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Why Do Men Think Their Extramarital Affairs Are Ok?

I have actually came across men that tell me there's nothing wrong with a man havin having extra-marital affairs with other women.

They believe a farmer should grow his seeds anywhere (can't even remember the way they put it) but we ladies have to stick to one.

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infidelity is not an excuse in marriage.get my book .Life is more than sex.email.bosungold1@gmail.com

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No God fearing man will do that who really wants peace and a great future for his kids.

Many men that go into such for whatever reasons are just not totally sane. They need to taught about the virtues of a good family.

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Before the romans passed monogamy into law and religion (christianity) as a means of curbing the excesses of the elite who took people's wives at will, men have ALWAYS been polygamous. Monogamy is a choice and not a virtue. Any woman who feels this isn't right can go ahead to marry 4 men and keep in the house (good luck with that. . .lol)

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The west too has open marriages, which is a legal way of cheating

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i don't think african culture allow polygamy. pple do stuff and overtime it becomes their lifestyle. many women in africa do not have resources like their western sistahs. if it is true that it is allowed, why do they fight all the time among themselves? have you been to a poly home before? do you see the headache? who want that kind of life? african men just go ahead and bring women home without consulting their 1st wife. why? he knows that the 1st wife will not agree to such. when the new woman comes in, the first wife has no choice more than to put up with it.

Extramarital affair is never okay no matter how we twist it. if you are fed up with your wife/husband, going the extramarital way is not the best option.

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its a culture shock

African culture allows polygamy but Western culture frowns on it

the western culture accepts divorce but african culture frowns on it

so wats a man to do?

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Adultery may be counted as one of the prime reason for such affairs, while there are others who are opportunists and do perform as and when they get options.  Our society never blames these men for such relations rather it blames the women as a tradition, for any extramarital affairs between a couples.

extramarital affairs

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No mam, men don't think its ok. I think you're over generalizing to make your point. if all married men you met want to sleep with you, then that could mean its time to re-examine your behaviour in general around these men.Their wanting to sleep with you may not necessarily mean that you're attractive. it could just mean that you as a lady or your behaviour is cheap. Hopefully, you're not enjoying the foolishness you're describing and I wish you well.

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Hmmm Well since Nigeria is Structually a Poor country, Men who hold the cash

will continue to wooo ladies that need it, so extra marital affairs will continue,

Most married men are chasing single ladies in Nigeria and i would not really call that an affair,

just "screwing around" becos they can get away with it for the single ladies will

not expose the "so called affair" becos of the financial gain! Period.

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Exodus 20:14 says 'thou shall not commit adultery'. i pity d girl who falls for a married man for any reason whatsoever

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@ Post

Oh really so you mean only "Men" ?

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-572614.0.html

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Topic: I beg to differ. I do not subscribe to extramarital affairs, and neither have I ever dated more than one person at a time. Yes, temptations will always come but no matter how hard the winds howl, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Cheating is a simple indication of values and how easily you fall in with the wolf-packs (many guys that cheat, it's because their friends indicate that it's alright). And I think many guys cheat cos of the SECOND-GLANCE principle. Nobody falls into error immediately, rather it happens when you have a chance the first time and you don't deal with it in your heart. e.g. that girl at work gives you a stare that goes on for too long and is too suggestive. Whatever you do at that time is what you will do in the end. There is no sitting on the fence, you'll fall into the infidelity side like humpty-dumpty. If I were in that case, I would report to my wife for accountability, that way I will have an extra ally in my wars.

Chaircover: I wish there were more ladies like you alive, and more guys who reason properly too. Our kids need to hear the truth, and not only from one parent.

Ndeewonu: I have only one thing to add to Chaircover's advice: tell your wife the truth about what you have been doing and going through. I can assure you that she already knows, so when you tell her you will stabilize her confidence. Yes, there will be a tsunami in your marital affairs but its better you tell her than she finding out with facts later on, and when you tell her now things will sort themselves out if she's as matured as I have inferred from your posts.

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Thanx 4 your great advice. I really value it. Point of correction though, I'm a responsible man. Most men who do such dont give a hoot about wht they do. It bothers me thoroughly. I knw men who do worse. I USED TO condemn them intoto. Some even dont see wht they re doing as wrong. I keep on telling u it hurts me. I never plannd for it.

