed my welcome, you'll not see me on your thread again, thats as sure as a sealed deal.

Good luck in your marriage, i wish all marriages a "happily ever after ending", am i naive?? I don't think so!!

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I solicited for an answer and not for insult!

since you have come down to this level, I do not know if I should drag you down into some tutelage on decency or not. maybe not because you are still single and your head is only clouded with scanty picture of the real world.

marriage if you must know is not about POTTERY where you mould people into what they are not. whatever characteristics we have as individuals follows us into our homes. I am taciturn by nature, I cannot suddenly become extroverted because it suits my spouses` whim to have chatterbox around her.

marriage does not change anybody.

I am maintaining my separate room with the knowledge that many people consider it an aberration, just like my wife. but that does not give FINE BAKASSI any leverage to harangue me with her foul mouth, or is it finger this time? shi oooooo. dadandidi

I know the value of silence and of quietude, marriage is not going to take that away from me.

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cute-Bottom

No i do not believe the man is trhe oga .

But if this was the other way round people will be calling the man a beast.

I was married for 10 years and somewere along the line every one needs breathing space.

Today i come up for my kids alone i have a lot on my mind.

When i want to chill (come down) i put on the radio in the kitchen and sit on the flool with the lights off.

Anyone comming in goes out at once because they know i want to be on my own.

For and other man it maybe his own room ,TV in the middle of the night what ever.

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@ cute-Bottom  are you married.

See what you are demanding. The man wants his room  let him get his room for hells sake.

Its not by force that you sleep with a woman.

If at all he can meet her half way and spend 3 day in his room the rest with her.

A Man has a lot on his mind and he needs time to come down.

Just maybe the waif is a nagger and he cannot stand it any more

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My sister help me ask the "marriage consellor" . .  nonsense.

On the contrary my husband will be just fine because we'll stop at nothing to make it work, even if it means going against our desires once in a while. We will compromise and we will eventually reach a solution, we would not resort to taking the fastest lane, just to cover it up, neither will we give each other an ultimatum. I'll let my husband mould me (not change me, they're two different things), but i know God will also give me a husband that will let me mould him too, we'll  understand each other, we wont mind sitting down, throwig pride to the fishes and having a heart to heart felt conversation,  WE WILL BE HAPPY, trust me. To cut a long story short, if you're anything like what you portray on nairaland, my husband will be nothing like you.

What does being a "boss" achieve?? happy home?? Think again pal, its your kind that think women are slaves . . rubbish!!

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Nobody is dragging 'ogaship' with anybody oh.

just do like an oga, then u wont have to remind anybody that u are

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YEA MARRIAGE IS ABOUT ALL THAT AND MORE. SOMEBODY MUST STILL BE THE OGA

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I thought marriage was about bringing the other party to your level rather like friends and not another teacher-student/master-slave relationship?

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a man is that man that makes her woman undestands that he have the upper hand, even when it is hanging by his sides.

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CUTE Bottom,

ARE YOU MARRIED? IF YES THEN UR HUSBAND IS IN BIG poo. IF NOT BABY GIRL YOU NEED TO WORK HARD ON THE WAY YOU THINK MEN ARE.

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OL BOY, U MUST BE A MAN, WOMEN WILL TRY YOU IN MANY WAYS. U MUST BE A MAN. LET UR DECISSION STAND

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Its good you are wise enough not to seek comfort from a strange woman. Madam may have made a mistake comparing homes but is that enough for you to insist during what will make her unhappy? pls leave this ego thing and build a home of love not hatred. From ur last post,you have habits she doesnt like and you are not willing to make liitle adjustments for the one you said i do to? its seems to me,your love for her is gone too cold. Wake up bros - Dont drive YOUR WIFE crazy.

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marriage should not be used as a prison. a man need his freedom at all times. A MAN SHOULD LET THE WOMAN KNOW THAT HE HAVE THE UPPER HAND AT ALL TIMES EVEN WHEN THE HAND IS HANGING LOW AT UR SIDE. boy you have make a decission let it stick.

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IDITODA,

              I PRAY U HAVE THE TYPE OF MAN U DESIRE, BUT REMEMBER IT IS ALWAYS GOOD IF UR HUSBAND IS THE PILOT AND U ARE THE CO-PILOT AND NOT  THE OTHER WAY ROUND

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so weird, why would you want to have your separate room, whats the essence of saying your married?

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Why do you want your own room and bed? Have you got something you would want to hide? Like a fetish pot or ,

I live in a 3-bedroom apartment. My wife has her own room but we sleep on the same bed every night, though the other room contains her personal effects. She has never slept on the bed in her room and I can't imagine me sleeping alone when she's in the same house with me!

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are u begining to get tired or feel uncomfortable by her presence?

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why will you want to do that in the first place? I dont think it is a good idea. sharing the same bed makes a couple to be intimate.

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