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Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children?

Right now I am so bitter and saddened about the fact that they'd rather pay better attention to what complete strangers have to say about their children and never bother to find out the truth from the direct interested.

Just this morning I got really pissed after I heard nonsense about someone very close to me: I even call her my cousin. This is someone who tells me everything about her. My mum happens to be her mum's friend and It is a shame that two adults are not sensible enough to sit a young lady down and demand what is happening. Rather they are fooled by what some jobless people have to say about their children.

I know for a fact that this deafness to their children's appeals is not taught in Church because I have been there several times and i have heard the pastors preach about communicating with their children. It is disgusting to see a mother propagating gossips she heard about her child around town and alimenting the negative view people have of them.

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55 answers

abeg ask her for me ooooh. Even confirmed prostitutes, you hardly see the mothers broadcasting that they are such. In fact woe betide you to open you mouth in front of the mother to say her daughter is a prostitute. maybe only 3 out of 10000 mothers will own up to the bad character of their daughters

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The poster definitley does not know the cousin well. No matter will set out to tarnish the image of her daughter. Most mothers wld do anything to cover their daugthers and paint them as good even tho bad.

The girl is just 16, and she is def moving in the wrong direction. Why talk of marriage now and by the way, who is sending her to guiness?

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Wow. . .i didn't know NL ladies were this methodical in their reasoning.For most of the women that post here, it's the norm to jump on the band wagon without even thinking things through for a second.Like i said before, parents who listen to outsiders do so because the child in question hasnt' proven his/herself to be mature and of sound judgement! ! !

Simple as that.

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Thank you very much.It amazes me how a lot of people on here are running down one of the core virtues that make us unique from others in the first place and that is GOOD UPBRINGING.Even with all the pampering and "freedoms", you cannot compare a Nigerian kid raised abroad with his/her oyibo counterparts.There will always be a marked difference.For all of you who are pouring out venom on parents, please don't forget that you will be parents some day and when your 16 daughter brings a man for "introduction", please don't turn up your eyebrows.You are all here talking this and talking that.Introduction? Can you imagine that? At 16?

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@Bokoharam

I guess that would be another time.Thanks for taking the time to read through my post.Majority of the posters here defending the moderator don't even take the time to read the first two lines.They just skim through,jump to conclusions and get their itchy fingers to work.The MODERATOR is the worst culprit in this regard.

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I want to thank u the way u responded to my myriad of questions. I am impressed.

However, I believe, u needed our views/opinions, & that’s you asked us to come in. You do not need to be cantankerous or confrontational about it. Please, allow people to participate without pouring venoms & invectives on them (e.g. is your attack on agitator in RESPONSE #80 following). I, personally have been as objective & honest as I can. To further say more on this issue, my kid sister, could be help me out:

1. Please, be honest, how old are you, Michelin89? I believe you are less than 18 too (pardon my guess; I’m not omniscient)

2. Where does this cousin-friend stay, Italy? (I had to rush through, b/c I have so much work to do; pardon me too) &Where do YOU YOURSELF STAY? This will help us unbundle the background to the whole scenario.

3. You never mentioned the girl’s father in this scene (let’s be silent about it, anyway, if u choose);

4. You advocated change of church, if you were her mother; that makes me consistently enquire: how old are you? Remember I said earlier that at teenage/adolescent age, whatever we do, we believe to be the best; nature has made it to be so.

OTHER MATTERS ARISING:

1. No responsible NIGERIAN mother would want to entertain a SUITOR for her 16-year daughter

2. If the mother gave consent, like u said, then she wouldn’t have fears concerning rumours about her daughter’s philandering activities; like I said earlier, the girl’s attitude is constantly causing this friction b/w mother n child.

3. I can see you’re a very intelligent and & charming girl; but you need to keep your cool, so people you invited can look into this thing thoroughly.

4. You made the above comment, and this very supervision is what the parent is doing, yet you find a lot of things wrong with that. I think, you have judged yourself. Or, what then do you mean by Supervision.