Hse chores? Who says I dont help out? Besides, we have all kinds of retinue of relatives & house helps in our home helping out. So, it may nt necessarily be tedium dt causes this lull. Yes, food b/c I leave very early, work throughout d day & come home late. I also delibrately delay coming home by staying late in d office b/c coming will nt make me happy, esp bc what shlld cool me off is nt there. I try to understnd her most of d time.

I know u would think I m one of those irresponsible men out there. I knw I cant convince u but i m saying d truth. I just needed a solution, some of which u hv proferred. I practically beggd 4 a b.l.o.w. job one nite & still didnt get dt. It's dt bad!! The following morning, I got it in d office without begging. WHAT A SHAME! Yes, what a shame. And I cant tell her all these. Mayb u r also married, i believe. I doubt if u understand what I m talking about. At times, I cry within. U would nt believe me. Laying much blames on me makes me so sad and mad too. I never plannd it this way.

What I hear more is dt many husbnds do NOT satisfy their wives in bed. They keep starving their y5s. Counsellings I ve bn to & preachings in d church is for hubbys nt to ignore their wives intimacy.ually. Mine is d reverse. U can feel my heart from my writing. I m nt cut out for this. I finish, I feel bad the who of d day.

On why I m able 2 keep away hunger & nt sxx, I dont think d former is delibrate. If u may know, i dont drink, i dont smoke, I dont do drugs, d only way i prefer to unwind is in d arms of my y5. Im now planning to start drinking & hang out late to wade off d 'disturbance I give to my lovely y5. Mayb, dt s better, right?

@Michelin,

I guess I ve answered your questn. Pardon my 'lack of understnding'. I dont think I need much of curses now. I need some comfort & encouragement. I pray God nt to leave u in this kind of situation, or something close to this. If it happns to u, u would feel d way I do.

@Chaircover/Michelin, if u have materials dt will help me out, pls, send them to my email add (see my profile). Truly, I will appreciate. I wish u can read my mind.

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Nor be the same Bible say nor commit adultery? Besides Chaircover was talking about something else. With your "ability" to understand I am not surprised you won't understand your wife's condition.

As CC was asking: do you help in house chores?

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@Chaircover

To d contrary, I eat everything. I prefer being starved of food, to sxx, b/c i can get food elsewhere wit no wahala, but d other has conscience issues. Again, I can go without food 4 a whole day; i trained myself not to worship food dt way; when I m at work, I dont even remember food until late in d evening.

The problm is dt u ladies think every man is a cheat, an irresponsible fool, based on wht we hear or see in movies. I am NOT like dt. Ladies shld also understnd men r nt all the same. I'm serious. I have no cause to lie.

Divorce? This is Naija. Besides I'm a Xtian & know wht d Bible says pertaining dt.

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@Beautyn,

Ur story is so touching. I feel 4 u.

But, pls, do u satisfy him se.xually? Do u give him food? Do u nag at him always? I'm a married man. I hv a y5 who cannot satisfy me sexually & nags like hell. B4 i got married, i vowed not 2 play out. U come into d hse, it's hell; u need intimacy, several reasons keep coming why it's nt possible (I'm tired, i feel sleepy, I have headache, I'm nt in d mood, I'm worked up, the baby needs attention).

Meanwhile on d road, in d office, in d church, girls r giving green lights & throwing advances, offering wht u do nt get ahome. It can b sad. I'm telling u d truth. I hv no reason 2 tell lies here. When we dated, she gave it at least 2x daily; but after marriage, d whole thing petered out. It's sad & painful. It was never my plan to go astray. I ask for 3x a week, bt get less than once a week; at times i get it once in 2 weeks. I hv d capacity of doing 3x every day bt no longer get satisfied. Each time I see bosoms & woman's bombom outside, I begin to shake, meanwhile I have it ahome. So bad. At a time, i tot abt ending d whole thing b/c it's working d way i wnted. Can u blame such a man 4 doing sthing funny?