I’m running out of time. Please, reply, and I will probably comment later. You are a wonderful girl; I’ve seen that wonderfulness in you. And that’s why I want to help you & your friend out. You two deserve the best.

But, before I leave, I want to tell you that Nigerian parents’ guarding of their children has always paid off. No Nigerian has ever been a terrorist until Dec 25, 2009. THE ONLY CASE NIGERIA IS THE CASE OF A 23-YEAR WHO SCHOOLED OUTSIDE THE WATCHFUL EYES OF HIS PARENTS—AND THE PARENTS ARE REGRETTING TODAY. GO ASK ALHAJI ABDULMUTALLAB !!!

Meanwhile, Please, listen to Hakiri’s comments in post #89. What a sweet piece of advice.

I add:

You MUST know that anything dt is sweet is NOT the truth; it could be sycophancy, flattery or deceit. Experience has remained the best teacher till today. I'm highly experienced & very qualified to tell u this.

I will meet u again.

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Drive out at this time of night and you will see 8 year old kids selling at Obalende at this time.I know your 18 year old last born and you are right, she wise. . .much wiser than you AND THAT IS WHY YOUR PARENTS ONLY LISTEN TO HER NOT YOU!

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@kulyie

Your response is typical of an 8 year old.I'm not surprised.Go get yourself some cookies and a glass of milk.Then watch Pokemon afterwards.

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@harakiri shut d f**k up n stop bin judgemental.y r u even usin a 14 yr old as an example.wot d hell made u fil i'm a damn teenager.u suck

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All of you now are bashing your parents and your culture after you will say you thank GOd that you are not like Akata.

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axeman85 there is nothing that is new that the world has never experienced before so do not be phased by your experience, do you have children ?do they make the right decisions all the time?even you as an adult do you make the right decisions all the time?

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Hey the fact that your mum's friend is talking foul about her daughter does not mean all mothers from Nigeria do that nor is that peculiar to Nigeria in the western world people do the same.

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It also depends on the way you comport yourself. If you behave maturedly and rationally, your parents will have no cause to treat you as a child. Also, parents sometimes are not matured as they fall for that without thorough investigations. Then again, they may just be over-protective as they do not want their own woes to befall you.

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Yes she is 16, reason why she needs to be listened to and supported by her parents.

1. In what Nigerian party alcohol is not served? Even if she goes to a restaurant, aren't alcohol sold there? What is the point of this statement you made? Should she be going to bdays for kindergatens? Even there, won't there be alcohol for the so called adults? This remark is pointless and biased.

2. She is not having issues with the house of God but with the people there who are mostly jobless gossipers. If I were the mother, I'd change chruch and never look back again.

3. 16 is not early to date when you are supervised by your parents. Italy is not like Nigeria where you can stroll out anytime to visit friends. For the fact that we are ina foreign land, our liberty to move is pretty limited if you don't have a car.

She is a student and she is doing well in school. She listens to her mother and is an obedient loving child. Let's not get drastic here. People dated and they became successul. These are mere excuses to bring out the usual blah blah of how we are losing our culture.

Fact is she is here in the west and the parents must acknowledge it. If they can, she can be sent back to Nigerian where she'll recieve the "proper" training.

Like in Nigeria everyone was a saint.

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So?

What are you even talking about?

He simply wants the mum to know they are dating.

Both positive and negative

Can you even read? I said someone asked her to collect it for her. Isn't it in our culture to send children on errands?

You didn't contribute jack to this topic but simply exercised your fingers and you are supposed to be a reasonable adults? Stop disturbing your neurons as they can't obviously produce any decent thought.

Garbage. Read before you comment, thanks!

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[size=8pt]As for those saying my cousin is talking about marriage, you are wrong. When I said proper introduction I meant the boy (age 21) went to tell the girl's mother that he was interested in her. This was to avoid any malicious thoughts. I think what he did was responsible and reasonable. When your daughter is dating an older guy or even someone of her age, it is good he comes forward to introduce himself to the mother.[/size]

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Parents can't and will never be able to read their children's mind. You are taking it for granted that your father and mothers knows how you are or what you think by looking at you and I maintain IT IS NOT TRUE.

Yes, older girls are jealous because they see her as a threat. You are thinking in Church it is all love and peace. I know why I don't even like going to church in the first place. It is never about what the pastor preached but about the clothes or shoes that woman or that man wore.

When I say older guy I am not talking of an agbaya. 21 is a reasonable age considering the boy properly introduced himself and took his family along to guarantee for him.

Yeah and I have told her to stop it. They don't love her or care about her. Those people are fighting for their own reputation and will use anything they know against you to bring you down before others.

I never said she was a saint but she doesn't do what people accuse her of. She is a level headed girl.

She is not conscious of her beauty. But I think she is beautiful. She doesn't even realize how captivating her looks are.

No I am just upset that a mother would trust strangers more than her daughter. This is a girl who is ready to leave a fun party if she hears her mum is sick. She stood by her mother all through the hardship they faced. What else can she do to win her trust?

Believe me. I told my friends the truth, all the time because I trusted them and she did the same with me. I know for what I know.

The reason why the boy went to introduce himself was because he is already an adult, age wise. It was only proper for him to do so. Irresponsible guys don't even do that even though their gfs were their agemates.

I'll keep encouraging her and stand by her, because this is too much for her to bear. Imagine being scrutinized any time they see you passing by.

Thank you for your input.

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I believe the poster is being economical with the truth.

now kids want their parents to accept wrong things because it is modern fashion, acceptable, etc.

how come the whole(or majority) women in the church are saying things about her? is she the only young BEAUTIFUL girl in the church.

and you all assume they are just gossipping her because of HER BEAUTY. this is a common language among girls who feel they are beautiful, it gets into their head and whenever somebody tries to correct them they just claim the person is jealous if its a female or person hates them because they refused to date them if it happens to be a male.

just my personal opinion, please don't crucify me

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@ Jaguar_09

Your points, facts and truth are well noted. I also don't support her going to parties where alcohol is being served and dating at age 16. My point is that her mum is not doing the best to help her by slandering her. No one is a saint esp. at this delicate age of experimenting and learning. Its her mum's job to try and shape her.

I still maintain that parents are supposed to be role models and best friends to their children so that even when these young ones make mistakes they know that they have someone to come back to who will not condemn them but will correct them in LOVE.

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Iceblue just owned the thread.

Discussions end here/

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Remember back in the day when a woman would viciously attack her child and everybody just sits around and watches. What do people say though? "It's her mother, she will not kill her child". Typical Nigerian mentality. You people should keep lying to yourselves about parents not intentionally harming their children. Many African parents believe that the harm they are doing is somehow going to turn good. Keep deluding yourself that the culture is this and that. The culture is majorly about control and that is the way it has been in Africa forever. The I own you mentality. It is a slave mentality and it needs to stop. Parents to children. Husband to wife. Boss to employee. Rich man to poor man. It is quite clear that in Nigeria it always comes down to people in authority feeling more comfortable using a master/slave approach

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DWell, it's a pity dat most Nigerian parents turn deaf ears to their wards. I want to believe that those parents that fall into this category are the illiterate or unlettered ones. They make use of thesame method that was used in their own days to bring up wards of nowadays. I want to also believe that such parents do not trust their wards. Because the Bible says " Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it. So, if they are trained any how it could lead to the creation of vaccum between the child and the parent. Training them up in the way of the Lord will bring about a concrete relationship between both parties which will eventually lead to a smooth communication.

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@agitator

in as much as i agree with some of your response i also disagree with some. the poster said she was seen with a bottle of guiness. she didnt say she was drinking it, and even if she was, its left for her to see it is bitter, spit it out and dont drink it again. stopping a child now from going out, socialising with friends or partying once a while doesnt mean the child will not end up being worse or do these things. have you wondered why some boys and girls now party 24hrs/7days a week, smoke and have multiple sex partners.

personally i was sad and irritating to my ears 3days ago when a 26 yr old girl was telling me how she was lured into bed by a guy who prmised her a job. the girl has always been driver take me out and bring me back and butter pikin sha. things went bad so no more butter in her agai but becos of the way she was brought up she cant even smell a foul play when someone promised her a job and asked her to wait in an hotel room, came in the night like 7pm and asked her to stay the night so that he can take her to the job in the morning.

what am saying in essence is that sometimes parents should give their children some little space to do things or experience things that will make them learn from their mistakes. becos sometimes being toooo strict turns the children to dunce or morons. and make children not have a mind of their own.