I think u need to talk to me; mayb give me some advice dt will change this. I dont really like wht I m doing. But, for an average man, sex is d easiest way to cool off or release tension. After all d hassles, u come home, looking more frustrated & stressed. I love her, but one imprtnt thing dt holds marriage is conspicuously missing. I m nt a womaniser par se. I do nt believe in "you cannot continue to eat okoro soup, " theory. Mine is, if the okoro soup is still sweet, I keep eating it. But when u dont see d okoro soup at all, wht do u do?

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Men cheat because they cant do without cheating, it is in their blood. Some are under spell not matter how their wives try to please them. I witness a situation were a man encourages another man to cheat that it is fun. My own husband has been cheating on me rite from the first day of our marriage. The only thing i normally tell him is to use Condom. I try so many things it didnt work and I dont intend to leave my children for another woman to come and maltreat so I live with it. But if you cant cope with such man, you seperate. Be careful of men who doesnt like long courtship because they have something to hide. That was what happen to me because i could know am already in with children. Now is late, am only waiting for God's intervention.

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Women cheat too and they also think it's ok.

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Some are caused by social influence,some because of the attitude of the woman at home,some is just because the Man is a "prostitute" and he love new taste. Some dont even know why.

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Yah, menr more open. Dt s y they say their reasons. Women will continur 2 make it a mystery. I think women shld talk & say their problm so men can take precaution & correction

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Honestly i dont know what to say about that. Its sickening and i have had no married woman bold enough to own up to it so i can ask why.

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Yes, there could be men like who cud cheat 4 no just cause, which I mentioned earlier. And st is a lesser percentage. Majority of men who have cheated do so b/c of negative attitude of d wife towards s marriage. Even pple like me who vowed never to do it in life, know how it hurts when we start. It's nt deliberate 4 most of us. Ture its nt.

Ayomifull, U also did nt comment on the MARRIED women who cheat as we saw in those stories i attached. It's nt fair!

I appreciate your comments. How I wish women will undstnd d main reason men cheat. There r lots of cases where a lady before marriage is 100% up and running, but d moment she enters fully, settles with one or two kids, she begins to dwindle in her ccontributions 2 d family - sex, food, care 4 d hubby too (MEN ALSO WANT TO B BABIED)

The issue is dt these young girls (who always slept with married men when they were single), get married & have d bad impression dt all men cheat come rain, come shine. Or hw do u think d girl dt lived all her unmarried life running after married men would feel after she gets married. Obvious: suspicion everywhere!

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Cos there are still some ladies that will know a man is married and yet cos of what she wants and damn the consequences will screw the man still.

It is a matter of demand and supply

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I'm sorry Ayo, but I hold an opinion that you are wrong to believe that all men cheat on their wives.

I do admit that by nature men fall easily into the traps of wanting to make new discoveries and perform fresh experiments than women do, it does not apply to all men. But the real issue here is that men who never thought of cheating on their wives have been pushed into doing so by their wives who either nag them out of the home, squeeze out their last kobo while making further demands, give them concortions for breakfast and dinner, etc. The worst is the fact that knowing or believing that their husbands would not cheat on them give them the power and right to take advantage of their sincerity and honesty.

Personal experience both as a husband and counselor proof to me that most men who cheat on their wives do because of the negative attitudes on the part of their wives who believe that IT IS JUST NOT POSSIBLE FOR THEIR HUSBANDS to cheat on them.

Be my bedmate and tell my wife that you really are showing her proofs and evidences of our acts, she would not believe you because she believe it could never happen! However, though I had not, I was tempted several times to do!

Shey you get my point?

HAVE A PROSPEROUS 2010

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I recently had a talk with a male friend of mine who got himself into trouble due to this same issue. He is a successful guy by all standard, he has good job, he has a wonderful wife (she is one of the best wives I have ever known) she cooks like cooking is going out of fashion and he himself commend their sex life as being great. He just impregnated a lady and what he went through to get the lady abort it was hell, infact the lady had to request for a million naira to be paid into her Nigeria account for her to accept which he did within 24 hours bla bla bla bla

When we sat to talk he confessed to me that he has been going out with that lady for like 2 years (his wife can die trusting him though). I asked him to give me a reason at least one reason he was involved in an extramarital affair despite the great family relationship he has and I was shocked to hear that ‘I really cant come up with any reasonable excuse other than that we men are like animals’

I still cant come up with reasons why men cheat and it hurts. This guy beats me because we are very close friends and for over 2 years I was fooled into trusting him. This is a very ‘decent’, well read, comfortable, young professional guy, he has this kind of personality that you cant just help but like and everyone thinks he is one of the very few men who never cheats. Up till now the wife still trust him and I feel for her because she is putting in all her best.