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Am really feeling bitter at the level of decay in the society, even someone who calls herself a mother is defending this bullshit. Agitator and bokaharam you guys are cool, i WILL never support evil, for God's sake this girl is 16 meaning a teenager. She should be college or tertitary school by now and one is telling me she deserves to have her life to herself now. i doubt the future of Nigeria if pple like poster, axeman and all those who support this happens to become leaders in this country.

the Facts:

at 16 she parties where alcohol is served.

at 16 she is already having issues with the house of God (Church).

at 16 she is already dating someone, and the fool she is dating is talking marriage.

The Truth:

at 16 she is meant to be developing her God given talent and planning her future.

at 16  she is meant to stick to her mother's advice and guidiance for proper knowledge of womanhood.

at 16 she is meant to stay clear of intimate relationship, because dat can ruin her life, career, education etc.

Someone please tell me his thread is a joke, if not we are in for the big fight. Madam rebranding GET READY.

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some people are missing the point here, no one is against discipline or parents guiding their children BUT they and we need to understand that times and the world as a whole is changing and the times that parents make choices and make decision for their children is ending. in nigeria we all hide under the pretence of culture, as i have been saying this so called culture is the same blinding people from the truth and making people make wrong decisions and judgements even tho they know they are wrong but because CULTURE says its right they do so.

@bokoharam.

y sad parents are right at all times with the proverb you quoted. the world is changing and even what a baby can see before its born an adult cant even see it while using a stool to stand higher.

agreed parents dont want their child to fall victim of things they themselves have fallen BUT hey that will in turn mean children are being thaught the wrong thing.

some parents are creating enemity and division amongst themselves with their children all in the name of protecting them and knowing more than they are. I remembered back in the days my mum any small misttake na koboko, until i finally stood up to her packed my bags and left the house and today i never regretted making that decision because all she was doing then was making me dislike her by wanting to run my life for me even when i had finished secondary school and i wasnt having none of it.

majority of the parents live in the past where the children should only be seen and not to be heard and whatever the feelings of the children or opinion doesnt count as long as they are concerned

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probably the same reason as to why many nigerian parents say things like "i'll beat you.  are you stup1d,  shut up.  stop crying or i'll slap you."  instead of "i love you. im proud of you. are you ok. what is wrong"

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I think most folks are getting the poster wrong. I don't think she is trying to support indiscipline. What will ever make a mother spread false things about her own daughter? I think it is malicious. Is that the best she can do as a mother. If her daughter is going wrong, there are many ways to reach that child and correct her. What will be the input of the outsiders she is telling? Will they advise her on anything good? I think parent-child relationship should come to a level where children can safely confide in their parents knowing that even if they are wrong they will be corrected in love.

Parenthood is not all about discipline, there should also be love and friendship. Where these are lacking then there is sure to be trouble. This is the time when she would be pushed to make the wrong desicions. I feel for the lil girl.

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Both positive and negative

Guinness is for 18+ and there is nothing wrong with her taking it?

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well everything u posted is completely true. mine dont she says that mothers know everything in short all that is good for u that is why she found a husband for my sister and funny enough its not working . for me she is bent on making me suffer if i don't take what she wants. our parents are gradually turning into our enemies. the terrorist muttalab had the same problem. if the parents were close enough with him he wouldn't have gone this far and the church is not helping they rather talk about prosperity instead of that.pls let all pastors and reverends preach about discussions between parents and children plsssssssssssss

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It's those who take the piss out of it to humiliate the wife that work my nerves.

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why do some people on this forum like to parade their ignorance around?