Eyin married men why do you cheat please?

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I want to buy the idea of Oracle on this question of Why Men Think Their Extramarital Affairs are Ok.  Men have no justification whatsoever to cheat on their wives but in practical terms many women (wives) turned their husbands to flirts.

   

 Is it not practical that a man should enjoy good meal at home? What happens when the wife fails in this business?  What about communication?  Some women talk too much or less and worst is they talk non-sense when the man needs plenty of time to think!  Some women are under or over sexy! Some who look romantic and sexy before wedding suddenly turn out looking like grandma after wedding!

     

From personal and relative experiences I would not condemn the man who cheats on his wife but then it must be noted with all seriousness that having extra-marital affairs outside a legally and religiously wedded marriage is sin against the law, tradition and faith. 

   

So, men must accept whatever comes out of his marriage as a cross that must be born with excruciating pains!  But for me, I do not have the mental capacity to bear such a cross, o!!!

     

Therefore, I want to join Oracle in appealing to wives to make their men feel on top of the world; making them feel they're lucky to have them as wives.

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Here are the stories:

Married woman dies during sex romp with lover

By CHRISTOPHER OJI, IROKO WHENU and ADAMU YUSUF

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It was a show of shame on Sunday when a woman who lied to her husband that she was going for a night vigil died in a popular hotel (names withheld) during a sex romp with her lover.

The mother of seven identified as Modinat Alabi, 45, of Ereko Street, Fadeyi, Lagos, had lied to her husband a devout muslim that she was going for a night vigil but ended up lodging in a hotel with one Hezekiah Ladipo, 62, who also lives in the same street with the deceased. The duo, Daily Sun learnt, lodged in the hotel as husband and wife.

Daily Sun also gathered that the suspect, Ladipo also is married with three children. It was gathered that on the fateful day, the two lovers had lodged in the hotel, at about 2.45 am. Hezekiah reportedly rushed to the reception, where he complained that his wife collapsed and was gasping for breath during sex romp.

It was further gathered that when the receptionist rushed to the guest room, the woman who was Unclad had already given up the ghost.

Daily Sun learnt that when it dawned on Hezekiah that the woman was dead, he attempted to run away. The hotel management who suspected foul play arrested him and called in the police.

A police source told Daily Sun that it was during investigation that the suspect confessed that the woman he initially claimed as his wife was actually another man’s wife.

When the deceased’s husband was contacted, he was shocked, as he expected the wife to be at the night vigil.

However, the state police spokesman, Mr. Frank Mba, who confirmed the story told Daily Sun that the suspect was being investigated to know if there was ulterior motive rather than sex romp before the woman died. He described the act as shameful.

He said the corpse has been deposited at a public mortuary for autopsy while investigation is going on.

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2009/oct/27/national-27-10-2009-008.html

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http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/11/24/man-dies-in-hotel-room-after-sex/

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UGHELLI — AMUKPE community in Sapele Local Government Area of Delta State was thrown into confusion, weekend, follo-wing the death of a middle-aged man in a hotel room in the area.

The deceased (names withheld) was found dead after allegedly committing adultery with his neighbour’s wife, a mother of five children.

According to a reliable source, the man and woman checked into the hotel in Amukpe at about 10.30am on the faithful day, having traveled from Oghara, Ethiope West Local Govern-ment Area of the state to the hotel.

The source, who pleaded anonymity, said the woman raised an alarm seeing that the man was dead some hours after they had had sex.

The hoteliers and sympathisers, who were attracted, made frantic effort to resuscitate the man and rush him to the hospital where he was confirmed dead by doctors.

“The woman is a fashion designer, while her husband is a staff of Ethiope West Local Government Council.

“The husband of the woman has been appealing to the dead man to stop committing adultery with his wife, but he would not listen until he died,” our source added.

When Vanguard visited Sapele police station yesterday, the fashion designer was making useful statements to the police while the body of the late lover had been deposited at Sapele Central Hospital morgue.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/11/24/man-dies-in-hotel-room-after-sex/

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There will always be double standards.

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this shows you know little about reasons why men cheat.

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Mostly b/c their wives never satisfy them sexually. If not headache that's worrying them, sleep, if not, just tired or NOT in the mood. It hurts! It really hurts!! It can drive a normal man crazy & into what he never wanted to.

I tell u without regrets that 70% of MEN WILL NOT CHEAT if their wives drain all the kunu inside of them everyday, as much as he wants.

Even when he mistakenly goes astray, his conscience will flog him throughout that day, that he will never repeat it. Sex to a man is a therapy, a soothing spirit, sedative healing balm.

Single girls, i'm just giving u d recipe for a good marriage: SEX, & GOOD FOOD. Married ones too, pls, repent. Try & see!!

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@MAZI, can you please tell me where it is in Bible where sex between husband and wife is a sin/illegal?

As for men who have extra marital affairs is a thing of choice. Also, if the wife could not meet sexual demand of her husband what else? why marry in the first place? sex is a bond. Once a woman stops appealing to the husband sexually, socially and morally, then, the man stops looking after her. so, extra marital or not, self discipline matters most. Though, some men are just funky rocker. They love sex. Even when they have 100's at home they still want more.

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Because the exercise predates history

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Why do you even bother to ask ? you know a lot of men are selfish like that. I just pity women who actually allow poo like that, they seem to lack a healthy amount of self-steem.

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They think it's right because women have come to believe so.

How many african women leave a cheating husband?

Answer and you'll find the answer to this question!

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I really wonder who to blame. For every single lady/man who has ever had an affair with a married man/woman believe it or not your husband/wife will definitely cheat on u.

Othe other hand I blame the ladies for giving the men room to cheat on em. If u deal with a cheating and unrepentant husband believe me the man next door will take note and be careful. So ladies smarten up being with a man is not a do or die affair. Be alone rather than be unhappy. Kick the cheating husbands butt out.

As we all know "ITS A MANS WORLD (RUN BY WOMEN)".

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@ mazi

what on earth makes you believe that sex is sin. sex is only a sin when the act is carried out outside marriage.

further more, you said there is no where in the bible that says a man can only marry one wife,

na wah for you o,

the bible says one man one woman. the bible says let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. man and wife not man and wives,

ok

adultery is a sin in the site of God and every adulterer shall not go unpunished

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Why is everyone missing out an important factor? Yes most of those things might be right but one factor that i believe play a major role in this is a simple principle of life. " YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE". What do you expect from a man or woman who got used to sleeping with every tom dick and harry before marriage? Do you expect an automatic change in that way of life after marriage?I DONT THINK SO. FOR MOST MEN AND WOMEN  IT HAS BECOME A WAY OF LIFE ALREADY, And they have lost control over that part of them totally

My conclusion is this, If you have an unfaithful girlfriend or boy friend now as a partner dont expect him or her to change after marriage. Take a close study about those people you talked about, find out how they were as youths,  You will find out that a good number of them lived a sexually reckless life. Also if you are not faithful  in  your relationship now that you are not married, You can not be after marriage except God steps in. Ask the married, they will tell you sexual temptations for men are far more when you are married and more comfortable than when you are still single.

Finallly, if you are not married cage that thing for now so that you will not be lost in the world of lust and peasure that is always seeking satisfaction. Good luck.

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They just kinda believe that it adds spice to their life.

A sin is still a sin regardless of the way its presented. The irony of the matter is,what they are joking with could ruin their homes and they dont really care and thats just sad.

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@ topic

Because they are bastards

Men never really marry the woman they love, usually they mary the woman who is " most available" when they think that it is "time" to get married

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i hope we're not becoming a society where the man is at fault for everything, like america and britain.

in america and britain, when a woman is promiscuous, it's the man's fault for working too hard or not giving her enough love. if a man is promiscuous, he is a cheating bastard.

shine ya eyes

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why dosen't a girl think before getting into a relationship with a married man?

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What a sermon in self righteousness!