@harakiri you OBVIOUSLY missed the point.

and stop bringing up the fact that she is a mod, what does that have to do with it? so a moderator should behave like a mindless bot? i don't think so.

stop looking for cheap shots and reply to the initial post

@ topic

YESS!! this is really sad. it personally hasn't happened to me but i know how the customs work, and parents listen to other adults. im sorry but too many nigerian women (adults/mothers) are gossipers! they go around talking about everyone to everyone. sometimes they can even be spreading lies. instead of the parent to hear the child out, they start ranting all over the place. its really sad how people trust and believe perfect strangers than their own children. i really dont understand this and i think i never will.

hopefully that will bump out with that generation and people will learn that communication is key.

yep.

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Well even though I fail, at least I'll have tried.

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I hope it works though the truth is people that do things like this do not change. They just get worse until it consumes then and even then they still will not change. It is too ingrained

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At least to make them know someone is not happy with their ways. I knew what I am talking about because I grew up with a mother who continuously lied against me to the point that for 3 years I completely cut her out of my life.

I don't want them to do the same thing to my lil cousin.

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What makes you think the Pastor will be reasonable. Abi is he not Nigerian? Whatever you do just don't make it worse. I have seen even worse behavior from Nigerian church folk

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Some Nigerian parents dont listen to their children because they think they know it all, and can never be wrong.

I dont think its just Nigerians though. Even when you speak up, you are considered rude.

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Right now I am considering writing a letter to their pastor to warn them. How can a group of adults, with the consent of the mother, destroy the reputation of an innocent girl? It's unforgivable and I won't sit and watch it.

Since the mother has given them green card, these people now create rumours at the slightest opportunity. Does it cost so much to have a heart to heart talk with your daughter?

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but thats the said culture. smelling talk.

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now that's just plain wrong.

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if its my post ur referring to, what i meant there was its this useless culture that gives the wife to be calling her husbands younger ones auntie and uncle even tho they are much younger than her.

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I think this is some rhetorical question.

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Most nigerian parents believe they know whats best for their children. because they think being old and seen life qualifies them to know whats best. without considering the childrens opinion of thoughts. nonsense.

years ago the day i stood up to my mother, that day my life changed for the better, i learnt to reason for myself, makes mistakes and learn from it. and also set the way for my younger ones to be able to reason and think for themselves and stand up for themselves so as not to be intimidated by anyone all in the name of parents.

culture ko, culture ni, same culture that makes women slaves to their husband, makes men misbehave to their wives, makes children live their life in fear of their parents, makes children go to university and study what they are not interested in just becos they want to listen to their parent, make men get married to wrong choice of women becuase my parents dont like her, make women get married to men who turn out to be monsters or cronic womaniser, and they say my parents asked me to marry him becos he is igbo, yourba he is from my tribe. culture that makes a woman kneel down to give husband water. culture that makes the wife call her husband younger ones uncle or aunty at 18/19 years of age.

NONSENSE. !!!!!!!!!

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It is not all parents that are guilty of such.

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If you can't stick to the topic and you don't have enough PATIENCE to read the first post, then don't complain when someone says you are off topic. And what has my position as a mod got to do with it?

When you click on a thread, always read the first post and we'll spare ourselves useless exercise of our fingers.

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Your grievance her lies with how your mom and your mom's friend handled some "issue" with someone you call your cousin.They apparently gave in to outsider gossip rather than find out what was really happening from the source.Am i close to the money or do you still think i'm off point?

As a moderator, you should exercise some degree of patience to read posts before replying.I have answered you "again" above.And here is what i added after posting the last time.

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i think it's a generational thing

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@michelin89 (again)

If you can just painstakingly take the time to actually read through my first post, you will notice that it was directed mostly at your HEADLINE and i also summarized my explanation at the bottom of the page.People coming to read on here will be expecting to see something more "generalized" and not your personal issues at home.

Kapish?

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emmmm your point?

Parents like this lose out in the long run. I know a couple of parents that are finally realizing that their unwillingness to change has cost them their relationships with their young adult children.

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