I think it takes 2 to tango

Are the men doing it alone?

Well, u girls dont know that it is an achievement for a man to be in vogue always!

and not go home to a wrapper tying woman with flat bosoms

Because all of US are involved, I will keep quiet for now!

I agree with babymine men will always be men

amd gurls will always be gurls

we must do d toasting and they must do d hearing

and maybe acceptance.

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Due to despiration ppl refuse to seek the face of God before getting married.if its once then its a mistake but if it keeps happening then i dont think that man respects his wife.and girls who are not married but enjoy dating married men all just for the goodies how will u take it when it comes back to u?when u have the fear of God i dont know how u will be moved by another ladies attraction when u've got a wife.see ur wife as the mose beautiful lady in the world talk about her everwhere u go instead of sleeping around and later u come home infectiing the innocent woman with STDs.and u as a man know what this woman went through just to convince her parents to marry u and also what she did to help or contribute in making u who u are.those men are just sorry Bottom who need Jesus Christ to help straighten their ways.cos a life that is not governed by Jesus Christ will go astray.

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Because they are crazy

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I do not think married men on the general and by default think about extramarital affairs. Yes most of them do, but a lot of women nowadays are also getting promiscuous. I believe that in a family where Love exists, and where Love did not finish after the honeymoon, from one to another, where the marriage is not just for "Convenience sake anymore" - so that other people will see me still married, let me just manage this man/manage this woman, I have worn a bad shoe that i cant remove, kinda relationships, and in a family where the wife knows how to keep her husband occupied and vice-versa, extramarital affairs wont come into the picture.

On a general note, most times, it starts with suspicion. Wives usually have "other best friends other than their husbands", same too with the husbands, he still keeps the same level of closeness of friends he had when he was a bachelor. And what do you expect the husband to discuss with his bachelor-day friends? they'll ask him about his wife, his marriage, etc, They'll joke and jest and directly or indirectly, everyone will make fun of their wives. All the husband can say is "God is in control". Which God? Its either he's too shy to complement her, defend his wife, praise her, add value to her status in the sight of his friends, or that he decides to keep quiet, play along in the bachelor language rilling, still wanting to fit-in into the waves and raves he used to have in his bachelor days with his friends. Same goes for the new-wife in the company of her friends, all they discuss with her is how to make sure she catches her husband should he be cheating on her(even when he hasnt started).

At the end of the day, when husband and wife come together, definitely both cant sit to discuss what they had individually talked about, laughed at in the comapany of their individual friends, coz they know that in one way or the other, they might have let each other down-valuewise, either by keeping quiet or by laughing and jesting all the same.

Even when the husband is not having any flings, but maybe is staying out late at night on legal terms, and the wife begins to suggest through her nagging and accusations, "that the husband might be coming from another womans house", what do you expect the man to think about, he can just decide, well, if she thinks im getting it somewhere else, i think she wont be so mad(more than she already is) if actually i go get it somewhere else.

Note also that many times, the woman involved in an extramarital affair is also married, so the same(above) goes for the husband in that relationship too,

if something really binds a man and woman together at home, except the fact that 'we have to continue what we have started', then forget extramarital whatever.

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I don't think all the blame should be on men. Women are guilty of encouraging the double standard as well, by saying things like "a woman should lose respect" or is 'ho" when she sleeps around but claim that a man's "just being a man" when he does the same. Women themselves contribute and encourage this double standard and don't understand that what they are doing actually affects them as well in the long run.

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Not sure if it has been mentioned. But, one of the root causes of this is the fact that Nigeria is a polygamous society. So, with that it has become widely acceptable for a married man to have a mistress. Our parents did it and it still happening. Some guy just posted in one of the other forums that he has only been married for one year, and he is already thinking about a second wife. It's really beyond me why anyone would want a second wife.

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all that comes out of da mouth of some men is bull rubbish!

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Honestly i dnt knw why dey think its ok 4 dem n nt 4 d women! Both parties r guilty, although some peeps date widout knowing d man is married COS THEY NEVA TELL U! Mazi, i dnt agree wit u o! Haba!

Fresheva, u've taken many gud steps that shd SHUUUU HIM OFF!!bt some men r just plain silly n daft.

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